Lisa notes

How to Be a Better Daughter-in-Law

By LisaNotes March 8, 2021 Encouragement 13 Comments

In-Laws

I try not to compare myself to my sister-in-law, Cindy. She does many things better than I do, especially in the in-law department.

Cindy is better at helping out in our mother-in-law’s kitchen; she brings better dishes to the family meals; she’s more apt to initiate phone calls and visits with our mother-in-law.

Although my mother-in-law (she’s the best!) never shows favoritism between Cindy and I, I sometimes think she has to be more pleased with Cindy than with me.

But then I remember one thing.

What’s the most important thing my mother-in-law wants from me? It’s to love her baby son well.

And while I even fail to do that perfectly, I trust that she knows I do my best. I do love her baby boy. Jeff is my favorite person. And I am his.

When she heard I agreed to ride with him from Alabama to Illinois and back in two days a weekend ago, she was relieved. She didn’t want him doing it alone.

Because he is happy, I know it makes his mother happy, too.

To be a better daughter-in-law? Be a better wife.

All in the Family

My youngest daughter Jenna mentioned that she and my oldest daughter Morgan talked last week. I always love hearing that. I love when my daughters love each other.

It was important to me when they were young. It’s still important to me now that they’re adults.

It makes me happy.

Parents are pleased when their kids love each other.

Remind you of someone else we know? Isn’t God pleased when he sees his kids loving each other, too?

All his kids.

Loving each other is loving God.

It might be the best love we ever give him.

Share your thoughts in the comments.

Are You Hearing Well or Barely Listening?
—Grace & Truth Linkup

By LisaNotes March 5, 2021 Grace & Truth Link-Up 2 Comments

“Are you listening?”

Sometimes I ask my husband this, especially if he seems distracted when I’m talking.

Sometimes he answers yes and turns to face me to show he’s listening.

Other times he’ll say, “Give me just a minute and I will be.”

That’s a good answer, too. I give it myself when I’m *almost* finished with something and if I only had one more minute I’d be done with it and then be fully available to hear well instead of barely listening.

Featured Post

Pam Ecrement reminds us in our featured post this week that listening is a spiritual act.

Pam says,

“It seems likely the act of listening well will nearly always involve us in warfare that requires us to battle against all the forces within and outside of us that would be obstacles to the art of listening beyond simply hearing what is being said.”

I know those battles. I often lose. It’s not easy to fully listen. But it’s our calling. For each of us.

Whether we’re listening to each other or are listening to God, it’s our choice whether we’re hearing well or barely listening.

Read all of Pam’s post here at her blog, then link up your own blog posts below.

“Are You Listening”

1. Share 1 or 2 of your most recent CHRISTIAN LIVING posts. (No DIY, crafts, recipes, or inappropriate articles.) All links are randomly sorted.

2. Comment on 1 or 2 other links. Grace & Truth linkup encourages community.

3. Every host features one entry from the previous week. To be featured, include this button or link back here on your post (mandatory to be featured, but not to participate).

4. If you need help, watch these videos: “What is a link-up?” and “How to link up.”

We encourage you to follow our hosts on their blogs or social media.

MAREE DEE – Embracing the Unexpected
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

HEATHER HART & VALERIE RIESE – Candidly Christian
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

LAUREN SPARKS
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

LISA BURGESS – Lisa notes
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

Now Let’s Link Up!

Share your thoughts in the comments.

Why Don’t You Do Something? Maybe You Already Did
—May your past bear good fruit into your future

By LisaNotes March 3, 2021 Encouragement 14 Comments

I didn’t know what to do. So I froze.

If I’d had more warning, more time to think about it, maybe I could have responded.

But instead, I just watched it happen, this adult interacting with a child in a way that made me want it to stop.

Why had I done nothing?

It was a gentle teasing from a father to his child, a playful interaction. It was nothing inappropriate in any way except for age. The little daughter simply wasn’t old enough to understand the game.

Another year, maybe two, and she would have laughed along. She would have participated in the game and perhaps won it. She wouldn’t have been confused.

