Lisa notes

Want a seven-day prescription for a better relationship?

I wish it were that easy.

However, even though these seven action steps by the infamous Gottmans aren’t guarantees, they are plenty to make a shift in the right direction.

John and Julie Gottman have compiled extensive scientific data on what makes relationships work in this book, The Love Prescription: Seven Days to More Intimacy, Connection, and Joy.

They start with advising you to accept your partner’s bid for attention. A bid is when one partner says something like, “Wow—look at that bird!” The other partner can respond to this bid in one of three ways:

(1) Turn away – ignore them and say nothing

(2) Turn against – make a hostile response like, “Stop interrupting me.”

(3) Turn toward – say, “That’s amazing! Such beautiful colors.”

The Gottmans found in healthy relationships, partners use turn toward (3) their partners’ bids for attention 86% of the time. But in unhealthy couples, only 33% of the time.

So Day 1 of their prescription begins with toward moves. Here are all seven days from The Love Prescription.

Day 1: Make Contact
Day 2: Ask a Big Question
Day 3: Say Thank You
Day 4: Give a Real Compliment
Day 5: Ask for What You Need
Day 6: Reach Out and Touch
Day 7: Declare a Date Night

The advice is nothing magic, nothing expensive, nothing particularly time-consuming.

Yet if followed, what a difference it might make!

The Gottmans are also widely known for predicting the end of a relationship based on the frequency of these four communication styles: (1) criticism, (2) contempt, (3) defensiveness, and (4) stonewalling.

Quotes from The Love Prescription

“Small things often.”

~ * ~

“The best relationships aren’t built on partners mostly telling each other what’s wrong. They’re built on partners mostly telling each other what’s right.”

~ * ~

“Have a 10-minute check-in during which both partners ask, ‘Is there anything you need from me today?'”

~ * ~

“What turning towards really does is put money in a couple’s emotional bank account.”

~ * ~

“Anyone can surprise you if you give them the opportunity to do so.”

~ * ~

“Love is worth it.”

Which of the 7 pieces of advice could you try today: Day 1: Make Contact, Day 2: Ask a Big Question, Day 3: Say Thank You, Day 4: Give a Real Compliment, Day 5: Ask for What You Need, Day 6: Reach Out and Touch, Day 7: Declare a Date Night?

Share your thoughts in the comments.

Today is the final day of the 28 day series, A Book a Day {Nonfiction Favorites}. 

See all 28 recommended books here.

Previous:
“The Office BFFs” {Book 27}

When The Office mockumentary sitcom first aired on TV in 2005-2013, I wasn’t a watcher. We still had kids in the house and we didn’t watch much TV at all. And when we did, it was educational. So this didn’t qualify.

But now that our children are grown, Jeff and I finally began watching The Office last fall as our show-before-we-go-to-sleep (do you have one of those, too?).

Admittedly it took a few episodes before I liked it, but then I grew to love it. It never failed to make me laugh and put my mood in a better place.

And now I understand the multitude of Office memes, GIFs, and quotes that populate the internet.

So when I saw that “Pam” and “Angela” had written a book about the series, The Office BFFs: Tales of The Office from Two Best Friends Who Were There, I couldn’t wait to read it. (Granted, I didn’t start the book until I’d finished watching all 9 seasons of the show; I didn’t want any spoilers.)

I thoroughly enjoyed the book with the funny and poignant stories about Scranton’s Dunder Mifflin Paper Company. They include many wonderful photos, too.

But one of the most heartening things is seeing that Jenna Fischer (receptionist Pam Beesly) and Angela Kinsey (accountant Angela Martin) truly are best friends in real life.

“Sometimes that’s all you need to help you move forward: You need the right person to listen.”

Early in the show they became friends. And then best friends. Their characters didn’t like each other in the show, but when the cameras weren’t rolling, the women themselves couldn’t stop talking to each other.

If you’re also a fan of The Office, either from 2005 or now, you’ll enjoy reading this book.

If you’re a podcast listener, subscribe to Office Ladies for more laughs. Jenna and Angela are breaking down every episode on their podcast, one episode at a time, telling behind-the-scenes stories and interviewing cast members and staff.

Because sometimes you just need to laugh with people you love (even when Michael Scott, Jim and Pam, Dwight Schrute and Angela are only characters on a show). 

“Invest in the people in your lives. Find that friend who makes you feel ten feet tall and bulletproof. Build them up and encourage them. Show up for each other no matter how big or small the occasion. Link arms and walk into any crowd, fake laughing like you own the world and you will!”

What’s a funny TV series you’d recommend? Are you a fan of The Office? Share your thoughts in the comments.

You are on Day #27 of the series, A Book a Day {Nonfiction Favorites}. Each day of February 2023 I’m recommending one book a day from favorite nonfiction books I’ve recently read.

The Table of Contents for all 28 books is here, updated daily.

Previous:
“Good Inside” {Book 26}

Next:
“The Love Prescription” {Book 28}