Change your tone

Ephesians-3-20-21

He is friendly, introducing himself to me, and I to him. He asks for diapers in multiple sizes. I’m not sure how many kids he has, but I tend not to ask at Manna House. If we have it, we give it away, no questions asked.

But we only give one sack per person. And he wants more.

Sometimes you sense a scam coming on. His tone is changing. He presses in. I press back.  We have to share with everyone, and if I give you extras, we won’t have enough for others, I tell him.

With a tone of my own.

He doesn’t let up. He’s begging for what he needs.

I sigh. I give in. I tell him okay, this time. But keep it quiet.

Still with my tone.

I walk to the back to get another supply for him, long enough for God to work on me.

Sometimes the Spirit breathes quickly.

I reach for another sack of diapers, smelling my own stench of stinginess.
Of ego.
Of law-keeping.

Yes, in theory, we give one helping per person, but the goal is to give love to others as God gives to us.

     And God loves to overflowing.

When I beg God for something I think I need, God doesn’t answer me with a tone. Maybe he gives what I ask, maybe not, but either way, he answers with love.

I hand off the diapers to the gentleman. He looks me in the eye, gives me a genuine thank you. He says he appreciates it. Really.

I believe him. Because of his tone. I say I really do want to help, however I can.

I hope my tone shows I mean it.

Lord, have mercy.

Was I scammed out of a few extra diapers? Who cares?

What’s important is that I learn:

It’s not just what we say, but how we say it.
It’s not only our words that count, it’s also our tone.
It’s not just our love we’re representing, it’s God’s love.

May we set a tone of love.

* * *

Step 8 of my One Word 2014: Compassion is, “How we speak to one another.”

When have you used a bad tone with others? How have you learned to drop it? I’d love to hear.

sharing at Trusting Tuesdays


My August

I am thinking . . . already about my One Word 2015 and about how God keeps divinely orchestrating my journey with One Word 2014 Compassion

compassion-one-word-2014

I am praying . . . about how we speak to each other; it’s the next step in my Compassion journey for August

I am following . . . a new blog (to me), The Daily Love, by Mastin Kipp after reading his wonderful article, “How to Speak Your Truth Without Hurting Others,” and seeing him on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday show

the-daily-love-blog

I am pondering these words . . .

“[Compassion] is a way of saying, ‘For a fellow creature to be in pain and without help in God’s universe is simply unacceptable to both God and me. So I will go in between the two. I will grasp the hand of God with one hand and grasp the hand of my neighbor in pain with the other.'”
Brian McLaren, Naked Spirituality

I am planning . . . a trip to Guatemala in Central America next month (yikes!)

map of Guatemala

I am going . . . with Alene, a woman I want to hang around so her brave will rub off on me

I want to read . . . Let’s All Be Brave by Andrea Raynor because Alene loved it—I read the Kindle sample and loved it too (since last month, I’ve only read my samples down from 82 to 72; I add more every week, sigh)

Let's-All-Be-Brave

[P.S. Wow—As God would have it, I just saw this for free on the BookLook Bloggers program, available August 6. I’m in. Go, God! Now to decide if I want the eBook or a hard copy. How do you decide?]

I am listening to . . . You Make Me Brave with my church and at home

“As Your love in wave after wave
Crashes over me, crashes over me
For You are for us, You are not against us
Champion of Heaven, You made a way for all to enter in”

(click here if you can’t see the video)

I am thankful . . . for the invitation to sing praises with special spirit friends last Wednesday at the apartment of a special brother with Alzheimer’s, who no longer sings himself but still enjoys listening—once a saint, he’s still a saint

I am creating . . . digital copies of my home movies VHS tapes with this before they deteriorate even further

vc500

I am watching . . . when Morgan first met baby sister Jenna minutes after she was born in 1995 (and wishing I’d converted my tape sooner because the quality is so poor, but still happy I have it at all!)

(click here if you can’t see the video)

I am reading . . . Les Miserables by Victor Hugo—which inspires me to be more compassionate

“That evening, before he went to bed, he said again: ‘Let us never fear robbers nor murderers. Those are dangers from without, petty dangers. Let us fear ourselves. Prejudices are the real robbers; vices are the real murderers. The great dangers lie within ourselves. What matters is not what threatens our head or our purse! Let us think only of that which threatens our soul.’”

but which also makes me want to stop reading because of the heartbreak in it

“However, the old woman who lighted her candle for her when she returned at night, taught her the art of living in misery. Back of living on little, there is the living on nothing. These are the two chambers; the first is dark, the second is black.”

I am memorizing . . . still in John 15, up to verse 15 (over halfway!)

Memorize John 15 with Do Not Depart

In my Bible journal . . . I’m halfway through Deuteronomy

“With your own eyes, you saw the LORD’s mighty power do all these things” (Deuteronomy 11:7).

Whatever I see with my own eyes that You do, let me tell others and remember it to build my faith for times when I can’t see.

I am realizing . . . it’s time for new flea medicine for Kandie, our sweet Golden (when Jeff resorts to giving her a bath, it’s serious!); my vet recommends Comfortis

wash-dog

I’m looking forward to . . . Mackenzie’s wedding tomorrow, girls’ night out with choir chicks next week, and the beach a few weeks after that

One of my favorite things . . . traveling anywhere (and coming home) with this man (the latest trip was to Portland, Indiana, for a Cushman swap meet)

coming_home

* * *

What are you looking forward to in August?

