Bridge the Divide: 4 Ways to Love Your Politically Opposite Neighbor
“Are you brokenhearted?
Are you pissed off?
Are you at the end of your rope?
Good.
This is cause for celebration.
These are signs that your heart is still functioning. They are your soul’s alarms, telling you that things are not okay and that you are not okay because of it.”
– John Pavlovitz
A Morning Walk and an Unexpected Discovery
I first saw it on a Tuesday morning. I was almost back home, rounding the corner from my morning walk. There it was, fluttering in the breeze—my neighbor’s new political flag.
I read the words on the flag. And immediately felt uncomfortable.
I already knew my neighbor’s political leanings from the signs in their yard, but this flag was different. This wasn’t only for a candidate. This was for revenge. I thought my neighbor was a friend, but maybe not?
Navigating Uncomfortable Emotions
If you’re like me, you’ve likely experienced uncomfortable emotions too during this turbulent political season—regardless of where where you fall on the political spectrum, blue, red, purple or indifferent.
But I don’t like these feelings stirred up in me toward my neighbor. I don’t like feeling outrage. I don’t like feeling fear. I don’t like viewing my neighbor as the “other,” as one of “them.”
So I’m attempting (although I often fail and/or forget) to choose a more intentional approach after reading John Pavlovitz’s new book, Worth Fighting For: Finding Courage and Compassion When Cruelty Is Trending. (I highly recommend it if this topic interests you.)
4 Ways to Love Your Politically Opposite Neighbor
1. DON’T LOOK AWAY
I wish ignoring the conflict would make it go away, but it won’t. Instead, I need to stay aware of my own thoughts and feelings, and the reasons why I feel anxious or frustrated about my neighbor’s politics.
John Pavlovitz writes:
“Lament every bit of what you’re seeing, and don’t pretend it isn’t rightly horrifying. . . .
As long as we believe we have the luxury of ignoring the difficult reality of America as everyone experiences it, we’ll be perpetuating the brokenness, prolonging the pain, and delaying justice. That’s the real news, friends.
Don’t look away.”
2. STAY CURIOUS ABOUT STORIES
We all are products of our families, relationships, experiences, and circumstances. We decide our politics based on all these factors. If I want to understand why my neighbor votes as they do, I should become more curious about their larger story, not just one small piece that flies on a flag. Our backstories explain a lot.
“People are a product of their stories. . . .
It all slowly shapes them, and that very specific confluence of factors results in the version of them standing in front of you at a given moment. . . .
Likewise, you too are a product of your story. When you are tempted to see people as caricatures, seek to learn their stories.”
3. DO SOMETHING POSITIVE
One way to counter our fear of opposition politics is to take a positive action. Even a small one. If you’re fearful about losing our democracy, for example, you don’t have to upend your life and run for congress, but you can write a letter to your representative, or register someone to vote, or better educate yourself about the issues that matter to you. Even small actions can quell fears.
“So, what can you do right now? . . . Maybe it’s about asking yourself what you still know to be true: about the goodness of people, the causes that matter to you, or the gifts you’ve been given.”
4. ASSUME BETTER, NOT WORSE
Bottom line, remember that most of us want the same things: fulfilling relationships, meaningful activities, healthy bodies, sustainable finances, safe communities, etc. Our goals are similar; it’s our strategies that may differ. By focusing on our common values, we can be more compassionate toward each other as we work through our disagreements.
“Because I believe everyone is worth it, I am trying:
· to keep listening to their stories,
· to offer an open hand more than a closed fist,
· to see the best in the people I find it difficult to see good in, to give them the grace I desire for myself.
I fail regularly, but this is my daily aspiration—because if it ceases to be so, then I become as harmful as I now perceive them to be.”
Move Forward with Compassion
I still don’t like my neighbor’s flag.
But I use it as a reminder that I can still love my neighbor.
If I want more unity and peace in my country, this is where it starts: one heart at a time, one neighbor at a time, with me.
How are you feeling about politics these days? Share your thoughts in the comments.
My thanks to NetGalley for the
review copy of Worth Fighting For
Having that sort of compassion for others who don’t think and feel the way we do is crucial to our country’s unity. May we be open to hear their stories and their reasons without judgment.
Blessings, Lisa!
Yes, I hope surely most of us would agree that feeling compassion toward each other is vital to healing the divides in our country. I definitely and agree, and I appreciate your openness, Martha!
Lisa, #2 really spoke to me. I do have some people in my neighborhood that make me feel uncomfortable…not necessarily because of political reasons but other things…and it never occured to me to be curious about their lives prior to where they are today. Thanks for sharing this here.
Staying curious about stories is something I’m really trying to lean into myself, Dianna. Sometimes it can really change the way I see a person. And when I don’t know their story, I don’t need to make up my own bad version of what it might be. Giving each other the benefit of the doubt can go a long way when we feel so divided and scared of the “other.” We’re trying anyway! 🙂
Lisa, thanks. Yours are timely words are greatly needed as ‘everyone who doesn’t believe exactly what I believe is the enemy’ kind of attitude has taken hold of too many of us, believers included.
Let’s see people as God’s beloved creation instead of defining them by their political leanings. Come quickly, Lord Jesus. You’re our hope!
You are so right, Linda: seeing each person as unique and beloved instead of a caricature of a political party is SO crucial in these crazy times. I wish we could get rid of labels but I know that won’t happen. We can, though, individually try to see less labels and more humans.
