Lisa notes

Discovering Life’s Wisdom – 4 Key Takeaways on Being Human

By LisaNotes December 12, 2023 Human: One Word 2023 24 Comments

If you’re reading this, you’ll relate. You know what it’s like to be human.

Being human has limitations and liberties. Complications and comforts. Strengths and weaknesses. Being human reaches into body, mind, and soul.

When I chose Human as my One Word for 2023, I didn’t know where it would take me. I started this year with a fear of more heartbreaks, of more disappointments, of more frustrations, from other humans. I was leery of trusting humanity, others as well as myself, after suffering a devastating loss.

But through my closer examination of Humans being human this year, I’ve seen that our humanity is not something to fear after all. It’s not something we should try to conquer and rise above. There is no living outside it. It’s impossible to shut it down or close it off.

Quite the opposite.

Instead, being human is something to cherish. Sink deeper into it. Inside our humanity is where beauty resides. That’s where strength lives.

As humans we hold each other’s hands to clear a path together, announcing that we each belong here. We bear witness to our individual and communal journeys. We see and are seen, hear and are heard, love and are loved.

And yes, we also hurt others and are hurt by others. We are incredibly fragile. But we’re also incredibly resilient. We coexist with both suffering and joy.

Being human is a miracle. 

4 Key Takeaways on Being Human

Here are 4 key takeaways I learned this year about being human. What would you add?

1. YOU’VE GOT TO USE YOUR HUMAN BODY.
Humans have bodies for a reason. Intentionally use yours to its fullest potential.

» Take in the sights, sounds, smalls, tastes, and textures around you to connect your humanity more deeply to the world (Life in Senses can give you ideas). More here.

» Make the effort to show up in the flesh. Certain adventures can only be experienced with your whole body (like this Taylor Swift concert). More here.

» When possible, get in the same room with other humans. You’ll connect more naturally with other humans in person instead of only through screens (use Zoom, too, but not exclusively). More here.

» Technology is a helpful tool, but start conversations using your actual voice, too (bots aren’t always enough). More here.

2. PLEASE PRACTICE HUMAN KINDNESS.
Humans both help and hurt each other. Find ways to do more helping and less hurting.

» When others need help, be a helper. When you need help, find the helpers (like the blue signs on the interstate).  More here.

» You really can’t read minds, no matter how intuitive you think you are. Seek clearer communication (it’s what I had to do on the beach). More here.

» Use these 3 Cs to help more and hurt less. Get Closer, stay in Conversation, and show Compassion (you can even practice with non-humans). More here.

» Humans need the presence of other humans when they hurt. Your presence is more valuable than your guarantees (I couldn’t bring back her grandson but I could cry with her). More here.

3. LEARN YOUR LESSONS FROM HUMAN FAILURES.
Humans come with imperfections. Be human enough to celebrate and forgive yourself for being human.

» Be human enough to be humble. Humility makes you more accessible to other humans (notice how pride does the opposite). More here.

» Don’t be prideful when things go right, or ashamed when things go wrong (I was flying through the Sudoku puzzle too easily). More here.

» Everybody fails at something. Learn to fail better. The benefits are numerous (read quotes from Right Kind of Wrong). More here.

» Vulnerability hangovers are uncomfortable. But take the risk; be vulnerable anyway (did I say too much in that post?). More here.

4. HARD OR EASY, EMBRACE THAT HUMANS CHANGE.
Humans aren’t statues. Humans change as life flows around and through them. Recognize—don’t resist—your fluidity.

» Time will change you. You won’t be the same person tomorrow that you are today (even as I grieve the people I can’t be with right now). More here.

» Temporary things are still valuable. Invest your humanity in impermanent things, too (like a flower mandala that will be swept away). More here.

» Recognize what choices are yours to make and what choices belong to others (even when you want to rebel against the lunch lady). More here.

» Ultimately, it’s people that matter the most in your life. Prioritize humans (ask yourself this one question). More here.