The room was full of people watching. We all laughed a little. But the longer it went, the more uncomfortable we grew, at least the sensitive ones among us.

The little girl began getting frustrated with her father. Maybe he would have broken in another minute anyway.

But a young lady stepped in. She emerged from the crowd and whispered something in the little girl’s ear.

None of us heard what it was.

But it worked.

The little girl walked away from the game and began to play with a friend. Her frustration was gone. The dad let it go. The party went on, no one the wiser.

I breathed a sign of relief.

Except I didn’t keep the relief.

I now had a guilt hangover.

Why hadn’t I been the one to interrupt the game?
Why was I intimidated by the number of people in the room?
Why was I afraid I’d look like a party-pooper if I had interrupted the game between the father and daughter?

Why had I done nothing?

A few days later, I found the opportunity to ask the young lady what I wanted to know. “What did you whisper in the little girl’s ear to turn things around?”

She said she told the little girl, “Remember the lollipop I said you could have later? You can go get it now!”

I thanked her for intervening that day. I told her I was proud of her. She’d made me feel better, and I know she made the little girl feel better too.

Why had I done nothing?

Upon reflection, perhaps I had done something.

I had raised that young lady, the one who spoke up, the one who braved the crowd and saved the day.

She was my grown daughter, once my own little girl. Maybe I had done something right in the raising, by God’s grace.

Or, more likely, maybe in spite of my raising, by God’s grace, she was now doing the right things.

Maybe I still should have spoken up that day. Maybe I should have been the one who took action.

But then again, maybe I had already taken my action. I raised a daughter who will speak up.

I’ll count that as a team victory.

May my children continue to surpass me in every way.

May your past bear good fruit into your future.

Have you ever had a guilt hangover from something you didn’t do, but wished you had? Share in the comments.

It’s the Season of Spiritual Poverty

By LisaNotes March 1, 2021 Book reviews 19 Comments

Not a Good Dream

I dreamed it again last night. We were with good friends gathered around a big cafeteria-style table in a restaurant.

And then I realize: None of us are masked! Oh no!

In my dream, I remind myself it’s been almost a year since we’ve eaten inside a restaurant (true). And we’re blowing it now?

I find Jeff at the counter and say, “Get our food to go. We’re eating outside.”

I wake up.

Digging In

Will these dreams about face coverings go away once the pandemic is under control and we’re not wearing masks everywhere?

The middle-of-the-night worries are still the worst. That’s when I think my craziest thoughts.

I’ve been filling in a workbook on anxiety the past few months. It asks me lots of personal questions that require me to dig and dig.

For answers, I often look to my nighttime worries. They are samples of my irrational worries. In the light of the morning, I can rationalize them away.

But still. I know they’re there. I need to confront them. Looking for the ugly isn’t a fun endeavor.

But if it serves a good purpose, I’ll entertain the idea.

Mourning Causes You to Cry Out

That’s what Paul David Tripp is inviting us into in his 40-day Lenten devotional, Journey to the Cross.

Tripp says,

“Mourning does something wonderful to you. The sad realities that cause you to mourn also cause you to cry out for the help, rescue, forgiveness, and deliverance of a Redeemer. Jesus said that if you mourn, you will be comforted.”

Well, if you put it that way, it sounds good. Who doesn’t want help, rescue, forgiveness, and deliverance? Sign me up for comfort.

I want all the blessings God wants to give me.

Avoid Spiritual Envy

But Tripp also reminds us that we don’t need to compare our blessings with others’ blessings.

For instance,

“We tend to esteem the spiritually rich as well. These are people who we think have risen above the normal things that we all tend to struggle with, who seem somehow to be easily and independently righteous and just don’t seem to require God’s rescue much.”

It’s easy to fall into spiritual envy. To be jealous of those who don’t have the same weaknesses that we do. Who don’t worry. Who don’t know what anxiety is.

But we all have something we struggle with. Maybe my struggles and your struggles are different, but we both need Jesus. We both benefit by sitting near the shadow of the cross to find true goodness and deliverance and love.

