Lisa notes

9 Books I Recommend—January 2024

By LisaNotes January 31, 2024 Books I Recommend 28 Comments

“Shakespeare said the eyes are the windows to the soul, but we readers know one’s bookshelves reveal just as much.”
– Anne Bogel

Here are 7 nonfiction books + 2 novels I recommend from what I finished reading in January 2024.

[See previously recommended books here]

NONFICTION

1. For Such a Time as This
Hope and Forgiveness after the Charleston Massacre
by Susan Risher

Reverend Sharon Risher’s mother was one of the 9 African Americans killed during a Bible study at the Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in Charleston, South Carolina, in 2015. She writes about how her mother’s shooting affected her own life from the moment she got the news about her death and through the following years.

2. Seven Kinds of People You Find in Bookshops
by Shaun Bythell

This is a witty book written by a bookseller in Scotland about the customers who come into his shop. It’s a lighthearted read but also a telling book about the type of people who frequent bookstores (I’m more of a library person myself).

3. Feel-Good Productivity
How to Do More of What Matters to You
by Ali Abdaal

Abdaal says that the secret to productivity is joy, not more self-discipline. (I find I still need a bit of both.) His book is full of practical ideas on how to feel happier about your work so you can increase your productivity.

[See 9 Ways to Be Happily Productive, my review of Feel-Good Productivity]

4. Practices for Embodied Living
Experiencing the Wisdom of Your Body
by Hillary L. McBride

This is a book to do, not just to read. McBride gives page after page of suggestions to better inhabit and enjoy the body you’re in, not one you wish you had or used to have. Her chapters range from exercises on stress and trauma, body image, illness, oppression, and more.

[See But What If Our Bodies DO Matter?, my review of Practices for Embodied Living]

5. Forgive for Love
The Missing Ingredient for a Healthy and Lasting Relationship
by Fred Luskin

Like Luskin’s first book Forgive for Good, this one—Forgive for Love—also lays a practical foundation for holding space for differences between humans. This one is centered around the steady flow of grace that partners in a relationship need to extend to each other on a daily basis, not just about their large issues but the smaller ones, too.

6. Cranky Uncle vs. Climate Change
How to Understand and Respond to Climate Science Deniers
by John Cook

This fun illustrated book is about the serious topic of climate change. The intended audience might be for someone younger, but I found it appropriate for my level of understanding on the both broad and deep matters of climate science. Hopefully the more we understand it, the quicker we can collectively turn away from the multiple ways we’re making things worse for each other.

7. When Religion Hurts You
Healing from Religious Trauma and the Impact of High-Control Religion
by Laura E. Anderson

I personally know many people who have religious trauma from their past, myself included. In this book Anderson helps us understand what that trauma can look like (it’s not always the huge issues you hear about in the news), and importantly, the ways we can begin healing from it.

[See Help for the Complexities of Religious Trauma], my review of When Religion Hurts You]

FICTION

8. The Leavers
by Lisa Ko

This novel is about a young undocumented Chinese immigrant who comes to America, raises a son here for 11 years, then suddenly disappears without a trace. While it is fiction, it’s disturbing to realize these things actually do happen in real life.

9. The Silent Patient
by Alex Michaelides

Alicia Berenson is a famous painter in love with her husband. But one night when he returns home late from a fashion shoot, she shoots him five times in the face. Then goes completely silent for years in a mental hospital. The plot centers on the criminal psychotherapist who tries to get her to talk again. The story contains a fabulous twist, which I love in a novel.

WHAT I’M READING NOW

The House in the Cerulean Sea
by T. J. Klune
Have a Beautiful, Terrible Day!
Daily Meditations for the Ups, Downs & In-Betweens
by Kate Bowler
What You Should Know About Politics . . . But Don’t
A Nonpartisan Guide to the Issues That Matter
by Jessamyn Conrad
Not the End of the World
How We Can Be the First Generation to Build a Sustainable Planet
by Hannah Ritchie
The Light We Give
How Sikh Wisdom Can Transform Your Life
by Simran Jeet Singh
No Bad Parts
Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model
by Richard C. Schwartz
Fight Right
How Successful Couples Turn Conflict into Connection
by Julie Schwartz Gottman, John M. Gottman

What good book have you read lately? Please share in the comments.

My Top 10 Favorite Books of 2023

sharing at these linkups

Share 4 Somethings—January 2024

By LisaNotes January 29, 2024 Life updates 13 Comments

For the 2024 edition of “Share 4 Somethings,” Jennifer asks us to share each month:

Something loved and/or disliked
Something accomplished
Something improved upon and/or that needs improvement
Something noticed

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Something Loved

UNSTICK YOURSELF

I am loving the workbook that my in-person book club is doing this month (thanks, Jenna). It’s called Unstick Yourself by Joy Vetterlein. The subtitle is “Make peace with your religious past, Figure out what you actually believe, Find your own spiritual path forward.”

