Lisa notes

Unraveling the Myths of Confidence: Insights from “The Age of Magical Overthinking”

By LisaNotes July 22, 2024 Book reviews, Hidden Biases 9 Comments

“The world can be so humbling, but only if you let it humble you.”
― Amanda Montell, The Age of Magical Overthinking: Notes on Modern Irrationality

Does Confidence Equal Correctness?

My friend was so confident in her answer. So she must be correct, right? We often equate confidence with correctness.

But should we? (As it turns out, my friend was later proven wrong.)

If these questions intrigue you like they do me, Amanda Montell’s wonderful new book, The Age of Magical Overthinking: Notes on Modern Irrationality, is a must-read. And if you’re not asking yourself questions like these, perhaps you need to read this book even more?

Navigating a Confusing World

In a world that makes less and less sense to us, we need books like Montell’s to help us think more clearly. The Age of Magical Overthinking exposes the hidden biases of the human mind, reminding us that as intelligent as our brains are, they are also remarkably lazy. They prefer familiar paths over accurate ones.

The older I get, the more I realize there’s more I don’t know than I do know. And perhaps that’s a good thing.

The Value of Doubt

Doubting our certainties may turn out to be one of our more healthy traits. Montell’s book explores several common ways of thinking and systematically dismantles them with research. The title includes the word “magical” because these patterns of thinking often stray from the truth.

But how do we know Montell is right? By putting in the work ourselves and finding out.

For instance, Montell explains that “Magical thinking broadly describes the belief that one’s internal thoughts can affect external events.” We sometimes think we can manifest a better job. Cure cancer with positivity. Transform relationships with good vibes. While this magical thinking might make us feel more in control, does it really change reality? Put it to the test.

Our Magical Biases

The Halo Effect is the first bias that Montell writes about. The Halo Effect happens when we make overall positive assumptions about a person based on one trait. If a person is a wonderful singer, a confident politician, or a charismatic religious leader, our brains on the halo effect may think they’re also a wonderful parent, a smart teacher, and an overall kind human being. But is that necessarily true?

The Proportionality Bias is explained in chapter two as “the psychological craving for big events to have equally big causes,” often fueling conspiracy theories. Our brains want life to make sense. And when it doesn’t, we sometimes create meaning that isn’t accurate. This bias can also prevent us from seeking help when we need it or conducting proper research to investigate deeper.

Other biases in the book include:

Sunk Cost Fallacy
Zero-Sum Bias
Survivorship Bias
Recency Illusion
Overconfidence Bias
Illusory Truth Effect
Confirmation Bias
Declinism
Negativity Bias
Effort Justification Bias

Increase Curiosity and Awareness

Be warned: Montell doesn’t provide simple solutions to any of these biases in The Age of Magical Overthinking. But by increasing our curiosity and awareness about them, she gets us one step closer towards escaping their influence.

Understanding our flawed logic helps us adjust our thinking. This book reveals our mental missteps more clearly.

Rethinking our thinking never hurts. If we discover we were right all along, great. But if not? That’s important to know; now we can change.

Let’s embrace more questioning, wondering, and seeking. We may already know a lot, but there’s a whole lot more to know.

Share your thoughts in the comments.

Amanda Montell is also the writer of these amazing books: Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism and Wordslut: A Feminist Guide to Taking Back the English Language.

I wrote a series on biases here.

Read More:

Blinded by Politics? Uncover Your Biases
Our biases can easily blind us and divide us when it comes to politics. Uncover these 4 biases to see more clearly.
They’re So Confident, They Must Be Right—Confidence Bias
Our tendency is to believe the most confident one. They’re certain they’re right; shouldn’t we be certain too? Not necessarily. Learn about confidence bias.
If You See Differently Than Your Group—Community Bias
Community bias is seeing only what our group wants us to see. But what if we start seeing differently?

My thanks to NetGalley + Atria Books for the
review copy of The Age of Magical Overthinking

From Bandaids to Water Bottles, Be Curious About the Power of Empathy

“The only way to survive is by taking care of one another.”
– Grace Lee Boggs

#1 – A Bandaid

The contemplative writing session at the Wild Goose Festival had just ended on a hot Saturday morning in North Carolina. As I stood up to leave the round table under the tent outside, I felt something crash at my feet.

