Lisa notes

Can You Shake Things Up?

By LisaNotes December 18, 2023 Encouragement 11 Comments

We’d had a busy Sunday evening at home with our computers.

Then Jeff’s phone rang.

It was our bank. They were concerned. Our credit card had been charged several times in the past 30 minutes. They needed us to confirm or deny that the charges were legitimately coming from us.

Apparently we don’t shop often enough if even the bank is shocked by our making several purchases in a row.

All the charges were indeed ours.

We got a good laugh out of the bank’s concern (despite the minor hassle of having to scroll back through credit card records to assure them it really was us making the charges). We appreciated that they were watching out for us.

Our habits are often subject to change according to the season. December is the month we shop more than normal.

But maybe we need to shake things up occasionally anyway as a break from our comfort zones. Maybe we need to experiment with new practices in dealing with different situations. Maybe we need to allow others to coax us to branch out.

Trying new things can be a good thing. We need to remain flexible to live appropriately with the times.

Even if it comes as a surprise to those who aren’t used to our adaptability.

Shake things up a bit and try something different this season yourself (as long as it’s not harmful). You might surprise even yourself by what you discover.

When have you surprised someone by doing something out of character, or has someone surprised you? Share in the comments.

Your Heart Was Made to Linger Here
—Book Review

By LisaNotes December 15, 2023 Book reviews 16 Comments

Some books bring a quick invitation to “Read me” and then move along to your next thing.

Other books encourage you to make room in your heart for them: to linger, to ponder, and to act on them.

This new book by Oren Jay Sofer is the latter kind. Your Heart Was Made for This is a stick-around-awhile book.

The book is about cultivating twenty-six qualities that help us lead more whole lives, including Wisdom, Curiosity, Ease, Integrity, and Wonder.

I finished my first reading of the book this month. But I’ll begin anew in January, taking all of 2024 (that’s the plan anyway), for more reflecting and doing.

The book is set up perfectly as a year-long companion. Divided into four parts, with six or seven chapters in each, it allows a convenient two weeks for each of the twenty-six chapters.

Each chapter begins with (1) stories and encouragement, then proceeds into (2) reflections for “Getting Started,” (3) meditations for “Going Deeper”, and (4) actions for “Embodying [the trait]”, ending with a short section for (5) “If you have difficulties.”

Your Heart Was Made for This

Sample: Chapter 8, Courage

For example, chapter 8 is about enhancing our Courage. Sofer begins with this quote:

“When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.”
– Audre Lorde

(1) He then shares about his fear of having a child (he’s now a new dad) and goes into other relevant commentary. Sofer writes,

“I fear the intensity of grief and pain that I know accompanies any depth of love and joy in this life. They are inseparable companions, as necessary as up and down, left and right, and it takes courage to acknowledge that.”

(2) For the “Getting Started” section, he advises you to consider one or two challenges you’ve already faced in life. Consider what helped you face any fear or anxiety you felt as you lived through the challenge. Recognize the courage it took to walk through the situation, in spite of the fear.

(3) In the “Going Deeper” phase, Sofer suggests a short meditation on resting your heart while you bring the patient attention of a parent to what you are fearing or avoiding, recalling that courage is not the absence of fear, but the willingness to be present in the face of fear.

(4) For “Embodying Courage,” Sofer advises that you “choose carefully the next thing that is just beyond your comfort zone” in a challenge you’re currently confronting. Share with another person one specific first step you can take in the next week.

(5) And finally, “If you have difficulties,” Sofer says,

“If you feel stuck, lost, or confused, try dialing things back. Choose a task that doesn’t appear quite so challenging, and develop some strength and momentum there. Slowly work up to bigger challenges.”

Each section is more fleshed out than these brief snippets, but these provide a quick snapshot into the wisdom and practical guidance in this book. It’s meant to be modified to suit your own circumstances and needs, which I look forward to doing in 2024.

Do you have a book you’d like to linger with in the year ahead? Share in the comments.

My thanks to Netgalley + Shambhala
Publications for the review copy of this book.

Discovering Life’s Wisdom – 4 Key Takeaways on Being Human

By LisaNotes December 12, 2023 Human: One Word 2023 24 Comments

If you’re reading this, you’ll relate. You know what it’s like to be human.

