Lisa notes

6 Lessons When Curiosity Meets Compassion

By LisaNotes November 14, 2024 Compassion, Curiosity: One Word 2024 9 Comments

“Love and compassion grow when we see that there are really no viable alternatives.”
– Joseph Goldstein

While my One Word of the Year is Curiosity, I change subwords every two weeks. Curiosity and Awe. Curiosity and Wisdom. Curiosity and Kindness, etc.

And these two weeks in November? It’s Curiosity and Compassion, which is especially curious to me because Compassion was its own Word of the Year for me ten years ago.

And it was one of my favorites.

Never assume your One Word is finished with you when the year is up. Words have a way of circling back around again and again.

What did I learn about Compassion ten years ago that I can carry alongside Curiosity these next two weeks? I looked back and reminded myself of these six lessons on compassion that are still applicable today.

1. PITY ISN’T THE SAME AS COMPASSION

I don’t know about you, but I hate feeling pitied. But I do appreciate someone showing me compassion. I’m curious about what the difference is exactly, and why one feels bad and the other feels good.

Perhaps it’s because compassion means accepting people’s pain as it is, whereas pity views a person as a project that needs fixing. Real compassion is one human being relating to another through love instead of through a hierarchy of helper over helpee.

2. COMPASSION CAN WRECK YOU

Some encounters bring both heartbreak and transformation. I still remember the pain of stepping into the deep poverty of families living in Guatemalan slums.

These moments remind me of what Jeff Goins wrote in Wrecked: “Our brokenheartedness at the injustices we witness is what gives us compassion. So when we rush past these messy and uncomfortable moments, we take away the experiences that teach us mercy.” I want to remain curious enough about people’s pain to risk being wrecked by what I find.

3. SOMETIMES COMPASSION IS QUIET

Compassion doesn’t always use words. It can be as subtle as wearing all black in solidarity with the grieving, making eye contact with the lonely, or choosing to sit at the table with those who feel invisible.

Quiet choices can speak loudly. Be curious about when to speak up and when to simply be present.

4. COMPASSION CAN BE SMALL

The more I see the needs for compassion, though, the more I see my own limits. With a friend facing homelessness, for example, her needs outstrip what I can give. I have to remind myself that doing something, anything, is still better than doing nothing.

Compassion is movement, even if it’s slow and steady. Curiosity is staying alert to any small step you can take in the right direction.

5. WE BEGIN AGAIN IN COMPASSION EVERY DAY

Every day is an invitation to start again in compassion. Sometimes I look at friends who are pros at showing compassion, and I feel so inadequate. I’m curious about how they do it and I want to learn from them.

Yet nobody is a complete expert in this. As we are each presented with unique opportunities, we can learn anew the best way to show compassion, again and again.

6. GIVE YOURSELF COMPASSION TOO

Perhaps the boldest lesson I’ve learned about compassion has been more recent than ten years ago. The past three years I’ve been working on giving myself compassion, too. Self-compassion doesn’t come naturally to those of us who were taught to only meet the needs of others instead of tending to our own needs as well. I’ve had to grow curious about why showing compassion to myself feels selfish, when it’s not.

The work of Kristin Neff is teaching me that we can be better givers of compassion to others if we’ve learned how to also give compassion to ourselves. Compassion isn’t a zero sum game; instead of depleting, it multiplies the more we practice it.

Compassion is a gift to both give and receive, creating a web of connections that extends to everyone around us, including ourselves.

I’m curious where I’ll see the need for compassion this week, and how I’ll learn to respond.

More articles on Curiosity

Share your thoughts in the comments.

Read more about compassion:

The Power of Pairing Fiction and Nonfiction Books
{Nonfiction November Week 3}

By LisaNotes November 11, 2024 Books I Recommend, Reading 19 Comments

Maybe you prefer fiction over nonfiction. Or vice versa. But often they’re better together.

Sometimes when I’m caught up in a great story in a nonfiction book I have to stop and check the cover: “This is really nonfiction, right?” Nonfiction can contain some amazing stories.

