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Click here to enterI hear our little guy stirring in his crib. We are babysitting our 1½-year-old grandson for the weekend.
He is awake now.
I walk into his room and smile. He stands up. I tell him I am glad he is awake, that he can get out of the crib now and play.
But instead of letting me lift him out of the crib, he sits back down. He keeps looking past my shoulder.
I know what’s happening. He’s waiting for Gramps to get him out of bed instead of me.
I’m not (too) offended. I’m certain he loves me, too, but I’ve seen the special connection he has with Jeff, his Gramps. They toss balls inside the house, play with toy trucks, and make loud animal sounds together.
So our grandson is fine with staying in bed a few extra minutes if it means Gramps will show up soon to play.
Waking up and getting ready for the day isn’t always easy for us adults either. Sleep is sweet. We temporarily disconnect from our real-life problems. Waking up means facing reality again, which can be hard.
But wakefulness is where we’re meant to live.
I spent time on Zoom last Saturday with a group of Racial Equity Buddies. They are people committed to deconstructing racism in our country.
As we talked, I kept hearing this voice in my head: Stay awake.
It wasn’t because I felt lulled to sleep by the conversation. Quite the contrary. The dialogue was lively and engaging.
But as a middle-class white female, my temptation is to stay in my comfortable bed, dreaming sweet dreams, not wanting to wake up to the harsh realities that exist in our world.
Yet staying asleep isn’t an option if we’re called to love each other, to advocate on behalf of the poor, marginalized, and disenfranchised, and to support each other when we need help.
Waking up means taking off the blinders, seeing both the good and the bad. Awareness is necessary before change can happen.
After the Zoom meeting was over, I wondered about my internal alarm clock of values. What wakes me up? What keeps me awake? What can motivate me to care about fighting racial injustice and other disparities in our world?
For me, it’s other people. People are my alarm clock. They are my wakeup call.
The divinity embedded in other people connect with the divinity embedded in me.
I need them all to help me stay awake. To look up and listen. Then to look in and seek change.
Staying asleep and remaining oblivious may feel comfortable during the night, but it’s not healthy during the day. As one of our group members stated on Saturday,
“Silence and complicity and complacency have no place here.”
The pull is strong on a daily basis for me to crawl back into bed, pull the covers over my eyes, and turn on another episode of The Office. And I do those things at night when it’s time.
But when it is day, my task is to find ways to stay self-motivated to do the work. I want to remain awake to love the people God loves, to do the things God has for me to do, even though I do it poorly, one baby step at a time.
Our grandson sits in the crib a minute longer. He listens and watches me as I chat with him. He finally understands that Gramps isn’t coming this time, unconsciously knowing it’s more advantageous to let me get him out of bed than sit indefinitely until Gramps can.
He raises his arms to me, and I lift him up and out. His day has officially begun. We laugh and play and eat breakfast together.
This is being awake. It can be work. Sometimes it’s hard and I want nothing more than to go back to sleep.
Yet being awake is also good. Very good.
Awake is being aware. Awake is being alive. Awake is being love.
Do you wake up to an alarm clock? What’s your motivation to get up each day? Share your thoughts in the comments.
“You’re how old?”
I tell my friend my number. He says he can’t believe it. He says I look great for my age.
Is this a compliment? Or not?
I’m conflicted.
I assume nobody wants to look older than their age in our culture.
But do we need to look younger?
If you’ve tried buying a birthday card for anyone over age 29, you’ve seen all the “old age” cards, the “over the hill” slams, the “old geezer” jokes.
But who is considered old?
It depends.
By life expectancy standards, you’re “old” when you’re within 15 years of dying.
Both my parents died when they were in their early 70s, so if I follow their pattern, at 60 I’m already technically “old.”
But if were a woman in Japan, where a 60-year-old woman is expected to live to be 88 (it’s 85 in the U.S.), I wouldn’t be considered “old” until I am 73. (See this chart for how many years, on average, you have left, depending on your current age.)
We don’t want to die young, yet we don’t want to get old.
More conflicts.
In This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism, Ashton Applewhite writes,
“Fear of dying is human. Fear of aging is cultural.”
Maybe it’s not old age itself that we fear.
So what do we fear?
But these things are not the same thing as aging. Getting older is, well, just getting older.
Granted, the difficult things we fear do occur more often with age. But not always and not necessarily. And hopefully we’ll not be alone to deal with them if/when they do occur.
To avoid being ageist (discriminating against people because of their age, whether younger or older), here are a few tips.
1. Give compliments about the trait, not the age.
When you compliment someone, don’t connect it to their age. Instead of saying, “You’re so young at heart,” say “You’re fun to be around.”
2. Avoid addressing people with cutesy names.
Not every older person (or person of any age) appreciates being called “Sweetie” or “Young lady.” Unless you know someone prefers it, don’t do it. It might feel degrading to them, even if your intention is good.
3. Accept age as you do other traits.
Age itself should be neutral, just as skin tone, height, or eye color should be neutral. We don’t need to be blind to it, but we can stop discriminating against it.
4. Associate with people of all ages.
Don’t assume you only have things in common with people of your own generation. Mix it up.
By becoming more aware of the ageist things we think and say, we can eliminate some of the bias against olders (and youngers). After all, our goal is to keep living, thus joining the crowd of olders (if we’re not already there), and we don’t want to discriminate against ourselves.
