If you can’t do it every time

Do something

Can you relate to this?

An acquaintance asked me to not only pick up a meal for her, but then deliver it to her apartment. I was torn. Sure, it would be a nice thing to do. And it would hardly be out of my way.

But if I did it this time, would she expect me to do it again and again?

Wouldn’t it be better to just say no now, and cut off this problem from the start?

It’s logic I’ve heard all my life:

If I do it now, I’ll have to do it always.
I can’t do it always.
So I won’t do it now.

Or maybe this:

If I do it for you, I’ll have to do it for everybody.
I can’t do it for everybody.
So I won’t do it for you.

Is this good practice?

I heard Andy Stanley counter it with this,

Let go of the fallacy of “If you can’t do for everybody, do for no one.”

Instead, “Do for one what you wish you could do for everyone.”

He said quit trying to be fair. Life isn’t fair.

I’ll add, grace isn’t fair either.

Aren’t we glad?

Even though Jesus died for everyone, he knew not all would believe in him. What if he had reasoned, “But if everybody won’t believe, I won’t die for anybody.” There goes our salvation.

Or if he’d reasoned, “If I change the laws of nature this time, she’ll expect it every time.” There goes every miracle.

If grace were fair, there’d be no grace.

So instead of being fair, can we just be loving?

Maybe we can’t do it every time, but can we still do it this time?
Will we do what we can for whom we can, even though we can’t do it for all?

  • Water the next-door-neighbor’s flowers, even though we can’t water the whole neighborhood
  • Send the sympathy card to the widow we know, even though the obituary page is overflowing
  • Buy the Thin Mint cookies from the Girl Scout who asks, even though we can’t buy them from the whole troop

And take the meal to my friend at her apartment. This time. Well, actually, next time (because I didn’t do it the first time after all, just so you know. Someone else volunteered and I said ok.)

We don’t have to do everything.

Let’s just do something.

* * *

Have you used this logic, too? How do you break free from it? Please share in the comments.

revised from the archives


On the blog – April 2015


What I’m into for May 2015

AROUND THE WEB

If you can’t see the video above, watch here

THINGS I LOVE

  • Richard Rohr. What can I say? I love his writings. His thoughts. I don’t agree with him on everything, but he challenges me to keep going deeper and wider in how I live Christianity. Nice (although long) talk here about “Becoming Stillness
  • Proud of my oldest daughter Morgan running her first half-marathon last weekend!

Morgan-half-marathon

  • Yet another podcast. I gave in and subscribed to This American Life instead of picking up individual episodes here and there. All interesting so far.
  • This song from Matt Maher from Psalm 23, “Rest,” at the end of his new album Saints and Sinners (which is also very good, by the way). The harmonies. The gentleness. The words. The Lord.

If you can’t see the video above, watch here

  • I always love watching baptisms of friends! Got to witness around 200 last Sunday night.

baptism_collage

WHAT I’M READING

  • I’m so enjoying 50 Women Every Christian Should Know by Michelle DeRusha even more than I expected. Love hearing these stories of radical women in their time (and some, even for our time!).

50-Women-Every-Christian-Should-Know

ON THE BLOG

kitchen

the-measure-of-our-character-bryan-stevenson-just-mercy

05-82

LOOKING FORWARD TO

  • Andrew’s wedding (son of one of the 4 Corners) Saturday night and spending time with 3 of my life-long best friends
  • My baby girl Jenna’s graduation from Auburn next weekend! Then her internship in Guatemala. And then her moving back home (I am right in looking forward to this, yes? ha) until she finds a teaching job
  • Watching our flowers grow

my-tulips-2015

flowers-2015

* * *

What are you looking forward to in May? Please share in the comments.

Linking at Leigh Kramer’s
Previous Daybooks


My reading list – April 2015

Once a month we share the books we’ve finished reading and are reading now at 5 Minutes for Books.

Here is my list for April. I successfully finished some books from my TBR list–always a good feeling. And I finished a few books that I’ve been reading for months. Several of the other books I read were short though, so altogether it looks like I spent lots more time reading this month than I actually did.

BOOKS I’M READING NOW

1. The Age of the Image
Redefining Literacy in a World of Screens
by Stephen Apkon

Age-of-the-Image

My review here

Visual literacy has grown to be important in our society. How literate will we be? A great book addressing and teaching on this subject.Very interesting so far!