Or sometimes I’m reading a novel and note, “This happens in real life too!” It feels so true.

We often think of nonfiction and fiction as opposite genres, yet they have more in common than we realize. They both can educate, entertain, and open our eyes to new things. They both can have either great endings or no ending at all. They both can impact our real lives in ways we couldn’t have imagined.

Imaginary or true, stories we read in books can encourage us to be braver, kinder, and more compassionate human beings in this world.

For Week 3 of Nonfiction November, we’re pairing nonfiction and fiction books to create a dynamic reading experience. Here are four sets of books I recommend that combine the heart of storytelling with the depth of real-life insights.

Book Pair #1

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In The Women, Frankie joins the Army Nurse Corps during Vietnam, only to find her hardest battle begins when she returns home to a divided America.

In Cloistered, Catherine seeks purpose in a silent monastery, but discovers the dangers of blind loyalty and ultimately must choose between obedience or reclaiming her voice.

Together, these books reveal the price of idealism—and the strength it takes to find truth.

Book Pair #2

  • FICTION: The Covenant of Water by Abraham Verghese
  • NONFICTION: With the Devil’s Help: A True Story of Poverty, Mental Illness, and Murder by Neal Wooten

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The Covenant of Water is a multi-generational family saga set in India. Much of it is centered around a family curse tied to water.

With the Devil’s Help also follows multiple generations but tells a true story of abusive men and hidden family secrets.

Both books explore a common thread of resiliency by a few strong family members who fight to break free of generational trauma.

Book Pair #3

  • FICTION: The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune
  • NONFICTION: Children Under Fire: An American Crisis by John Woodrow Cox

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The House in the Cerulean Sea tells the story of a group of special children living in an orphanage. Linus Baker, a 40-year-old case worker, is assigned to assess the orphanage and quickly notices many unusual happenings.

In Children Under Fire, we hear stories of two young children traumatized by the loss of a friend or family member to gun violence. The book tells intimate details about their lives as they learn to cope with their losses and the ripple effects that follow.

Each of these books will motivate you to look around for the vulnerable children in your own circles and be a steady force for justice in their lives.

Book Pair #4

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It Ends with Us follows Lily, a young woman who finds herself trapped in an abusive marriage with a neurosurgeon who is successful on the outside, but who is troubled behind closed doors.

Tia tells a similar story about her life in A Well-Trained Wife. In her quest to be a godly Christian wife, she discovers she is married to a man whose abuse demands far more than anyone should bear.

The women in both these books tell stories I’d rather not know about, but ones I know occur every day around us. Becoming aware of domestic violence is a first step in learning how to help stop it.

Do you have a favorite fiction/nonfiction pairing? Share in the comments here.

Week 3 Nonfiction November

Here are my book pairings from previous years:

4 Inspiring Nonfiction Books for Readers, Writers, and Talkers
{Nonfiction November Week 2}

By LisaNotes November 4, 2024 Books I Recommend, Reading, Writing 33 Comments

When I pick up a nonfiction book, I want it to do more than provide words to read; I want it to change me. I love books that are useful. That teach me something. That prompt me to think wider, to behave better, to love deeper.

Some books do this; some don’t.

For books that do prompt action, it’s often because the author: (1) has something worth saying, and (2) knows how to say it effectively and efficiently (and if we’re lucky, also beautifully).

While I can’t assert that what I say is worth saying (1), I can make better efforts to say it better (2). That’s why I like to read books about reading and writing and just communicating in general. I like learning why people choose the words they do, how they communicate their messages so powerfully, and what keeps them motivated to keep reading, writing, and talking.

For Week 2 of Nonfiction November, I’m sharing four standout books I’ve read this year on reading, writing, and communicating. If you, too, are interested in how to better convey your thoughts and tell your stories, I highly recommend any of these as additions to your own reading list.

1. Writing for Busy Readers
Communicate More Effectively in the Real World
by Todd Rogers

Writing for Busy Readers

Everybody writes—whether it’s emails, texts, contracts, blogs, etc. This practical book offers straightforward advice on how to improve your writing, making it easier and quicker for others to understand what you’re saying.