This journey to the cross may seem discouraging when it prompts us to see our crazy thoughts and our repetitive failings. But it is also joyful when we encounter Jesus along the way and he renews our hope again.

This Is a Season

In real life, I haven’t yet forgotten to put my mask on wherever I go. It’s no big deal anymore. Hopefully my nighttime dreams about it will fade away soon.

Because this pandemic is a season. Just a season. And like the season of Lent, it “forces us to face and to answer [questions] because Lent isn’t for the rich; it is for those who are poor.”

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matt. 5:3).

Facing our spiritual poverty is never fun. But it’s profitable. During Lent, let’s journey to the cross to find Christ’s riches.

Let it be. I accept my poverty. And I welcome his kingdom through it.

My thanks to Crossway for
the review copy of this book

On the Blog—February 2021

By LisaNotes February 28, 2021 Archives 2 Comments

Here are brief summaries and links to blog posts from February 2021.

When You Don’t Know Where to Begin, Start Here. You Can End Here Too. {Bias Day 28} (2/28)
Our many biases can feel overwhelming. Where do we start? The first step always begins with this. And ends with it, too.
Share Four Somethings—February 2021 (2/27)
Something loved, something read, something treasured, something ahead, February 2021.
Think First—5 Quotes About Bias {Bias Day 27} (2/27)
“Think first. Talk less. Start today.” -Charles Swindoll. See all 5 quotes about bias.
Living (and Dying) with Our Biases During a Pandemic {Bias Day 26} (2/26)
During the pandemic, our biases have been working overtime to fill in the gaps of uncertainty. Can we uncover our blindness to these four biases before they do even more damage to us and others?
Beware Your Starting Point—Anchoring Bias {Bias Day 25} (2/25)
The first number you hear often drops an anchor in a negotiation. Why are you prone to sticking with the information you hear first? Blame it on anchoring bias.
Think It’ll Never Happen? Is Your Head in the Sand?—Normalcy Bias {Bias Day 24} (2/24)
“It’ll never happen to me.” That’s normalcy bias, burying your head in the sand. Why do we do it and what can we do about it?
7 Books I Recommend—February 2021 (2/23)
Here are 7 books I recommend from what I finished reading in February 2021, including my first Stephen King novel, 11/22/63.
They’re So Confident, They Must Be Right—Confidence Bias {Bias Day 23} (2/23)
Our tendency is to believe the most confident one. They’re certain they’re right; shouldn’t we be certain too? Not necessarily. Learn about confidence bias.
6 Things You Need to Know About Conspiracy Theories {Bias Day 22} (2/22)
Here are 6 things you need to know about conspiracy theories. Why are we susceptible? How can we reduce them?
One Word 2021 Linkup—February (2/21)
Are you still engaging your One Word 2021? Here are 3 ways to practice it. Plus add your own comments and blog posts at the linkup.
What Are You Looking At? {Bias Day 21} (2/21)
God doesn’t judge people by their weight, their age, their skin color. Do we? The Lord looks at the heart.
I Was Uncertain About It, But I Did It Anyway (2/20)
I wasn’t comfortable doing it. But I’m trying to enact my word Uncertainty. It’s a challenge.
Cast Off One’s Chains—5 Quotes About Bias {Bias Day 20} (2/20)
Here are 5 more quotes relating to our biases, including Nelson Mandela’s. Which one resonates most with you?
Are You Aware of Your Racial Bias? {Bias Day 19} (2/19)
Look at these four biases. Can you use them to become more aware of any racial bias you might unknowingly have?
When You Don’t Know the Other—Contact Bias {Bias Day 18} (2/18)
It’s hard to relate to people you’ve had no contact with. Your prejudices go unchallenged. Get to know someone different than you. See what happens.
How the Frame Influences the Painting—Framing Effect {Bias Day 17} (2/17)
The frame influences how we see the painting. This is how the framing effect biases us toward making decisions.
