Lisa notes

Complain, Complain, Complain

When other people whine, they’re complaining.
When we whine, we’re just telling it like it is.

Too bad that’s not true.

Complaining is ugly no matter who it’s coming from, including our own mouths.

About eight years ago I read a very old but very important book (written in the 1600s), The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment, by Jeremiah Burroughs. I had to slough through the old language, even though it had been partially updated (see, I’m complaining already). But the effort was worth it.

One by one, Burroughs examined a wide range of excuses we make. And how we justify each one. And even though the vocabulary was from his era, the content is as modern as 2017.

Which excuses do you use?

Here are seven excuses, followed by Burrough’s responses busting each one wide open (all in my own words).

1. I’m not even really complaining; I’m just telling it how it is.

Then why aren’t you also telling of God’s grace in your problem? That’s also “how it is.”

Then why have you stopped doing the good things you could be doing, even with this problem?

Then why are you envious of others who don’t have your problem?

2. I’m not troubled by my problem; I’m just troubled by my sin.

Then why weren’t you bothered by your sin before you got in trouble for it?

Then why aren’t you bothered by your sin once the problem goes away?

Then why aren’t you doubly concerned about adding grumbling on top of your current sin?

Then shouldn’t you now submit even more under God’s hand in the midst of this problem?

3. God has abandoned me in my trouble.

Does it honor God for you to blame him if he is disciplining you?

Are you grumbling because God is gone, or is God gone because you are grumbling? [Personal note… I don’t believe God disappears like this.]

Even if God were distant from you, do you think it’s helpful for you to leave him as well?

4. If it were God disciplining me, I wouldn’t complain. But it’s people.

Isn’t man but an instrument in God’s hand?

Aren’t you in a better state by being wronged, instead of being the one doing the wrong?

Even if men are doing evil, shouldn’t you still be praising God for the mercies that he is giving you?

5. This problem caught me off guard; otherwise, I would handle it better.

Do you not expect to have troubles from time to time?

Don’t you have unexpected blessings as well? Do you grumble when the good things catch you off guard?

6. But my problems are exceptionally hard.

Isn’t your sin still greater than your troubles?

Couldn’t it be even worse?

Aren’t you making your problems even worse by complaining about them all the time?

7. My pain is worse than your pain.

Could your discontent be making it even more painful?

Even if your pain is worse, should you complain that God is showing grace to another?

Then don’t you have a greater opportunity to honor God more than others?

If all pain were equally divided, wouldn’t yours still be below average?

After reading all seven excuses, are you as convicted as I am? This doesn’t mean we don’t talk about our problems; it just means we attempt to be aware of the whole picture, not just the bad, but also the good, too.

Contentment is a “rare jewel” indeed, Mr. Burroughs.

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Which excuse for complaining do you use most often? Please share in the comments.

The last I checked, the Kindle edition is only $.99 of The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment, if you’re interested.

revised from the archives

What words do you like to hear?

We all love hearing, “I love you.”

But sometimes we need to hear it said another way. To make it more real. To make it more genuine. To make it more personal.

And we need to say it in other ways to the people we love.

I’m leaving for the beach in a few days with my 4 Corners friends. Jeff is excited for me. He wants me to go.

And of course I’m looking forward to it, too.

But there’s something I need to say about it to Jeff.

“You’re still my favorite beach partner.”

It’s a different way of saying, “I love you.”

It’s one of 7 things on this list by Leigh Newman of ways to verbalize our love.

#1 “I’d rather be spending time with you.”

While we may not use these exact words, we can rephrase them into our own words to those we are in relationship with, whether a partner or co-worker or friend.

7 Things Your Partner Wants to Hear Every Day

See how many of these you’ve said this week, or have heard said to you, from Leigh Newman’s list. (Make variations to match your circumstances.)

1. “I’d rather be spending time with you.”
   Even when you have other things to do, tell your loved one they are still first in your heart.

2. “The best thing about how you play Monopoly is that you let the kids win.”
   Give roundabout affirmations to help erase your partner’s insecurities.

3. “I was hoping that’d be you.”
   Instead of being irritated when your friend calls, let them know you’re glad to hear from them.

4. “What’s your rose, honey?”
   Use Michelle Obama’s dinnertime ritual to ask your kids to describe their rose of the day (happiest moment) and thorn (most upsetting).

5. “Let me help you find that guitar pick.”
   Even if you don’t find it, let your partner know you’re helping look for what they’ve lost.

6. “Plain Crest toothpaste in a tube!”
   Text each other little pleasures in your day that you know you share.

7. “I sleep so much better with you.”
   Even though a night without snoring may sound pleasant, let your hubby know you still prefer having them beside you all night.

[Read the article for full explanations.]

We all long to feel special to the ones closest to us. And to express likewise to them.

Being more specific with our gratitude makes a difference.

Sometimes it’s hard to believe the big message of love if it’s not backed up with daily little doses of love. Concrete examples about why we love someone are always welcomed.

You never know which one of these statements of detailed love may be the very thing someone needs to hear today.

When I call Jeff this week from the beach, some of the things I hope to say are, “I’m so happy to hear your voice!” (#3) and “I’d be sleeping so much better if you were beside me” (#7).

Sappy words? Maybe.

But appreciated words? Definitely. 

* * *

Which statement would you most like to hear? Which are your most likely to say? Please share in the comments.

I had checked out my groceries and was pushing my cart out the door. As I walked out into the cold, an elderly black couple was coming in. The gentleman was probably 85 years old, the lady around 80, both bundled up in coats.

But what caught my eye was the tiniest thing.

As they slowly walked in, she was adjusting his collar just so. It had flipped up and she was making it right. She didn’t make a big deal about it. He didn’t push her away. They stayed in step, never missed a beat.

It was a little thing. But those little things add up.

Sometimes we make love complicated. We think it asks big things of us, sacrifices we can’t make. Not enough time. Not enough energy. Not enough us.

But maybe we make it too hard.

Maybe a lifetime of big love is really a lifetime of little loves all added together.

• Like, Jeff kissing me goodbye every morning before he goes to work. I’m still in bed so he keeps the light off. He whispers, “I love you” and slips out the door.
• Or like my friend Kay gifting me a pack of Cadbury eggs every March because she knows how much I love them.
• Or like God surprising me with an exquisite sentence in a book or extended time with special friends or yellow daffodils blooming every spring.

We know how good it feels to receive those little loves. And we know how good it feels to give them.

It aligns us with God’s intention in the universe.

Even if it’s just straightening our husband’s collar when we’re walking into Walmart.

It’s God’s math.

(A Little Act of Love)  x  (One Day at a Time)  =  Greatest Commandment Fulfilled

* * *

What little act of love do you enjoy receiving? Giving? Please share in the comments.