Some of their tips for easier-to-read writing are:

  • Less is more—use fewer words.
  • Use short, common words.
  • Write straightforward and shorter sentences. (Did you know? Novels published in 1800 averaged 27 words per sentence, whereas those published in 2000 averaged just 10 words per sentence.)

2. Magic Words
by Jonah Berger

Magic Words

Words matter. Altering just a few words here and there can make all the difference.

For example:

  • Use nouns (say, “I’m a runner”) instead of verbs (“I run”) to better motivate yourself.
  • Instead of saying you “can’t” eat the extra helping, say I “don’t” eat extra helpings.
  • Instead of saying I “should” get up earlier, say I “could” get up earlier.

3. Write a Must-Read
Craft a Book That Changes Lives―Including Your Own
by A.J. Harper

Write a Must-Read

I started writing a nonfiction book last year. But I’ve done nothing with it this year. However, while reading A.J. Harper’s book this spring about how to write a book, I became inspired again. When I do pick up my book later, I’ll definitely follow A.J.’s advice about the writing and editing processes.

4. Supercommunicators
How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection
by Charles Duhigg

Supercommunicators

If you’re able to talk about difficult topics, if you’re able to discuss opposite viewpoints, or if you’re able to get others to speak up, you might already be a supercommunicator. And for the rest of us, we can improve by reading (and doing) this book.

From Supercommunicators, here are three common conversations we all have:

1. The “What’s this really about?” Conversation
This one is practical. It deals with facts. It is helpful when we need to make a decision and move on.

2. The “How do we feel?” Conversation
When we need to connect on an emotional level, this is the conversation to have. It invites awareness of our emotions, beliefs, and memories.

3. The “Who are we?” Conversation
We tap into a broader, more social mindset with these conversations. These help us acknowledge social differences rather than pretending they don’t exist.

Read more about them here: Which of These 3 Conversations Are You Having? Insights from a Doctor’s Office.

Nonfiction November Week 1: My Must-Read Nonfiction Recommendations: Books that Deepen Connections

It’s Week 2! Link up about your year in nonfiction for Week 2 of Nonfiction November with Frances.

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Do you read books about writing and/reading, too? Share your thoughts (and book recommendations!) in the comments.

Read More:

6 Books I Recommend – November 2024

By LisaNotes November 1, 2024 Books I Recommend 32 Comments

“I read so I can live more than one life in more than one place.”
– Anne Tyler

Here are 4 nonfiction books and 2 novels I recommend from my recent reads. 

[See previously recommended books here]

NONFICTION

1. Briefly Perfectly Human
Making an Authentic Life by Getting Real About the End
by Alua Arthur

Briefly Perfectly Human

We’re familiar with midwives who help bring new life into the world, but Alua Arthur serves as a midwife to the dying—she’s a death doula. But this isn’t a depressing book. It’s actually filled with life, hope, and beauty. It will encourage you to think more intentionally about end-of-life choices. I highly recommend it.

2. Lovely One: A Memoir
by Ketanji Brown Jackson

Lovely One: A Memoir

I hope you’ll read Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson’s memoir. She shares her story from humble beginnings as the daughter of two teachers to becoming the first Black woman on the Supreme Court. Her resilience and strength are so inspiring—it’s the kind of book that leaves you feeling uplifted and hopeful. I absolutely loved it.

3. Collateral Damage
Changing the Conversation about Firearms and Faith
by James E. Atwood

Collateral Damage

Should churches be addressing gun violence? This author—a pastor, activist, and hunter—believes they should, calling on Christians to unite in the effort to end gun violence. The book combines powerful statistics with real-life stories and spiritual reflections about how we could better care for each other.

4. Magic Words
by Jonah Berger

Magic Words

Words matter. Choosing the right ones at the right time can make all the difference. I love how this book explores so many ways we can alter just a few words to encourage, persuade, and communicate with greater clarity and impact.