Being human has limitations and liberties. Complications and comforts. Strengths and weaknesses. Being human reaches into body, mind, and soul.

When I chose Human as my One Word for 2023, I didn’t know where it would take me. I started this year with a fear of more heartbreaks, of more disappointments, of more frustrations, from other humans. I was leery of trusting humanity, others as well as myself, after suffering a devastating loss.

But through my closer examination of Humans being human this year, I’ve seen that our humanity is not something to fear after all. It’s not something we should try to conquer and rise above. There is no living outside it. It’s impossible to shut it down or close it off.

Quite the opposite.

Instead, being human is something to cherish. Sink deeper into it. Inside our humanity is where beauty resides. That’s where strength lives.

As humans we hold each other’s hands to clear a path together, announcing that we each belong here. We bear witness to our individual and communal journeys. We see and are seen, hear and are heard, love and are loved.

And yes, we also hurt others and are hurt by others. We are incredibly fragile. But we’re also incredibly resilient. We coexist with both suffering and joy.

Being human is a miracle. 

4 Key Takeaways on Being Human

Here are 4 key takeaways I learned this year about being human. What would you add?

1. YOU’VE GOT TO USE YOUR HUMAN BODY.
Humans have bodies for a reason. Intentionally use yours to its fullest potential.

» Take in the sights, sounds, smalls, tastes, and textures around you to connect your humanity more deeply to the world (Life in Senses can give you ideas). More here.

» Make the effort to show up in the flesh. Certain adventures can only be experienced with your whole body (like this Taylor Swift concert). More here.

» When possible, get in the same room with other humans. You’ll connect more naturally with other humans in person instead of only through screens (use Zoom, too, but not exclusively). More here.

» Technology is a helpful tool, but start conversations using your actual voice, too (bots aren’t always enough). More here.

2. PLEASE PRACTICE HUMAN KINDNESS.
Humans both help and hurt each other. Find ways to do more helping and less hurting.

» When others need help, be a helper. When you need help, find the helpers (like the blue signs on the interstate).  More here.

» You really can’t read minds, no matter how intuitive you think you are. Seek clearer communication (it’s what I had to do on the beach). More here.

» Use these 3 Cs to help more and hurt less. Get Closer, stay in Conversation, and show Compassion (you can even practice with non-humans). More here.

» Humans need the presence of other humans when they hurt. Your presence is more valuable than your guarantees (I couldn’t bring back her grandson but I could cry with her). More here.

3. LEARN YOUR LESSONS FROM HUMAN FAILURES.
Humans come with imperfections. Be human enough to celebrate and forgive yourself for being human.

» Be human enough to be humble. Humility makes you more accessible to other humans (notice how pride does the opposite). More here.

» Don’t be prideful when things go right, or ashamed when things go wrong (I was flying through the Sudoku puzzle too easily). More here.

» Everybody fails at something. Learn to fail better. The benefits are numerous (read quotes from Right Kind of Wrong). More here.

» Vulnerability hangovers are uncomfortable. But take the risk; be vulnerable anyway (did I say too much in that post?). More here.

4. HARD OR EASY, EMBRACE THAT HUMANS CHANGE.
Humans aren’t statues. Humans change as life flows around and through them. Recognize—don’t resist—your fluidity.

» Time will change you. You won’t be the same person tomorrow that you are today (even as I grieve the people I can’t be with right now). More here.

» Temporary things are still valuable. Invest your humanity in impermanent things, too (like a flower mandala that will be swept away). More here.

» Recognize what choices are yours to make and what choices belong to others (even when you want to rebel against the lunch lady). More here.

» Ultimately, it’s people that matter the most in your life. Prioritize humans (ask yourself this one question). More here.

4 Key Takeaways on Being Human

Being human is complicated. It’s not about living perfect. It’s about living whole.

I’m grateful for the lessons I learned this year from other humans—each one different from me and yet each one the same—as well as from my own human experiences. Even though Human won’t be my official One Word next year, it will always be my reality. Yours, too.

I witness your humanity. You witness mine. It changes us both.

Isn’t that amazing?