I just had a milestone birthday last week. I’m still struggling to adopt an improved mindset against ageism. I hear the negative voices in my own head about getting older.
But I’m at least becoming more aware of the ageist stereotypes I’ve been duped into believing. That’s the first step out of them.
Because as long as I’m still here, whatever my age and however I look, I want to live my best life, even with boundaries that may develop over time.
God designed each of us to live with purpose—to love others and be loved by others. We can do this at any age.
Yes, we may (or may not) have to shift the way we travel or shop or care for ourselves as we age, but that doesn’t mean we can’t live fully, with meaning and joy.
If it happens again that someone tells me I look good for my age, I’ll still say thank you.
But I might reply back, You look good for your age too, whatever age that is!
How do you feel about your age? Share your thoughts in the comments.
I’m linking at these blog parties
You may have already asked yourself this question that Jan asks on her blog: Why has God allowed me to live so long?
Read all of Jan’s post to hear her insights and gather your own.
Review the rules here about adding your most recent Christian Living posts and how to be the Featured Post. Visit all four hosts social media here or websites here: Maree Dee, Lisa notes, Lauren Sparks, Tammy Kennington.
You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!
Click here to enterHere are brief summaries and links to posts on the blog, Lisa notes, in November 2022.
“We read books to find out who we are.
– Ursula K. Le Guin
We may read alone.
But we aren’t alone in choosing the books we read. Or in talking about the books once we’ve finished reading them.
One of the advantages of #NonfictionNovember is hearing about the great variety of nonfiction books available. As you read about the best of the best from other bloggers, you jot down the titles you’d like to try, too.
For Week 5 of Nonfiction November, I’m sharing not only 6 books I recommend from what I finished this month, but also 6 books that were recommended to me. See more recommendation posts at Jaymi’s blog, The OC BookGirl.
Here are 6 books I recommend from what I finished reading this month.
[See previously recommended books here]
1. Good Inside
A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be
by Becky Kennedy
This is far more than a parenting book. It’s a book for every relationship, whether with a child or an adult. Dr. Becky gives great advice to look for the good inside each of ourselves.
2. The Fire Next Time
by James Baldwin
For years I’ve read quotes from James Baldwin’s writing, but now I’ve finally read a complete work. I’m glad I did. Even though we’ve come a long way fighting racism in this country, Baldwin’s truths from 1963 show how far we still have to go.
3. Bright-Sided
How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America
by Barbara Ehrenreich
Wow. This book really underscores so many thoughts I have about the harm of toxic positivity in our culture. I can’t speak for other countries, but we Americans overdo our zealousness to “deny reality, submit cheerfully to misfortune, and blame only ourselves for our fate.”
4. The Body Keeps the Score
Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
by Bessel van der Kolk
I didn’t like this book as much as I’d anticipated. But it’s still worth recommending. Van der Kolk has made amazing progress through the years in helping people find hope again after surviving horrific traumas.
5. Necessary Lies
by Diane Chamberlain
In this novel set fifty years ago, 15-year-old Ivy Hart works on a tobacco farm. When she’s assigned a new social worker—the first job for young Jane Forrester—secrets begin to unravel. Such a heart-rending story.
6. Sing You Home
by Jodi Picoult
Jodi Picoult dives straight into the ethical and legal dilemmas surrounding pregnancy and family in modern times. Music teacher Zoe Baxter saves her fertilized eggs when she and her husband can’t get pregnant, but they later divorce. The plot gets more complicated as the book unfolds.
I’ll be following up on MANY recommendations this month from fellow nonfiction readers. Here are 6 of those books I’ll be looking into. Have you read any of these? Would you would recommend them, too?
What good book do YOU recommend? Please share in the comments.
Near the end of each month, I share four somethings at Heather’s.
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We’re Auburn University fans in my household (War Eagle!). But our football team has had a rough few years. This year we fired our head football coach midseason, and hired Carnell “Cadillac” Williams as our interim coach. He was an outstanding and beloved Auburn football player himself from 2001-2005, who played for the NFL from 2005-2011. He’s humble, enthusiastic, and loves the guys who play for him. And they love him back, as do we fans.
Tomorrow is Auburn’s big rivalry game against the University of Alabama for the Iron Bowl. Alabama is a 21 point favorite to win. But win or lose, Auburn has been totally reenergized by Coach Cadillac.
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November is a fun month for bloggers who favor nonfiction books. Each week we’ve been sharing favorite books around a different theme. I’ve collected lots of new recommendations from other nonfiction readers, and shared a few of my own.
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For domestic airflights after May 3, 2023, Americans need a driver’s license compliant with REAL ID (or another acceptable form of ID). I’ve delayed getting my STAR ID (that’s what it’s called in Alabama) for awhile because it seemed like a lot of work.
But November is when my license expires anyway, so I finally gathered all the documents I needed and headed to the DMV. My wait was very short, and the process was very smooth. And now it’s over.
If I had known it would be so simple, I wouldn’t have put it off so long.
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Today is a milestone birthday for me! One of my best friends is cooking dinner for Jeff and me tonight. She has promised we’ll also play Bananagrams. That’s my kind of celebration.
What has been a highlight of your November?