I quickly looked down to see an elderly woman falling in the grass beside me.

I and others immediately stooped to the ground, asking her, “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

She tried to quickly gain her composure and rise to her feet. She said she falls a lot. She had simply lost her balance on the uneven ground, but she was totally fine.

But the blood on her hand suggested otherwise. She had cut her finger during the fall. One person handed her a tissue to wipe off the blood, and my on-the-spot husband, Jeff, walked up just in time to offer a bandaid.

She put on the bandaid, smiled, and thanked everyone for their help, saying she had never received so much kind attention after a fall.

—

#2 – A Water Bottle

Later that afternoon, I was taking a break from the heat at a picnic table under the shade of a big tree at Wild Goose. A six-year-old girl and her older sister were playing with a squeeze water bottle nearby.

They approached my table and asked for a napkin. “Of course,” I replied, “What are you doing?”

“Oh,” the youngest girl said, “We’re helping the Goose! There is a really dirty chair over there, and we’re going to clean it up.”

What a wonderful way to help! Her unprompted generosity, no matter the size, struck me as both beautiful and valuable.

—

#3 – An Understanding

That same Saturday afternoon, a crowd had gathered under another tent to hear Starlette Thomas read to us from her book, Take Me to the Water, about a raceless gospel for a desegregated church.

A few minutes into the session, a man sitting to my left raised his hand with a question. But he became increasingly agitated as he spoke. Despite Starlette’s gracious responses, he refused to back down.

The more he talked, the more heated he became, now standing up to make his point. Others in the crowd began mumbling, wondering what he would say next.

A woman near me finally asked the man to sit back down, stating that we wanted to continue hearing what the speaker had to say. But the man still stood.

A second man near the back now also stood up. He said he recognized this man had things he needed to say, and would he be willing to go sit under the tree with him for a few minutes and privately talk it out?

Thankfully the first man said yes, and they both walked away. We all breathed a sign of relief.

The speaker, Starlette, looked at the remaining crowd like a reassuring parent. She told us she was fine, and asked if we were okay. We asked what she thought of the man.

She sat down on the stage, and gave us this response: “I think he is beloved. He is a child of God. He is on his journey.”

She obviously wasn’t flustered nor angry, but was compassionate and understanding. She said she’s faced much harder. This is how we process life and grow along the way.

This is the work.

For all of us.

—

Stay Curious About Empathy

A bandaid. A water bottle. An understanding. In each of these three moments at the Wild Goose Festival, I saw demonstrations of the beauty of empathy. Each act, though unexpected, revealed the power of human kindness.

As I reflect on my journey with Curiosity this year—with a specific curious focus on empathy these past few weeks—I am reminded of these lyrics:

“Let me tell you ’bout the situation goin’ on
All around the world today
There’s a billion different people
Doin’ a billion different things
To make a billion places better today”

Of our billion opportunities, what is one thing we can do in this moment to make the world a better place today?

May we each stay curious and act empathically wherever we find ourselves, using whatever we have to give, no matter how small or large.

Share your thoughts in the comments.

READ MORE:

Practicing the Art of Curiosity and Conversations
I thought the conversation would be an easy one. I was wrong. But I learned something anyway.
The Curiosity of Arguments: It Depends If It’s Yours or Mine
I was amused by the two men arguing over a minor detail. Until I caught myself doing the same thing…then it wasn’t so funny.
4 Curious Practices to Deepen Your Relationships
Here are four ways to practice curiosity in your relationships. They are easy and effective ways to strengthen your connections.

Are You Like an Iris? There’s Hope

By LisaNotes July 16, 2024 Hope, Practicing Hope 11 Comments

What are some symbols of hope you see in your world? For me, flowers are often signs of hope, especially those that finagle a way to bloom through a crack in the pavement, or unexpectedly spring to life from a stem I thought was dead.

One flower that stands out as a traditional symbol of hope is the iris.

The name “iris” comes from the Greek word for rainbow. In ancient Greek mythology, Iris was the messenger of the gods and the personification of the rainbow. She was said to be the vital link between heaven and earth, traveling along rainbows. The Greeks often planted irises over the graves of women, believing that the goddess Iris would guide the dead on their journey to heaven.