4 Key Takeaways on Being Human

Being human is complicated. It’s not about living perfect. It’s about living whole.

I’m grateful for the lessons I learned this year from other humans—each one different from me and yet each one the same—as well as from my own human experiences. Even though Human won’t be my official One Word next year, it will always be my reality. Yours, too.

I witness your humanity. You witness mine. It changes us both.

Isn’t that amazing?

What have you learned from being human in 2023? Has another human taught you something? Share your thoughts in the comments.

See more posts on Human 2023 here.

Human One Word 2023 More Post

If you’re interested in joining our One Word community for 2024, with tips and suggestions for practicing your One Word.

You can also join our One Word Facebook group.

If you’d like ideas for choosing your own One Word for next year, read these 7 tips to help pick the right word for you.

Can We Learn to Fail Well?

By LisaNotes December 8, 2023 Book reviews, Human: One Word 2023 13 Comments

“The only man who never makes a mistake is the man who never does anything.”
—Theodore Roosevelt

I Felt Like a Failure

Sometimes the failures are small: you forget to add the attachment to your email; you make a wrong turn at the intersection; you’re late because you misplaced your car keys.

But other failures, like some of mine this year, are larger. For instance, I’ve needed to have some difficult conversations. I knew they’d be uncomfortable, so at first I put them off. Maybe the problem will just disappear? Or maybe the other person will initiate the conversation instead of me?

Yet when avoidance and procrastination failed to work, I finally prompted the conversations.

And some of the conversations went terribly wrong. I ended up in tears. I walked away with more frustration than I came with.

I felt like a failure because the issues weren’t successfully resolved. I wanted to pull back even more. Armor up. Avoid being vulnerable again.

But was that the wrong lesson to learn from failure. Was I failing at failure?

3 Reasons We Fail at Failure

Amy Edmondson writes in her new book, Right Kind of Wrong: The Science of Failing Well, that we often miss the opportunity to fail well.

Here are three reasons she shares about why we often fail at failure.

1. AVERSION

We have an instinctive negative response to failure so we avoid it at all costs.

2. CONFUSION

We incorrectly distinguish between different types of failure, and thus fail to learn the appropriate lessons from each.

3. FEAR

Instead of admitting and sharing our failures, we tend to hide them because we fear a social stigma, of looking bad, of being kicked out of the tribe.

Right Kind of Wrong

How to Fail Better

Instead, Edmondson suggests the following ways to fail better:

* Get friendly with errors

Foster an environment of psychological safety, making it okay to fail. Create blameless reporting. Rather than blaming and shaming for failures, use failures as opportunities to learn something new you might not have learned any other way.

“Good failures are those that bring us valuable new information that simply could not have been gained any other way.”

* Set lower standards

Aim for excellence instead of perfection. Perfectionism is unrealistic. Everyone fails. No one is flawless. Give yourself permission to be human.

“It’s tempting to believe that if we just hunker down, we can avoid failure altogether. It’s also wrong. The relationship between effort and success is imperfect. The world around us changes constantly and keeps presenting us with new situations. The best-laid plans encounter problems in an uncertain context.”

* Choose learning over knowing

If you think you already know most things (which we’re hardwired to do, by the way), you’re not open to uncovering what you don’t know, setting yourself up for more failures. Be humble to be more effective.

“It’s wise to take the time to diagnose what went wrong, while reminding yourself that intelligent failures are not preventable. In new territory, the only way to make progress is through trial and failure.”

* Try new things

To become more adept at handling failures, be vulnerable. Put yourself in new situations or learn new skills where you’re bound to experience failure at some level. Make peace with the process.

When we get better at failing, at least two good things can happen:

“One, you realize that you don’t die of embarrassment. Two, you build muscle so that each next failure stings less. The more you experience failure, the more you realize you can still be okay.”

The Benefits of Failing

The benefits are clear: with less fear of failure, you’ll have more freedom to live courageously, more patience with yourself and others, and more authentic relationships—people tend to like us better when we share our failures instead of only showing images of perfection.

