What the Algorithm Did to Our Words—and Why It Matters

From Nadsat to “Unalive”: The Slippery Nature of Speech

This month, I’m slowly making my way through A Clockwork Orange for an upcoming book club—and it’s not been easy. Originally published in 1962, the book’s teenage narrator uses a made-up slang language called Nadsat. For me, it turns every page into a decoding exercise because I don’t speak that language.

But it also reminds me of the real-life phenomenon almost every generation lives in when younger generations create new vocabularies and sometimes new grammar to set themselves apart.

The difference now is that it’s occurring at a quicker pace because it spreads online.

Reading the brand-new book Algospeak by Adam Aleksic at the same time as the older book A Clockwork Orange highlights to me that language has been used throughout time as a barrier—between youth and adults, insiders and outsiders, and now tech and tradition.

Aleksic’s book, subtitled How Social Media Is Transforming the Future of Language, is a lively, easy-to-read deep-dive into how algorithms are changing our language in the digital age. Aleksic is both a Harvard-trained linguist and a viral content creator known as @etymologynerd, so he is uniquely qualified to explain what’s happening—and why it matters.

Cover of the book Algospeak by Adam Aleksic, which explores how social media algorithms influence language and online communication.

What Is Algospeak?

“Algospeak” is the coded language people use online to avoid being flagged or censored by the algorithms. For example, creators use words like “unalive” instead of “dead,” or “SA” instead of “sexual assault,” to keep their work from being removed online.

But according to Aleksic, algorithms aren’t just changing language by creating these workarounds—it’s a more direct pipeline. Algorithms are shaping the very words we see and hear, and then share and speak.

The term “algospeak” was first popularized in a 2022 Washington Post article, but Aleksic uses it more broadly. He argues that algorithms don’t just police language—they influence which words go viral, which tones perform best, and how fast slang spreads across multiple platforms.

Algorithms, Identity, and Power

Aleksic’s deeper point is that algorithms are a new, invisible source of using language as power. When speech is under surveillance or suppression, people adjust how they say things. Especially among youth, these adjustments create new identities for those who learn to speak the same online slang, carving out a shared space where they feel they belong.

He also introduces readers to the euphemism treadmill. For example, he says,

“The words ‘idiot,’ ‘imbecile,’ and ‘moron’ all used to be serious words for classifying mental disability, but then they became negative, so we replaced them with the word ‘retarded,’ which also became negative, so we replaced that with ‘mentally disabled,’ which is also becoming negative.”

Nowadays, though, it’s not just society shaping the language, but platform policies and how the algorithm enforces them.

Rage-Bait, Rubbernecking, and Emotional Manipulation

A major theme of Algospeak is that the way algorithms change language is also how they manipulate emotion. Aleksic, himself an influencer, doesn’t deny the dark side of influencers using emotional hooks so they can stay visible longer in people’s feeds—what he calls “algorithmic pandering” and “rage-bait.”

As you already know if you have an Instagram or Facebook or any other social media account, the algorithm doesn’t give you what you consciously want to see—it shows you whatever it thinks will get the the biggest reaction from the most people.

Aleksic calls this “digital rubbernecking,” the online equivalent of when we slow down to look at a car crash on the side of the road.

The result? The algorithm is training us to overreact, to see ourselves as more polarized from other people than we really are. It creates a tendency in us to think that the extreme is normal, when it’s not.

The Resilience of Language—and of Us

Despite some of these depressing insights (alongside amusing insights, too), Algospeak ends with hope. Aleksic wants us to remember to use our humanness to create and connect when we’re online together. He writes,

“Language is, and will remain, one of the most important forms of power and belongingness.”

Even when our language is shaped by tech, we can still use it to express ourselves and connect with each other.

Aleksic closes his acknowledgements at the back of the book with this:

“Finally, to my readers. Keep being human and using language in new and exciting ways.”

And I believe we can keep using language in these ways—even in a world of algorithms and metadata.

Let’s keep finding fresh ways to say what we mean and mean what we say with creativity, beauty, and kindness.

woman typing on a laptop for social media


If you like reading books about language, along with Aleksic, I also recommend these two books:

Here’s an excellent NYTimes review of Algospeak here:

Have you seen online slang or coded language in a TikTok video or social media that has surprised or confused you? Share your thoughts here in the comments.

My thanks to NetGalley for
the review copy of Algospeak


The New Word That Changed How I Think About Grief

I waited one more minute after knocking on her door before walking away.

My patience was rewarded; she opened the door. But I could see immediately that something was wrong. Her eyes were red. She had been crying.