Are Things Really Worse Now?—Declinism Bias {Bias Day 16} (2/16)
Are things really worse now? Is the world in decline? See how we can avoid declinism to see reality as it is, for better or for worse.
Why I’m Memorizing Isaiah 12 During Lent—And You Can, Too (2/15)
This is why I’m memorizing Isaiah 12 during Lent. And you are invited, too.
You’re Bad, But I’m Just Stressed—Fundamental Attribution Error {Bias Day 15} (2/15)
When other people act bad, we assume it’s a character flaw. But when it’s us? It’s just the circumstance. This is fundamental attribution error. How can we fight against it?
Wisdom’s Starting Point {Bias Day 14} (2/14)
Wisdom’s starting point? Respect for the Lord. Understanding follows. Get to know the Lord.
Don’t Be Afraid of the Light—5 Quotes {Bias Day 13} (2/13)
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” – Plato. See 5 quotes on bias.
Is Questioning Your Religion Bad? Or Is It Healthy? {Bias Day 12} (2/12)
Is it bad to question our religion? Or is it a necessary and healthy way to grow our faith? Look at 4 ways to overcome our biases in religion.
Do You Need to Pray, “Make Us One”? (2/12)
We are divided. How can we return to unity? “Lord, make us one” is our prayer for Lyli’s series, Pray Big.
I Knew It All Along! Really?—Hindsight Bias {Bias Day 11} (2/11)
Looking back we say, “I knew it all along.” But did we? Hindsight bias tricks us into thinking life is more predictable than it really is.
3 Ways to Use Your Written Words Better (2/11)
Our written words are having to do extra duty during the pandemic. Learn three ways to use them wisely.
If You See Differently Than Your Group—Community Bias {Bias Day 10} (2/10)
Community bias is seeing only what our group wants us to see. But what if we start seeing differently?
Are Taller People More Successful Than Shorter People? The Halo Effect {Bias Day 9} (2/9)
The halo effect causes us to make an overall judgment based one trait, such as taller people are also smarter, more skilled, and more successful. But is it true?
But It’s Mine! Why We Can’t Let Go {Bias Day 8} (2/8)
Why do we cling so tightly to things once we own them? Learn about the bias of loss aversion. We all have it. But we don’t have to live with it.
If You Don’t Know What You’re Doing {Bias Day 7} (2/7)
If you don’t know what you’re doing, James 1:5 reminds us that God loves to help. And you won’t be condescended to when you ask him for help.
5 Quotes to Awaken Our Hidden Biases {Bias Day 6} (2/6)
5 quotes to awaken our hidden biases.
Blinded by Politics? Uncover Your Biases {Bias Day 5} (2/5)
Our biases can easily blind us and divide us when it comes to politics. Uncover these 4 biases to see more clearly.
How to Stop Being So Negative {Bias Day 4} (2/4)
Drifting toward the negative is easy. How can we fight against our negativity bias?
Why We Fail to Recognize Our Own Incompetence {Bias Day 3} (2/3)
“A little knowledge can be a dangerous thing.” Why do we think we know more than we do? And how does our incompetence harm us?
I Don’t Want to Leave My Comfort Zone {Bias Day 2} (2/2)
Staying in your comfort zone may feel safe, but it stunts your growth. Take baby steps to step out of your comfort zone. Rewards await you on the other side.
How Can You Avoid Your Confirmation Bias? {Bias Day 1} (2/1)
What is confirmation bias? How can we avoid it to keep from getting trapped in our own thoughts?

When You Don’t Know Where to Begin, Start Here. You Can End Here Too. {Bias Day 28}

By LisaNotes February 28, 2021 Hidden Biases 4 Comments

This is the final day of the Hidden Bias series. It’s been a lot of information. Our many biases can feel overwhelming.

Where do we start with clearing up our biases?

The first step always begins with this. And ends with it, too.

You are on Day 28 of the series: “How to Uncover Hidden Biases.”

Previous: Bias Quotes {Bias Day 27}
“Think First—5 Quotes About Bias”

Next: Start over with Day 1 here
“How Can You Avoid Your Confirmation Bias?”