The Simple Woman’s Daybook
…where every day is a blank page

past Daybooks

 


On the blog – July 2014


Make a better decision

If you ever judge a book by its cover, this is the one.

Decisive-Chip-and-Dan-Heath

My friend Julie had a Magic 8 Ball in our teen years that we used to decide whether to go bowling or putt-putting after church on Sunday nights (and similar difficult decisions). So I had to smile when I saw a holographic Magic 8 Ball on the cover of Decisive, a book about making better decisions. (Read what the designer says about the cover.)

But not to worry, the Magic 8 Ball is NOT recommended here for making decisions.

Instead, authors Chip and Dan Heath lay out a logical approach to making decisions using their WRAP process. I prayed through it recently to decide about going to Guatemala in September (I decided yes—I’d appreciate your prayers!)

Decisive-the-WRAP-Process_Chip-and-Dan-Heath

Here’s how it works (and how it worked for me).

W – Widen your options

Consider other alternatives before you make a final decision. Don’t box yourself in with narrow choices. Oddly, weighing many options (within limits) might help you decide even quicker. When possible, aim for “this AND that” rather than “this OR that.”

For my mission trip decision, I considered other trips I could take instead, and of other ways I could use the money here if I didn’t go there.

R – Reality-test your assumptions

Dip a toe in first, if you can. Take a trial run. Also ask yourself: “What would have to be true for this option to be the right answer?” Or set a tripwire, a set of conditions that must occur first: “If X happens, I’ll do this.” Talk to experts who’ve been there, done that. Consider the opposite viewpoint as well (don’t just gather information to support your own bias).

I couldn’t take a trial-run to Guatemala, so I did more research on the previous trips my group had taken, read what they did, and asked what they thought after they got back. I also looked for both closed and open doors.

A – Attain distance before deciding

Use 10/10/10 to get a broader perspective. (I explain it here.) How will you feel about this decision in 10 minutes? 10 months? 10 years? Identify your core priorities and see which decision fits best. Or ask yourself: “What advice would I give a friend about this?”

For me, 10 minutes after making a decision about Guatemala, I’d be relieved either way, just to have the decision made. In 10 months, if I decided no, I’d probably be regretting it (that happened last year). And if I decided yes, I’d probably be glad, regardless of how it turned out (it would be over, after all). In 10 years, if I didn’t go, I’d probably have forgotten altogether about the opportunity. But if I did go, I imagine the memories would have stuck and hopefully changed me for the better and led to even more things. If a friend were trying to decide, I’d almost certainly say, “Do it!” And for my core priorities of love God/love others, saying yes definitely fits (although I don’t have to travel anywhere to do that!).

P – Prepare to be wrong

The authors called this “bookending the future,” thinking about a wide range of outcomes from very bad to very good.  Consider what could go wrong—how likely it is and how severe the consequences could be. Then consider what could go right—because sometimes we’re unprepared for success.

What could go wrong in Guatemala? Um, lots of things! (I’m good at imagining the bad, unfortunately.) Some could be prepared for; some couldn’t. What could go right? Also lots of things!

As you now see, this WRAP process is extensive and time-consuming, so you wouldn’t want to use it fully for every decision you make.

But when you have something important or confusing to decide, it’s a great tool. I believe God walked with me through it to decide about Guatemala, leaving me with peace (although I’ll still be a tad nervous, just sayin’). But now I can just plan on showing up; the rest is on him! It’s all about trust from here on out.

It sure beats using a Magic 8 Ball.

* * *

Visit the Heath Brothers website to find out more about this book as well as these great ones Switch and Made to Stick (all 5-star books to me!). You can also register to get helpful resources, including a one-page download of the WRAP process.

Do you have a major decisions ahead? Or have you made one lately? What helps you decide? I’d love to hear.

Related: 5 scriptures for making decisions


When you think you’re better

When-a-man-is-getting-better_C.S.Lewis

You don’t see it in yourself first. You see it in somebody else. You hear them complaining, and you think how trivial it sounds. You’d never do that. Can’t people be appreciative? So spoiled these days.

But then something happens to you. And you find yourself doing the same thing. Complaining—maybe even about the annoying people who are complaining so much.

And you see you are no different.

No better.

We’re all more alike than we are different.

I found out (again) Wednesday. I pride myself on being organized, on time. So when I arrived at Buena Vista a few minutes before 11:00, I felt satisfied.

I sat near the door to wait for the others. Three minutes passed. Now ten. And no one showed up.

Then it hit me—I could be wrong. Maybe we were meeting at Casa Blanca instead. I pulled up the email. I had the right restaurant. But I had the wrong day. Lunch plans were for Thursday.

I smiled at the hostess and explained I’d see her again tomorrow.

We all get it right sometimes and wrong sometimes. We all have good attitudes and bad ones, victories and defeats. We take steps forward; we take steps back.

There is only One always right. Always superior. Always better.

Thinking we are better than others only makes us worse.
Knowing Jesus is better brings out the best in all. 

“It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man.”
Psalm 118:8

* * *


More Bible memory resources

If you want help memorizing Bible verses, check out this page of resources at Do Not Depart. We’ve indexed all our posts onto one page.

Topics include: tips for scripture memory, how our memory challenges work, using music to memorize scripture, the review process, and more—including links to our past eight memory chapter challenges.

Memory-Resources-Hiding-His-Word_DoNotDepart

Want more? Tips and resources from my own blog are here.

Topics include: book reviews, lists of favorite verses to memorize, tips for memorizing a chapter, reflections, and more.

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