When It’s Too Light
I turn out the lights again in the guest bedroom. I’m testing it a third time.
Another failure.
There’s still too much light.
I want it dark. As dark as I can get it.
I’ve tried pulling the blinds lower, the curtains tighter. But light still makes it through.
I’ve already spent two nights in this beach condo waking up almost every hour, thinking it is morning because the light is streaming through the blinds so brightly.
But it isn’t the sun I am sensing. It is only the bright lightbulb in the hallway right outside my window, making my brain think it is morning.
I need the darkness so I can rest.
Hide in the Dark
Nothing is wrong with wanting it to be dark when we sleep.
But what about when we want to hide in the dark as a coverup in the day? When we don’t want others to know what we’re really thinking? What we’re really doing?
There are things we don’t want others to see.
- Our flaws
- Our resentments
- Our doubts
- Our anger
- Our greed
- Our failures
- Our laziness
- Our pride
To keep our false image alive, we think we need to keep the negatives hidden in the dark.
But no matter how dark we try to make it, we still can’t block out all the light.
Because light can’t be overcome by darkness.
God is pure light.
And God is everywhere.
Show Up in the Light
These week’s memory verses for me are 1 John 1:5-6:
5 This is the message we heard from Christ and are reporting to you: God is light, and there isn’t any darkness in him.
6 If we say, “We have a relationship with God” and yet live in the dark, we’re lying. We aren’t being truthful.
If I want the best relationship with God I can have, I need to be authentic. I need to show up in the light.
I can step into full light with God. I can be authentic with God because he knows all of me anyway. He loves all of me anyway.
A healthy relationship is a genuine relationship. I can have that with God. I can have that with others. I don’t have to hide behind toxic positivity or a flawless facade.
On the third night at the condo, I find a set of extra sheets in the closet. I thread them over the top of the curtain rod. I tuck in the ends tight. I clothespin the edges of the curtains together. I stuff an extra towel at the base to create a seal.
I flip the light switch to off.
Rest in the Light
In the end, it wasn’t really total darkness I was seeking: It was just rest.
I thought darkness would bring rest.
But it is God, the Light, who brings lasting rest.
Even now, I’m still tempted to slip in and out of dark coverups to find security when I feel vulnerable.
But extra sheeets over curtain rods doesn’t really do it. Instead, it’s in the light of God that I find the most acceptance. The most peace.
And the most rest.
On the third night, I sleep at last.
Share your thoughts in the comments.
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