Lisa notes

First you listen. Then you act.

By LisaNotes October 14, 2022 Compassion, Homeless, My stories 39 Comments

First you listen. Then you act.

She says it aloud to no one in particular, “I need a ride home.”

I ask her when she needs to leave. She says after she talks to Mrs F. Let me know when you’re ready, I tell her. I’ll take you.

I’m not proud of myself for my willingness to do it. I’m excited I thought of it at all.

Because often I don’t even think of it.  

And especially in the moment. Maybe the idea will come later. Oh! I could have done that for her! By then, I’ve missed the opportunity for action.

My preemptive roadblocks of fear and selfishness and pride often choke off the action before it has a chance to surface.

Granted, having a homeless friend and knowing what she needs hasn’t exactly been a thought to consider until the past decade of my life.

How can I know what to do for somebody so different from me?

First, I have to listen.  

  • I have to hear with ears wide open.
  • I have to see with eyes looking deeper.
  • I have to love with a heart gaping bare.

Then I can act.

I have to be watchful for the extraordinary to grab my attention. 

A half hour later, I get word my friend is ready to leave. She has a guy friend with her who also needs a ride back to under the bridge.

I ask his name as he gets into the car. He tells me, but he’s quiet. I ask a few more questions, wanting him to know I’m listening, not wanting him more wary of me than I am of him.

He needs to know he’s being heard. Everybody needs that.

My friend tells me to turn left at the light. It still feels weird letting them out at the curb, watching them melt invisible into the city. But they’re fine with it; it’s me still adjusting.

And I almost missed it.

I roll down my windows and drive away, wondering how in the world I know so little about the world. So little about the varied kinds of people in it. So little about how people work among themselves, in and around others alike and different.

I seek better hearing in the moments of opportunity. 

So I can . . .

  • Learn more.
  • Live more.
  • Love more.

Because when I don’t listen, I don’t act.
And when I don’t act, I miss out on Love.

* * *

Share you thoughts about listening and loving in the comments.

revised from the archives

Read More:

Here Is the Church?

By LisaNotes October 12, 2022 Church, My stories 8 Comments

Here is the church
Here is the steeple
Open the door
And see all the people

It’s another Saturday morning. A cold one.

A few years ago, the first Saturday of the month meant Jeff and I would be at Outdoor Church behind Manna House. It’s a gathering for those who don’t feel comfortable and/or welcome inside the “houses of worship” sprinkled throughout the city, for those who believe and for those who don’t believe but are hungry for a free meal.

I can’t say I know how they feel. I’ve generally felt welcome in any church building I’ve visited.

But then again, I can play the part. Clean clothes. Showered body. Arrival in a heated SUV.

These folks at Outdoor Church on Saturdays come mainly by foot. Some with alcohol on their breath. Or an empty belly. Or a demon they’re trying to outrun. (Not that different from Sunday morning in a traditional church?)

And today, once again, I’m questioning my role.

I stand in the bedroom of my house early that morning, after putting on three layers of shirts and a couple pairs of socks, and ask Jeff, “Tell me again why I’m going?”

I’ve caught him at a weak moment, too. Today we’re both strongly pulled to spend our Saturday on personal projects at home.

But Jeff finds a motivating answer, “Because there’s somebody there you can love on.”

I’m sold. I get in the car. We drive into town.

But when we get there, we’re alone.

No volunteers’ cars are in the parking lot preparing a hot meal for the hungry after the service. No chairs are set up outside for the guests. No guitars are set up for the worship band.

No people anywhere.

This is why I came? For canceled church? Where is this stranger I was supposed to love on?

Actually, it might not be a stranger. Maybe instead it’s someone I know quite well. Someone who needed a push out the door to put her mind on other things. Someone who needed to prepare her heart to serve even if there would be no one there to serve.

Maybe, just maybe, I was there to know that even when it’s just God and me, we still “have church.” Just being together is church.

So Jeff and I drive on. Drop a few books off at the library. Meander the back roads home. Take off all the extra layers.

And feel satisfied.

There will be people gathered at Outdoor Church again another day. But on this Saturday, waking up again to God in me, rediscovering the house of God inside my own body—I love knowing it can happen anytime, anywhere. Without doors, without steeples. And sometimes even without people.

Where is the church?

It’s here.
It’s now.
In me.

And it’s full.

Here is the church?

Where have you seen God lately? Share in the comments.

revised from the archives

Are We on the Same Page?

By LisaNotes October 10, 2022 Reading 12 Comments

The nighttime ritual was happening again.

To wind down at night, Jeff liked to watch a TV show. I liked to read a book. But as I’ve aged, I need a quiet room when I read, and the TV is never quiet.

