Lisa notes

Are You a Complainer or an Encourager?

By LisaNotes February 13, 2017 Encouragement 45 Comments

While we shouldn’t categorize people too rigidly, at times I do.

Mark Batterson does it, too, in In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day.

He uses these two categories for our relationships with God: Complainers and Worshipers.

But for horizontal relationships, I often use Complainers and Encouragers.

I notice the difference the most when I need encouragement myself. In those times, I’m often surprised by who excels at giving encouragement. And who doesn’t.

So now whenever I’m most aware of needing encouragement, I know who I need to hang around for positive, spiritual encouragement. And who to avoid. It makes a difference.

But in which category do I place myself? Both. Ugh. I don’t want to be a complainer, but I know sometimes I am. It’s ugly. A bitter edge is never attractive.

Perhaps the best way to succeed in becoming an encourager to others is to also become more of a worshiper of God. Success in one flows down to success in the other.

Worshiping and encouraging are both beautiful ways to live.

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Are you more of a complainer or an encourager? Who encourages you most in your life? Please share in the comments.

revised from the archives

This Is Not Fair

My app tells me we’re in for thunderstorms. It’s mid-60s now, but it’ll be 34 degrees by morning.

I’ll have to crank up my electric blanket tonight. I don’t like cold weather. I may even have to turn up my heat.

I ask the two young men in my car if they keep up with the temperatures. “Oh, yes,” they say. “It’ll be 34 tomorrow.”

I don’t know how they know.

They’re homeless.

But they know.

I’d been talking to one of the boys earlier that night (I’ll call him Sean here), asking how he was doing, how his week has been.

“Not too good,” he says, “things haven’t been going well.”

I never know quite how to respond.

So I mainly just ask more questions. I listen harder.

I ask Sean if he has somewhere warm to stay tonight.

I already had heard that the sally (the Salvation Army) fills up fast. A mom we’d talked to earlier in the day was telling us that. Her grown homeless son was visiting her but he wasn’t allowed to spend the night. It’s against the rules in the public housing apartment where she lives. She asked us to come inside and pray over him. Night and cold and storms are coming.

Sean answers that he isn’t sure where he’ll stay tonight. I’m concerned.

So he asks if I could possibly drive him and his friend to the Rescue Mission.

Oh.

Well, it is on my way home. My car is warm. My tank is full of gas.

I run it by Jeff to get his okay. We both have known Sean for awhile. Sean used to be a volunteer at Manna House before he was homeless. He’d ride his bicycle there from where he lived with his dying mother.

His mother has since passed and Sean is on his own. He and his brother and girlfriend stayed at an apartment for awhile, but it didn’t work out and they were evicted.

Sean lays his backpack in the back of my SUV. His friend sits in the back seat with the loaf of bread he got from Manna House.

It’s all he has.

I ask them about the best places to stay around town, how the Mission compares to Breaking Free or the sally. They fill me in on things I’d never know on my own, about the food they like (or don’t), about the time dinner is served, etc.

I ask how long it would have taken them to walk to the Mission. The friend says an hour and a half, but Sean says longer for him because he walks slow.

We get near the Mission and they say they’ll get out at the stop sign and walk the rest of the way. Sean grabs his backpack. Both guys thank me (I’ve been “Yes, Ma’amed” all night, they are southern boys, after all). They wish me a really good night. Same back to them.

I drive home, a little colder now in my middle-class guilt.

But I roll down the windows anyway. I need to change the smell.

I pull in my garage and unload my own backpack with my Mac computer and one of my many warm jackets and my uncracked iPhone.

But what is on the floorboard of the back seat?

The friend’s loaf of bread.

That does it.

I cry.

It was all he had on him, and now it’s here in my car instead of in his belly.

This is not fair.

I hear the storms rolling in. I turn up my electric blanket a little bit higher.

Not fair at all.

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How does life seem unfair to you? Please share in the comments.

Together We Fill Gaps

By LisaNotes February 6, 2017 One Word 2017: Story 35 Comments

I’ve joined a new small group. My daughter Jenna is co-leading a Freedom group through her church. For 13 weeks we’re meeting weekly with other ladies to live into our freedom in Christ.

Together.

As our country feels more separated than ever, I’m feeling the need for more togetherness.

We’ve All Got Gaps

Our Pastor Pat preached on it yesterday, “Building Community” (Acts 2:42-47). He referenced this scene from Rocky (1976).

Paulie: [talking about Adrian] You like her?

Rocky: Sure, I like her.

Paulie: What’s the attraction?

Rocky: I dunno… she fills gaps.

Paulie: What’s ‘gaps’?

Rocky: I dunno, she’s got gaps, I got gaps, together we fill gaps.

We’ve all got gaps.

[Click here if you can’t see the Rocky video, “What’s Gaps?“]

Kill Them Together or Leave Them Alone

And there’s this story. Do you remember this event from December 2015?

More than 100 Muslim and Christian passengers were traveling on a bus in Kenya. They were attacked by al Shabaab militants who ordered the Muslims to separate themselves from the Christians so they could kill the Christians.

