Is Your Phone Changing You?

12-Ways-Your-Phone-Is-Changing-You_video

After my blog post “Where’s Your Phone Right Now?” your comments made me feel better.

I’m not the only one who struggles with finding a balance with my phone.

We want to use our phones for good things only, but even at best, they can become time-drainers. And at worst, they are tools to say mean things, watch ugly things, and steal our hearts from God.

One suggestion you gave in the comments that day (thanks, Lynn Morrissey) was to read the new book by Tony Reinke, 12 Ways Your Phone Is Changing You.

12-Ways-Your-Phone-Is-Changing-You

I read it. I’m glad I did.

Here are quotes from 4 of the 12 ways our phones are changing us.

  1. Addicted to Distraction

If you’re a typical American, you check your smartphone an average of every 4.3 minutes. That’s 81,500 times a year.

Facebook? 70% of people check it daily (over one billion others around the world do the same!). On Facebook, Messenger, and Instagram alone, we spend at least 50 minutes a day.

Why are we so addicted? Reinke suggests we use digital distractions to keep work away, keep people away, or keep thoughts of eternity away.

  1. Ignore Flesh and Blood

While I often use my phone to connect with flesh and blood people, I don’t want it to replace in-person encounters. Given the choice, face-to-face beats digital.

“We become content to ‘LOL’ with our thumbs or to cry emoticon tears to express our sorrow because we cannot (and will not) take the time to genuinely invest ourselves in real tears of sorrow. We use our phones to multitask our emotions.”

And in the car? Let’s please stop checking our phones while driving. It’s killing us.

“Talking on the phone while driving a vehicle makes you four times more likely to get into an accident, but texting while driving makes your chance of a crash twenty-three times more likely.”

  1. Lose Our Literacy

Reinke points out that a few people actually read more books as a result of online interactions. (He is also the author of Lit! A Christian Guide to Reading Books, one of my favorite books I read in 2012.)

But more commonly, smartphone users read fewer books now.

“It can be said that literacy has fallen to such a degree that, for many Christians today (perhaps most Christians today), the Bible stands as the oldest, longest, and most complicated book we will ever try to read on our own.”

Plus, reading digitally teaches us to scan at fast speeds. Can we train ourselves to read online text slower?

  1. Fear of Missing Out

Do you know what nomophobia is? No-mobile-phone phobia. FOMO (fear of missing out) hits us on two sides: anxiety that we’re not staying updated on information if we’re not checking our phone, and insecurity of not getting the affirmation we want if we’re offline.

“This desire for personal affirmation is perhaps the smartphone’s strongest lure, and it is only amplified when we feel the sting of loneliness or suffering in our lives. At the first hint of discomfort, we instinctively grab our phones to medicate the pain with affirmation. This habit could not be more damaging.”

Suggestions

Along with the bad news, Reinke also gives lots of suggestions in the book for ways to live smarter with our smartphones. (He doesn’t say get rid of them altogether; he’s no technophobe.)

These include:

1. Turn off all nonessential push notifications.

2. Delete expired, nonessential, and time-wasting apps.

3. Use a real alarm clock, not your phone alarm, to keep the phone out of your hands in the morning.

4. Guard your morning disciplines and evening sleep patterns by using phone settings to mute notifications between one hour before bedtime to a time when you can reasonably expect to be finished with personal disciplines in the morning (9 p.m. to 7 a.m., for example).

5. Recognize that much of what you respond to quickly can wait. Respond at a later, more convenient time.

Ask Your Family

Are you brave enough to take this suggestion?

“Invite your spouse, your friends, and your family members to offer feedback on your phone habits (more than 70 percent of Christians in my survey said nobody else knew how much time they spent online).”

Our phone use affects others in more ways than we realize.

“If I’m a social-media junkie, my lack of self-control feeds the social-media addiction in you. And the more I text and tweet and Snapchat, the more I drag you and others into the digital vortex of reciprocating obligation. . . .

Even something as simple as pulling out your smartphone in a crowd is ‘the new yawn’—everyone else around you will feel the immediate pull and lure to check their own phones.”

I highly recommend this book. We all can benefit by periodically evaluating why we are using our phones.

“Apps can help me stay focused on my Bible reading plans and help me organize my prayer life, but no app can breathe life into my communion with God. . . .

What shall it profit a man if he gains all the latest digital devices and all of the techniques of touch-screen mastery but loses his own soul?”

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How do you use your phone the most? Calls? Texts? Apps? Please share your thoughts here.

Read the preface and introduction here of 12 Ways Your Phone Is Changing You.

Related:

My thanks to Crossway
for the review copy of this book


When You’re Spiritually Thirsty, Where Do You Drink?

Back in ancient Israel, communities gathered around wells, natural places to come at the beginning or end of the day to load up on the precious commodity of water.

But nowadays we only walk to our kitchen sink for a glass of water.

Where do we go when we’re thirsty for community?

Where are our modern wells?

Thirsty-4-Ways-to-Quench-Thirst_DoNotDepart

Read it all here

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I’m writing today at Do Not Depart for our series, Water in the Word.

