Lisa notes

8 Books I Recommend – January 2017

By LisaNotes January 31, 2017 Books I Recommend 54 Comments

Each month we share what we’ve been reading at Jennifer’s. Here are 6 non-fiction books and 2 novels that I recommend from what I finished in January.

Nonfiction

1. Stalling for Time
My Life as an FBI Hostage Negotiator
by Gary Noesner

A fascinating book! Noesner was an FBI hostage negotiator for years, and shares story after story of his cases. (The book is also very well-written, a huge plus for a memoir that’s not by a professional author.)

[my book review of Stalling for Time]

2. Reading Your Life’s Story
An Invitation to Spiritual Mentoring
by Keith R. Anderson

While this book is about spiritual mentoring, it’s also about just learning how to have more spiritual conversations with each other, a “holy task with a sacred purpose.”

[my book review of Reading Your Life’s Story]

3. Fervent
A Woman’s Battle Plan to Serious, Specific and Strategic Prayer
by Priscilla Shirer

Don’t just talk about praying, pray. If you want to get more excited to pray, Priscilla Shirer will fire you up. Her real-life stories and Bible scriptures are motivating. She breaks up the book into different prayer strategies to guard against our weak spots.

4. Nonsense: The Power of Not Knowing
by Jamie Holmes

Not only does it matter what we know, it also matters how we deal with what we do not know. Uncertainty makes us anxious, but our methods to counteract it (sticking with the first answer; making up stories in our minds; premature decision-making; etc.) often make things worse. This was a very interesting book about making peace with not having closure on everything.

“In an increasingly complex, unpredictable world, what matters most isn’t IQ, willpower, or confidence in what we know. It’s how we deal with what we don’t understand.”

5. Wherever You Go, There You Are
by Jon Kabat-Zinn

This isn’t my favorite book on meditation, but it’s a good one (and it’s time-tested since 1994).

“People think of meditation as some kind of special activity, but this is not exactly correct. Meditation is simplicity itself. As a joke, we sometimes say, ‘Don’t just do something, sit there.’ But meditation is not just about sitting, either. It is about stopping and being present, that is all.”

6. The Organized Mind
Thinking Straight in the Age of Information Overload
by Daniel J. Levitin

Another fascinating book! So far it’ll make my Top 10 Favorite Books list at the end of the year. We often feel overwhelmed with the increasing amount of information that floods us every day. Levitin uses the latest neuroscientific research to show us what works in managing our homes, time, and energy, including this principle:

“The most fundamental principle of organization, the one that is most critical to keeping us from forgetting or losing things, is this: Shift the burden of organizing from our brains to the external world.”

Fiction

7. Still Life
(Chief Inspector Armand Gamache #1)
by Louise Penny

This is my first Louise Penny novel (also her first), and I’ll read more (there are twelve Gamache novels so far). This murder mystery was skimpy on violence (I have a low tolerance), yet heavy on motive and details.

I like what her author site says about her books:

“My books are about terror. That brooding terror curled deep down inside us. But more than that, more than murder, more than all the rancid emotions and actions, my books are about goodness. And kindness. About choices. About friendship and belonging. And love. Enduring love.

If you take only one thing away from any of my books I’d like it to be this:

Goodness exists.”

8. All the Bright Places
by Jennifer Niven

I don’t know if this book would be good for teens with suicidal tendencies (it has triggering incidents), but I do think it would be good for their friends to read so they can better understand. It’s a young adult novel about teenagers Theodore Finch and Violet Markey meeting on the ledge of a bell tower at school, and their blossoming friendship through tough times.

[Why I ended up recommending All the Bright Places]

Reading Now

The Lake House
by Kate Morton
Idiot Brain
What your Head Is Really Up To
by Dean Burnett
Letters to a Young Muslim
by Omar Said Ghobash
Seeking the Light of God’s Comforter
When Challenges Dim Our Hope
by Lynn L. Severance
Words on the Move
Why English Won’t—and Can’t—Sit Still (Like, Literally)
by John McWhorter

* * *

What’s a good book you’ve recently finished? Please share here.

My books on Goodreads
Previous reading lists

Do We Talk about Suicide?

By LisaNotes January 30, 2017 One Word 2017: Story 38 Comments

The Call You Don’t Want to Make

I pulled over to the side of the road. I would rather have waited another 45 minutes to make the call. I wanted to arrive at my destination first, unload my suitcase, gather my thoughts. Then make the call.

