Do You Need to Change the Channel?
“Where you spend your attention is where you spend your life.”
– James Clear
It’s Friday afternoon, 2:45 pm. I’m desperate. I walk into her doctor’s office as a cold-call. No appointment.
Can you please help me? I need a copy of my friend’s medical records sent to the care facility’s office this afternoon, or she won’t get in, and her surgery next week will be cancelled.
The doctor’s receptionist at the front desk is kind. She offers to give me a hardcopy of the records so I can hand-deliver them myself, to be sure they arrive at the facility. Yes!
Back in my car, records in hand, I drive to the facility. The administrator is available. I give her the forms.
The paperwork is complete and accepted. My friend will be able to move in on Monday and have her surgery as scheduled. I’m thrilled.
In my car again, it’s now 3:25. After weeks of getting my friend into last-minute appointments and making multiple phone calls, it’s paying off. I message my other friends the good news: She can move in!
I feel such relief. Until 5 minutes later. My phone rings again. Uh-oh.
What Is Yours to Do?
My friend has been struggling on her own for awhile. She could use a hand, or at least companionship, on a daily basis. But she’s not capable of getting that help on her own. She’s recently begun calling me at night, asking if someone can come spend the night with her because she’s scared.
I feel overwhelmed by her needs.
Sometimes I have trouble distinguishing what is my responsibility to take on and what is not. Even within the realm of what I can do, much lies outside of my control. I’m uncomfortable in the gap.
My mind whirls in endless cycles, landing nowhere.
I need to change the channel.
We all have access to multiple channels of thoughts in our head.
- Do I focus on the Food network?
Is it too soon to have pizza again for supper? - Or maybe switch to the Drama channel.
OMG, why is all this happening to me? - Or dial to the lighter side and watch Comedy programs.
Scroll through funny Instagram memes and literally watch TV comedy shows.
The 3:30 pm phone call about my friend’s situation is unwelcome news. I hear they’re sorry, but there’s one more form they need. It will require coordinated scheduling with another agency for an assessment appointment. The process could take weeks.
I hang up. And cry.
I’ve done all I can do. And it still isn’t enough. Now what?
Hand me the remote control, please.
Change the Channel
My attention doesn’t always go where I want it to. It’s not easily bossed around. It’s quite a curious thing.
But in my better moments, I can gently direct my attention to view reality through a clearer lens. I need to flip through all the channels, including the sad ones—the goal isn’t to bypass pain or distract ourselves away from healthy grief—to see through open eyes of reality, however it looks. Bear witness to all of what’s happening, not just one channel of it.
I flip through the channels of my mind.
- I need to watch the Kindness station for a few minutes.
I remember back to the tenderness of the doctor’s receptionist. - I flip to the Friendship network.
I see how patient my friends have been to listen to my complaints for weeks. - I click on the Compassion channel.
I notice the steep learning curve I’m traveling, and give myself grace.
By observing all the places my attention can land, I understand I have more options than just self-pity or resignation.
Pay Attention to Curiosity
I had hoped that my friend’s situation would be an easy fix.
But it’s not. I accept that first plans aren’t always feasible. There are too many unknowns. I have to flexibly shift from this direction to another, often with no warning.
So I choose to slow down, to give myself mercy, knowing I will need other people’s help, as other people will need mine. I want to be watchful as unknown things are revealed, knowing that a year from now, this situation with my friend will have likely been resolved, even if new situations pop up to replace it.
It’s now 4:15 pm on Friday. I pull my car into the driveway. I’m home. I’m disappointed that the day didn’t end like I’d wanted it to. I wonder what will come next.
I click on the Curiousity channel.
I am indeed curious about the weeks to come. For me and for my friend. About the hard stuff and the easy stuff, the comfortable and the uncomfortable. There are many screens ahead that I’ll need to watch to keep a balanced perspective.
But I needn’t be afraid to see the different channels. Just curious.
What channel are you currently watching most often? Share in the comments.
Every two weeks I’m paying attention to a different aspect of Curiosity, my One Word for 2024. For the first two weeks of January, my companion word has been, naturally: Attention.
What a fantastic way of putting it, Lisa. I’m going to think of this especially when I am going through some hard stuff or trying to understand my responses to certain situations.
You are a great friend and I do hope your friend finds all the support she needs to get through her current situation.
Lifting prayers for your friend and for you, Lisa. And I’ll try to keep my channel on curiosity as I see where God is taking me.
Blessings!
I love this article. Such a good way to look at all of these thoughts and situations.
I came by from Esme Salon and am following!
P.S. I would love for you to come by and share at the Thursday Favorite Things link party. It’s open from 10:00 a.m. CST on Thursdays and is open through Saturday. Hope to see you there!
What a worrying time you have had. I hope your friend is OK. It sounds like you have had a lot on your plate. Sending love and hugs. x
I could feel peace resonating from your words when you changed the channel to kindness. It reminds me to be careful what we are watching and buying into. A reminder to guard our hearts, too. I pray your friend receives the medical treatment she requires.
What a difficult set of situations. It’s frustrating when bureaucracy makes things difficult instead of helping. Is there a way a social worker could get involved? I pray for you and your friend, for God’s guidance and help and grace. Good thought about choosing which channel to focus on.
This is quite a thoughtful and thought provoking post, Lisa. It seems that the channel I have visited most the last few weeks is the opposite of what I want to be watching (thinking). Just for different reasons things here have been a bit cluttered and instead of clicking on the channel of just being consistent and removing the stress little by little, I have found myself doing nothing. Yeah, that channel selection is being destroyed today as I have begun to see things differently. Thanks, friend!
coming from a place of a tender curiosity is a whole different ballgame than coming from a place of fear or worst-case scenarios where many of us operate from. i’m enjoying your word already this year, learning from your learnings. thank you, friend, for this nudge toward changing the channel to a more biblical outlook.
That image of channel changing is SO vivid and emphasizes our ability to choose where our brains live.
Love your word and logo for it! Looking forward to seeing your journey this year.
A great way to post your thoughts LIsa! The word ‘change’ caught my attention today, as you know it’s my WOTY.
Change is something we can definitely choose to do in what we have control over & I love your analogy of taking control over the channel of our thoughts, so True.
I’ve learnt we can only do what we can do in situations like your friend’s, the rest is up to God.
Blessings, Jennifer
Dear Lisa, my heart goes out to you both — your friend’s situation, and your efforts and concern — your writing is so gentle and measured. And then this sunbeam …
“By observing all the places my attention can land, I understand I have more options than just self-pity or resignation.”
… pivots the perspective.
My attention is unruly and easily distracted. I am learning to reflect in the moment, but mostly it’s later, especially in prayer. Yoga and meditation are good therapy/practice.
Very well put, thank you for sharing with SSPS, we appreciate it.
Curiosity is such a great word and one I used as a compass point in my book. But I never really thought of it as an antidote to disappointment. Lovely way to reframe a situation and have more hope. Great word!
Oh my, I can relate in so many ways. I am encouraged by your words to change the channel. It’s so nice you are helping your friend. I’ve been there. But over the Christmas season I crashed. Like my body and mind said stop. Or maybe it was Jesus telling me it was time to be still. so I talked with my friend about how I was feeling and she understood. we gave each other grace. My insides have calmed down a great deal. But I still have a way to go as far as my insides being still.
Thank you so much for sharing your insights and encouragement with Sweet Tea & Friends this month sweet friend.