Beyond the Either/Or: Finding Freedom a Third Way
We had spent a sunny morning at the beach, and we were wrapping up lunch at the condo. My 3-year-old grandson H was about to go down for his nap. I asked him, “After your nap, are you going to go back to the beach or will you go to the pool?”
Two options, right? I expected him to choose one of the two, but his response surprised me.
Life often feels like it’s defined by strict choices: in or out, right or wrong, win or lose. We’re conditioned to think in terms of black and white, as if there are only two options at any given moment. And if the option we prefer doesn’t work out, we feel disappointed.
Take the upcoming Presidential election in the US, for example. If you’re a voter, you likely already know which candidate you want to win. You may imagine a huge celebration if your person wins, and may feel devastated at even the thought of the other candidate winning.
But what if there’s more? What if, by shifting our mindset to embrace non-dual thinking, we can discover a third way—even if we can’t see it yet—that can bring more possibilities into our lives?
By embracing the nuance and grey areas of life, we free ourselves from the constraints of black-and-white thinking. What if, instead of asking ourselves what should we choose when faced with two options, we ask, “What else could we do?” Research shows we actually discover more options when we simply exchange should and could.
What do we gain from this shift? Aside from a greater quantity of options, we might also gain a better quality option . . . which might then bring more peace, more calm, more freedom. When we let go of our need to force things into tidy boxes, we find that life is more flexible, more open to surprises, and ultimately, more joyful.
When I asked H about his decision between the beach or the pool, I expected one of two answers, but he saw a third option—one I hadn’t even thought of. He said, “The hose!” Near the hotel entryway, a water hose was hooked up to a faucet for beachgoers to wash sand off their feet before they headed inside. This hose became one of H’s favorite stops to play in the water.
Children are often better at seeing the world this way. They don’t always operate within the narrow confines of “either/or.” H’s answer was a small but powerful reminder that there’s often a third option waiting for us if we stay curious and open-minded.
Maybe the third option isn’t always obvious. When we vote in November, only one of two candidates will be the winner, after all. However, that doesn’t mean that all decisions in the government will be made by only one of these two people over the next four years. Remember there will be thousands and thousands of other government employees and people in the country (and outside the country) who will also be making decisions and influencing each other.
We can’t yet even imagine all the possibilities that are in front of us. There is always more going on than we know. Stay open to the power of curiosity.
Look for the hose too, not only the beach or the pool.
Share your thoughts in the comments.
Such amazing revelations out of the mouths of babes. Yes, Lisa, we need to start seeing our decisions not as the black and white of either/or, but in the technicolor of possibilities. May we allow our curiosity more free-rein.
Blessings to you and little H!
Hi Lisa. Earlier this week I read about “shoulds, musts, and oughts” and how they are rigid demands. It was recommended to sub the word “could” or “would” in place of those other words because it’s a bit more flexible.
Great coffee post. Thanks for sharing.
The hose! how creative! I saw the other day someone planned her strategy just in case her candidate didn’t win in November. How would her self =care look like. How would she take care of her self afterwards. I thought that may be a good approach/option to take.
Great post, Lisa. Staying open to curiosity is much more powerful than we often realize!
Looking from the other side of the pond I hope you make a safe choice for the rest of the world. I am quite suprised that the U.S. does not have a strong third party like most European countries.
The only way that I find peace over the election: learn about the issues and policies, pray and vote. Peace comes from knowing that God is sovereign.
Good reminder, Lisa. Life is interesting when we stay curious. Thank you for your weekend coffee share.
Love this idea and so simply put.
It’s amazing what the littles come up with sometimes. They are so creative, and many times can see things we’ve forgotten. Thank you for the encouragement today.
The hose!! I love that little guy!!
Let’s start thinking a bit more out of the box. In this season of life, I need to be nudged in that direction. It’s usually then that I’m surprised or delighted or intrigued. I need a change of pace and perspective ’cause I’ve looked at life from the same eyeballs for almost 70 years.
‘What if, by shifting our mindset to embrace non-dual thinking, we can discover a third way—even if we can’t see it yet—that can bring more possibilities into our lives?’ Yours is wise counsel especially in this election season fraught with craziness and uncertainty. Thanks, friend.
ox
I LOVE this!!! I’m printing it so I can have it handy! It’s so true, we do not think like this naturally but it is such a good way to approach so many things.
Lisa, I loved this! Isn’t it just like our Father to speak through a child to help us realize that there’s more to life than either/or? It has me thinking, because I have to confess, I often have lived my life in that either/or scenario rather than being curious enough to find more options.
The hose sounds like a great option! Children are so wonderful and they always come up with clever ideas. I enjoyed this post very much. Thank you for sharing with us at The Crazy Little Lovebirds link party #59.