But life and death won’t wait.

We all have a few stories that we hold close. We only talk about them with those who are nearest to us.

The stories can be both sacred and scary. They sometimes need time as a buffer before they’re retold.

This is one of those stories for me. It happened awhile back.

That day in my car, temporarily halting my drive to Auburn to visit my teenage daughter, I nervously looked up the number for the Suicide Hotline (1-800-273-TALK). I saved it in my contacts.

One phone call earlier, I’d been listening to my daughter tell me about her friend who had been threatening suicide. Serious threats.

As the responsible adult now in-the-know, I felt like a little child myself. I didn’t know what to do either. Pray, pray, pray. But what did God want me to actually do?

Ask Someone Else

The good news is often when we don’t know what to do, someone else does.

I called the university’s counseling office for advice. They were caring and informative. They recommended actions we could take to help. I finished my drive.

After a harrowing few days and weeks, this crisis passed.

The story still lingers in my soul though.

Combined with other stories surrounding suicidal thoughts and events from those close to me, these subjects are often taboo for general conversation.

Suicide is a subject we’d rather avoid.

And understandably so.

But can we afford to avoid it?

Talk about Suicide

I finished a novel last Saturday. I wasn’t going to put it on my “Books I Recommend” list that I share on Tuesday. There were parts of the book I did not like. Parts that made me uncomfortable. Sad. Dark.

Yet by the time I reached the end, I knew I had to share it (although it’s still not a book for everybody).

Talking about suicide shouldn’t be avoided just because it’s distressing.

The book was All the Bright Places, a young adult novel from 2015 by Jennifer Niven. And it did include bright things. Happy scenes. Fun adventures.

But it also included hard narratives about teens who suffer from mental/emotional disturbances, whether from life events or a mental illness.

After the story ends, the Author’s Note says:

“Every forty seconds, someone in the world dies by suicide. Every forty seconds, someone is left behind to cope with the loss.”

Whether we choose to think about it or not.
It happens.

And this:

“Often, mental and emotional illnesses go undiagnosed because the person suffering symptoms is too ashamed to speak up, or because their loved ones either fail to or choose not to recognize the signs.”

May we each be brave enough to see, to hear, to talk.

And when we don’t know what to do next, to get help. Either for ourselves or for others. Help is out there.

God doesn’t intend us to walk this alone.

Scrolling through the contacts on my phone last week, I noticed the Suicide Hotline number is still there.

Even though the situation with my daughter’s friend has passed, I think I’ll leave the number there anyway. . . .

* * *

My condolences to the many of you who have lost loved ones to suicide. What resources would you recommend to further understand suicide and/or mental illness? Please share any thoughts in the comments.

See the book trailer here to All the Bright Places (it’s also being made into a movie?).

If You Have to Negotiate

By LisaNotes January 27, 2017 Book reviews 7 Comments

Hopefully most of us have never been in a hostage situation, even though we’ve likely seen them on the news.

But we’ve all likely been stuck in a conflict that seems to have no ready resolution. Each party wants to hold their ground. Neither party wants to compromise.

Perhaps our political climate makes Stalling for Time even more relevant now than when it was published ten years ago.

The author Gary Noesner was once the head of the FBI’s Crisis Negotiation Unit.

But he is also an excellent storyteller. In his book he recounts stories about his years negotiating through some of the crises we watched unfold on TV (remember David Koresh and Waco in 1993?) and many that didn’t make the news, thankfully.

But while his stories are engaging (I never wanted to stop reading), his philosophy underneath the stories is even more important. And one that we all could follow.

“Whenever possible we should follow Martin Luther King Jr.’s advice to ‘pursue peaceful ends through peaceful means.’ Force should always be viewed as the least desirable and last option.”

If we have to negotiate, and we all will from time to time, the values of listening, showing respect, and wanting the best possible outcomes for everybody are qualities we all need to practice.

Excerpts from Stalling for Time

Here are a few favorite passages.

“Fred taught us that the key to successful negotiation was to discern the subject’s motivation, goals, and emotional needs and to make use of that knowledge strategically. Once we understood the hostage taker’s real purpose, we had a better chance of convincing him that killing the hostages would not serve that purpose and would only make an already bad situation worse.”