It’s interesting to hear from each person in our group where they are on their spiritual journey, and it’s been clarifying to think through my own answers as I write them down.

This week’s chapter includes questions like these:

“Are you more drawn to intellectual expressions of spirituality, or experiential expressions? (Both is an acceptable answer too.)”

and

“Imagine your highest self five years from now, feeling confident, grounded and at peace. What does her spirituality look like?”

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Something Accomplished

ANOTHER YEAR WITH OUR ONE WORD COMMUNITY

I’m excited that our One Word community successfully turned a corner from our 2023 words to our 2024 words. Not everybody chooses to or benefits from having One Word of the Year, so I find it helpful to stay connected with those who do.

If you have chosen One Word of the year, . No rules; no requirements. We’re just here to remind each other to practice our words throughout the year, in whatever ways work best for each of us. You’ll get an email every month with suggestions, and an opportunity to join our One Word Facebook group if you’d like.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Something that Needs Improvement

HOMEWORK FOR LIFE

I decided at the beginning of this year to join Gretchen Rubin’s Write 24 in 2024 challenge. It’s an invitation to write (anything!) for 2 to 4 minutes—or for 24 minutes—every day in 2024.

It’s a great idea, and I highly recommend it. But after keeping track of my writing for a few weeks, I discovered I already write every day, so I’m letting go of that challenge.

I’d rather improve on keeping track of Homework for Life. It is Matthew Dicks’ suggestion to jot down a snippet of something from your daily life that feels significant to you. I think of them as my ‘Aha!’ moments, however small.

Watch Matthew Dicks’ TED talk here about “Homework for Life”

I’ve sporadically kept up a spreadsheet with my Homework for Life for the past three years. But last Friday I decided this would be my new daily challenge for awhile.

I’m using this simple Don’t Break the Chain app to keep up with it. Today will be Day 4. Do you have a chain you try not to break? (I had to intentionally break my Duolingo chain when it became too addictive.)

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Something Noticed

WHERE’S THE POETRY?

I’ve noticed I have NOT started reading poetry like I’d hoped I would in 2024 as part of my year of Curiosity.

So when I came across this Poem-a-Day email subscription last week from the Academy of American Poets, I signed up. I don’t intend to read them daily (sometimes they’re so long or too confusing!), but I do read them a few times a week now, which is a big change for me.

I’ve also noticed (thanks to Jean’s poetry post here) that I haven’t yet written a poem in 2024. My goal this year is to write one poem per month.

So here’s my January poem centered on Aspiration, my focus for Curiosity the past two weeks.

He asks my aspiration
I search the question before
I muse my answer

‘A strong desire
To achieve something;
Also to draw breath’

Most important to me
Is to be Love
To you on your path, to me on mine

Yet to love better
My midway aspiration
Is to mend softly into wholeness

The more I heal
The more I breathe
Love in and out, Love in and out

What is something you are loving, accomplishing, improving, or noticing here at the beginning of 2024?

Share your thoughts in the comments.

I’m linking at these blog parties

But What If Our Bodies DO Matter?

By LisaNotes January 26, 2024 Book reviews, Encouragement 10 Comments

I’m sitting in my recliner at home on a Wednesday evening. My phone rings. That’s rare (it’s usually a buzz from a text or a ding from a Polo). I glance at the number. It’s unknown.

But I recognize the area code. It’s one I’d love to hear voices from. My heart beats a little faster.

I click Accept.

I say, Hello? I hear chaos in the background. Young voices. Home noises. My heart is now in a full sprint. I sit up taller in my chair.

Again I say, Hello?

I see Jeff out of the corner of my eye, passing through to another room, but he halts. He’s looking at me. He can tell something is happening, just by observing my body language.

Which Is More Important?

Somewhere along the way I picked up a message that it’s only the soul that matters. The invisible insides. That my body is just the turtle shell that carries around my soul, of no particular importance on its own except as transportation to take me from here to there.

And to hear through. To see through. To touch through. To smell through. To taste through. To think through. To feel through. To love through.

This is quite significant.

The older I get, the more I understand that the body is important. And that I need to live more embodied. Not to craft a chiseled body nor mimic a model’s face nor bear an ideal weight. But to appreciate all the amazing things my body does for me on a daily basis—even if imperfectly—since the moment I was conceived.

But how do we live more embodied?

Blur the Lines

We can begin by appreciating the wisdom of our body.