We talked about it.

She had recently passed the 1-year anniversary of her dad’s sudden death. Then Father’s Day hit. Next would be his birthday in July. One wave of grief after another.

And yes, she’s an adult. She had her father for many years. She has kids and grandkids now of her own.

But the ache remains. She still misses her dad.

The Myth of Closure

We often assume that when life follows its expected course—children burying parents and not the other way around—that there will be a natural sense of closure. A neatly-tied ribbon around our grief.

But if you’ve experienced a significant loss, you probably already know; even when things go as “planned,” you still may not have closure.

I’ve experienced enough losses of my own to know that some wounds never close.

And maybe they shouldn’t?

Partially open front door representing emotional openness and vulnerability.

Introducing Openture

I’ve recently learned a new word (even though it’s been around for 20 years). It’s helping me make peace with a lack of closure in my own situations.

It’s openture.

Coined by psychologist Paul Pearsall, openture is the opposite of closure. It’s defined as “refraining from seeking a resolution or ending for an emotionally difficult experience.”

I read more about it in Oliver Burkeman’s wonderful book The Antidote:

“We spend too much of our lives seeking ‘closure.’ . . . What we need more of, instead, is ‘openture’ . . . embracing imperfection and easing up on the search for neat solutions.”

Openture asks us to stay present with what’s unresolved. To hold the tension. To stop racing toward a finish line that can’t be reached.

Letting the Ripples Continue

As I wrestle this year with my One Word Ripple, I’m learning that keeping the door open also keeps the ripples moving.

But if I force closure, I might also force a premature ending to something that needs to flow a bit farther.

Gentle water ripples symbolizing emotional continuation and ongoing connection.

As I walked away from the conversation with my friend, I knew I hadn’t said anything profound or insightful. I had mainly listened. To her sadness and to her love.

But by her leaving the door open for grief to pass back and forth, she was also keeping her heart open to treasured memories with her dad.

Paula Boss writes in The Myth of Closure (I’ve read half of the book so far and it’s good!):

“You’ll never be completely over the loss of someone you have loved. There is no closure, nor is there a need for it.

Instead, we remember them and learn to live with the ambiguity of absence and presence. You know they’re gone, but you keep them present in your heart and mind—even as you move forward with your life.”

Maybe that’s where we find the truest healing: not in closing things up, but having courage to keep them open.

Candle glowing in the dark symbolizing memory and quiet grief.


You’ve heard of closure, but “openture”? When have you stopped seeking closure and just let things ripple on? Share in the comments.


When They Start Blinking, May You Remember

Dusk on a Swing

It’s dusk on a summer night. I’m sitting outside on the porch swing with Jeff, my husband. We’re watching the birds at our new bird feeder (sorry squirrels, it’s not for you!), trying to identify bird songs and double-checking our answers with the Merlin Bird ID App.

And then—there they are.

The lightning bugs.

At first we see only one. Then two. Three. Then dozens. Little flickers of light floating across the front lawn.

We sit there quietly, just watching.
Our phones are put away in our pockets.
No glancing at the time.
Just two grownups sharing the kind of moment you don’t plan for, but somehow holds great meaning anyway.

A lightning bug blinking on a blade of grass at dusk

A Memory Jar of Light

We break the silence to reminisce about childhood summers, staying outside to chase lightning bugs (or fireflies, if you prefer).

And memories surface from when our own daughters were young. When the lightning bugs appeared, we’d run into the house to find an empty jelly jar. Punch breathing holes in the lid. Help the girls catch as many bugs as we could (well, technically they’re beetles). Then head inside to a dark room and watch the bugs perform their light show.

It felt like holding wonder in your hands.

And then we’d release them back into the wild later that night. (Hmm, I hope we did. I think we did? I know I would now.)

A mason jar glowing with fireflies near a window at twilight

The Light Still Here

It felt like magic back then.
It feels like magic again tonight.

I don’t know when we stop paying attention to lightning bugs. Maybe somewhere between:

  • Rushing to clean the kitchen after dinner
  • Dashing to mow the grass before the sun sets
  • Hurrying to get from here to there on time

But even when we don’t notice them, they still show up.

And maybe that’s true of more than just lightning bugs.

Notice What Matters

There are lots of tiny, quiet moments of magic around us every day, every night—if we’d only be still long enough to see them.

Things like the crackle of lightning in a summer storm. Flowers perking up after a rain. A neighbor stopping to chat in the driveway.

Moments like these don’t make the daily headlines. They’re not trending topics on social media. They won’t go viral on TikTok.