~ * ~ * ~

“Few case studies so succinctly illustrate the value of the negotiation process: Contain. Open communications to deescalate tension. Stall for time. Lower expectations. Make him bargain for everything.”

~ * ~ * ~

“If I’ve gained any wisdom in my FBI career, it has come from recognizing the degree to which everyday life can mirror the dynamics of the destructive standoffs I faced in my FBI job. Each of us is called upon to negotiate stressful situations in business, social encounters, and family life time and again. From what I’ve observed, the happiest and most successful people tend to be those who are able to remain calm at these difficult times and put aside emotions such as pride or anger that stop them from finding common ground.

~ * ~ * ~

“We all need to be good listeners and learn to demonstrate our empathy and understanding of the problems, needs, and issues of others. Only then can we hope to influence their behavior in a positive way.”

~ * ~ * ~

“You might even say that all of life is a negotiation.”

* * *

Have you ever been involved in a difficult negotiation? Please share in the comments.

When You’re a Book Person, You Do This

By LisaNotes January 25, 2017 Community 32 Comments

How to Spot a Book Person

It was a winter Saturday morning. But the weather was warm, no rain, no wind. A great day to sit outside and read a book.

But while waiting in a long line with other people?

Well, if you’re a book person, yes.

We readers spot other book people anywhere.

We are these people:

A book is in our hands at the doctor’s office or post office line.
We don’t walk out the door without our eReader shoved in a purse or pocket.
A book is within arm’s reach of our bed or desk or nightstand.
We have many bookshelves, but not near enough.

I immediately spotted the lady in line with a book. I was drawn to her. We’d never met, but I knew I’d like her.

And because of her book, I knew I was about to learn much more about her.

Book Talk

I asked what she was reading, of course. It was Madame Bovary, a classic (and one I’ve never read).

I asked her if it was good.

She liked it so far. She was intentionally reading more classics this year. She had missed many while growing up. Lately she’d been sifting through book piles at thrift stores and yard sales and had gathered quite a collection of classic books.

She’d recently finished Uncle Tom’s Cabin and Great Expectations. We chatted about each (we both loved Uncle Tom’s Cabin but I’ve not yet braved Great Expectations).

Even though we had different life’s circumstances, we were learning how similar we were.

Read the Book, Read the Person

While we can’t always judge a person by her book’s cover, if we keep reading deep enough, we can learn a lot.

I am currently reading these books. . .

• Letters to a Young Muslim by Omar Saif Ghobash
• The Lake House: A Novel by Kate Morton
• Words on the Move: Why English Won’t – and Can’t – Sit Still (Like, Literally) by John McWhorter
• Idiot Brain: What Your Head Is Really Up To by Dean Burnett
• You Can’t Touch My Hair: And Other Things I Still Have to Explain by Phoebe Robinson

I’m scared to ask . . . What does this say about me??? This for sure: I love my library because these are all library books.

We learn a lot about a person by their choice of books.

When I visit a home, I’m always drawn to the owner’s bookshelves. Without their speaking a word, I learn something about:

Who the person is by their books.
Or who they want to be.
How they like to escape.
What they want to engage.

Book selections explain things aside from their content.

Sometimes friends recommend a book for us. With this, we learn something about them, but we also gain a glimpse of how they see us.

I’ve been reading a Caroline Myss book with some relatives and friends this past year. By reading the same book, we align our thoughts and discuss questions when we gather and we grow in similar directions.

Thank a Book

When I finished my conversation with the woman in line, I asked her name. I wanted to be able to call her by name when we met again (likely while reading a book). We were kindred spirits.

Her name?
Lisa.

We both laughed when I told her I’m also Lisa, of course.

I’ve yet to see this Lisa again on Satuday mornings. But I always look. I trust our paths will likely cross again.

And again we can connect in person.

All thanks to a book.

* * *

God can use anything to connect people. Are you a book person? Do you have another interest that draws you to others? Please share in the comments.

For more, here are 13 Signs You Know You’re a Book Person from the Huffington Post. #10 is definitely me.

I read as I fold the laundry, walk to the mailbox, brush my teeth…

Unfollow a Friend to Keep a Friend?

By LisaNotes January 23, 2017 Community 50 Comments

My Facebook Anger

Oh no. Did she really share that? I follow her link to the latest hot article.

I’m disappointed that my friend would “like” something so wrong. (Because aren’t we always right?) How could she believe these political “lies”?

