Can You Love Your Enemies TOO Much?
—Grace & Truth Linkup

Love Story or Something Else?

Is this a classic love story?

Girl meets boy at her job.

Because the girl Vicky is in a position of power, she begins doing extra favors for the boy, Casey. She gives him an extra snack here and there. A privilege now and again that she gives no one else.

But she’s not supposed to date someone under her.

The closer Vicky grows to Casey, the more she needs a plan to be with him forever.

She begins preparing for a new life with him. She sells her house. She puts in retirement papers.

Then the big day arrives to put the plan into motion. That day was a week ago, Friday, April 29, 2022.

A Prison Break

I first heard about their relationship Friday night. I got a missing person alert on my phone.

Vicki White was missing, a 25-year veteran of the department of corrections and the assistant director of corrections at the Lauderdale County Detention Center in Alabama.

Also missing was Lauderdale County inmate Casey White (same last name, but not related), a capital murder suspect where Vicki worked. 

Vicky was supposedly driving Casey from the jail to the courthouse for a mental health evaluation. But they never showed up.

It was a prison break.

We typically think of guards and prisoners as enemies. But are these two now lovers?

casey white and vicky white

Who Is Your Enemy?

Because I recently finished Catherine McNiel’s new book, Fearing Bravely: Risking Love for Our Neighbors, Strangers, and Enemies, I ask myself in light of Vicki and Casey’s story: Can we love our enemies TOO much?

In the book, McNiel says the word Jesus uses for enemies is not a noun (such as a specific group of people), but an adjective (the way we describe people).

“It could be translated ‘hated people’ or ‘odious people.’ In other words, enemies are the people I hate. Those who are odious to me.

In addition to praying for those trying to harm us, we are to actively love those who repulse us.”

This makes me pause. I typically think: I don’t have any enemies!

But are there people who get on my nerves? People I’d rather never be around? People who are “odious” to me? Yes.

You, too? Maybe the people you dislike—your enemies—are members of another political party. Or people with annoying personalities. Or those on the opposite side of the abortion debate.

In Fearing Bravely, McNiel uses immigrants as one example. Data shows that the majority of Americans in every demographic group support welcoming refugees into the United States EXCEPT for white evangelical Christians.

Additionally, McNiel says,

“Poll after poll suggests that white American evangelicals like myself are twice as likely to believe our safety is threatened by those around us; far more likely to claim long-debunked hoaxes as truth; and out of all Americans, most likely to be viewed by our neighbors as hateful.“

Ouch.

Instead of being known for loving others, Christians today are more known for being afraid of others.

Fearing Bravely goes on to encourage us to turn this around. To stop valuing our safety above all, and to instead do what Jesus said: Love above all.

Fearing Bravely

Can You Love Too Much?

Is this what Vicki was doing when she coordinated a prison break with Casey, putting love above all?

While they may be “in love,” breaking convicted criminals out of jail doesn’t fit our definition of love.

By running away with Casey, Vicki potentially put multiple lives in danger, releasing Casey back into society. That’s in no one’s best interest, including hers or Casey’s.

As of Monday, May 9, Vicki and Casey were identified and chased down in Indiana. Police apprehended Casey.

But Vicki? Unfortunately, she’s now dead. Casey said Vicki shot herself. 

So is it possible to love our enemies TOO much? (It’s rarely a question we ever face.)

The question itself depends on a proper definition of love and of enemy.

But if true love—agape love—is acting in the best interest of another’s highest good, like God loves us, then no, we can never love ANYBODY too much, friend or foe.

Jesus puts no cap on agape love. His love for us is limitless.

Aren’t we glad?

Featured Post

Do you have trouble controlling how you talk to yourself? Our featured post this week is by Theresa. See her tips on how to control our inner dialogue.

Read all of Theresa’s post here at her blog, then link up your own blog posts below.

“Fine-Tune Your Daily Inner Dialogue”

Share your thoughts in the comments.

