Lisa notes

Share Four Somethings—August 2022

By LisaNotes August 26, 2022 Life updates 24 Comments

Near the end of each month, I share four somethings at Heather’s.

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Something Loved

MY 14TH BLOGGING ANNIVERSARY!

This month I celebrated my 14th Blogaversary! When I started blogging 14 years ago, I had no idea of all the wonderful people I would meet along the way.

I share here 14 reasons why you might keep blogging, too. The book giveaway remains open through August 28.

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Something Gleaned

MAKE IT EASIER

Have you found this to be true, too? If you want to schedule a meeting or lunch, etc., instead of saying, “I’m free anytime so let me know what works for you,” you get better results if you narrow it down to suggesting just two or three options, and working from there.

Research backs it up, too.

In this fascinating (but also a little laborious) book, Algorithms to Live By: The Computer Science of Human Decisions, authors Brian Christian and Tom Griffiths say this:

“In the case of interviews, it seems that people preferred receiving a constrained problem, even if the constraints were plucked out of thin air, than a wide-open one. It was seemingly less difficult for them to accommodate our preferences and constraints than to compute a better option based on their own.”

Jeff and I do this all the time when deciding on where to eat dinner. One person chooses three options, and the other decides between the three. It’s easier than this 30 minute process: “Where do you want to eat?” “I don’t care. Where do you want to eat?”

Nobody wants to have to think TOO much.

[Bonus: If you have Kindle Unlimited, Algorithms to Live By is free. I recommend it, even if you only skim it, like I did.]

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Something Saved

MOMS DEMAND ACTION

After the Stoneman Douglas High School shooting in 2018 in Parkland, Florida, I attended my first Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense meeting with my friend Kay. We stayed involved for a bit. But when the pandemic hit, meetings stopped.

This year, after the shooting at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas, my daughter Jenna invited me to attend another Moms Demand Action meeting with her.

Jenna has since agreed to lead our Huntsville/Madison group. I signed up to help work on data. My volunteer position doesn’t take as much courage as hers does, but I still feel a bit intimidated by it anyway.

Do you know the #1 cause of death for children in the United States? Guns. It recently surpassed car accidents.

Everybody agrees we don’t want that.

So if you’re like me and have guns in your home, let’s make sure we keep them stored securely. It’s an easy thing we all can do and potentially save the life of a child.

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Something Achieved

JOINED A WRITING GROUP

I count first steps as achievements because sometimes first steps are the hardest.

I took a first step this month and joined an online Mastermind Writing group with a few blogging friends I already know and a few new writers I didn’t know.

We’ve met twice already. It’s been exciting to talk about writing things in person (well, through Zoom) with others who enjoy it as much as I do.

Share your thoughts in the comments.

How Loyal Are You to Your Sports Team?
—Book Review of Sins of the Tribe

By LisaNotes August 25, 2022 Book reviews 8 Comments

Down here in the south, football is taken seriously. Perhaps more than it rightly should be. You declare allegiance to a college team at birth and stick with them through thick and thin.

Is this a good thing or bad? It depends. Some people love the rivalries; some people hate them. Some people enjoy the mania every fall yet take it in stride. But other people live or die by their team’s win or loss record.

That’s why I wanted to read this new novel by a former college football player Mark Salter, Sins of the Tribe.

Although Salter’s story is about the fictional Bastille University Tribe football team, you could easily substitute the University of Alabama or Auburn University. In Sins of the Tribe, Wally Hestia is recruited to play for Bastille University because he is the sole holder for his fellow teammate and mentally disabled brother Henry, a natural kicking all-star.

All goes well until the team’s coaching staff takes a turn for the worse, opening up Wally’s eyes to the underside of rabid sports fandom and the multimillion dollar industry that it supports.

The novel calls into question how far we’ll go to keep our team on top. At what point does morality draw a line? Or for some people, never come into play?

While the story is centered around sports tribalism, we could easily substitute other tribalisms as well: politics, country, religion, etc.

The novel’s theme of tribalism sounds a dire warning: We need to check who we’re giving our loyalty to.

It’s enough to keep me away from Facebook on game day.

How are the sports fans where you live? Share in the comments.

Read More:

My thanks to NetGalley
for the review copy of this book.

Who Is Your Grief Partner?

By LisaNotes August 24, 2022 Encouragement, My stories, Pain 12 Comments

The Giveaway

I think, “I can sneak by this time. Maybe she won’t notice.“

If my voice is calm and my words are coherent, who can tell?