Should I say something?
Let it go?
Counter with a different article?

Are these dilemmas happening more and more with you, too?

Granted, I do love a good conversation about politics. Ask my husband (who does not always enjoy it). Daddy taught us growing up around the Sunday lunch table to talk about hard topics, controversial topics, as we ate our roast and potatoes (except me; I ate ham). Grab an opinion and throw it out there. Heat the discussion, then cool it back down when Mama brought out the chocolate chip pie.

But something is different this past year.

These days when I’m online on Facebook or Twitter or reading blogs, I get angry inside. Not just at the words. Sadly, I also can get angry at the person sharing the words.

And I don’t like that feeling.

I don’t want to dislike any of my friends and family. I don’t want to dread seeing them in person because we disagree online. The election may be over, but our divisions aren’t.

Unfollow a Friend

My solution?
Quit reading their online stuff.

Here’s what I’m doing:

Unfollow on Facebook
Mute on Twitter
Hit delete on blog posts

And here’s what I am NOT doing:

I don’t unfriend or block them permanently (unfollow and unfriend are two different things on Facebook.
Here’s how to unfollow.

Here’s how to unfriend.

I don’t stop talking to them in person
And most importantly, I don’t lose their friendship

[FYI, when you unfollow someone, they don’t know it. They are still your friend on Facebook. They can still read your posts, and you can go to their page and read their posts. You just won’t see their posts in your newsfeed. You can re-follow them anytime; they never know that either.

Here are 7 reasons friends might unfollow you.]

Remember the End Goal

Is this the coward’s way out? Am I avoiding confrontations that need to happen? Am I too immature to handle the awkwardness?

Maybe. I’m not sure.

But when the hard conversations really need to be had—and perhaps several of them do—I want to have those talks in person, not online.

What my friend is believing and what I am believing on a particular policy issue may be different right now. But we don’t have to be angry at each other about it. Likely we’ll realize later we both were believing wrong anyway.

Because what I ultimately want to happen is this: My friend and I will keep loving each other. God has us in each other’s lives for a reason. I want to stick around to honor that.

If that means I temporarily miss a few Facebook posts, okay.

Hopefully one day I’ll grow up enough to read her links and not feel upset at our widely different opinions.

But until I can get there, I have to keep first things first.

Love each other.
Forgive each other.
Grow with each other.

Unfollow a friend on Facebook to keep a friend in real life? It may not be the best solution. But for now, it’s the best one I can handle.

* * *

What prompts you to unfollow someone on Facebook? To unfriend them? Please share in the comments.

Should You Get Off or Stay On Facebook?

Slow But Forward

By LisaNotes January 19, 2017 Encouragement 43 Comments

Will I ever finish my photo project?

For 2016 I resolved to completely organize my digital photos.

I’d arrange them by dates in folders.
I’d save them on an external hard drive (and free up storage on my phone and laptop!).
I’d print out copies of my favorites and put them in actual photo albums.

I didn’t finish in 2016.

But I did make progress. I started backwards at 2015, then 2014, 2013, 2012. And now I’m at 2011.

So four years of photos are now neatly displayed in chronological albums sitting on my coffee table. Memories that we can look at. Laugh at. Reminisce through. (Somehow that’s more satisfying to me than scrolling through them alone on Facebook.)

The project seemed overwhelming a year ago (and in many ways, it still does). But here’s how I forced myself to do it:

Give it just 10 minutes

I added a 10-minute block on my online calendar daily for “Photos to Print.” Then at some point during the day or night, I’d set a timer for 10 minutes and just do it.

I often think “I don’t have enough time” to do this or that. I’m an obsessive schedule-maker. I see my time and energy as limited resources that must be optimally allocated every day.

But 10 minutes? If we don’t have 10 minutes to spare every 24 hours, we’re not doing something right.

So I’m keeping the 10-minute daily block for “Photos to Print” on my calendar for 2017. I still won’t do it every day. But as long as I’m making progress—and I am!—that’s good enough.

Whatever you’re trying to accomplish this year, remember your small steps in the right direction will add up.

Continuing to move in the right direction is more important than the total number of steps taken altogether.

I’ll stick with the snails:

It doesn’t matter how slow you go, as long as you don’t stop.

* * *

Is there a project you want to finish in 2017? What keeps you moving forward? Please share in the comments.