My thanks to NetGalley + Tyndale House
Publishers for the review copy of Fearing Bravely

I’m linking at these blog parties


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1. Share 1 or 2 of your most recent CHRISTIAN LIVING posts. (No DIY, crafts, recipes, or inappropriate articles.) All links are randomly sorted.

2. Comment on 1 or 2 other links. Grace & Truth linkup encourages community.   

3. Every host features one entry from the previous week. To be featured, include this button or link back here on your post (mandatory to be featured, but not to participate).

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Grace and Truth_Meet Hosts

We encourage you to follow our hosts on their blogs or social media.

MAREE DEE – Embracing the Unexpected
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

LAUREN SPARKS
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

LISA BURGESS – Lisa notes
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

TAMMY KENNINGTON – Restoring hope. Pursuing peace.
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

Now Let’s Link Up!

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Click here to enter

It’s Retirement Time – But I’ll Keep Working the Lessons

Almost Ruined

Tomorrow, my husband Jeff will finish his last regular work day. And come home to stay.

It’s retirement time.

Officially, he’ll still have a few days of work here and there during the next two months. He won’t be completely finished until July, but this is his last full week. He’s thrilled. 

But I almost ruined it.

As is my typical way, I’ve tried preparing for retirement ahead of time. I thought of the pros and cons; I tried preparing for the best and the worst.

And I’ve about driven Jeff crazy.

Who’s Scared Now?

A few weeks ago we were preparing supper in the kitchen. We began one of our talks about retirement. We each held our cool with each other’s approach for as long as we could.

Then we exploded.

He said things. I said things.

But one new thing surfaced. And it changed everything.

I heard that it wasn’t just me who was a little nervous about the changes ahead.

Jeff was a tad scared, too. But not for his own sake, rather for mine. My talk of preparing for both the good and the bad of retirement made him question if I *wanted* him to retire at all. He was afraid that I wouldn’t be happy having him home.

Still Learning

While we have had versions of that conversation in the past, that day I finally heard it differently.

Because I finally understood this: It’s not my job to regulate Jeff’s expectations.

Previously, my fear was that Jeff would have his expectations set too high for retirement, and that he would be disappointed when it didn’t live up to all the hype.

And I saw my role, with the best of intentions, was to remind him not to get his hopes up too high for retirement fun.

But he didn’t need that.

While my personality is to plan for all the possibilities, that’s not Jeff’s personality.

I enjoy the present more when I use it to prepare for the future (basically). That works for me.

But what works for Jeff is to enjoy the present while it’s here, and deal with the future when it gets here (basically).

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So if I wanted Jeff to get the optimum pleasure out of his pre-retirement weeks, I needed to stop trying to lower his expectations about retirement. He’s a grown man; he knows it won’t be perfect. I didn’t have to keep pointing it out to him, just to make myself feel prepared. 

Once I realized this, our conversations about retirement radically improved.

And now here we are. We’ve almost made it. 

As we work out the kinks of having a lot more time together, I’ll keep returning to Basic Relationship 101 work: don’t try to change the other person. Give each other grace to be who God made them to be.

So you keep dreaming, Jeff. I’ll keep planning.

And it’ll all work out in the end.


Share your thoughts (and any advice about retirement!) in the comments. 

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What You Believe About God Can Hurt You

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True or false?

“Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can never hurt you.”

Definitely false. Words can and do often hurt us.

Our bodies and minds are more tied together than the saying implies. Ever gotten a stomachache over words said to you, or words said by you? I have.

But what about what we believe? Can beliefs hurt us, too?

Definitely.

For example: You notice a poisonous snake curled up only a foot away from your own feet. But if the snake is in a glass enclosure because you’re at the zoo, you’re not afraid. Your body doesn’t react. You accurately believe you’re safe.

But if you see the same snake while on a hike in the woods? Your body will react differently. It believes you’re in danger, and appropriately so.

