Are You Sure?

MONDAY

Guess what I just saw?

Not the green of a mallard
Or the mottles of a muscovy
Or the black & white of a Canada goose
(Yes, I saw them too)

I just saw a white duck swimming in our lake

Are your sure?
It’s been years

I’m sure

It wasn’t the neighbor’s white chicken?
Impossible
It was a white duck swimming in our lake
Definitely
Likely
I think . . .

Was it?

Maybe I presumed it was in the water
But it really stood on the shore
Maybe I glanced too short a moment
But I didn’t stop to stare

Perhaps it was a white chicken in the grass

Assuredly no white duck was swimming in our lake

TUESDAY

Hello, white chicken in the grass

WEDNESDAY

Hello, white chicken in the grass

THURSDAY

Hello, white chicken in the grass

FRIDAY

A flash of white out the window
Glistens off the water
Must be the white chicken in the grass

I’ll leer instead of look
I’ll step outside instead of in
I’ll use binoculars instead of 20/20

The head? Rounded
The feathers? White
The location? In the water

Guess what I just saw?
A white duck swimming in our lake

Are you sure?

Hello, white duck in our lake


Have you ever doubted your certainty? Share in the comments.

Read more about uncertainty:


If It’s Only Temporary, Is It Worth It?

The Second Idea

I’d signed up for this session with Kia for a quiet get-away, a personal time of meditation in a small room with a few others before the bustle of the busy day ahead. It was listed as Flower Meditation. I had no idea what that would be. But sure, I’d try it.

The experience turned out to be as relaxing as advertised. (Read about it here: Dead Flowers Can Be Arranged, Too.)

But now it’s over. We’re finished. It’s almost 9 a.m. and I’m ready to dart out to my first scheduled class of the morning.

Yet something holds me back.

It’s Kia’s second idea. I linger to hear more.

Will This Look Weird?

When Kia had originally signed up to lead Flower Meditation as a bonus activity for the conference, she’d imagined offering it in the conference center itself. She’d hoped it would be in a convenient space where people could make a quick escape for an intentional break to catch their breath throughout the day, not in this tiny meeting room we were assigned in an obscure corner of the adjacent hotel at an early hour.

Nonetheless, she’d made it work.

And yet . . . she’s now sharing her larger vision with us. She thinks it might still work. She longs to offer respite to more people throughout the day.

She’s suggesting we pick up the leftover flowers, walk together to the conference center, and build a mandala in the middle of the lobby.

Hold on a minute, Kia. It’s one thing to sit quietly in a small room with a few other contemplatives like myself and construct our personal flower mandalas.

But to step uninvited into a huge space with people all around and do it there? What will people think? Won’t we draw too much unwanted attention? Won’t this seem weird?

It’s too late to say no.

Take a Seat on the Floor

The five of us gather the flowers into our arms. We walk through the hallway, down the elevator, and into the main lobby of McCormick Place, the largest conference center in Chicago and in the U.S.

Kia picks a spot in the center of the floor. We lay down our flowers. Then we sit on the floor together.

We start picking off the petals, then watch as Kia begins to reconfigure them artistically into a small circle, starting a collective mandala for us all to add on to.

I feel torn.

Part of me wants to participate in this spontaneous act of creating beauty on this early Saturday morning. But another part of me wants to step away from this spotlight and hurry away to my first class of the day.

I sit and participate for a few minutes, watching the time.

The lure of the classroom eventually wins me over. I thank Kia for introducing me to flower meditation, but I must leave. She and one other woman remain behind on the floor, building the mandala, as other participants rush to their next classes, too.

Look at the Mandala Now

After my class is over, I walk back through the lobby. But I have trouble finding Kia.

I finally see her, but just barely. She is still seated on the floor.

She is surrounded by people. A crowd has gathered. New people are now seated on the floor beside her, people that hadn’t been in our early-morning Flower Meditation session.

They, too, are tearing flower petals off the stems. They, too, are adding them to the larger and larger mandala that is growing in the middle of McCormick Place.

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Kia has set up a box holding more petals. She written a note on it:

“You are welcome to add to this. It is dedicated to all of us.”

Some of the cleaning staff have even placed orange cones around the mandala to better protect it.

Those who don’t have time to sit and create still make time to stop and gaze in awe at the beautiful piece of art coming to life in this unexpected place in this unexpected way.

Kia explains to the passersby that this practice is soothing and healing. That anybody can do it. That it’s something they can recreate when they return home in their own spaces.

It’s not how Kia had planned it.

But she is getting to live out her greater vision for Flower Meditation after all. One flower petal at a time. One passerby at a time. She is providing rest, offering a space to breathe, even in the middle of a crowded mass of people, far removed from the tiny space we began in early this morning.

I pass by the mandala several more times as the day goes on. When time allows, I sit and add a few more petals myself.