2. The Invisible Man
by H. G. Wells

Invisible-Man

This classic is about the troubles of a man who finds himself invisible. It’s short and is moving along quickly. It’s an enjoyable novel so far. Somehow I’ve never read it before (first published in 1897).

3. 50 Women Every Christian Should Know
Learning from Heroines of the Faith
by Michelle DeRusha

50-Women-Every-Christian-Should-Know

My review here

I’m learning so much from Michelle’s breakdown of Christian women I wish I could talk to in person. It’s not just a book of facts (although it is full of facts); it also reaches deeper into virtue and inspiration.

4. When Mockingbirds Sing
by Billy Coffey

When-Mockingbirds-Sing

My review here

Have you read this book? I hear Billy Coffey is an amazing author so I’m looking forward to reading this novel that I know nothing about.

BOOKS I FINISHED FROM MARCH’S LIST

5. Searching for Sunday
Loving, Leaving, and Finding the Church
by Rachel Held Evans

Searching-for-Sunday_Rachel-Held-Evans

My review here

Such an encouraging book from Rachel Held Evans about church and community and God. She opens up about her journey of faith—the ugly and the pretty—and helps us see our own journey through the lens of these seven sacraments of baptism, confession, holy orders, communion, confirmation, anointing the sick, and marriage.

6. Scary Close
Dropping the Act and Finding True Intimacy

by Donald Miller

scary-close-donald-miller

My review here

I happen to be a Donald Miller fan because I love how he keeps it real. He’s at his most vulnerable yet in this book about his fears of getting close and letting himself really be seen.

7. Middlemarch
by George Eliot

Middlemarch

I loved this classic and beloved British novel about community and relationships and life in the early 1800s. I’d had this one going for a long time, but I’m so glad I kept at it.

8. Billy Budd, Sailor
by Herman Melville

billy-budd-sailor-herman-melville

A very short novel about a good sailor being mistreated. It was okay; not my favorite.

9. Abandonment to Divine Providence
by Jean-Pierre de Caussade

abandonment-to-divine-providence

Written by a French Jesuit in the 1700s, this was originally a series of letters to nuns to navigate spiritual concerns they had. I didn’t get all of it (i.e., it was written in the 1700s). That’s ok. I grabbed what I could. It was enough. Fiat! Fiat! Be faithful; submit to God’s will; resign yourself to the present moment in what God is doing. I’ve been reading this one for several months, too, so it was good to finish.

10. Ruby
by Cynthia Bond

Ruby

My review here

This novel is about an abused woman’s return to her small town in east Texas and the way it responds to her and how she responds to it. The writing was beautiful, but the content wasn’t my cup of tea.

11. Coffee Talk with Jesus
Intimate Chats with the Savior
by Barbie Swihart

Coffee-Talk-with-Jesus

A small book of 31 devotionals. Each day includes an encouraging devotional thought, Bible verses, and questions for journaling. Barbie also includes recipes here and there. I have a friend that it’ll be perfect for, so I’ll gift it to her this week now that I’ve enjoyed it.

12. In Search of Balance
Keys to a Stable Life
by Richard A. Swenson

In-Search-of-Balance

I liked Swenson’s book Margin better. This one felt repetitive to me after awhile, restating the obvious—we need more balance. Summary: You’re doing too much. Cram less things into your day. He did offer lots of specific advice though and the message itself of balance is a valuable one.

13. Pride
The Story of the First Openly Gay Navy Seal
by Brett Jones

Pride-by-Brett-Jones

I met the author Brett Jones at a book signing and speech he gave a couple weeks ago. He’s had an interesting life as a Navy SEAL and being outed during the Don’t-Ask-Don’t-Tell era. I loved his positive perspective of always taking the high road, reflected in his character and in his book. I left encouraged after meeting him. I wrote about it here.

14. For Women Only
What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men
by Shaunti Feldhahn

for-women-only

I came to this one with a bad attitude—what more can she tell us about how men are different than women? Why should I read this? Well, maybe it wasn’t necessarily new stuff. But it was good reminders that I needed to hear (even if reluctantly). And it was short. I’ll pass it along to younger women in my life who may not have heard this kind of information before.

15. The Witch of Blackbird Pond
by Elizabeth George Speare

Witch-of-Blackbird-Pond

This 1950s Newbery Award book is about an orphan girl’s move from her home of Barbados to family in Connecticut in the 1700s. She befriends an outside Quaker woman considered a witch by their Puritan community. I read it as a child and wanted to refresh what I loved about it. It’s still amazingly relevant in our own culture to the discerning reader, and yet appropriate for middle-school readers and up.