“The real failure, I’ve found, is believing that others will like us more if we are failure-free. In reality, we appreciate and like people who are genuine and interested in us, not those who present a flawless exterior.”

I’m trying to pick myself back up from my failed conversations and use them as life lessons. Sure, I could have handled them more skillfully, but I did the best I could at the time. I’m proud of myself for even trying, and hopefully next time I can use the learned lessons to create more beneficial outcomes for everybody, including myself. Eliminating blames helps eradicate shame.

Being wrong happens to each of us. It is disappointing, to be sure. We all want to fail less.

But instead of withdrawing or becoming defensive or more fearful when failures happen, let’s embrace our failures as part of being human.

Learn to fail well.

Do you hate to be wrong, too? Share your thoughts in the comments.

My thanks to Netgalley + Atria Books
for the review copy of Right Kind of Wrong

7 Tips for How to Choose Your One Word of the Year

By LisaNotes December 6, 2023 One Word Community 14 Comments

It’s time again to choose One Word of the Year.

Maybe you’ve never chosen One Word. Or maybe you choose one every year.

Choosing can be daunting, whether you’re a newbie or a veteran. Of all the words you know, narrowing them down to a single one may seem impossible at first. You might not can fathom how one word will keep your attention all year, nor imagine how you might use one word in different ways all year.

But it is possible to work through your concerns and land on just one word. Your word can give you clarity and a focus for the year ahead. One word is not as overwhelming as a bunch of New Year resolutions, nor as confining as a specific list of goals.

Having one word provides a general direction for planning, but also keeps you open for surprising twists throughout the year that you can’t predict.

So how do you choose that one special word?

7 tips for how to choose your one word of the year

Here are 7 tips to guide you in choosing your One Word for 2024.

1. ASK QUESTIONS

Do an overview of what you’d like for the coming year. Is there a trait you want to grow in? A strength you’d like to capitalize on? Think of something you’re missing or something you’d like more of. Do you want a serious word or a more playful one?

Find a few more questions here to discover your One Word.

2. PAY ATTENTION

Once you decide to look for a word, you might notice possible choices popping up everywhere. Pay attention to words that catch your attention. Maybe there’s an inviting word in a song lyric you like, or a book title, a TV show, a scripture, or a podcast.

And sometimes a word will come to you without you having to even search it down. Watch for it.

3. START BROAD

You might start with a broad category of interest. For instance, if you want a word that reflects your values, choose a word like Honesty, Courage, Kindness, etc.

Here’s a list of 50 core values if you need a jump start.

4. GET PICKY

Once you have a general idea, you can home in on a more specific word. Maybe Peace stands out to you. From there, look up synonyms of Peace. Does one of these words appeal to you even more . . . Unity, Friendship, Stillness, or Rest?

Use an online thesaurus such as this one to find similar words to choose from.

5. PLAY WITH IT

After narrowing down your choice, tweak its form. If you want a verb (that’s my preference, although it doesn’t always work out), instead of choosing Restoration, maybe choose Restore. Or choose Release instead of Releasing.

But while an action word may be easier to implement, it needn’t be the deciding factor. Go with your gut on what form of your word feels right to you.

6. DON’T OVERTHINK IT

Once you’re fairly confident with your choice, don’t overthink it. This isn’t a life or death decision. Maybe you want to give your word a trial run for a week or two. If it turns out to be a bad fit, ditch it and find a different word.

While it’s good to commit to your decision if possible, you don’t have to. You can always change your mind later. Or you might experiment with a different word every month, or 52 words for the year. It’s all your choice.

7. TELL SOMEBODY

When you finally do settle on your word, tell someone. It will help you remember it. Plus, by sharing your word, others can watch for it in their everyday lives, too, possibly giving you ideas for practicing it that you might not think of on your own. If they also have a word, partner together to build camaraderie as you stay on the lookout for each other’s words.