Hillary McBride, PhD says this in her new book, Practices for Embodied Living: Experiencing the Wisdom of Your Body:

“There is more wisdom in the hands holding this book, than in the pages of the book the hands are holding.”

That’s a good start.

McBride goes further…

“As I continued to experiment with different ways of being in my body, my sense of self continued to change.

The once clear line between who I believed myself to be (my mind) and the object that housed my self (my body) began to blur.

I started to see that everything that happened to my body happened to me; nothing happened to me that didn’t also permeate the experience of being in my body. I was becoming my body, and it was making me more of myself.”

Our bodies do much more than just carry around our minds.

“A body is not just a thing you have; it is who you are.”

Practices for Embodied Living

It is in our bodies that “we experience loneliness, social rejection, illness, and death. Bodies are here, even when we don’t want to be here.”

McBride writes that we learn to experience ourselves as a body through three pathways:

MENTAL: the stories we think and perpetuate about bodies
SOCIAL: the social landscape around us
PHYSICAL: the physical experiences we have

In Practices for Embodied Living, she gives us activities to try with our bodies, stories to open us up to embodiment, ways to help our bodies and minds become better friends.

They are simple things, such us:

“Imagine that your nondominant hand is your thinking self and that your dominant hand is your sensing, bodily self. Try holding them side by side, noticing how the distance feels. When you’re ready, experiment with bringing them closer together, clasping your hands and interweaving your fingers.

What do your thoughts long to hear from your sensing body? What does your bodily self long to hear from your thinking self?“

But they are important things.

“Complete the following sentences:
‘It makes me feel loved when a friend . . .’ (try doing that for yourself)
‘I long to hear from those I love that I . . .’ (try saying this to yourself)”

Bodies Can Release Our Trauma

When we are in stressful situations, feeling out of control, it’s not just our minds that are disturbed: our bodies absorb the trauma.

When I heard the yet-unidentified voices on the other end of my phone call that Wednesday night, in a split-second my body went into full alert mode.

But only a moment later, the now-familiar caller was talking to me: “Hi, Lisa! How are you?” I knew who it was. Now I recognized her children’s voices in the background.

My heart rate started slowing. I glanced up at Jeff and mouthed, “It’s Victoria.”

She and I had a lovely conversation. I was glad she called. She made me smile and laugh.

But as soon as we hung up, without even thinking about it, I collapsed in my chair and cried. Because for the briefest of seconds in that liminal space before I’d identified the caller, I had thought it might be another person I hadn’t heard from in awhile, someone I was longing to hear from.

And it hadn’t been them.

My body, doing its best to take care of me, was now draining out the trauma through my eyes in the form of tears. I let them come. And eventually go. I took several deep breaths. I stood up. I walked around.

Yes, our bodies are much more than just vehicles to move us from room to room, from meal to meal, from birth to death. Our bodies are here FOR us, on our side—in ordinary and extraordinary ways.

Even though I don’t always say it or even think it, I am amazed by my body, both the pleasurable and the painful parts. I am more than a body, yet my body does matter.

My body is me. And I am my body.

Do you have a good relationship with your body? I’m still working on the relationship with mine. Share in the comments.

My thanks to Netgalley for the review
copy of Practices for Embodied Living

Take a Closer Look at Your One Word of the Year for 2024
{One Word 2024 January Linkup}

By LisaNotes January 24, 2024 Curiosity: One Word 2024, One Word Community 29 Comments

Link all of your ONE WORD blog posts below. Share an update about your One Word in the comments.

~ * ~ * ~

TAKE A CLOSER LOOK AT YOUR ONE WORD

In this first month with your new word, here are some questions to ask yourself.

1. WHERE IS MY WORD?

Where have you already seen your word this year? Where can you intentionally place it so you will be reminded of it more often?

MY ANSWER:
I should be keeping count; I may have heard CURIOSITY used somewhere every single day so far. It’s obviously a very popular word in our times.

I have placed it on the mirror of my bedroom dresser:

2. WHAT DOES MY WORD LOOK LIKE?

What does your word look like to you? Take a photo or draw a picture or create a graphic to visualize your word.

MY ANSWER:
I created a graphic like this because it’s a little outside the lines, a little messy, just like CURIOSITY can be.

3. WHY THIS WORD?

Why did you choose this word? Write out your answer and/or tell at least one other person. If you haven’t already, print and fill out this simple 2-page worksheet to help clarify your word.

MY ANSWER:
I chose CURIOSITY because I want to wonder more, to ask better questions, and to create deeper connections.