Will you join me there?


Being Right – Table of Contents

Being-right-bring-out-worst_Kathryn-Schulz

We all like to be right. But sometimes we don’t do it well.

Below are ten articles on how to be right and wrong in healthy ways.

1.  Being Wrong

Four things to do with our insatiable certainty to be right. Including excerpts from Kathryn Schulz’s excellent book, Being Wrong.

2. How Little We Know – More Compassion, Please

Are we more kind when we admit we don’t know? Three exercises to make peace with not knowing everything.

3. I Thought I Understood

Why I thought we were right and everyone else was wrong. And why my theory cracked.

4. I’m Afraid of Being Stupid

I’m afraid I’ll miss the easy fix if I’m not smart enough. But fearing stupidity distracts me from my true purpose of depending on God.

5. Know-It-All Faith?

Talk yourself down from your arrogance. The more we know grace, the more we grow in humility. Review of Josh Harris’s book, Humble Orthodoxy.

6. Let Go of Being Right

Sometimes being right is wrong. And dangerous. Three dangers in always being right, and three solutions to combat pride.

7. Unity? But We Believe Differently

Can we still be united when we don’t think alike? Yes, if we remove obstacles we set up against unity. Suggestions from Ed Cyzewski’s book, Divided We Unite.

8. When “I Don’t Know” Is Good

We’ll never have all the answers. Is this ever good? Should we make peace with uncertainty and “I don’t know”? See the good side of uncertainty.

9. When We Eat Our Own

Stop eating your own, church. Nobody knows it all. Don’t confuse being biblical with being right.

10. You’re Not Sure? That’s OK

If in doubt, err on the side of grace. Don’t be so scared of being wrong that you do nothing. Even if you make a poor decision, God can redeem it.


Color Blind? Us vs Them

life-in-color-than-color-blind

Us Versus Them

It was time for a stack of pancakes. My friend goes to another church now. IHOP has become our new sanctuary. Every few months we meet to eat and catch up with each other’s lives.

She’s a brave woman. Beautiful. Strong.

And black.

We’re not color blind with each other. I know her color has influenced who she is, just like she knows my color has influenced who I am. It’s inescapable.

During our last conversation, she made a comment about how the black people at her church traditionally dress very nice.

That’s when I made my blunder. I still feel bad about it.

I told her, “Yes, y’all always look so sharp, and we look like slouches.” (Myself included.)

Ugh. It was the classic duality I don’t like to make.

As if we are on two separate teams. As if we can categories whole races of people into two little words: us versus them. Whites versus blacks.

Awkward Conversations

Those goofs are why we sometimes avoid having conversations.

  • We don’t want to offend anyone.
  • We don’t like feeling awkward.
  • We don’t know how to handle our white guilt.

Above all, we don’t want to appear racist. Because we don’t want to believe we are racist.

But here’s the biggest misstep:

When we’re too afraid of saying the wrong thing, we too often say no thing. . .

. . . which is the wrong thing.

Mess Up Anyway

What can we do about it?

  • Speak scared
  • Have awkward conversations
  • Ask if we’re offensive
  • Listen
  • Listen
  • Listen

(If you like to read novels, I highly recommend Small Great Things, a powerful story that speaks directly to discrimination. The title is taken from Martin Luther King Jr’s famous quote: “If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way.“)

We are going to mess up when we talk to each other. We do that at some point with everyone we talk to, regardless of the sameness or difference of our color or gender or religion or political preference.

But if we don’t talk about touchy subjects, we mess up even more.

Talking is one way to be the change that needs to happen. Grow closer. Get smarter. Bring more peace and love and joy into the world.

Humans are better when colorful kids play together. Our differences can be beautiful, not alienating.

Intentionally celebrate diversity.

My friend let my blunder slide that day. We just kept talking. Maybe she thought nothing about my vocabulary of “us vs them”. Maybe she did. Next time I’ll bring it up and find out.

But love is like that: It covers a multitude of sins. I know my friend loves me. And she knows I love her.

Live in Color

Later that week she sent me an affirming text, a prophetic word related to a spiritual decision we had discussed that day.

She ended her text with this: “I love you to life.”

Love.
Life.
Together.

We’re not in a race against each other. Life isn’t scored like a ballgame.

It’s not: If I win, you lose. Nor is it: If you win, I lose.

It’s both/and. Not either/or.

Seeing life in color is more beautiful than being color blind.

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Please share your thoughts in the comments.

Related Reading:


Links, Books, and Things I Love – June 2017

Here are favorites from May and what I’m looking forward to in June. We share once a month at Leigh’s.

1 Second Everyday

[If you can’t see the 1 Second Everyday video, click here]

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Around the Web

• Why Stay-at-Home Moms Don’t Need to Be Embarrassed
by Courtney Reissig at Crossway

“In a Christian subculture it might be easier, but in some parts of our society it feels like we’re letting down the team or we’re not doing something of value by staying at home.”

why-stay-at-home-moms-dont-need-to-be-embarrassed

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• Removing Confederate Monuments in New Orleans

If you haven’t heard or read this speech yet, it’s worth your time. Read here the full text from New Orleans’ Mayor Mitch Landrieu about removing Confederate monuments.