And breathe a little deeper each time.

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And the Next Day?

The next day, I pass through the lobby as I walk to my final class in the conference center. I look again for the mandala.

But of course it is gone. All the flower petals were swept away overnight. As we knew they would be. As we knew they had to be.

The flower mandala had been temporary. Investing in humanity—with our humanity—often feels temporary, especially when our efforts are uncertain, small, spontaneous.

But the memories and impacts from creating the mandala, from investing our humanity? They can live on and on and on.

Never underestimate the permanency of investing your humanity.

Invest your humanity - Albert Schweitzer


How do you invest your humanity? Share in the comments.

Read more:

One Word 2023 Human


When People Make Choices for You

“Life is a matter of choices, and every choice you make makes you.”
– John C. Maxwell

Go to the Back!

It had been a long morning of learning and conversations and classes at the conference center. But now it was time for lunch.

We walked into the ballroom. On the left side of the room was a long line of tables piled with boxed lunches. Each table offered the same three options: turkey sandwich, a vegetable wrap, or a sub sandwich. We were told to pick up a box, then find any other table in the ballroom to sit and eat.

With one caveat.

The catering woman in charge of herding us through the line told us, “Don’t pick up a box from the first few tables.” She wanted everyone to start at the back table.

And she was having a hard time making that happen.

Yet she tried. As we entered the room, she yelled, “Go to the back of the room to get your box! Go to the back of the room!”

Of those who heard her, we did what she said. The food was all the same, and what’s a few more steps?

But one woman in front of me missed hearing the direction. I saw her pick up a boxed turkey sandwich from the first table.

And the catering woman became furious. She yelled at the woman with the box,

“Put that back! Put that back! Don’t take that! Go to the back of the room to get your box!”

I was in shock as I watched and listened. You don’t usually hear people yelling like this at friendly volunteers in a food line at a nice conference.

It lit something inside me. How did I want to respond?

First, I wanted to give the poor woman in front of me a hug as she was getting yelled at. But second, I wanted to grab a boxed lunch from the first table myself.

Pidgeon’s Lack of Choice

Something inside us doesn’t like to be bossed around. We want to make our own decisions when possible. We don’t like arbitrary rules that artificially take away our possibilities.

We have an innate human desire for choice and autonomy.

Maybe that’s one reason that the memoir Nobody Needs to Know struck a chord with me. It’s a newly published book by Pidgeon Pagonis. In it, Pidgeon tells how their life’s trajectory was changed when doctors made body-altering choices for them when they were young.

Nobody Needs to Know

When Pidgeon was born, they had genitalia that was neither clearly all-male nor all-female. So the doctors chose female as the assigned gender. Over time, they performed a series of cosmetic surgeries on Pidgeon, unbeknownst to them.

As Pidgeon aged, they were given female hormones yet told they would never have a period or be able to bear children because of a previous childhood cancer. But it wasn’t true; Pidgeon had not had childhood cancer. Pidgeon had been born intersex.

Pidgeon’s book is the story of how the story unraveled, bit by bit, truth by truth, as they began to understand the implications of the choices that had been made for them, without their consent.

Pidgeon now works to encourage doctors to hold off on cosmetic surgeries for intersex babies, allowing everyone time to adjust to their bodies and make informed decisions for themselves as they get older instead of having those decisions made for them when they’re too young to understand.

In reading Pidgeon’s story, I’m like the older white gentleman Pidgeon writes about in the book:

“An older white gentleman who looked like he was someone’s father, asked if he could shake my hand. ‘Thank you so much for sharing your story,’ he said. ‘I never knew about what intersex people endured before today. You opened my eyes.'”

Pidgeon opened my eyes, too.

Recognize Whose Choice It Is

Back at the ballroom-turned-cafeteria that day at lunch, while I wanted to rebel and pick up a box from the first table, I resisted. I did as I was told; I walked to the back of the room to get my meal. I didn’t want to break the rules or make anybody’s job any harder that day for absolutely no reason.

I still got to choose between the three options for lunch, after all. It was a very, very minor thing.

But not all decisions are that minor. And not everyone is given a choice.

One lesson I learned from Pidgeon’s story in Nobody Has to Know is this:

When possible and appropriate, allow people to make their own choices.

Let them have autonomy in their lives, just as I want autonomy in my life.

Granted, when we humans are allowed to make our own choices, we may occasionally make some bad ones. But even then, we’re more likely to learn and grow from those bad choices than if we had been enslaved to have no choice at all.

Recognize what choices are yours to make, and what choices are others to make.

Let’s not mix up the two.


Share your thoughts in the comments.

My thanks to NetGalley for the
review copy of Nobody Has to Know


On the Blog—October 2023

Here are brief summaries and links to posts on the blog, Lisa notes, in October 2023.