Our One Word community is a wonderful online space to get support for your One Word journey. .

Then join our private One Word Facebook group here, if you’d like.

Choosing One Word of the Year isn’t for everyone. But if it is for you, I hope your word for next year will bring you insight, purpose, and delight. And whatever else you want from it.

I’ve chosen One Word every year since 2010. I’ve never regretted it. Some words were easy; some were hard. Some I worked with weekly; some made little traction. But they all brought value to my life in multiple ways.

May your One Word of the Year do the same for you!

Have you chosen One Word in the past? Will you be choosing One Word for the upcoming year? Share your tips or your One Word in the comments.

Read More:

On the Blog—November 2023

By LisaNotes November 30, 2023 Archives No Comments

Here are brief summaries and links to posts on the blog, Lisa notes, in November 2023.

blank

See previous months’ archives here

Share Four Somethings—November 2023

By LisaNotes November 30, 2023 Life updates 39 Comments

Near the end of each month at Jennifer’s linkup we share four somethings that we’re loving, reading, learning, and eating.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

What I’m Loving

  • TWO NEW FRIENDS

Last July, Jeff and I attended the Wild Goose Festival, a faith-inspired social justice gathering in very hot and very muggy North Carolina. In one of the small group sessions I attended, I met two women, Naomi and Rachel, who I bonded with immediately.

We ran into each other a few more times during the weekend and exchanged phone numbers so we could stay in touch.

Wild Goose Festival

Not only have we stayed in touch, but a week ago we spent an entire weekend together at Naomi’s home, just the three of us. It was so spiritually-nurturing.

I’m very grateful for their friendship, their encouragement, and for the way these amazing women are doing the work to make this world a healthier and more compassionate home for all human beings, including me.

blank

 ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

What I’m Reading

  • THE FIFTH AGREEMENT

A few years back I read The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz, and greatly benefited from it. The four agreements are: 1-Be impeccable with your word, 2-Don’t take anything personally, 3-Don’t make assumptions, and 4-Always do your best.

I later tweaked them a little to create my own four agreements:

While at Naomi’s house last week, she pulled out this set of uplifting cards from The Mastery of Love by the same author for a closing activity before we all went our separate ways again. We each drew one card and shared what it meant to us. My card said: “Love is kind and just.” 

Back home, I downloaded The Fifth Agreement, also by Miguel Ruiz, from my library. (Rachel is now reading her own copy, too). This agreement is: “Be skeptical, but learn to listen.” It’s been a fascinating read so far (I’m about halfway in.)

“I am responsible for what I say, but I am not responsible for what you understand. You are responsible for what you understand.”

The Fifth Agreement

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

What I’m Learning

  • MEMORIZING POETRY

While I love reading nonfiction books, I struggle to read poetry. But I want to make a more concerted effort in this coming year because poetry is so valuable. I’ve begun reading some poems this past month and am loving it.

I just have to slow down enough to let them sink in. So in conjunction with my 2024 One Word (I’ll reveal it soon!), I would like to memorize select poems. I’ve been trying it out this month with Mary Oliver’s poem, Wild Geese. So far, so good!

Wild Geese by Mary Oliver

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

What I’m Eating

  • MAPLE STREET BISCUIT COMPANY

This breakfast & brunch restaurant opened up near us several months ago. Jeff and I finally made it there one Friday morning for breakfast. It did not disappoint. (Although Jeff still prefers Jack’s.)

You can’t pick up one of their biscuits and take a bite though. They’re too big. I got a plain chicken biscuit, but Jeff got the works.

Maple Street Biscuit Company

What is something you are loving, reading, learning, or eating this month?

Share your thoughts in the comments.

I’m linking at these blog parties

7 Books I Recommend + 7 Books Recommended to Me—November 2023

By LisaNotes November 27, 2023 Books I Recommend 27 Comments

“We read books to find out who we are.”
– Ursula K. Le Guin

7 Books I Recommend

Here are 7 books I recommend from what I finished reading in November, plus 7 books recommended by other bloggers during this month of Nonfiction November. 