What have you learned from being human in 2023? Has another human taught you something? Share your thoughts in the comments.

See more posts on Human 2023 here.

Human One Word 2023 More Post

If you’re interested in joining our One Word community for 2024, with tips and suggestions for practicing your One Word.

You can also join our One Word Facebook group.

If you’d like ideas for choosing your own One Word for next year, read these 7 tips to help pick the right word for you.

Can We Learn to Fail Well?

By LisaNotes December 8, 2023 Book reviews, Human: One Word 2023 13 Comments

“The only man who never makes a mistake is the man who never does anything.”
—Theodore Roosevelt

I Felt Like a Failure

Sometimes the failures are small: you forget to add the attachment to your email; you make a wrong turn at the intersection; you’re late because you misplaced your car keys.

But other failures, like some of mine this year, are larger. For instance, I’ve needed to have some difficult conversations. I knew they’d be uncomfortable, so at first I put them off. Maybe the problem will just disappear? Or maybe the other person will initiate the conversation instead of me?

Yet when avoidance and procrastination failed to work, I finally prompted the conversations.

And some of the conversations went terribly wrong. I ended up in tears. I walked away with more frustration than I came with.

I felt like a failure because the issues weren’t successfully resolved. I wanted to pull back even more. Armor up. Avoid being vulnerable again.

But was that the wrong lesson to learn from failure. Was I failing at failure?

3 Reasons We Fail at Failure

Amy Edmondson writes in her new book, Right Kind of Wrong: The Science of Failing Well, that we often miss the opportunity to fail well.

Here are three reasons she shares about why we often fail at failure.

1. AVERSION

We have an instinctive negative response to failure so we avoid it at all costs.

2. CONFUSION

We incorrectly distinguish between different types of failure, and thus fail to learn the appropriate lessons from each.

3. FEAR

Instead of admitting and sharing our failures, we tend to hide them because we fear a social stigma, of looking bad, of being kicked out of the tribe.

Right Kind of Wrong

How to Fail Better

Instead, Edmondson suggests the following ways to fail better:

* Get friendly with errors

Foster an environment of psychological safety, making it okay to fail. Create blameless reporting. Rather than blaming and shaming for failures, use failures as opportunities to learn something new you might not have learned any other way.

“Good failures are those that bring us valuable new information that simply could not have been gained any other way.”

* Set lower standards

Aim for excellence instead of perfection. Perfectionism is unrealistic. Everyone fails. No one is flawless. Give yourself permission to be human.

“It’s tempting to believe that if we just hunker down, we can avoid failure altogether. It’s also wrong. The relationship between effort and success is imperfect. The world around us changes constantly and keeps presenting us with new situations. The best-laid plans encounter problems in an uncertain context.”

* Choose learning over knowing

If you think you already know most things (which we’re hardwired to do, by the way), you’re not open to uncovering what you don’t know, setting yourself up for more failures. Be humble to be more effective.

“It’s wise to take the time to diagnose what went wrong, while reminding yourself that intelligent failures are not preventable. In new territory, the only way to make progress is through trial and failure.”

* Try new things

To become more adept at handling failures, be vulnerable. Put yourself in new situations or learn new skills where you’re bound to experience failure at some level. Make peace with the process.

When we get better at failing, at least two good things can happen:

“One, you realize that you don’t die of embarrassment. Two, you build muscle so that each next failure stings less. The more you experience failure, the more you realize you can still be okay.”

The Benefits of Failing

The benefits are clear: with less fear of failure, you’ll have more freedom to live courageously, more patience with yourself and others, and more authentic relationships—people tend to like us better when we share our failures instead of only showing images of perfection.

“The real failure, I’ve found, is believing that others will like us more if we are failure-free. In reality, we appreciate and like people who are genuine and interested in us, not those who present a flawless exterior.”

I’m trying to pick myself back up from my failed conversations and use them as life lessons. Sure, I could have handled them more skillfully, but I did the best I could at the time. I’m proud of myself for even trying, and hopefully next time I can use the learned lessons to create more beneficial outcomes for everybody, including myself. Eliminating blames helps eradicate shame.

Being wrong happens to each of us. It is disappointing, to be sure. We all want to fail less.