“Another friend asked me to consider these four monuments from the perspective of an African American mother or father trying to explain to their fifth grade daughter who Robert E. Lee is and why he stands atop of our beautiful city. Can you do it? Can you look into that young girl’s eyes and convince her that Robert E. Lee is there to encourage her? Do you think she will feel inspired and hopeful by that story? Do these monuments help her see a future with limitless potential? Have you ever thought that if her potential is limited, yours and mine are too?”

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• How to Organize Digital Photos

I’ve been attempting to organize my photos for a couple of years now. Ugh. Still not finished. Here’s a helpful article by Caroline Guntur: “Photo Funnels: How a Professional Organizer Manages All Her Photographs.”

Photo Funnels- How a Professional Organizer Manages All Her Photographs

via Caroline Guntur

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• Senior Discounts for People Over 50
by Steve Herman, shared on Mogul

If you or parents or friends are 50+, check out this list. I’ve yet to qualify for most of these, but I’m getting closer, for better or for worse. Includes restaurants, supermarkets, department stores, and more.

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• Homeless in Huntsville

A former Navy SEAL and his CEO friend in my nearby city of Huntsville, AL, made this excellent documentary. They became homeless for four days to see how our city would treat them. Watch the 40-second trailer here or the whole video 40-minute below.

Homeless-in-Huntsville

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Favorite Podcast Episodes and Books

• Bryan Stevenson on why the opposite of poverty isn’t wealth, but justice
on The Ezra Klein Show

“We also talk about his argument that the question is not whether a criminal deserves to die but whether the state deserves to kill. . . . We talk about what it’s like to be a black man in the South, driving down highways named for Robert E. Lee and attending high schools named for Jefferson Davis.”

Bryan Stevenson on why the opposite of poverty isn’t wealth, but justice

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• 10 things every white teacher should know when talking about race
on Angela Watson’s Truth for Teachers Podcast

“I want every white teacher, particularly those who teach black and brown students, to understand some fundamental truths….We cannot be ignorant about race or avoid talking about it.”

talking about race square

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• Who Needs God, Part Three – The Bible Told Me So
on Your Move with Andy Stanley Podcast

This whole series is a good one to increase your faith in God.

“In this episode, Andy explains that Christianity doesn’t exist because of the Bible any more than you exist because of your birth certificate.”

who-needs-god-andy-stanley

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• A Way with Words

I’ve only recently discovered this podcast. It’s light-hearted and fun and informative for word nerds.

“A Way with Words is a fun and funny public radio program about language examined through history, culture, and family. Its mission is to change the way you think about language.”

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• 6 Books I Recommend
Here are 6 books I enjoyed this month, including The New Jim Crow about mass incarceration and The Power of Off about digital detoxing.

6-Books-I-Recommend-May-2017-LisaNotes

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• Books I’m Currently Reading

  1. Small Great Things: A Novel
    by Jodi Picoult
  2. 12 Ways Your Phone is Changing You
    by Tony Reinke
  3. The Joy of Living
    Unlocking the Secret and Science of Happiness
    by Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche
  4. Flee, Be Silent, Pray
    An Anxious Evangelical Finds Peace with God through Contemplative Prayer
    by Ed Cyzewski

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Things I Love

• Freedom Conference

The grand finale to the weekly Freedom group I participated in this semester was to attend a Freedom conference together at Church of the Highlands in Birmingham. We had a great time worshiping together and laughing and crying. And of course eating.

freedom ladies

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• Peoria Zoo

Our kids are too big to take to the zoo. And we don’t have grandkids yet. But we love zoos. So while we were in Peoria, IL, last weekend, Jeff and I went to the zoo anyway without a child (yes, we were among the few). And it was still fun!

emu

giraffe

turtle

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• Oldest Daughter

We drove to Morgan’s house on Mother’s Day. She and Fuller cooked/grilled a wonderful dinner for us and her in-laws. I wish they lived closer, but I’m thankful they’re within a day’s drive there and back.

lisa-morgan-may-2017

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• Youngest Grandpup

Jenna and Trey adopted a new dog. That makes three dogs for them. Three dogs for Morgan and Fuller. And zero for Jeff and me.

beagle

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On the Blog

• Why Don’t You Ask? And Why You Probably Should
We have our reasons for not asking each other more questions. What are they? And why should we ask anyway?

• Just Get Moving
Often we don’t know which way to go next. But sometimes the best move is just to make one. Do the next thing. God is honored when we move forward in faith

• Is Christian Meditation Okay?
I used to think meditation was bad. But this changed my mind.

• Where’s Your Phone Right Now?
Is your phone near you right now? Probably so. Are you more attentive to it or to the people right beside you?

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What was one of your highlights from May? What are you looking forward to in June? Please share in the comments.

previous Links and Books


On the Blog – May 2017