~ * ~ * ~

This One Word linkup will remain open for two weeks, closing at midnight on Wednesday, February 7. Link as many posts here as you’d like about your One Word. Each link shared here will also be shared with our One Word Facebook group.

Our February One Word linkup will open on Saturday, February 24 (and on the 24th of each month for 2024).

If you’d like to receive our monthly One Word emails and ideas, .

Are you becoming more acquainted with your One Word 2024? Leave a comment here telling us about your One Word.

Get more One Word ideas here

Link Up About Your One Word!

Do You Need to Change the Channel?

By LisaNotes January 22, 2024 Curiosity: One Word 2024, Encouragement 16 Comments

“Where you spend your attention is where you spend your life.”
– James Clear

It’s Friday afternoon, 2:45 pm. I’m desperate. I walk into her doctor’s office as a cold-call. No appointment.

Can you please help me? I need a copy of my friend’s medical records sent to the care facility’s office this afternoon, or she won’t get in, and her surgery next week will be cancelled.

The doctor’s receptionist at the front desk is kind. She offers to give me a hardcopy of the records so I can hand-deliver them myself, to be sure they arrive at the facility. Yes!

Back in my car, records in hand, I drive to the facility. The administrator is available. I give her the forms.

The paperwork is complete and accepted. My friend will be able to move in on Monday and have her surgery as scheduled. I’m thrilled.

In my car again, it’s now 3:25. After weeks of getting my friend into last-minute appointments and making multiple phone calls, it’s paying off. I message my other friends the good news: She can move in!

I feel such relief. Until 5 minutes later. My phone rings again. Uh-oh.

What Is Yours to Do?

My friend has been struggling on her own for awhile. She could use a hand, or at least companionship, on a daily basis. But she’s not capable of getting that help on her own. She’s recently begun calling me at night, asking if someone can come spend the night with her because she’s scared.

I feel overwhelmed by her needs.

Sometimes I have trouble distinguishing what is my responsibility to take on and what is not. Even within the realm of what I can do, much lies outside of my control. I’m uncomfortable in the gap.

My mind whirls in endless cycles, landing nowhere.

I need to change the channel.

We all have access to multiple channels of thoughts in our head.

Do I focus on the Food network?
Is it too soon to have pizza again for supper?
Or maybe switch to the Drama channel.
OMG, why is all this happening to me?
Or dial to the lighter side and watch Comedy programs.
Scroll through funny Instagram memes and literally watch TV comedy shows.

The 3:30 pm phone call about my friend’s situation is unwelcome news. I hear they’re sorry, but there’s one more form they need. It will require coordinated scheduling with another agency for an assessment appointment. The process could take weeks.

I hang up. And cry.

I’ve done all I can do. And it still isn’t enough. Now what?

Hand me the remote control, please.

Change the Channel

My attention doesn’t always go where I want it to. It’s not easily bossed around. It’s quite a curious thing.

But in my better moments, I can gently direct my attention to view reality through a clearer lens. I need to flip through all the channels, including the sad ones—the goal isn’t to bypass pain or distract ourselves away from healthy grief—to see through open eyes of reality, however it looks. Bear witness to all of what’s happening, not just one channel of it.

I flip through the channels of my mind.

I need to watch the Kindness station for a few minutes.
I remember back to the tenderness of the doctor’s receptionist.
I flip to the Friendship network.
I see how patient my friends have been to listen to my complaints for weeks.
I click on the Compassion channel.
I notice the steep learning curve I’m traveling, and give myself grace.

By observing all the places my attention can land, I understand I have more options than just self-pity or resignation.

Pay Attention to Curiosity

I had hoped that my friend’s situation would be an easy fix.

But it’s not. I accept that first plans aren’t always feasible. There are too many unknowns. I have to flexibly shift from this direction to another, often with no warning.

So I choose to slow down, to give myself mercy, knowing I will need other people’s help, as other people will need mine. I want to be watchful as unknown things are revealed, knowing that a year from now, this situation with my friend will have likely been resolved, even if new situations pop up to replace it.

It’s now 4:15 pm on Friday. I pull my car into the driveway. I’m home. I’m disappointed that the day didn’t end like I’d wanted it to. I wonder what will come next.

I click on the Curiousity channel.

I am indeed curious about the weeks to come. For me and for my friend. About the hard stuff and the easy stuff, the comfortable and the uncomfortable. There are many screens ahead that I’ll need to watch to keep a balanced perspective.

But I needn’t be afraid to see the different channels. Just curious.

What channel are you currently watching most often? Share in the comments.

Every two weeks I’m paying attention to a different aspect of Curiosity, my One Word for 2024. For the first two weeks of January, my companion word has been, naturally: Attention.