But instead of withdrawing or becoming defensive or more fearful when failures happen, let’s embrace our failures as part of being human.

Learn to fail well.

Do you hate to be wrong, too? Share your thoughts in the comments.

My thanks to Netgalley + Atria Books
for the review copy of Right Kind of Wrong

7 Tips for How to Choose Your One Word of the Year

By LisaNotes December 6, 2023 One Word Community 14 Comments

It’s time again to choose One Word of the Year.

Maybe you’ve never chosen One Word. Or maybe you choose one every year.

Choosing can be daunting, whether you’re a newbie or a veteran. Of all the words you know, narrowing them down to a single one may seem impossible at first. You might not can fathom how one word will keep your attention all year, nor imagine how you might use one word in different ways all year.

But it is possible to work through your concerns and land on just one word. Your word can give you clarity and a focus for the year ahead. One word is not as overwhelming as a bunch of New Year resolutions, nor as confining as a specific list of goals.

Having one word provides a general direction for planning, but also keeps you open for surprising twists throughout the year that you can’t predict.

So how do you choose that one special word?

7 tips for how to choose your one word of the year

Here are 7 tips to guide you in choosing your One Word for 2024.

1. ASK QUESTIONS

Do an overview of what you’d like for the coming year. Is there a trait you want to grow in? A strength you’d like to capitalize on? Think of something you’re missing or something you’d like more of. Do you want a serious word or a more playful one?

Find a few more questions here to discover your One Word.

2. PAY ATTENTION

Once you decide to look for a word, you might notice possible choices popping up everywhere. Pay attention to words that catch your attention. Maybe there’s an inviting word in a song lyric you like, or a book title, a TV show, a scripture, or a podcast.

And sometimes a word will come to you without you having to even search it down. Watch for it.

3. START BROAD

You might start with a broad category of interest. For instance, if you want a word that reflects your values, choose a word like Honesty, Courage, Kindness, etc.

Here’s a list of 50 core values if you need a jump start.

4. GET PICKY

Once you have a general idea, you can home in on a more specific word. Maybe Peace stands out to you. From there, look up synonyms of Peace. Does one of these words appeal to you even more . . . Unity, Friendship, Stillness, or Rest?

Use an online thesaurus such as this one to find similar words to choose from.

5. PLAY WITH IT

After narrowing down your choice, tweak its form. If you want a verb (that’s my preference, although it doesn’t always work out), instead of choosing Restoration, maybe choose Restore. Or choose Release instead of Releasing.

But while an action word may be easier to implement, it needn’t be the deciding factor. Go with your gut on what form of your word feels right to you.

6. DON’T OVERTHINK IT

Once you’re fairly confident with your choice, don’t overthink it. This isn’t a life or death decision. Maybe you want to give your word a trial run for a week or two. If it turns out to be a bad fit, ditch it and find a different word.

While it’s good to commit to your decision if possible, you don’t have to. You can always change your mind later. Or you might experiment with a different word every month, or 52 words for the year. It’s all your choice.

7. TELL SOMEBODY

When you finally do settle on your word, tell someone. It will help you remember it. Plus, by sharing your word, others can watch for it in their everyday lives, too, possibly giving you ideas for practicing it that you might not think of on your own. If they also have a word, partner together to build camaraderie as you stay on the lookout for each other’s words.

Our One Word community is a wonderful online space to get support for your One Word journey. .

Then join our private One Word Facebook group here, if you’d like.

Choosing One Word of the Year isn’t for everyone. But if it is for you, I hope your word for next year will bring you insight, purpose, and delight. And whatever else you want from it.

I’ve chosen One Word every year since 2010. I’ve never regretted it. Some words were easy; some were hard. Some I worked with weekly; some made little traction. But they all brought value to my life in multiple ways.

May your One Word of the Year do the same for you!

Have you chosen One Word in the past? Will you be choosing One Word for the upcoming year? Share your tips or your One Word in the comments.

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On the Blog—November 2023

By LisaNotes November 30, 2023 Archives No Comments

Here are brief summaries and links to posts on the blog, Lisa notes, in November 2023.

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See previous months’ archives here