16. The Art of Racing in the Rain
by Garth Stein

Art-of-Racing-in-the-Rain

A philosophizing dog narrates this novel about his owner’s life. It’s funny, it’s sad, it’s cute. I listened to the audio version, which was read so well. I don’t always remember to include books I listened to, but this one was so good I couldn’t forget to tell you about it.

* * *

What are you reading this month? Please share here.

Whats-on-Your-Nightstand-at-_5-minut

My books on Goodreads
Previous reading lists


Everybody is scared of something

I wasn’t sure what to expect Sunday afternoon.

I knew Brett Jones had been a Navy SEAL. I knew his body had been through more than I could imagine. I knew he’d performed dangerous missions around the world.

What I didn’t know was he would be scared to talk to us.

Brett-Jones

A nice crowd had gathered in the sanctuary to hear Brett speak about his life and about his book, including my sister and me. After being introduced, he openly admitted his fear about talking to the crowd.

Then he launched into his story. He had been in the United States Navy during the Don’t-Ask-Don’t-Tell era. And he was gay. He spent years keeping it secret from those he served with.

But the truth was unexpectedly unveiled by a disgruntled employee of his boyfriend’s in 2003. Brett suddenly faced the possibility of a dishonorable discharge. After incredibly rigorous training to become a SEAL and 8 years of active duty as one, he didn’t want to leave it all now.

Three months of interrogation ended with the charges against Brett being dropped. But because he knew they’d resurface over time, he chose to leave the Navy honorably and pursue another career. He worked overseas as a security contractor for awhile and now operates a private security firm in Alabama.

I learned a lot of things from Brett’s talk and from meeting him in person.

This was one of the things:

Everybody is scared of something.
Even Navy SEALs.

But fear doesn’t have to stop us. Being afraid doesn’t mean we have to be quiet or sit down or do nothing.

  • Scared doesn’t mean don’t.
  • Scared doesn’t mean weak.
  • Scared doesn’t mean stop.

Scared just means human.

See the fear. Acknowledge the fear. Then keep going despite the fear.

Faith can take us one step further than fear can go. God is honored when we do scary things for his glory.

Sometimes God removes the fear when we face it. Sometimes he doesn’t. Fear can piggy-back on our emotions and refuse to let go.

But even then, we can keep moving. Even with the fear.

Brett Jones did. He kept talking about his life, sharing his stories, answering our questions.

Fear doesn’t win if we go forward anyway. We’ve got things to do, lives to live, people to love. With or without fear.

Everybody is scared of something. So?

Everybody-is-scared-of-something

* * *

How do you fight against fear? What motivates you to keep moving even with fear? Please share in the comments.

Read more of Brett’s story in his book.

Pride-by-Brett-Jones


“Ruby” – Book review

I appreciate the premise of this novel: If someone has had to bear abuse, the least we can do is listen.

Author Cynthia Bond has one of the main characters, Ephram, state it out here in Ruby:

He whispered into her ear, “I ain’t going nowhere. If you brave enough to live it, the least I can do is listen.” Ruby fought against the rise of hope. She lost when he said: “Girl, you a miracle of nature.”

The setting is a small Texas town, full of prejudice on all sides. When an original resident, Ruby Bell, returns there after a few years in New York City, her mental illness isn’t met with compassion. As the story unfolds, you start to understand why each character reacts as they do to her.

Ruby-Cynthia-Bond

So I listened. The abuse was horrible. Even though it was a work of fiction, I know these things happen in real life and it is devastating.

But before the halfway mark, I decided to stop. Close this book. I couldn’t take anymore. I didn’t understand the Louisiana voodoo parts. I didn’t like the raunchy telling of sex scenes.

And honestly, I didn’t like hearing so much pain in a novel I was reading for pleasure.

I clicked off the page I was on and was about to delete the whole book from my Kindle. Then I remembered it was a review book that I had committed to read. So I trudged on.

Did it get better? Well, the writing was beautiful. Cynthia Bond can weave magic with her words. Such beauty there. She also was excellent at moving between past and present in unfolding her characters. And she showed me things I didn’t know before. I don’t think we should turn away from pain just because it’s uncomfortable; I did learn things here.

But her words were often just too explicit for me, the plot too burdensome, the spirits too strange.

So did I like this book? Not really.
Would I recommend it to others? Afraid not.
Were there redeeming things in this book anyway? Definitely. Just not enough for me.

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My thanks to Blogging for Books for the review copy of Ruby