Our beliefs about our safety or danger affects our feelings and our actions.

So what about our beliefs about God? Do they affect our feelings of danger or safety? And our actions?

Think about your own feelings toward God. Some feel anger toward God. Many feel afraid. Or shamed. Or simply disinterested. Others feel at peace.

How we feel about God is based on our beliefs about God.

If we imagine God as a stalker waiting to catch us in one wrong move then bang!, or if we think God doesn’t care anything about us or our lives, we’re more likely to avoid God.

Who wants a relationship with a God like that?

But if we believe God to be full of love and goodness and filling us with the same, we’re more likely to pursue God and treat others with love and goodness as well.

So how do we know which beliefs are accurate?

That’s our journey.

We each have to search for the truth about God.

How can we find the truth? We stay open to learning more. We listen to how God communicates with us and in us. We read the Bible about God. We encounter God in creation. We see God in others. We pay attention to others’ experiences with God.  

I believe God encourages mindfulness, not ignorance.

Just as we dodge literal sticks and stones, we stay mindful to dodge untrue words and beliefs about God as well—they’re also painful.

We’ll still experience pain in this life. There is no escaping that. 

But by eliminating as many untrue beliefs as we can, we’ll also eliminate a few unnecessary hurts.

Seek the truth. As Jesus said, truth will set us free.

We can’t assume we’ve arrived at full knowledge about God.

We still have growing to do.


Share your thoughts in the comments.

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On the Blog—April 2022

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Are We Grateful for Opportunities to Practice Forgiveness?
—Grace & Truth Linkup

“I am grateful for every opportunity I have had to forgive.”
~ Susan Hunt

I’m not there.

But I want to be.

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Equipped to Forgive

Opportunities to forgive are opportunities to drink deeper from God’s fountain of grace.

And as grace satisfies, it also equips. The more we learn how to forgive, the more equipped we are to help others heal from their own hurts, too.

Author Susan Hunt in Spiritual Mothering illustrates this forgiveness cycle by repeating Abigail’s story in the Hebrew scriptures (1 Samuel 25). Abigail’s husband Nabal was a gruff man. He displayed his roughness at an inopportune time when David asked him for help. Nabal refused to help David.

So Abigail took it upon herself to intervene directly with David.

What does this have to do with forgiveness?

Abigail strongly encouraged David to forgive both her presumption in approaching David as well as to forgive Nabal’s foolishness. She didn’t want David to have an avenging murder on his record.

How was Abigail equipped to encourage forgiveness?

Susan Hunt suggests it’s because Abigail must have practiced forgiveness herself, proof of having survived a marriage with Nabal for years. While Abigail was described as beautiful, it was also said she was discerning. She was more than just a pretty face.

Like Abigail, if we want to help people forgive other people, we need to have our own experiences with forgiveness.

Only forgivers can teach forgiveness with credibility.

Challenge

Susan Hunt offers this challenge to practice forgiving others:

If there is anyone you are having difficulty forgiving, make a list of what it will cost you to forgive and what it will cost you not to forgive. Then, by God’s grace, forgive.

I need to take that challenge. Not only for my own good, but so that I’ll be a better example to others of how to forgive.

And I often need others to forgive me.

How about you? 

revised from the archives

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Featured Post

How can our imagination help (or hinder) our ability to forgive?

Beth Willlis Miller offers four strategies for imagination to apply when we have been hurt.

Read all of Beth’s post here at her blog, then link up your own blog posts below.

“I Can Only Imagine…”

Do you have someone you need to forgive today? Share your thoughts in the comments.

Thanks for sharing, Beth! Here’s a button for your blog.

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I’m linking at these blog parties


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1. Share 1 or 2 of your most recent CHRISTIAN LIVING posts. (No DIY, crafts, recipes, or inappropriate articles.) All links are randomly sorted.