In my own garden, the irises are some of the hardiest perennials. They grow in poor soil. They continue to return year after year with minimal attention.

That gives me hope.

The iris’s characteristics of resilience, adaptability, and faithfulness are characteristics I want to cultivate in my own life, too.

These traits remind us that regardless of the season we’re in, a new spring is always around the corner.

Just like the iris, we can become symbols of hope by being resilient, adaptable, and faithful.

The next time you see an iris, let it be a reminder to embrace these qualities and to hold onto hope, no matter the challenges you face.

* * *

Share your thoughts in the comments.

revised from the archives

Bridge the Divide: 4 Ways to Love Your Politically Opposite Neighbor

By LisaNotes July 9, 2024 Book reviews, Curiosity: One Word 2024 23 Comments

“Are you brokenhearted?
Are you pissed off?
Are you at the end of your rope?
Good.
This is cause for celebration.
These are signs that your heart is still functioning. They are your soul’s alarms, telling you that things are not okay and that you are not okay because of it.”
– John Pavlovitz

A Morning Walk and an Unexpected Discovery

I first saw it on a Tuesday morning. I was almost back home, rounding the corner from my morning walk. There it was, fluttering in the breeze—my neighbor’s new political flag.

I read the words on the flag. And immediately felt uncomfortable.

I already knew my neighbor’s political leanings from the signs in their yard, but this flag was different. This wasn’t only for a candidate. This was for revenge. I thought my neighbor was a friend, but maybe not?

Navigating Uncomfortable Emotions

If you’re like me, you’ve likely experienced uncomfortable emotions too during this turbulent political season—regardless of where where you fall on the political spectrum, blue, red, purple or indifferent.

But I don’t like these feelings stirred up in me toward my neighbor. I don’t like feeling outrage. I don’t like feeling fear. I don’t like viewing my neighbor as the “other,” as one of “them.”

So I’m attempting (although I often fail and/or forget) to choose a more intentional approach after reading John Pavlovitz’s new book, Worth Fighting For: Finding Courage and Compassion When Cruelty Is Trending. (I highly recommend it if this topic interests you.)

4 Ways to Love Your Politically Opposite Neighbor

1. DON’T LOOK AWAY

I wish ignoring the conflict would make it go away, but it won’t. Instead, I need to stay aware of my own thoughts and feelings, and the reasons why I feel anxious or frustrated about my neighbor’s politics.

John Pavlovitz writes:

“Lament every bit of what you’re seeing, and don’t pretend it isn’t rightly horrifying. . . .

As long as we believe we have the luxury of ignoring the difficult reality of America as everyone experiences it, we’ll be perpetuating the brokenness, prolonging the pain, and delaying justice. That’s the real news, friends.

Don’t look away.”

2. STAY CURIOUS ABOUT STORIES

We all are products of our families, relationships, experiences, and circumstances. We decide our politics based on all these factors. If I want to understand why my neighbor votes as they do, I should become more curious about their larger story, not just one small piece that flies on a flag. Our backstories explain a lot.

“People are a product of their stories. . . .

It all slowly shapes them, and that very specific confluence of factors results in the version of them standing in front of you at a given moment. . . .

Likewise, you too are a product of your story. When you are tempted to see people as caricatures, seek to learn their stories.”

3. DO SOMETHING POSITIVE

One way to counter our fear of opposition politics is to take a positive action. Even a small one. If you’re fearful about losing our democracy, for example, you don’t have to upend your life and run for congress, but you can write a letter to your representative, or register someone to vote, or better educate yourself about the issues that matter to you. Even small actions can quell fears.

“So, what can you do right now? . . . Maybe it’s about asking yourself what you still know to be true: about the goodness of people, the causes that matter to you, or the gifts you’ve been given.”

4. ASSUME BETTER, NOT WORSE

Bottom line, remember that most of us want the same things: fulfilling relationships, meaningful activities, healthy bodies, sustainable finances, safe communities, etc. Our goals are similar; it’s our strategies that may differ. By focusing on our common values, we can be more compassionate toward each other as we work through our disagreements.