9 Ways to Be Happily Productive

By LisaNotes January 19, 2024 Book reviews 19 Comments

I did my version of a power hour yesterday. In the middle of my regular tasks, I scheduled in an hour for six different projects—some large, some small—and set a timer for 10 minutes each. When the timer went off, I switched away from one project and set the timer for 10 more minutes to spend on the next project.

Was it efficient? Definitely not.

But was it fun? Incredibly so.

I felt very fulfilled moving forward on six different projects.

This philosophy of making our work feel good is what Dr. Ali Abdaal’s new book is all about: Feel-Good Productivity: How to Do More of What Matters to You. As an easy mark for productivity books, I found this one wonderfully satisfying.

Abdaal says,

“Put simply: success doesn’t lead to feeling good. Feeling good leads to success.”

He organizes the book into three neat categories: Energizers, Unblockers, and Sustainers. Each category is further subdivided into three more categories with practical experiments in each.

I’ve listed one experiment here from each of the nine subcategories. Find one that suits you and try it, not to center productivity per se, but to make your work feel good.

3 ENERGIZERS

1. Play

Add a spirit of play into your work.

Experiment: Don’t Be Serious; Be Sincere.

Abdaal draws on Alan Watt’s work to not take ourselves only seriously, but to also be authentic. Abdaal writes,

“The trick is simple: when you feel like your work is draining or overwhelming, try asking yourself, ‘How can I approach this with a little less seriousness, and a little more sincerity?'”

2. Power

Feel empowered as you take your work into your own hands by a shift in attitude.

Experiment: Own Your Mindset

“‘Have to’ is coercive language that makes you feel powerless. ‘Choose to’ is autonomy-affirming language that makes you feel powerful. . . . Is there a way to turn this ‘have to’ into a ‘choose to’?”

3. People

Increase your energy by connecting with supportive people.

Experiment: Overcommunicate

“We’re much more likely to underestimate how much communication we need to do than overestimate it. . . .When you think you’ve communicated plenty, you almost certaintly haven’t. . . . We need to learn to communicate bad news too. Unfortunately, we’re not always very good at that.”

3 UNBLOCKERS

1. Seek Clarity

Find out what’s blocking your productivity so you can do something about it.

Experiment: The Five Whys

“Use the five whys to determine whether a task is worth doing in the first place. Whenever somebody in my team suggests we embark on a new project, I ask ‘why’ five times. The first time, the answer usually relates to completing a short-term objective. But if it is really worth doing, all that why-ing should lead you back to your ultimate purpose. If it doesn’t, you probably shouldn’t bother.”

2. Find Courage

It may not be lack of talent or inspiration that holds you back, but fear; learn to unblock from it.

Experiment: The 10/10/10 Rule

“Ask yourself:
Will this matter in 10 minutes?
Will this matter in 10 weeks?
Will this matter in 10 years?”

3. Get Started

One of my favorite categories, these “get started” unblockers help you overcome inertia.

Experiment: Reduce Emotional Friction

“The five-minute rule is a simple but powerful technique that encourages you to commit to working on a task for just five minutes. The idea behind this rule is that taking the first step is often the most challenging part of any task.”

3 SUSTAINERS

1. Conserve

Learning ways to resist distraction is an effective approach to sustaining your work.

Experiment: Add Friction

“Invert the logic [of reducing friction]. Create obstacles between you and what you don’t want to divert your attention.”

2. Recharge

Find ways to refuel by participating in some activities that have nothing to do with your work, but are simply things you enjoy.

Experiment: Calm Hobbies

“The defining characteristic of a hobby is that it’s low stakes; there’s simply no way to win or lose a hobby, nor to turn it into a business. . . . Continually remind yourself that the hobby should be enjoyed for the process, rather than any kind of high-stakes goal.”

3. Align

Know what really matters to you, and align your behavior to match it.

Experiment: The 12-Month Celebration

“Imagine it’s twelve months from now and you’re having dinner with your best friend. You’re celebrating how much progress you’ve made in the areas of life that are important to you over the last year. Write down what you’d want to tell your best friend about your progress.”

The book is full of many more experiments, interesting anecdotes, and helpful insights. I highly recommend it to productivity junkies like me as well as those who rarely read this genre. Abdaal doesn’t claim that every experiment here is a new one, but the way he organizes them is new, effective, and most importantly, feels good.

Everyone will find helpful tools for themselves in this book.

Do you have a favorite book on productivity you’d recommend? Another of my favorites—an oldie but a goodie—is Getting Things Done by David Allen. Share your thoughts in the comments.

My thanks to NetGalley for the review
copy of Feel-Good Productivity.