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See previous months’ archives here


9 Books I Recommend—October 2023

“A good book, when we return to it, will always have something new to say. It’s not the same book, and we’re not the same reader.”
– Anne Bogel

Here are 8 nonfiction books + 1 novel I recommend from what I finished reading in October. 

[See previously recommended books here]

NONFICTION

1. I Never Thought of It That Way
How to Have Fearlessly Curious Conversations in Dangerously Divided Times
by Monica Guzmán

I Never Thought of It That Way

Excellent book on how to have better conversations with those we disagree with.

Guzmán suggests starting with these three things:

  1. Stop sorting each other (getting together in our own little groups)
  2. Stop othering each other (pushing against groups that seem opposed to us)
  3. Stop siloing from each other (sinking so deep into our own groups that we can’t bear to hear anything else).

I’m excited to participate in an online book club with this author in a few weeks. Here’s Monica Guzmán’s TED talk if you’re as interested in this topic as I am: “How Curiosity Will Save Us.” 

2. Language Power
100 Things You Need to Make Language Work for You
by Norbert Schmitt

Language Power: 100 Things You Need to Make Language Work for You

We use language constantly, even when we’re talking only to ourselves in our heads. Language Power is such an intriguing book, touching briefly on every aspect of language (some of which I hadn’t even thought of) and how we can communicate better. It also includes multitudes of weblinks to articles and videos for more information on each topic.

[see my book review here of Language Power]

3. My Body Is Not a Prayer Request
Disability Justice in the Church
by Amy Kenny

My Body Is Not a Prayer Request

I highly recommend this book for those who don’t (yet) have a disability and for those who already do. It opened my eyes to some unconscious biases (not to mention vocabulary) that I didn’t realize I was carrying about disabilities. When we know better, we do better, right? I’m working on both. #AbleismExists This book is my October selection for Lory’s Spiritual Memoir Challenge. 

4. American Idolatry
How Christian Nationalism Betrays the Gospel and Threatens the Church
by Andrew L. Whitehead

American Idolatry

Here is Whitehead’s premise:

“Christian nationalism—a cultural framework asserting that all civic life in the United States should be organized according to a particular form of conservative Christianity—betrays the example set by Jesus in the Gospels. Christian nationalism leads us to practice various forms of idolatry, revering a god or gods other than Jesus, trusting in them for protection and provision.”

Maybe you agree with Whitehead. Maybe you don’t. But in American Idolatry you’ll likely appreciate how he lays out his premises that Christianity should at least reflect Christ.

[See my book review here of American Idolatry]

5. Nobody Needs to Know: A Memoir
by Pidgeon Pagonis

Nobody Needs to Know: A Memoir

This is another topic we don’t talk about much. When Pidgeon Pagonis was born with both male and female reproductive organs (called intersex, and it happens far more than we realize), doctors made lifelong nonconsensual decisions for Pigdeon then and later that were devastating for Pidgeon. This is their story. These voices deserve our attention, even more so when we know so little about this.

[See my book review here of Nobody Needs to Know] 

6. Standing Our Ground
The Triumph of Faith Over Gun Violence: A Mother’s Story
by Lucia Kay McBath

Standing Our Ground: The Triumph of Faith Over Gun Violence: A Mother's Story

Her 17-year-old baby boy had stopped with his friends at a gas station to get some gum. A man in a car beside their car said their music was too loud. After a brief verbal exchange, the man pulled out a gun, shot 10 bullets into the teens’ car, and fatally wounded Lucy McBath’s son, Jordan Davis. This book is the story of a mother’s heart when her son is taken away too soon. It’s heart-wrenching and powerful. It’s the November choice for the online book club I’m in. (Followup: Lucy McBath later decided to run for a seat in Congress and won! She currently serves in the House of Representatives for Georgia.) 

7. The Other Side of Sadness
What the New Science of Bereavement Tells Us About Life After Loss
by George A. Bonanno

The Other Side of Sadness

“Sadness comes equipped with a built-in safety mechanism. When we feel sad, we also tend to look sad.”

And that’s a good thing. But ugh, when *I* am the one looking sad, I can feel uncomfortable about it being so obvious. However, our puffy eyes and red noses signal to other people that we are hurting and could use some compassion. This book addresses the complexity of grief from many different angles.

8. Love Every Day
365 Relational Self-Awareness Practices to Help Your Relationship Heal, Grow, and Thrive
by Alexandra H. Solomon

Love Every Day: 365 Relational Self-Awareness Practices to Help Your Relationship Heal, Grow, and Thrive

These short daily chapters are full of quick-reading but lasting wisdom for relationship-building. I’ve decided it will be the daily devotional I read through more slowly in 2024. Each day’s entry is another invitation to love better, deeper, stronger. A more full book review will come soon. 