But they matter just as much—for their beauty, for their amazement, and for how they gently contribute toward human flourishing.

Let This Moment Ripple

So tonight, I’ll let the lightning bugs remind me:

  • To watch their flickers a little more closely
  • To linger outside a little while longer
  • To appreciate life a little more intentionally

The whirl of time will spin again soon enough. But for now, I’ll stay in this moment—just long enough to let it ripple—then gently release it as a memory for tomorrow.


When have you had a quiet moment lately that reminded you to linger a little longer? (And do you call them lightning bugs or fireflies?) Share your thoughts in the comments.


I Could Already Hear the Sirens . . . Can You?

Is It Just Another Monday?

It’s an ordinary Monday afternoon. My daughter Jenna and I are driving home after lunch with a friend. The traffic light turns red. We stop.

As we wait, we notice a boy—maybe 10 years old—riding his bicycle on the sidewalk. Maybe he’s on his way to the store. Or a friend’s house. Or just taking a ride around the block.

Perhaps it’s just an ordinary summer day for him, too.

Young boy riding a bicycle on a sidewalk during summer

He approaches the intersection just as the traffic light turns green again. But he doesn’t notice the light.

He leaves the sidewalk and begins pedaling across the road.

At the same moment, a car from a side street also approaches the intersection just as the light changes. The car begins turning right.

Traffic light changing from red to green at an intersection

That One Split Second

What happens next is so fast—less than one gulp of air—yet it takes all my breath away.

Sometimes it’s in the tiniest of moments that life changes forever. A single incident can ripple on, shattering not just one family, but multiple families, classrooms, communities. And strangers, too, like me.

In that split second of time, Jenna and I sit frozen in our seats. But the boy and the other car do not collide. The driver of the car—in the last possible instant—sees the boy and swerves.

That’s it. Nothing else happens.

Except the boy rides on. The car completes its turn. Jenna and I drive home.

Mother and daughter reflecting in car after near-miss accident

Gratitude for What Doesn’t Happen

Instead of witnessing a tragic accident, hearing broken glass and frantic screams and emergency sirens, we return to the normal sounds of our ordinary Monday afternoon. After our hearts stop pounding. And our adrenaline runs out. And our brains adjust back to the beautiful reality of what is in this moment, instead of what could have been.

No harm done. Nothing altered. No lives changed.

What remains is gratitude. For a child I’ll never know that can laugh with his friends today, return to school in the fall, maybe grow up to be a gray-haired grandfather one day.

All because of what didn’t happen on this ordinary Monday afternoon.

The most ordinary days may be the most extraordinary ones of all.


Have you had a moment when you felt both terrified then thankful, from one breath to the next? Share your thoughts in the comments.


What the Dalai Lama Taught Me About Responsibility, Kindness, and Connection

In honor of the Dalai Lama’s 90th birthday on July 5, 2025, here’s a reflection on his timeless message of compassion, responsibility, and spiritual practice from Ethics for the New Millennium—including favorite quotes and lessons from seeing him in person in Birmingham, AL.

Dalai Lama smiling warmly while addressing an audience

A Personal Connection with a Global Leader

On July 6, 2025, the Dalai Lama will celebrate his 90th birthday.

Eleven years ago in 2014, I had the unforgettable experience of seeing him in person in Birmingham, Alabama. He made such a lasting impression on me—not just as a spiritual leader, but as a profoundly humble human being. He was attentive, joyful, and quite playful.

[See “5 things I Learned from the Dalai Lama” here.]

Although he is a Buddhist and I am not, his teachings and example resonate deeply with me. He doesn’t try to convert us to Buddhism; he just wants us to live more kindly and responsibly among each other—universal values that are important to all human beings.

Dalai Lama’s visit to Birmingham, Alabama, 2014

His Message: We Are All Responsible for Each Other

“So while as Dalai Lama I have a special responsibility to Tibetans, and as a monk I have a special responsibility toward further interreligious harmony, as a human being I have a much larger responsibility toward the whole human family—which indeed we all have.”

These words were published over 24 years ago in the Dalai Lama’s book, Ethics for the New Millennium. But the issues are as relevant as ever.

In this era when division seems to dominate, the Dalai Lama’s vision of shared humanity offers a path toward healing—through compassion, humility, and personal responsibility.

The Call: What Will I Do?

The Dalai Lama doesn’t preach perfection or supernatural wisdom. In fact, he speaks plainly about his limitations:

“But I am only an ordinary human being. The best I can do is try to help them by sharing in their suffering.”

That honesty clears the way for each of us to ask:

  • How much responsibility am I willing to take for the suffering in the world?
  • What kind of commitment am I ready to make to act with compassion?
  • How far am I willing to be inconvenienced?

Even small steps matter. The Dalai Lama’s appeal is simple but profound:

“Do what you can, and do it with kindness.”

Inspirational quote by the Dalai Lama from Ethics for the New Millennium

Practicing Kindness, One Step at a Time

Spiritual practice, according to the Dalai Lama, isn’t about ritual. It’s about how we live and how we treat each other:

“It consists in nothing more than acting out of concern for others.”

Here are some practical ways to live this out:

  • Think less about your own worries and more about someone else’s well-being
  • Be patient even when anxious
  • Serve others with humility, regardless of your job or status
  • Resist judging people by appearance or situation
  • Practice daily kindness—sincerely and consistently

Easier said than done, I know. But even setting an intention to live more aligned with our values is a step in the right direction.

Quotes to Keep Close

Here are a few more quotes from Ethics for the New Millennium that I am returning to on the eve of the Dalai Lama’s birthday:

“Cowardice arises when we lose all confidence as a result of fear. Patient forbearance means that we remain firm even if we are afraid.”

“It is far more useful to be aware of a single shortcoming in ourselves than it is to be aware of a thousand in somebody else.”

“All human endeavor is potentially great and noble… so long as we carry out our work with good motivation.”

“Try not even to think of yourself as better than the humblest beggar. You will look the same in your grave.”

Final Thoughts

The Dalai Lama’s teachings aren’t just for monks or mystics. They’re for all of us who want to live meaningful lives in the midst of everyday messiness. His 90th birthday is a reminder that while he may be aging, his message of compassionate responsibility continues to be timeless.

“Treat everyone as if they were a close friend… I speak as a human being: one who, like yourself, wishes to be happy and not to suffer.”

So to the Dalai Lama I say, “Happy 90th Birthday, my friend! Thank you for your gifts of wisdom to the world.”

Tibetan spiritual leader the Dalai Lama presides over an event celebrating his 90th birthday in Dharamshala, India


What do you know about the Dalai Lama? Share your thoughts in the comments.


8 Books That Shifted My Perspective This Month (Nonfiction + Fiction Picks)
July 2025 Book Recommendations

“Books are not only a conversation with another, but also with oneself.”  

I love books that make an impression—not just on my reading list, but on how I think, write, and live. This mix of books stirred deeper reflections as I was reading and afterward, challenging some old assumptions.

If you’re searching for books about AI, happiness without toxic positivity, creative discipline, cultural wake-ups, or simply more joy, you might find one of these books helpful to add to your own stack.

Here are 7 nonfiction books and 1 novel that I’m recommending from my recent reads. 

[See previously recommended books here]

Nonfiction That Changed How I Think

1. Co-Intelligence
Living and Working with AI
by Ethan Mollick

Book cover of Co-Intelligence
Living and Working with AI
by Ethan Mollick

5 stars! This is the book I’ll recommend for those wanting to know more about AI. It’s not too complicated or technical, but is thorough enough to encourage us to think thoughtfully about how we want to use AI in real life and what kind of boundaries we hope will be set around it.

After reading it, I’m both more excited and more scared about our future with AI. Ready or not, AI is here among us already. And expanding more every year. 

2. The Antidote
Happiness for People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking
by Oliver Burkeman

Book cover of The Antidote
Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking
by Oliver Burkeman

Toxic positivity is a real turnoff for me. So I appreciate Burkeman writing this book for us questioners. He reminds us that finding happiness is sometimes counterintuitive and includes:

“learning to enjoy uncertainty, embracing insecurity, stopping trying to think positively, becoming familiar with failure, even learning to value death.”

Excellent book!

Burkeman—who also wrote the fantastic book Four Thousand Weeks as well as Meditation for Mortals—is an author I want to hear more and more from. (He has a wonderful newsletter, The Imperfectionist; you can sign up for it here.)

3. Everybody Writes
Your New and Improved Go-To Guide to Creating Ridiculously Good Content
by Ann Handley

Book cover of Everybody Writes
Your New and Improved Go-To Guide to Creating Ridiculously Good Content
by Ann Handley

This is very much a how-to book on writing. And as the title says, everybody writes. Whether or not you call yourself a writer, you likely write something most days, even if it’s just texts or emails.

But not only is this guide full of helpful information, it’s also organized and displayed attractively (Handley is a fan of white space). It was a joy to read her writings about writing. And incorporate her suggestions into my own words.