We tried many ways to compromise. I’d put in earbuds with white noise so I could read, and Jeff could keep the TV volume on. Or he would put on headphones connected to the TV, so I wouldn’t hear the sound while I read.

It semi-worked.

Until a few months ago…

This one night is when I knew everything had changed.

I was in bed reading a novel—Apples Never Fall by Liane Moriarty—with Jeff sitting beside me.

I was mid-paragraph when all of a sudden I gasped and got chill bumps all over.

Jeff felt them on me, too.

He looked at me. I looked at him.

I explained what I’d just read, “Joy just walked into the room!!!”

He knew exactly what that meant. Because he had already read this book himself. He smiled. I smiled.

He was actually the one who recommended the book to me. He understood why I’d gotten chill bumps on this page.

That’s when I knew for sure we’ve entered a new phase of our relationship. It’s not just that he has retired and we’re both home together. It’s that he has officially become a book lover, too!

It happened gradually, to be sure. A small book here, a long novel there. But month by month, Jeff started reading and enjoying books more and more. (To be fair, he’d been a long-time lover of audio books during his daily commute to and from work.) But now he is seeing for himself why I loved reading books all these years. Our library runs are now for him as much as for me.

Our tastes in books still aren’t exactly the same. He can take more suspense than I can (he likes Clive Cussler and David Baldacci books; they’re too adventurous for me), and I still reach for a non-fiction book as my first choice (I’m currently excited about Nonviolent Communication and an older book by Richard Rohr, two books that Jeff would never pick up).

But these days, more often than not, when Jeff finishes a novel and suggests I’d like it too, I take him seriously. I add it to my list. And he’s been right every time so far. (His latest two recommendations were The Last House on the Street and The Downstairs Neighbor; I loved them both.)

We literally read the same pages of a book. I never imagined it.

We still sometimes struggle with the bedtime routine, but nowadays it’s because I’m ready to turn on a sitcom to wind down (15 years late, I’m finally watching The Office) and he’s the one who is 200 pages into a good book he’s not ready to put aside.

Never underestimate the twists and turns that our stories can take.

This is one storyline I hadn’t seen coming.

But I’m very grateful we’re on the same page now.

Are we on the same page

Are you or your partner book lovers, too? Do you share another similar hobby? Share in the comments.

sharing at these linkups

Make Peace with Your Daily Deaths
—Grace & Truth Linkup

By LisaNotes October 7, 2022 Book reviews, Grace & Truth Link-Up 20 Comments

“During every moment of our lives, something is ending and something else is beginning.”
– Pema Chödrön

Don’t Resist the Flow

I don’t like good things to end. And I don’t like bad things to begin.

But such is life.

And death.

That’s one of the points of Pema Chödrön’s newest book, How We Live Is How We Die.

I appreciate Ani Pema’s gentle encouragement to consistently release my grip on living and dying. Although she presents from a Buddhist viewpoint, it’s also a life lesson we learn from Jesus in the Christian tradition of living crucified with Christ. We die daily. We are renewed daily.  

Pema Chödrön writes:

“The end of one experience is the beginning of the next experience, which quickly comes to its own end, leading to a new beginning. It’s like a river continuously flowing. Usually, we resist this flow by trying to solidify our experience in one way or another. We try to find something, anything, to hold on to. The instruction here is to relax and let go.”

When we hold too tightly to an experience, an emotion, a season, etc., we cause ourselves unnecessary suffering. As Thich Nhat Hanh said often, “It’s not impermanence that makes us suffer. What makes us suffer is wanting things to be permanent when they are not.”

Things change. Constantly.

Impermanence Is Good News

Pema Chödrön reminds us that impermanence never takes a break. And that we can be thankful for that.

“There is never a moment when we’re not in transition—and believe it or not this is good news.“

Why is impermanence good news? One reason is because it trains us to appreciate this moment, this happening, this process. By practicing ongoing awareness of change, Pema Chödrön says:

“We can develop our ability to notice the gaps, the pauses, the open space between any two situations. We can start to get the feeling of being in a life that continually begins and ends.”

As we learn to handle the everyday, smaller changes, we are practicing how to handle the bigger changes still to come.

“We don’t have to wait for enormous transitions to force us into reckoning with groundlessness. We can begin right away to notice the transitory nature of each day and each hour.”

Recognizing the smaller deaths prepares us for the larger deaths. 

Content with Change

Developing a contented adaptation to an ever-changing environment helps us more fully understand the title of this book, How We Live Is How We Die.

“How we relate to things falling apart right now foreshadows how we’ll relate to things falling apart when we die. …How we live is how we die.”

These are insights I love from this book.

However, there are also things I don’t understand in this book. From my Christian perspective, some of the Buddhist teachings on death are foreign to me, as is the vocabulary that Pema Chödrön uses to explain them.