FICTION

9. Search
by Michelle Huneven

Search by Michelle Huneven

If you’ve ever served on a church committee of any kind, you’ll relate to this novel on several levels. The story here is about a church search committee for a new minister of a long-standing Unitarian Universalist congregation in California. It’s humorous, insightful, and entertaining. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

WHAT I’M READING NOW

  • Right Kind of Wrong
    The Science of Failing Well
    by Amy C. Edmondson
  • The Last Lecture
    by Randy Pausch
  • Necessary Endings
    The Employees, Businesses, and Relationships That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Move Forward
    by Henry Cloud
  • I Didn’t Sign Up for This
    A Couples Therapist Shares Real-Life Stories of Breaking Patterns and Finding Joy in Relationships, Including Her Own
    by Dr. Tracy Dalgleish
  • The History of White People
    by Nell Irvin Painter
  • Find the Helpers
    What 9/11 and Parkland Taught Me About Recovery, Purpose, and Hope
    by Fred Guttenberg
  • The Day the World Came to Town
    9/11 in Gander, Newfoundland
    by Jim DeFede

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What good book have you read lately? Please share in the comments.



Share Four Somethings—October 2023
—Grace & Truth Linkup

FINAL LINKUP:

No, this isn’t the last linkup for Grace and Truth! But it’s my final one as a co-host. Continue to linkup each week with Maree at her blog and Tammy at her blog every Friday. I’ll still be linking up, too.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Near the end of each month at Jennifer’s linkup we share four somethings that we’re loving, reading, learning, and eating.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

What I’m Loving

  • STAY – TOMORROW NEEDS YOU

I saw a shirt with this saying on it last Sunday at our local Out of the Darkness community walk for suicide prevention: “Stay. Tomorrow needs you.” The shirt (and the event!) really moved me.

So I found a similar long-sleeve shirt online that I’m ordering because I love the message and want to pass it on.

Stay. Tomorrow needs you.

Also at the event, walkers are encouraged to bring photos of their loved ones to place on the memory wall, and write messages of hope.

Here’s our local Moms Demand Action team that came together for the walk.

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Everyone is also provided with honor beads to wear according to the personal connections they have losing someone to suicide or struggling with a mental illness.

Which beads might you wear?

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 ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

What I’m Reading

  • 21 MYTHS ABOUT NATIVE AMERICANS

Our online book club for the Alabama chapter of Moms Demand Action had a great discussion last Monday on this book, “All the Real Indians Died Off”: And 20 Other Myths About Native Americans by Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz and Dina Gilio-Whitaker.

All the Real Indians Died Off

We all learned things that we had been taught wrong about Native Americans. I also was able to share some things I learned from our fellow blogging friend Anita Ojeda. She teaches at a small private school for Native Americans and provided me with good info from her students’ perspective.

. Do any of them surprise you? November is National Native American Heritage Month. 

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

What I’m Learning

  • WHAT HAPPENED IN GANDER, NEWFOUNDLAND

I’m learning about what happened in Gander, Newfoundland, on 9/11/2001, as I listen to this audiobook, The Day the World Came to Town: 9/11 in Gander, Newfoundland by Jim DeFede.

When all US airspace shut down on September 11, incoming flights already in progress to the US had to land somewhere else. 7,000 of those surprised passengers unexpectedly landed on the island of Newfoundland in Canada. The book chronicles how the townspeople responded.

The book has been on my list for awhile, but I moved it up because tonight I’m going to see Broadway’s musical “Come from Away” based on the event. I’ve heard it’s a fantastic show.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

What I’m Eating (or Drinking)

  • APPLE CIDER SLUSHIE

Well, actually *I AM NOT* the one drinking this. But last week when we went to see the pumpkins at Isom’s Orchard, our 2-year-old grandson got a slushie. And LOVED it. I may or may not have liked the slushie had I tried it, but I definitely love my little guy loving it. 

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What is something you are loving, reading, learning, or eating/drinking this month?

Share your thoughts in the comments.

I’m linking at these blog parties

grace-and-truth-weekly-christian-linkup-friday

Grace & Truth Featured Post

When circumstances don’t go the way we want, we can still find hope. How? One way is by intentionally developing our integrity.

While I haven’t yet listened to the podcast episode on Integrity mentioned in this post by Deborah Rutherford, I still gained a lot simply by reading the many outtakes she shares here from her interview with Sarah Geringer. I’ve been reading Sarah’s words for years and am always encouraged by her honesty and her integrity.

Read (and/or listen) here.

“Finding Hope in the Hard Days as a Woman of Integrity”

Now link your own blog posts below. 


Review the rules here about adding your most recent Christian Living posts and how to be the Featured Post. Visit all four hosts social media here or websites here: Maree Dee, Lisa notes, Lauren Sparks, Tammy Kennington.

Now Let’s Link Up!

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter