Spiritual Friendships as Story

Every life is a story.

In Keith R. Anderson’s new book, Reading Your Life’s Story: An Invitation to Spiritual Mentoring, he teaches us to read our stories better.

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Although the book is officially about spiritual mentoring, I read it as a book about Story (my One Word for 2017) and spiritual friendships.

“This volume is an invitation to learn to read your life as story in the companionship of spiritual friendship and to come alongside others to read their life as story. Whether you are mentor or mentee, the task is the same: you learn to read life as story and invite others into prayerful conversation; it is an invitation.”

It’s no passive endeavor. Anderson calls this “reading” a holy task with a sacred purpose. I agree.

He divides the book into two parts:

  1. Uncovering Your Life Story
  2. Uncovering the Movements of the Spiritual Mentoring Relationship

Part One: Uncovering Your Life Story

Part One sets up the importance of engaging story, keeping in mind God’s primary role in co-creating the story.

“We believe our spirituality is shaped by narrative and how we tell the stories of our lives.”

The way we frame our stories matters. We don’t recreate our narratives, but we read what the Author is already writing, with “faith in the presence and voice of the living God.”

We give witness to the work God is doing in each life.

“Spiritual mentoring starts with a trust that something else is at work, someone else is active, something more is going on in the world around us. Greater forces are always at work.”

Part Two: Uncovering the Movements

Part Two provides more details about the interactions between a spiritual mentor and mentee. But even if a formal mentoring relationship is not your goal, you can glean value from this section.

Anderson offers questions and a way of listening that can enrich any relationship.

“You listen to a person who is, herself or himself, a story. They bring a story that is not the same as the one they brought a week or a month before. Why? They have lived life and their character has developed in that time; plot lines have unfolded, and God has been at work in the minutes, hours, days and weeks.”

Here are some questions he suggests:

  1. What’s chasing you?
  2. Are you at peace?
  3. What would you do with your life “for free” if you didn’t need any income?
  4. Do you know anyone who lives the kind of spirituality you put on yourself?
  5. When was the last time you remember being content?
  6. Why do you always “should” on yourself?
  7. What do you know that, had you known it twenty-five years ago, would have made a difference in your life these past twenty-five years?
  8. If you were to create a “to-don’t” list to place alongside your to-do list, what are three things you would write first?
  9. Why do you persist?
  10. If Jesus invited you to climb into his lap and whispered something in your ear, what would he say to you about yourself right now?

Spiritual relationships enrich our lives over time. They aren’t to be rushed.

“It matters that you can sit in something slow and focus on the long walk of faith.”

Anderson concludes that our greatest spiritual growth rarely comes in a classroom or while listening to a sermon.

Rather, we grow by “taking the stuff of our ordinary lives” and “placing it on the altar of refining fire,” and there finding “all stuff redeemed for a life of holiness.”

An old Jewish saying asks, “Why were human beings created?”
“Because God loves stories.”

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Have you been in a mentoring relationship? How did it work? Please share in the comments.

Thanks to IVP Books and NetGalley
for the review copy of this book


Invisible Band-Aids

As society modernized, people found themselves able to live independently from any communal group.
A person living in a modern city or a suburb can, for the first time in history, go through an entire day—or an entire life—mostly encountering complete strangers.
They can be surrounded by others and yet feel deeply, dangerously alone.
Sebastian Junger in Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging

I was unloading groceries last week.

As usual, I was trying to make as few trips as possible from the car to the house.

In my haste, I scraped my knuckles against the metal of the car. It hurt. I bled.

Bringing-Grocery-Bags-to-House-from-Car-One-Trip

As the week went by, I kept re-injuring my wound. Who knew how often we unintentionally rub our knuckles against things all day long?

So I started wearing a band-aid to protect the scabs.

When I showed up on Thursday to read to Jenna’s kindergarten students, what did they notice first? My band-aid.

With oohs and ahs, they’d say, “You have a band-aid! Why???

But not all wounds come with a band-aid.

And so they go unnoticed.

Jay (not his real name) is one of the young men that Kay and I deliver meals to each week. He has a chronic illness, but you’d not know it by looking. Only when Jay began losing weight and looking more pale did we realize he was getting sicker.

When we asked, Jay told us how sick he really was. And equally as important, he told us how tired he was of being sick. To the point of suicide.

Invisible wounds are often carried in isolation. What can’t be seen is often not shared. And not given treatment as quickly or thoroughly as a more visible ailment.

I sometimes wish our bodies came with outer gauges:

  • “Has a headache”
  • “Didn’t sleep well last night”
  • “Joints are hurting”

Visible signs of pain might help us be more gentle with each other.