“Because I believe everyone is worth it, I am trying:
· to keep listening to their stories,
· to offer an open hand more than a closed fist,
· to see the best in the people I find it difficult to see good in, to give them the grace I desire for myself.

I fail regularly, but this is my daily aspiration—because if it ceases to be so, then I become as harmful as I now perceive them to be.”

Move Forward with Compassion

I still don’t like my neighbor’s flag.

But I use it as a reminder that I can still love my neighbor.

If I want more unity and peace in my country, this is where it starts: one heart at a time, one neighbor at a time, with me.

How are you feeling about politics these days? Share your thoughts in the comments.

My thanks to NetGalley for the
review copy of Worth Fighting For

Use Your Hands to Touch a Heart

By LisaNotes July 5, 2024 Compassion 30 Comments

The laundry room door cracked open.

I could see her inside the room, tenderly folding each piece of clothing more gingerly than I fold my own family’s clothes. When she had put them all in the basket, she tiptoed out of the room, not disturbing the concert in progress in the activity room.

It’s a high touch position.
No need to apply if you’re afraid to get close.

It’s been a few years ago, but I still remember it clearly. I was there that day as a proud fan. My daughter was singing with her grandfather’s Butterbean Band at this assisted living facility. It housed a family friend, giving me double reasons to attend this day’s performance.

I can’t help but watch the workers when I visit homes like this for the elderly and disabled.

It may be the patients and family who pay the bills, but it’s the everyday workers who keep things humming.

It’s the nurse who makes rounds with her little cups of pills, each specific to a resident.
It’s the aide who pushes the elderly gentleman’s wheelchair into line so he can listen to the band with the gathering crowd.
It’s the activity director who breezes in and out to joke with the residents, distributing hugs, and ensuring everyone is having fun.

And it’s the young woman who goes into each room to empty individual hampers, washes and dries and separates each article of clothing, then tiptoes back into rooms to return each item to the right drawer and closet where it belongs.

You can’t hold down these jobs without using your hands—to move, to work, to love.

Without the human touch, it’d be an empty place.

To touch hearts, sometimes you have to use your hands.

* * *

How can you use your hands this week to touch a heart? Please share in the comments.

revised from the archives

Embracing the Freedom of an Early Start

By LisaNotes July 2, 2024 Encouragement 11 Comments

My alarm was set for 7:00am, but there I lay at 6:30, wide awake at the hotel. Because my flight home from DC wasn’t scheduled until 12:30pm, I knew I could have a leisurely morning ahead.

But I got up anyway, took a shower, and finished packing my suitcase.

I knew the breakfast buffet at the hotel would stay open until 9:30am. I had planned on heading down around 8:00. But since I was completely ready by 7:15, I decided to grab my suitcase and go downstairs early.

I meandered around the buffet, choosing a few items for breakfast, and settled down for a pleasant conversation with other conference volunteers also preparing to return home. After the leisurely breakfast, we wished each other well and went our separate ways.

My original plan was to take the 9:00 shuttle to the airport, leaving me plenty of time before my flight. But since I had checked out of my room and finished breakfast by 7:45, I wandered outside as they were loading the 8:00 shuttle. Why not get on board now?

Arriving at the airport with time to spare, I faced the security line, which was long, but not terrible. I emptied my water bottle and joined the queue. It was a sunny day, and all flights were on time.

By 10:00, I was seated in my terminal. Now what? Freedom! Because I had plenty of time, I could work my daily NYT Sudokus. I could FaceTime my family back home. I could grab an early lunch.

What I didn’t have to do was rush. I didn’t have to stress. I didn’t have to constantly watch the clock.

Some people think doing things early is wasting time. I find it’s quite the opposite. For me, having a margin feels like a luxurious gift of extra time. It relaxes me and lets me approach the day with calm and contentment instead of feeling anxious from last-minute rushing.

Unfortunately life doesn’t always allow us the option of not hurrying like I had that day. Some days are so full that we must wake up running to cram everything in.

But when we do have the choice, I rediscover again and again that sometimes the best way to stay present is to revel in the freedom of an early start.

Does having to rush make you anxious too? Share in the comments.