2. Comment on 1 or 2 other links. Grace & Truth linkup encourages community.   

3. Every host features one entry from the previous week. To be featured, include this button or link back here on your post (mandatory to be featured, but not to participate).

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Grace and Truth_Meet Hosts

We encourage you to follow our hosts on their blogs or social media.

MAREE DEE – Embracing the Unexpected
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

LAUREN SPARKS
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

LISA BURGESS – Lisa notes
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

TAMMY KENNINGTON – Restoring hope. Pursuing peace.
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

Now Let’s Link Up!

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter

6 Books I Recommend—April 2022

Books can be dangerous. The best ones should be labeled: “This could change your life.”
– Helen Exley

Here are 6 books I recommend from what I finished reading in April.

[See previously recommended books here]

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Nonfiction

1. The Power of Regret
How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward
by Daniel H. Pink

The Power of Regret

Everyone has regrets (even though not everyone realizes it). Our first thought is: regrets are horrible. But in Daniel Pink’s excellent new book, he shows us that regret can be used to our advantage, if we’re willing to put in the work. As with Pink’s other bestsellers, this one is full of interesting stories and an easy-to-follow structure.

2. Self-Compassion
The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
by Kristin Neff

Self-Compassion

I don’t know where to begin with how good this book is! This one will make my top 10 list of books I read in 2022. Bottom line: we’ve overestimated our pursuit of self-esteem the past few decades and grossly underestimated the value of self-compassion. If we want to make the world a better place, self-compassion is a necessary starting point.

3. Stupid Things I Won’t Do When I Get Old
by Steven Petrow

Stupid Things I Won't Do When I Get Old

I got this book for the funny things. And it did make me laugh. But it also had poignant chapters about things not do to when you get old.

Here are some chapters:

  • I won’t lie about my age
  • I won’t become a cranky curmudgeon
  • I won’t refuse to change my ways
  • I won’t wait until I’m deaf to get a hearing aid
  • I won’t whine about how much things cost
  • I won’t postpone for tomorrow what matters to me today

4. Shaking the Gates of Hell
A Search for Family and Truth in the Wake of the Civil Rights Revolution
by John Archibald

Shaking the Gates of Hell

Content of a book may be king, but beautiful writing is a close second for me. This book offers both. This is an honest (and often painful) telling of a life in Alabama in the 1960s by John Archibald, who is the son of a Methodist preacher AND a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist and columnist that I’ve read for years. He pulls no punches, but he does it with such style. I didn’t want it to end.

5. Good Enough
40ish Devotionals for a Life of Imperfection
by Kate Bowler

Good Enough by Kate Bowler

I read this book during Lent. It was a beautiful reminder that God is with us and for us in ALL parts of our lives, not just the sunny, happy parts. Perfection not required. The structure was a beautiful blend of stories, blessings, and to-do’s (Good Enough Steps).

Fiction

6. Flygirl
by Sherri L. Smith

Flygirl

This young-adult novel is about Ida Mae Jones’ dream of becoming a pilot during World War 2. But her obstacles are: she’s a female and she’s black. This is a gentle chronicle of the burdens of her journey. Through the story you get a true-life education about the WASP, the Women Airforce Service Pilots.

Reading Now

  • The Four Winds
    by Kristin Hannah
  • Bittersweet
    How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole
    by Susan Cain
  • Whole Brain Living
    The Anatomy of Choice and the Four Characters That Drive Our Life
    by Jill Bolte Taylor
  • Fearing Bravely
    Risking Love for Our Neighbors, Strangers, and Enemies
    by Catherine McNiel
  • Do I Stay Christian?
    A Guide for the Doubters, the Disappointed, and the Disillusioned
    by Brian D. McLaren
  • Plays Well with Others
    The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know about Relationships Is (Mostly) Wrong
    by Eric Barker
  • Undistracted
    Capture Your Purpose. Rediscover Your Joy.
    by Bob Goff

What good book are YOU reading this month? Please share in the comments.

More books I recommend

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