Instead, we have to pay closer attention to more subtle clues, the invisible band-aids, like slower steps or shorter answers or change in weight.

And we have to ask questions, genuinely listening for the answers.

We didn’t have any solutions for Jay’s illness or his depression. But we could at least listen, offer prayers for relief, and let him know he is not alone.

While wounds may sometimes be invisible, people should not be.

I continue wearing a band-aid on my knuckles. If I still need it next Thursday, I’ll try to replace it with a cuter one for the kids.

Because they will notice. Then they will ask.

May we be more like the kids.

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What tips you off to someone else’s pain? How can you tell they are hurting? Please share in the comments.



Memorize Psalm 121 Together

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What words will float around in your head in 2017?

If you want to be more intentional about what you tell yourself, this is what works for me: memorize a chapter from the Bible.

A community is gathering now to memorize Psalm 121 together. You’re invited, too. We’ll officially begin Monday, January 16.

The pace is among the easiest, yet it will only take six weeks to get this one in. This psalm is short but powerful, every word counting.

There are certain strong truths that the Lord wants us to know:

  • God is our help
  • He won’t let our feet be moved
  • He doesn’t sleep on the job
  • He is our shade

If you want to learn these eight verses with us, sign up now at Do Not Depart.

You’ll receive an email with links to downloadable resources, plus a short weekly email reminder of the verse of the week for the next six weeks.

Here’s the schedule.

Psalm-121-Schedule

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Do you have a favorite memory verse? Which Psalm is your favorite? Please share in the comments.

Related:

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Catch the Story – My One Word 2017

“It’s like everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head. Always. All the time. That story makes you what you are. We build ourselves out of that story.”
― Patrick Rothfuss

We all love a good story.

Whether it be in person, on a screen, or on paper, we are drawn to stories.

How Will You Frame the Story?

I stayed in the background of this story a few weeks ago, but it left me changed:

“Shop with a Hero” was the setting. At-risk children in our community were hand-picked to be taken to a local Walmart store on this Saturday morning. Once there, they would be paired with a local “hero,” one of our first responders or educators or community leaders or military personnel. Together, the duo would shop together with a $100 gift card that had been donated to each child for Christmas from area churches and businesses.

shop-with-a-hero-2016

Non-hero support personnel like me were only there to hang back with the parents, making sure they didn’t interfere too much with the child and hero’s time together.

The first set of heroes and family I followed was a 6 year-old African-American boy and the hero, an African-American police officer, decked out impressively in full uniform. Even before they were paired, the boy spotted the officer and ran over to hang on his leg. The officer laughed and said that decided it; they would shop together.

As they pushed their shopping cart through the aisles, I chatted with the boy’s mom but also listened to the boy and the officer. The boy was quiet, apparently overwhelmed at his choices for purchase.

But one by one, he began picking out items to buy. And I noticed a theme: toy guns.

Oh, no. That was my first thought. Here’s this child picking out gifts that will make him a criminal. What will the officer have to say?

But here’s what surprised me: The officer laughed and said, “Good! You’re going to make a fine police officer one day!”

I inwardly cringed at my initial bias. I hadn’t even considered this angle about boys and guns.

I liked the officer’s framing of the story much better than my own.

Your Stories Matter

The way we narrate our stories is important. The stories we tell ourselves about our lives matter. They are how we assign meaning to the events of our days.

“The world isn’t just the way it is. It is how we understand it, no? And in understanding something, we bring something to it, no?
Doesn’t that make life a story?”
– Yann Martel, Life of Pi

Jesus used stories. He could move an audience from here to there with a story.

He still does.

And not just with stories we read in the Bible. But stories in our current times. The stories we lived through yesterday. The stories we’re walking in right now.

One Word 2017: Story

For 2017, I’m choosing “Story” as my One Word.

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I want to notice and share the chain of events that make up our stories, sacred narratives that help us understand each other more clearly.

“Tell me the facts and I’ll learn. Tell me the truth and I’ll believe. But tell me a story and it will live in my heart forever.”
– Native American proverb

I’m using the StoryCorps free app to help me. It’s a way to record and keep conversations with those you love. The app suggests great questions or you can use your own.

storycorp-app

I’ve already uploaded four casual interviews that we recorded over the Christmas break between family members, including a spontaneous interview with my youngest daughter Jenna here.

I invite you to uncover stories around you as well this year. Capture them. Connect through them.

