Help for the Complexities of Religious Trauma
The train tracks were a few miles from my childhood home, but deep in the night, when the house was quiet, I could occasionally hear the train whistle blow.
I’d lay in my bed—waiting, wondering, WORRYING—is this the trumpet call of the Lord? Is this my final moment here on earth? Will my final fate be heaven or burning in hell forever?
It terrified me as a child.
As an adult, a train whistle no longer scares me. But I do occasionally remember how I felt as a child. I wonder about the trauma it stored in my body.
Religious Trauma Varies
Reading Laura E. Anderson’s new book helped me get a clearer perspective of my childhood and adult experiences with religion. In When Religion Hurts You: Healing from Religious Trauma and the Impact of High-Control Religion, Anderson explains that not all religious trauma comes from big dramatic incidents, like sexualized violence. Thankfully I had none of those.
But even smaller, day-in and day-out circumstances can be traumatic, if they’re unhealthy ones. Anderson explains that adverse religious experiences (AREs) are often common within high-control religions (HCRs) such as the one I grew up in.
For instance, Anderson says this about the purity culture in HCRs,
“Women are [expected] to be the gatekeepers of men’s purity of mind, heart, and body so that they do not sin. Women are taught that their bodies are dangerous; men are taught that their minds are.”
As teen girls in my church, we were taught that we were responsible for the safety of all men based on the clothes we wore. No spaghetti-strap shirts, no shorts too short, no dresses too tight, else we would be responsible for sending males into frenzies they couldn’t be held responsible for.
It was an unhealthy extreme mindset for both females and males.
Moving into adulthood, we were taught that “the world” was a dangerous place so don’t trust those outside our one true church denomination (although we didn’t call ourselves a denomination); the world would lead us astray down its slippery slope. Yet at the same time, we were also taught not to trust ourselves because, as Anderson writes in the book,
“Many HCRs teach that humans are inherently sinful, that they cannot trust themselves, and that they will never choose good on their own.”
Who were we to trust? The male authority figures in our church. We were to believe that their beliefs about the Bible (and thus life) were the most accurate ones. There was a certain safety in that certainty.
Until you realized they weren’t always right either. Because no one is.
Fortunately for me, I had a wise father with a bit of a rebellious streak. Although he was a firm believer and had his own strong opinions, he encouraged us as children to explore our doubts, and to question what didn’t make sense to us. As a result, after many, many years, I eventually stepped away from this denomination of my youth into greater freedom of love and grace.
Pursue Your Healing
Anderson says there are many ways to begin healing from religious trauma. For starters, make sure you are meeting your basic needs.
“When a client comes in with high anxiety and stress, one of the first areas I check on is basic needs. Are they getting enough sleep? Enough food? Water? Movement? Connection to humans?”
Since trauma gets trapped in bodies, Anderson suggests we nurture our bodies for healing.
“When I love my body, when I humanize myself, I love and humanize others. This is an act of rebellion in HCRs. Loving your body opens space to love, understand, and have empathy and compassion for every other body, no matter how similar or different those bodies are from your own.”
Showing compassion to yourself is also an important step toward self-regulation when triggered by traumas. This provides a framework for learning to trust yourself and to grow in tolerance and understanding of others with different perspectives.
The rewards from a journey of healing are numerous. Anderson concludes her book with this encouragement:
“You will have moments of celebration as you realize how far you’ve come, as you inhale the present moment, and as you look around at your brilliant, messy, beautiful self and know that you are free.”
Share your thoughts in the comments.
Read more:
- What’s Your Idol, America?
Learn more about Christian Nationalism and the idols of power, fear, and violence. - A Spiritual Memoir Every Month to Expand Your Inner World
Here are twelve spiritual memoirs I read last year, a diversity of spiritual traditions and paths. - Is Questioning Your Religion Bad? Or Instead Is It Healthy?
Look at 4 ways to overcome our biases in religion.
My thanks to Netgalley and Baker Academic & Brazos
Press for the review copy of When Religion Hurts You
- Do You Want to See Better? Try Curiosity
- Can You Find a New Way to See an Old Problem?
I am just finishing this book. It has been a good read and one I have resonated with since I grew up in a highly controlled religion. I am glad more discussion is being done around this topic. We think of other abuse, but not usually religious abuse.
My religious trauma comes not from believing, but parental encouragement not to believe outright. The old poison of scientific reason trumping religion. Looking back, I give thanks to God for showing me the light and bringing me boldly forward on the Christian journey. His name be praised!
Your post makes me want to read this book. It seems like you’re talking about me. Thanks for the example of the train whistle. And just how you write about it. Live greetings, Aritha.
Wow! I didn’t experience this religious trauma as a child, but I certainly did in adulthood. And these words, “You will have moments of celebration as you realize how far you’ve come, as you inhale the present moment, and as you look around at your brilliant, messy, beautiful self and know that you are free.” say it all for me! It’s exactly how I feel!
I am not religious but I find this so interesting to read. I didn’t think of religion causing trauma so this is quite an eye opener. Your father sounds like a wonderful man giving you the freedom to work things out and ask questions.
Remembering we need to nurture ourselves as the first step of healing is an important factor in any healing process, emotional, physical, and spiritual. I love the last quote you shared. …”inhale the present….” That is something we can do every day, even on the good ones!
Thank you for sharing this one, Lisa. I think many of those raised in the church will relate to this.
I think it helped me to realize people can pervert anything good for evil and it is the actions of the people not necessarily the ideal that is bad. That started me back on a relationship with God by walking away from places that focused on control for their purposes and not for God.
However, you can find it in secular areas like charity work. I’ve worked with amazing people in both faith based and secular charity work. However, you also find people who go there because it is a place where you can acquire power and control over others. They don’t have to be stealing or taking money but they have the power over volunteers, people who are engaged with the charity etc. and that can pervert the “good” the charity was formed to help. You can also work with charities that keep the focus on the mission which is helping not on personal power and attention.
People can fail badly and we need to be willing to walk away from situations we don’t have the power to change. We should pray for people who find themselves stuck in those situations.
sometimes in this old world simple subjects like religion get complex and a bit scary. Perhaps that is they say we have to know what we know when they think that we dont know it
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