FICTION

5. The Life Impossible
by Matt Haig

The Life Impossible

In this novel, a former student reaches out to his retired math teacher, Grace Winters, sharing his struggles with depression. Her letter in response is the bulk of the book. She tells him how she went on an unexpected journey to a Mediterranean island, where she ends up on a magical quest and uncovers some amazing secrets that make her life worth living again.

6. By Any Other Name
by Jodi Picoult

By Any Other Name

This isn’t my favorite Jodi Picoult book, but only because I’m not a fan of stories set so far in the past. Granted, this one does alternate between the 1500s and the 2000s, adding a modern storyline. Nonetheless, I still recommend it because it covers an important theme of women finding and using their voices, then and now, through the written word of plays. Plus, it left me wondering—did Shakespeare really write all his plays, or is there more to the story, as Picoult suggests through the story?

WHAT I’M READING NOW

  • The Small and the Mighty
    Twelve Unsung Americans Who Changed the Course of History, from the Founding to the Civil Rights Movement
    by Sharon McMahon
  • Star-Spangled Jesus
    Leaving Christian Nationalism and Finding A True Faith
    by April Ajoy
  • The Road to Wisdom
    On Truth, Science, Faith, and Trust
    by Francis S. Collins
  • The Violent Take It by Force
    The Christian Movement That Is Threatening Our Democracy
    by Matthew D. Taylor
  • Ghosts Over the Boiler
    Voices from Alabama’s Death Row
    by Project Hope to Abolish the Death Penalty
  • Do You Still Talk to Grandma?
    When the Problematic People in Our Lives Are the Ones We Love
    by Brit Barron

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What good book have you read lately? Please share in the comments.

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On the Blog – October 2024

By LisaNotes October 31, 2024 Archives No Comments

Here are brief summaries and links to posts on the blog, Lisa notes, from October 2024.

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See previous months’ archives here

Her Long-Awaited Vote: Ms. E’s Journey to Representation

By LisaNotes October 30, 2024 Discrimination, Encouragement 18 Comments

A Determined Woman for History

Back in September, Ms. E came to us a little unsure, asking for help to see if she was still registered to vote. She wasn’t certain if she was still on the rolls. She had voted by absentee ballot in the last presidential election.

But this time, it’s different for her.

She doesn’t want to simply mail in her ballot.

Do It In Person

This time, Ms. E is determined to do everything she can to vote in person, because for the first time in her life (in all our lives!), she will have the opportunity to cast a ballot for a Black woman running for President of the United States.

Ms. E is an elderly Black friend of ours. She didn’t think she’d ever live to see this moment—a Black woman on the ballot for the highest office in our nation. After 46 presidents, with just one person of color among them—and even he was a man—she’s seeing the turning of a new page in history.

We hear the enthusiasm in her voice and see the determination in her eyes.

Representation Matters

We all like to see a piece of ourselves in the world, whether it’s in the media we watch, in the books we read, in the conversations we have.

And in the slate of legislators we vote for. Everyone deserves to be acknowledged, respected, and understood.

Like all of us, Ms. E wants to vote for someone who knows what it’s like to live in her skin.

Do You Belong Here?

If you’ve ever walked into a party and discovered you’re the only one in a t-shirt when everyone else is in a ballgown, or you’re the only female at the table surrounded completely by men, or you’re the only person with your skin tone among a sea of one color, you might relate to feeling underrepresented.

But if even one person is beside you who shares your similar journey, you feel more understood.

This year, diversity at the top of the ticket isn’t just something to imagine; it’s something within reach, and Ms. E wants to show up in person to support it.

Her Plan Is Ready

We asked Ms. E yesterday if she had her voting plan ready. “Oh, yes,” she said with a smile. We knew she had confirmed her registration a few weeks earlier. She told us she now has at least three other people lined up to go to the polls with her. She’s ready.

I wish I could be by Ms. E’s side on November 5, to witness her mark that historic box on the ballot. Her excitement, I’m sure, will be contagious. In that simple act, I hope she’ll feel a little more seen, a little more heard.

When people like Ms. E are also represented, it doesn’t just uplift one person; it strengthens our whole community.

Because every voice, every experience, every person—like our beautiful Ms. E—truly does matter.

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