If stories come to you, care for them. And learn to give them away where they are needed. Sometimes a person needs a story more than food to stay alive.
– Barry Lopez

When we don’t hear the stories, we can judge each wrongly, harshly. Getting the stories wrong leads to misunderstandings.

But when we listen, investigate, go deeper, asking why and what and how, we get more than the facts; we get another piece of the image of God.

We learn to read what the Author has already begun writing. We witness to his work in each person’s life.

Let’s keep the stories coming . . .

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Whose story do you want to know better this year? How can you make that happen? Have you chosen One Word for 2017? Please share in the comments.

Watch this TED talk from the originator of StoryCorps, Dave Isay. “Everyone around you has a story the world needs to hear.” Or subscribe to NPR’s StoryCorps podcast here.

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Links, Books, and Other Things I Love – January 2017

Here are favorites from December and what I’m looking forward to in January of this new year! We share once a month at Leigh’s.

1 Second Everyday 


[If you can’t see the 1 Second Everyday video, click here]

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Around the Web

• Proof that life is getting better for humanity, in 5 charts
Updated by Max Roser
While some think the world is getting worse, lots of things are much better.

literate-and-illiterate-world-populations

• What House Guests REALLY Notice When They Visit
by Dabney Drake
“There’s really only a short list of things that really truly make a difference to your guests. Nail these things down and you guarantee a good visit every time.”

New Poll Reveals Most Annoying Word to Americans
Of these 5 words, which is the most annoying to you?
Whatever. No offense, but… Ya know, right.  I can’t even. Huge.

• 11 Everyday Items You Should Stop Using Right Now
Uh oh. I don’t use coffee pods, but I do use several of these other things.

eco-bad-habits-coffee-pod

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On Reading

• Still Puzzled By The Election? Authors Prescribe Fiction For Better Understanding
“In part, working-class anger is said to have fueled Trump’s victory; and to understand where that anger is coming from, some people are turning to books.”

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“Anger isn’t something that is solely a rural, American, white guy emotion,” says novelist Nickolas Butler. He and Jennifer Haigh recommend books about a range of American experiences. NPR

6 Books that Will Change the Way You See the World
My friend Ashley sent me this list from Relevant Magazine. “Here’s a look at six books about poverty, injustice, faith, the criminal justice system and human rights that will change the way you see major issues, and provide insight in how to effect them.”

• 20 Life-Changing Nonfiction Books You Can Finish in a Day
This isn’t a new list, but I want to use it this year. From Modern Mrs. Darcy.

6 Books I Recommend
Books from my December reading

books-i-recommend-december-2016

My Top 10 Fiction and Nonfiction Books from 2016
It’s always hard to narrow this list down, but here it is.

top-10-books-2016-lisanotes

• Currently Reading

  1. The Colors of Hope
    Becoming People of Mercy, Justice, and Love

    by Richard Dahlstrom
  2. Reading Your Life’s Story
    An Invitation to Spiritual Mentoring

    by Keith R. Anderson
  3. Wherever You Go, There You Are
    by Jon Kabat-Zinn
  4. Fervent
    A Woman’s Battle Plan to Serious, Specific and Strategic Prayer
    by Priscilla Shirer

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Things I Love

 More Wedding Pictures!
The pictures from Jenna and Trey’s October wedding were all posted last week! Here are a few of my favorites.

trey-and-jenna

Trey and Jenna, October 2, 2016

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flower-ladies

Instead of flower girls, Jenna and Trey had their grandmothers hand out flowers

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lisa-and-jenna

So happy for my beautiful baby girl

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fuller-and-morgan

A perk of weddings is getting great family photos. My first-born beauty Morgan and her husband Fuller

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jenna-and-jeff

She’ll always be Daddy’s little girl

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leaving-wedding

Heading off for life’s adventures

2017 Bible Verse Challenge
Today we are beginning a new memory challenge. Take six weeks and memorize Psalm 121 with us at Do Not Depart. Sign up here.

sign-up-hidehiswordpsalm121-002-1200x1200

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On the Blog

• Did Your 2016 Problems Go Away?
What problems did you start the year with? Did they go away? Have you encountered grace along the way?

• Do You Have a Word and An Audience? 
I check the pockets before I put my shorts in the washer. I find words. Everybody has a word. Speak one. Hear one. Be a witness.

• Listen for the Other – Five Favorites of 2016 
We are a divided nation in more ways than we realized. The first step toward healing? Listen more.

• People We Lost in 2016 and Last Words 
We lost a lot of people in 2016. We say thank you.

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What was one of your highlights from 2016? What are you looking forward to in 2017? Please share in the comments.

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