Passengers are frisked before boarding a Makkah Express. Photo/Stephen Astariko

The Muslim women refused to separate. Instead, they gave their hijabs to Christian passengers so they could not be distinguished.

They told the gunmen, “If you want to kill us, then kill us. There are no Christians here.”

Instead of widening the gaps, they filled them in.

The Shabaab eventually moved on.

Together We Fill Gaps

What God promised us is his presence. He is together with us, as he is together as Father, Son, and Spirit.

And he tells us to be together with each other.

11 “Two in a bed warm each other. Alone, you shiver all night.”
12 “By yourself you’re unprotected. With a friend you can face the worst. Can you round up a third? A three-stranded rope isn’t easily snapped.”
Ecclesiastes 4:11-12

Tomorrow night I’ll meet again with my Freedom group. We’ll learn a little more about each others’ gaps. Our holes. Our empty places.

We’ll also learn how to let Christ fill them.

But not alone. Together.

Find someone with a gap this week and fill it. Let someone else fill in one of your gaps.

Together we fill gaps.

* * *

Can you listen to someone’s story this week? Tell someone yours? Please share in the comments.

My One Word 2017: Story

Links, Books, and Other Things I Love – February 2017

By LisaNotes February 2, 2017 Life updates, Links I like 22 Comments

Here are favorites from January and what I’m looking forward to in February. We share once a month at Leigh’s.

1 Second Everyday

[If you can’t see the 1 Second Everyday video, click here]

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Around the Web

• 25 Words Turning 25 in 2017
by Erika Okrent of MentalFloss

“If you were born in 1992, not only are you as old as the Mall of America, the nicotine patch, and Super Mario Kart, you got to grow up with these words.”

~ * ~

• 25 ways to be politically active (whether you lean left or right)
By AJ Willingham, CNN

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• 7 Ways Smartphones Can Enhance Your Spiritual Life
by Joe Carter

“We should not overlook the ways that smartphones can be useful for spiritual formation.”

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• Fight fake news

Where do you get your news? I try to stay near the center. I’d prefer it best if I could get only the facts, no spin either direction. But everything has a spin. Likely, even this graphic…. But it is a starting point.

On Reading

• 10 books that will change how you see the world

“Books can be our greatest mentor, of sorts, challenging us to become a more loving spouse, parent and leader.”

• A. N. Wilson recommends the best Christian books

“The British writer, A.N. Wilson, recommends books that have helped him understand what Christianity means and to truly believe.”

• 8 Books I Recommend
These are books I really liked from my January reading.

• Currently Reading

When Breath Becomes Air
by Paul Kalanithi
Idiot Brain
What your Head Is Really Up To
by Dean Burnett
Letters to a Young Muslim
by Omar Said Ghobash
Seeking the Light of God’s Comforter
When Challenges Dim Our Hope
by Lynn L. Severance
You Can’t Touch My Hair
And Other Things I Still Have to Explain
by Phoebe Robinson

~ * ~ * ~

Things I Love

• New Tuesday Freedom Group

My daughter Jenna is co-leading a ladies’ small group through her church and invited me to join! I’m so excited to watch her in action and also become friends with sisters I didn’t know before.

• Two Year Olds

One of our godsons turned 2-years-old in January. And the next day, one of our great nieces also turned 2.

Celebrating with Isaak

Emme turns 2

• Love My Siblings

Family birthday parties for kids are also fun times with the adults, too. Here we are with my youngest sister and brother and spouses.

Brent, Liz, Bonnie, Lane, Lisa, Jeff

• 100 Days of School

Jenna let me and her cousin Danielle come to school last week to help her kids celebrate 100 days of school. It’s as much an accomplishment for teachers as for students.

Crown of 100

• You, too?

Credit: David Sipress, The New Yorker

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On the Blog

• Unfollow a Friend to Keep a Friend?
Have you ever unfollowed a friend on Facebook to keep a friend in real life?

• Slow But Forward – 10 Minutes a Day
I’m taking 10 minutes a day to organize my digital pictures. Whatever you’re trying to accomplish this year, remember small steps in the right direction will add up.

• Do We Talk about Suicide?
“Every forty seconds, someone in the world dies by suicide.” Can we afford not to talk about it?

• When You’re a Book Person, You Do This
We learn a lot about a person by the books they choose. Who they are. And who they want to be.

* * *

What was one of your highlights from January? What are you looking forward to in February? Please share in the comments.