But within minutes after sending my Marco Polo video to her, I receive a Polo in return.

It is from my older sister. She can tell. I can’t get past her. She’s known me too long.

The red nose is always a giveaway. She spots it, even in a grainy Marco Polo video.

And it tells her I’m not doing as okay as I wanted to show.

She Is One

My sister calls me out gently. She says it looks like I’ve been crying.

She’s right, of course.

Minutes before I’d recorded my video to her, I had been crying. About many of the same things as the week before. And the week before that.

Some griefs don’t ease up with time.

And thankfully, neither do some people.

I count my sister as one of my Grief Partners. She’s one of a handful of people who have proven to be an in-person safe haven for me. I can fully share my heart with my Grief Partners. They’ve been here with me through it all.

I don’t expect them to feel the same things I feel. But I’ve learned they care that I feel those things.

Marisa Renee Lee says this about her Grief Partner in her beautiful book, Grief Is Love:

“A Grief Partner isn’t about sadness as much as it is about support. …You need your Grief Partner to be nonjudgmental and actively supportive. …I don’t expect him to share all of my feelings, but I do request and expect that he meet them with empathy, understanding, and love.”

Not Everyone

Has someone been your Grief Partner in a season of sorrow? It’s not always who you expect. And those you expect may not be the ones. Additional losses, even of friends, can multiply during grief when you aren’t at your best.

Many friends may want to help. Their intentions may be wonderfully good. But they have their own sorrows, too, their own joys, their own legitimately busy lives. (And perhaps even their own discomfort or genuine lack of empathic skills.)

While hearts are sincere, presence can be inconsistent. Sporadic texts or emails can feel too draining to reply to.

Not everyone can be your Grief Partner.

Partners Are Gifts

But to those who can be your Grief Partner, who are available to initiate regular check-ins—and who dare get close enough to see if your nose is red—these are true gifts from God.

Ultimately, I believe God is our grand Grief Partner. God understands our every ache of the heart and body.

But I also believe God’s in-the-flesh love arrives through people. God uses humans to distribute the hugs, conversations, and casseroles. God partners with us through each other’s grief. What a responsibility for us. But also what a privilege.

May you be blessed with your own Grief Partners when needed.

And may you be a Grief Partner when someone needs you.

Who has been a Grief Partner to you? Are you currently helping someone else through a season of grief? Share in the comments.

sharing with Paula and Corinne

Pick Your Three People {August One Word Linkup}

By LisaNotes August 22, 2022 One Word Community 10 Comments

Share Your One Word Update

Link your blog post below about your One Word and share an update about your One Word in the comments.

3 People Challenge

Pick three people to talk to about your word before next month’s linkup on September 22.

Whether in person or online or on the phone, etc., ask your three people a few questions, such as:

How would you define my word?
Do you use it in your own life?
What suggestions could you make to help me practice my word?

Sparking a conversation with someone else about your word can give you a fresh glimpse of it. Use their answers to motivate you to move through your word in a slightly different way than you have so far.

Make your list now of three people and tag yourself in a note to follow through.

This One Word linkup will remain open through Wednesday night, August 31.

The next One Word linkup will begin Thursday, September 22 (every One Word linkup in 2022 opens on the 22nd).

Leave a comment here about your One Word.

Get more One Word ideas here

Link Up About Your One Word!

Are You Listening With Both Your Ears?

By LisaNotes August 19, 2022 Encouragement 14 Comments

This podcast was making no sense.

I was listening intently, but there were so many odd silences. The speaker would talk for a few minutes, then be quiet for a few minutes.

I was almost ready to click delete.

I was listening with just the right earbud in, as I’m apt to do when I’m listening in bed.

So I added the left earbud, too, to see if it would be clearer.

That’s when I realized the problem.

I had been hearing only answers through the right earbud.
But questions were being asked by a separate person broadcasting through the left channel.

Now it made sense.

Sometimes it’s important to listen with both ears, not just one.

I remind myself of this truth when I find myself half-listening to someone talking to me. I fool myself that I’m giving them proper attention if I listen while also typing or reading an email.

But people deserve better. They deserve both my ears, not just one.

I deserve better, too. I want to hear all sides of a conversation.

If you want clearer depth perception, including in your relationships, listen in stereo.

Listen with both your ears.

How’s your hearing? Share your thoughts in the comments.