I admire that you tackled this difficult topic that we all will be facing more and more and yes it will be uncomfortable. I fear I will look away and avoid those interactions. # 2 is a good start and staying positive is too. Thanks you for giving us some good first steps.
Thanks, Jean. Sometimes it feels much easier to just look away. And sometimes that IS the right answer, depending on context. True wisdom comes in properly discerning when to speak up and when to be quiet, right? I haven’t figured out exactly how to do that. But I’m willing to keep learning.
I feel a mix of hope and concern when it comes to politics today. On one hand, there’s a growing sense of engagement and activism, where people are increasingly aware of the issues and passionate about making a difference. That’s incredibly inspiring.
On the other hand, the polarization and divisiveness can be disheartening. It feels like it’s becoming harder to have respectful conversations and find common ground. Your blog post resonates deeply because it reminds us that despite our differences, we can still approach politics with empathy and a willingness to understand each other.
I appreciate your emphasis on staying curious about others’ stories and not giving in to the temptation of seeing people as caricatures. It’s a powerful reminder that our perspectives are shaped by our experiences, and fostering empathy can help bridge the gaps that divide us.
Overall, your message of choosing compassion and taking positive actions gives me hope that we can navigate these challenging political times with grace and understanding.
Thank you for this thoughtful comment, Anna! I agree with your mix of hope and concern when it comes to politics. There are some days that I feel hopeful, but more often than not, I can be discouraged by the hatred and the divisions between “us” and “them.” I have to remind myself that I can’t see in other people’s hearts and understand what is motivating them; it may not be as dark as I think it is (and then again, maybe it is?). But in the end, we all want the same things: to be happy, healthy, have a meaningful life, etc. We just believe in very different paths of getting there…. It’s worth our efforts to continue trying to see the humanity in each person.
If I want more unity and peace in my country, this is where it starts: one heart at a time, one neighbor at a time, with me.- I think that says it all… Good post. Thank you.
Thanks, Judee. I need to remind myself daily that it has to start with me. It’s easy to give up and feel like it’s hopeless, but it’s not!
Good advice, Lisa! This is an excellent prescription for us, “If I want more unity and peace in our country, this is where it starts: one heart at a time, one neighbor at a time, with me.” Two verses come to mind, “From the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks” and “watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.” Thank you for highlighting our desperate need to examine our hearts! May our hearts be purified that our mouths might speak forth life-giving words.
Yes, Lisa. We each have to be willing to look at our own hearts first instead of pointing the finger at others. I wonder how the world would look if we could actually do that every day! I know I have to start with me….
It is truly a complicated time with emotions running high. If someone will share their story it is often enlightening, but the exchange almost never results in a change of heart on either side. Hopefully, if done well we can have a bit more compassion for one another though. My recent push back, and a way to utilize my white privilege, was to wear a t shirt that said, “Back history is everyone’s history” to a busy event. I appreciated the positive feedback from both black and white peoples. But there are no easy answers.
I appreciate you using your white privilege with the tshirt, Olivia. I truly believe our efforts, however small they may feel, can eventually add up over time. It just seems like it’s taking a very, very long time to see positive change. Nonetheless, we don’t give up. Thank you for sharing your story here; I am encouraged by your courage and compassion!
Lisa, I needed to read this so badly not just today but every day. It is, indeed, hard to see the signs, bumper stickers, banners, etc everywhere you turn. I don’t even watch the news anymore because it’s so depressing. And, I am so guilty of #1 because I do look away. I don’t want to know what my neighbor thinks politically because I want to like or even love my neighbor. Today, I had lunch with my two dearest friends. One of them is the opposite of my other friend and me. I really, really want to ask her why she supports her candidate, but I’m afraid to damage our relationship. I don’t know if it would or wouldn’t. But, today, I was a little more encouraged because we did discuss another person we all know who has ceased talking to me. When she asked why, I said we disagreed on politics. And, her response was, “That’s sad.” So, maybe the problem is more that I’m just afraid to broach this subject with her.
Thank you again for sharing John Pavlovitz’s thoughts as well as your four steps.
I feel for your situation, Marsha. And relate. I’ve had to “snooze” certain friends and family members on Facebook for a season because when I read their hate-filled posts, I get too angry. I’d rather remain friends in real life than become enemies thanks to Facebook. I wish there was a definitive playbook on how to bridge all the divides, but it seems we just have to take one situation, one person, at a time and do the best we can. Having the intention to love our neighbors is a great start, and you’re there!
A beautiful and timely, much needed message! Number 4 really resonated with me especially the part about remembering that we all basically want the same things. I have definitely lost faith in humanity as well as our government over these past few tumultuous years which has made it difficult for me to find the goodness in anything lately. That reminder is very helpful in shifting my perspective back to finding the good through all the bad. May goodness always prevail!
Shelbee
#4 Assume better, not worse, is something I have to keep working on. Not just for politics, but for everything. ha. It’s a wonderful relationship principle in general, yet far easier said than done. I’m trying to overcome my cynicism by focusing more on gratitude (but I can even be cynical about that, ha). But yes, I definitely hope with you, Shelbee: May goodness always prevail! I do believe it is possible!
You post is so timely. No matter which camp we are in, we are called to love. If we take things a step further and try to understand another’s viewpoint, we can build a bridge to peace in our neighborhood, workplace, church, and beyond.
That, my friend makes God smile.
#4 One Word Linkup
I have been thinking lately about applying the Golden Rule to my assumptions, and your “assume better not worse” challenges me on that point!