previous Links and Books

On the Blog – January 2017

By LisaNotes January 31, 2017 Archives 2 Comments

8 Books I Recommend – January 2017 (1/31) – A list of books I recommend from what I read in January 2017
Do We Talk About Suicide? (1/29) – “Every forty seconds, someone in the world dies by suicide.” Can we afford not to talk about it?
If You Have to Negotiate (1/27) – We all are in situations occasionally where we have to negotiate. How do we? Quotes from FBI negotiator Gary Noesner in Stalling for Time.
When You’re a Book Person, You Do This (1/25) – We learn a lot about a person by the books they choose. Who they are. And who they want to be.
Unfollow a Friend to Keep a Friend? (1/23) – Unfollow a friend on Facebook to keep a friend in real life? Maybe.
Slow But Forward (1/19) – Whatever you’re trying to accomplish this year, remember your small steps in the right direction will add up.
Spiritual Friendships as Story (1/18) – “We learn in order to share with others; our story is written to be read again.” Book review of Reading Your Life’s Story by Keith R. Anderson.
Invisible Band-Aids (1/16) – I’m still wearing the band-aid. While wounds may sometimes be invisible, people should not be.
3 Resolutions to Grow Faith through Uncertainty (1/12) – Guest post at Do Not Depart. Google doesn’t know everything. God does, but he doesn’t always share. What’s next?
Memorize Psalm 121 Together (1/9) – If you want to be more intentional about what words you tell yourself, memorize Psalm 121 with us.
Catch the Story – My One Word 2017 (1/4) – How we frame our stories makes a difference. Uncover and capture stories around you. “Story” – My One Word 2017
Links, Books, and Other Things I Love – January 2017 (1/2) – Links and pictures of articles, books, and things I love for January 2017

8 Books I Recommend – January 2017

By LisaNotes January 31, 2017 Books I Recommend 54 Comments

Each month we share what we’ve been reading at Jennifer’s. Here are 6 non-fiction books and 2 novels that I recommend from what I finished in January.

Nonfiction

1. Stalling for Time
My Life as an FBI Hostage Negotiator
by Gary Noesner

A fascinating book! Noesner was an FBI hostage negotiator for years, and shares story after story of his cases. (The book is also very well-written, a huge plus for a memoir that’s not by a professional author.)

[my book review of Stalling for Time]

2. Reading Your Life’s Story
An Invitation to Spiritual Mentoring
by Keith R. Anderson

While this book is about spiritual mentoring, it’s also about just learning how to have more spiritual conversations with each other, a “holy task with a sacred purpose.”

[my book review of Reading Your Life’s Story]

3. Fervent
A Woman’s Battle Plan to Serious, Specific and Strategic Prayer
by Priscilla Shirer

Don’t just talk about praying, pray. If you want to get more excited to pray, Priscilla Shirer will fire you up. Her real-life stories and Bible scriptures are motivating. She breaks up the book into different prayer strategies to guard against our weak spots.

4. Nonsense: The Power of Not Knowing
by Jamie Holmes

Not only does it matter what we know, it also matters how we deal with what we do not know. Uncertainty makes us anxious, but our methods to counteract it (sticking with the first answer; making up stories in our minds; premature decision-making; etc.) often make things worse. This was a very interesting book about making peace with not having closure on everything.

“In an increasingly complex, unpredictable world, what matters most isn’t IQ, willpower, or confidence in what we know. It’s how we deal with what we don’t understand.”

5. Wherever You Go, There You Are
by Jon Kabat-Zinn

This isn’t my favorite book on meditation, but it’s a good one (and it’s time-tested since 1994).

“People think of meditation as some kind of special activity, but this is not exactly correct. Meditation is simplicity itself. As a joke, we sometimes say, ‘Don’t just do something, sit there.’ But meditation is not just about sitting, either. It is about stopping and being present, that is all.”

6. The Organized Mind
Thinking Straight in the Age of Information Overload
by Daniel J. Levitin

Another fascinating book! So far it’ll make my Top 10 Favorite Books list at the end of the year. We often feel overwhelmed with the increasing amount of information that floods us every day. Levitin uses the latest neuroscientific research to show us what works in managing our homes, time, and energy, including this principle:

“The most fundamental principle of organization, the one that is most critical to keeping us from forgetting or losing things, is this: Shift the burden of organizing from our brains to the external world.”

Fiction

7. Still Life
(Chief Inspector Armand Gamache #1)
by Louise Penny

This is my first Louise Penny novel (also her first), and I’ll read more (there are twelve Gamache novels so far). This murder mystery was skimpy on violence (I have a low tolerance), yet heavy on motive and details.

I like what her author site says about her books:

“My books are about terror. That brooding terror curled deep down inside us. But more than that, more than murder, more than all the rancid emotions and actions, my books are about goodness. And kindness. About choices. About friendship and belonging. And love. Enduring love.

If you take only one thing away from any of my books I’d like it to be this:

Goodness exists.”

8. All the Bright Places
by Jennifer Niven

I don’t know if this book would be good for teens with suicidal tendencies (it has triggering incidents), but I do think it would be good for their friends to read so they can better understand. It’s a young adult novel about teenagers Theodore Finch and Violet Markey meeting on the ledge of a bell tower at school, and their blossoming friendship through tough times.

[Why I ended up recommending All the Bright Places]

Reading Now

The Lake House
by Kate Morton
Idiot Brain
What your Head Is Really Up To
by Dean Burnett
Letters to a Young Muslim
by Omar Said Ghobash
Seeking the Light of God’s Comforter
When Challenges Dim Our Hope
by Lynn L. Severance
Words on the Move
Why English Won’t—and Can’t—Sit Still (Like, Literally)
by John McWhorter

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What’s a good book you’ve recently finished? Please share here.

My books on Goodreads
Previous reading lists