But as with any book, I take the teachings that are helpful and that ring true to me, regardless of the source, and leave the rest behind. 

Overall I do recommend this book for the thoughtful guidance that Pema Chödrön offers on living a more meaningful life in view of the constancy of death.

“Opening to death will help you open to life. Death is not just something that happens at the end of our life. Death happens every moment.”

Whether I like it or not, I want to make peace with daily death in my daily life.

How We Live Is How We Die by Pema Chödrön

My thanks to NetGalley and Shambhala
Publications for the review copy of this book

Grace & Truth Featured Post

Are you content with your contentment? It’s a question that Amy asks in our featured post this week. Read all of Amy’s post here at her blog, then link up your own blog posts below.

“Am I Content with My Level of Contentment?”

Share your thoughts in the comments.

I’m linking at these blog parties

Review the rules here about adding your most recent Christian Living posts and how to be the Featured Post. Visit all four hosts social media here or websites here: Maree Dee, Lisa notes, Lauren Sparks, Tammy Kennington.

Now Let’s Link Up!

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter

Do You Code-Switch Your Language to Speak Christianese?

By LisaNotes October 3, 2022 Church, Encouragement 13 Comments

no images? click here

Happy Birthday or Feliz Cumpleaños?

Jeff and I are relaxing at a hotel swimming pool in Georgia. We just arrived after finishing a nearby Christian conference for the day.

It’s a hot afternoon, but the only other people around the pool are a few families preparing for a birthday party.

Not intentionally, we casually overhear their conversation. Yet we understand none of it.

They’re all speaking in Spanish. My high school Spanish + my adult duolingo lessons + trying to speak Spanish when I was in Central America is no match for their speed and vocabulary in their native tongue.

They’re now ready to officially begin their party. They gather the birthday girl Sophia, they uncover her birthday cake, and they light the candles.

And then they launch into the song: Happy Birthday to You, Happy Birthday to You, Happy Birthday Sophia,….

But the song is in all English, no Spanish. Beginning to end.

Why the switch to English just for the song?

Code-Switching to Christianese

Code-switching is a term to describe alternating back and forth between two languages or dialects. It comes naturally to people who are bilingual. They can speak one language in one situation, and speak another language in a different situation.

While I can’t code-switch between languages like English and Spanish, there is a language I can easily switch to: Christianese.

If you’ve been part of the Christian world for long, you’ll know the vocabulary, too:

  • Such a sweet time of fellowship.
  • God led me to call you.
  • I heard a word from the Lord last night.
  • Do you have your quiet time in the morning?
  • Let’s have a word of prayer.
  • Lord willing, I’ll be able to go.
  • We love doing life together.
  • Just put it in God’s hands.
  • Don’t ruin your witness.

Nothing is wrong with these phrases. And if you’re a fellow believer who grew up in the culture, we could easily communicate in whole paragraphs using just this language.

Watch this funny video, “Shoot Christians Say,” to hear what it sounds like.

Video - Shoot Christians Say

For some people, hearing these phrases in Christianese brings comfort. It feels like home. It’s a native tongue they best understand.

To others, Christianese sounds as foreign to them as the Spanish words sounded to me at the pool party. They can’t interpret the meaning of the message.

And yet to another group of people, Christianese is more than different; it’s offensive. Perhaps they believe the words aren’t true or are being used incorrectly or insincerely. Perhaps they view Christianese itself as exclusionary. Perhaps they’ve been hurt by the Christian culture and hearing its vocabulary triggers more pain.

A Common Language

What language do we need to speak when we’re surrounded by such a diversity of listeners?

Love language.

The best language is one in which we communicate to the person in front of us that they are loved, seen, and heard.

Sometimes that means we might actually use words like “blessed” and “testimony” and “repentant.”

But other times, it means intentionally avoiding those words, instead using words that don’t require insider knowledge or that don’t carry any baggage. If it doesn’t sound like love, it doesn’t sound like God anyway.

Why did the Spanish-speaking family at the pool switch to English to sing the Happy Birthday song? I’ll never know. Maybe it’s what the birthday girl Sophia wanted. Maybe it’s what was most familiar. Maybe they just wanted to, and didn’t even think about it.

Sophia seemed happy about it, whatever the reason.

May we achieve the same result on our listeners.

Whichever language we use, as much as we’re able, let’s intentionally use words best interpreted as love to the listener’s ear.

Love is indeed a universal language.

Do you code-switch to Christianese?

Do you speak more than one language? When do you code-switch? Share your thoughts in the comments.

On the Blog—September 2022

By LisaNotes September 30, 2022 Archives No Comments

Here are brief summaries and links to posts on the blog, Lisa notes, in September 2022.

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See previous months’ archives here