5 Things I Learned from the Dalai Lama

By LisaNotes August 17, 2022 Compassion, My stories 43 Comments

“That person is so compassionate.”

Who comes to mind for you?

Hopefully we each have people in our lives who show compassion to the world. And hopefully we each have seeds of compassion—companions to seeds of love—in each of us.

One place that those seeds have grown is in the 87-year-old Tenzin Gyatso, known as Gyalwa Rinpoche to the Tibetan people, and to most of the rest of the world as the 14th Dalai Lama.

In my research on compassion for my Year of Compassion a few years ago, the Dalai Lama’s name came up again and again.

I read some of the Dalai Lama’s books on compassion.
I read his spiritual autobiography.
I watched 7 Years in Tibet (perhaps a little iffy in the name of research, but it was a good movie and it did star Brad Pitt.)

So when I heard in October of that year that the Dalai Lama was coming to Birmingham, only a couple hours from my house, I bought 2 tickets right away.

(Here stated, Jeff is an awesome companion to play along in my adventures. Here is his selfie with a photo of the DL.)

5 Things I Learned from the Dalai Lama

Here’s what I learned and what has stayed with me after hearing and watching the Dalai Lama that Sunday afternoon.

1. LAUGH MORE

The man chuckles. A lot.

And because he laughed frequently and genuinely that afternoon, we did, too. Even though he spoke broken English and had a thick Tibetan accent and the audio at Regions Field wasn’t the greatest, it didn’t matter.

When he got tickled, it was contagious.

In the middle of his talk, the Dalai Lama pulled out a white cloth and did what he does in the heat of India: he put it on top of his head, snickered about his “special hat,” then kept on talking. He finished out his speech with this rag on his head.

Yes, keep the serious conversations going—the Dalai Lama sure did—but don’t take yourself too seriously. When you can bring joy into a situation, do.

Smile and laugh often to brighten the day for everyone.

2. HOLD HANDS

“Since our human life begins with affection, affection is important all our life.”

That’s what the Dalai Lama said.

But I noticed even more what he did.

When he was talking on the stage with Birmingham’s then Mayor at the time William Bell, the Dalai Lama would often reach for Mayor Bell’s hand. And he’d hold on for quite awhile.

It was a great visual to see this Asian Buddhist monk from Tibet holding hands with this southern Black mayor of Alabama.

Make friends with whoever is near you, no matter how different you think you may be.

3. SHARE YOUR SHADE

It was a hot afternoon that Sunday and the speakers’ stage was in full sun. A monk stood over the Dalai Lama with an umbrella to create shade.

But the mayor was several feet away. After a few minutes, the Dalai Lama noticed, stopped his talk, and told the mayor, “Come closer. It can cover both.”

So the two sat squeezed side by side under the shadow of one umbrella until someone else brought a canopy tent on stage that was large enough to shade them all.

If your comfort can cover you and somebody else too, make it happen.

4. KEEP YOUR PEACE

“Stop Dalai Lama!”

Outside Regions Field before and after the event, a crowd of Buddhist monks and nuns handed out fliers, sang songs, and demonstrated against the Dalai Lama.

We asked a nun about it who had traveled here all the way from Canada just to protest. She explained to us that the International Shugden Community shows up wherever the Dalai Lama does, to protest his disapproval of their Buddhist deity Doria Shugden.

But it didn’t shake the Dalai Lama.

Even amidst their disapproval, he kept his calm and stuck to his message of peace, the oneness of humanity, and promotion of harmony among all.

“Real source of happiness is not outside, but inside,” he said.

5. COMPASSION WINS

The Dalai Lama wanted us to understand how each of us depends on the rest of us. Even for his morning tea, he said, he depends on others.

We all want to be happy.

He asked those below 30 years old to raise their hands. He told them that real hope in overcoming violence and hatred will be in their hands. “It is your responsibility to make a peaceful world,” to spread freedom as citizens in the leading nation of the free world.

Respect each other.
Keep dialogue central.
Resolve disagreements peacefully.
Act morally out of self-discipline, not just because of legislation.

“You seven billion human beings must work together.”

I agree, Dalai Lama.

Yes, there were things I disagreed with as well. But overall, I discovered I had more in common with the Dalai Lama than I would have imagined.

He’s a living legend and lesson in compassion.

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Who have you surprisingly learned from lately? What did they teach you? Please share with us in the comments.

revised from the archives