[See previously recommended books here]

NONFICTION

1. I Didn’t Sign Up for This
A Couples Therapist Shares Real-Life Stories of Breaking Patterns and Finding Joy in Relationships, Including Her Own
by Dr. Tracy Dalgleish

I Didn't Sign Up for This

This is a very interesting book by a marriage therapist about her practice with clients as well as how she needs to apply her advice to her own marriage. 

[Read more about it here.]

2. Dr Karl’s Little Book of Climate Change Science
by Karl Kruszelnicki

Dr. Karl's Little Book of Climate Change

If you don’t know much about climate change, this is a great starter book. It’s (mostly) easy to understand while very informative. 

3. Right Kind of Wrong
The Science of Failing Well
by Amy C. Edmondson

Right Kind of Wrong

Edmondson shares her research that creating a safe venue for failure (corporately and personally) actually sets you up for greater success. 

4. How To Talk About Guns with Anyone
by Katherine Schweit

How to Talk About Guns with Anyone

I highly recommend this book for everyone who wants to understand more about firearms, laws, amendments, attitudes, etc. around our gun culture. 

5. Find the Helpers
What 9/11 and Parkland Taught Me About Recovery, Purpose, and Hope
by Fred Guttenberg

Find the Helpers

Guttenberg is the dad of 14-year-old Jaime, who was killed by the shooter at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida. This is his story before, during, and after this horrific tragedy.

6. The Day the World Came to Town
9/11 in Gander, Newfoundland
by Jim DeFede

The Day the World Came to Town

This is a wonderful feel-good book about what happened to several planes that were re-routed from entering the U.S. after the terrible 9/11/2001 hijackings. Many went to Gander, Newfoundland, whose residents opened their hearts to the passengers for days. 

FICTION

7. Counterfeit
by Kirstin Chen

Counterfeit

This novel is about a con artist who manufactures fake designer handbags and how her hustle interferes with a college friend’s life.

WHAT I’M READING NOW

  • Romney: A Reckoning
    by McKay Coppins
  • Your Heart Was Made for This
    Contemplative Practices for Meeting a World in Crisis with Courage, Integrity, and Love
    by Oren Jay Sofer
  • Wolfpack
    How to Come Together, Unleash Our Power, and Change the Game
    by Abby Wambach
  • Optimal Illusions
    The False Promise of Optimization
    by Coco Krumme
  • Forgive for Good
    A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness
    by Fred Luskin
  • The Fifth Agreement
    by Miguel Ruiz and Jose Ruiz
  • When Religion Hurts You
    Healing from Religious Trauma and the Impact of High-Control Religion
    by Laura E. Anderson

blank

7 Books Recommended by Others

Here are 7 of the many titles I collected this month from the blog posts of other writers during Nonfiction November. Do you see one you’re interested in, too? See more recommendations at Hopewell’s Public Library of Life’s Week 5 roundup post. 

1. Unfollow
A Journey from Hatred to Hope, Leaving the Westboro Baptist Church
Recommended by Market Garden Reader

2. Ultra-Processed People
The Science Behind Food That Isn’t Food
Recommended by Books Please

3. Avid Reader: A Life
Recommended by The Intrepid Angeleno

4. Freedom Is a Constant Struggle
Ferguson, Palestine, and the Foundations of a Movement
Recommended by She Seeks Nonfiction

5. Love Your Enemies
How Decent People Can Save America from the Culture of Contempt 
Recommended by Readerbuzz

6. Fascism: A Warning
Recommended by HopeWell’s Public Library of Life

7. The Ends of the World
Volcanic Apocalypses, Lethal Oceans, and Our Quest to Understand Earth’s Past Mass Extinctions 
Recommended by Unsolicited Feedback

blank

What good book have you read lately? Please share in the comments.

Read more about reading: 

sharing at these linkups