4. We Have Never Been Woke
The Cultural Contradictions of a New Elite
by Musa al-Gharbi

Book cover of We Have Never Been Woke
The Cultural Contradictions of a New Elite
by Musa al-Gharbi

Ouch. This book about woke culture pokes holes in some of the ways I’d been thinking about (and practicing) activism. Deeply researched, this book by Al-Gharbi prompts you to think deeper about the typical arguments we use for and against common culture war topics.

“Our sincere commitments to social justice often blind us to the role we play in contributing to social problems.”

Don’t give up on the book, though, if you find it too slow at the beginning. I almost stopped reading after the first chapter because I couldn’t get into it. But then the pace really picked up and I found it fascinating.

5. 1000 Words
A Writer’s Guide to Staying Creative, Focused, and Productive All Year Round
by Jami Attenberg

Book cover of 1000-Words-A-Writers-Guide-to-Staying-Creative

I did a quick read of this book for writers when I stumbled across the #1000WordsofSummer challenge last month. For 14 days straight, Jami Attenberg encourages you to write 1,000 words a day (about anything!) and report in to the community. I participated and loved it! (She does it yearly so watch for it next year at Jami’s substack.)

The book provides good advice about writing in general, with lots of guest essays from other writers. Attenberg says:

“You don’t know what you have to say until you say it. . . . My mantra for a few years now has been this: Stay in it.”

6. Inciting Joy: Essays
by Ross Gay

Book cover of Inciting Joy: Essays
by Ross Gay

My online group is focusing on finding glimmers of joy during June, so our book club selection was this book about joy. This is my first encounter with Ross Gay, a lovely human being who pulled me into his poetic, everyday encounters, even when I initially resisted them.

“What if joy and pain are fundamentally tangled up with one another? Or even more to the point, what if joy is not only entangled with pain, or suffering, or sorrow, but is also what emerges from how we care for each other through those things?”

Each essay is a stand-alone, and some pulled me in more than others. But overall it’s a vulnerable and beautiful collection of words, reminding me that joy can be an act of survival and solidarity.

7. How to Break Up with Your Phone
The 30-Day Plan to Take Back Your Life
by Catherine Price

Book cover of How to Break Up with Your Phone
The 30-Day Plan to Take Back Your Life
by Catherine Price

“I regret that I didn’t spend more time on my phone.”
—No one on their deathbed, ever

If you want to use your phone less often, this is the book you’ll want. It guides you through all things regarding our phone addictions. Price doesn’t berate you, but she does gently nudge you to look at exactly how often you’re picking up your phone throughout the day. And why.

I’ve been loosely working through her 30 day plan. I don’t consider myself a heavy phone user (um, because I’m on my laptop so much instead?), but I was still appalled when I looked at my screen time hours every week. Yikes.

“I am grateful for all that my phone allows me to do. But I’m also aware of all that it does to me and, as a result, I remain constantly on guard.”

Fiction That Moved Me

8. The Last Voyage
by Brian D. McLaren

Book cover of The Last Voyage
by Brian D. McLaren

This novel surprised me. It’s science fiction (not my usual genre), but it’s also thoughtfully spiritual and philosophical. I shouldn’t have been surprised by that since it’s by Brian McLaren, a spiritual leader I’ve been listening to for years.

Set in 2056, the plot is about a small international group making a final trip to Mars to join a few hundred people already there setting up a long-term colony. It’s book 1 of a trilogy.

[Read my full review about The Last Voyage here, “Who Do We Need to Go to Mars?”]

WHAT I’M READING NOW

Two of the books on my current shelf (marked with an *) are from Daniel Pink’s list of 21 books that changed his life. See the list here

  • Algospeak
    How Social Media Is Transforming the Future of Language
    by Adam Aleksic
  • How to Fall in Love with Humanity
    16 Life-Changing Practices for Radical Compassion
    by James ‘Fish’ Gill
  • Big Feelings
    How to Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay
    by Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy
  • The Sports Gene *
    Inside the Science of Extraordinary Athletic Performance
    by David Epstein 
  • Thinking in Bets *
    Making Smarter Decisions When You Don’t Have All the Facts
    by Annie Duke
  • Dream State: A Novel
    by Eric Puchner

Final Thoughts

I didn’t plan for these books I read last month to have a theme, but looking back, they all ripple outward from one idea: how we live, create, and connect—especially in uncertain times. 

Stack of nonfiction and fiction book recommendations for 2025


If you’ve read any of these, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Or recommend a book that’s shaped you this year. Please share in the comments.

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