5 Relationship Tools to Carry into 2018

Relationship Tools from Favorite Blog Posts 2017

Have any of your friendships been bruised in 2017? It’s been a tumultuous year. It’s uncovered differences we either were unaware of or that we had buried.

What are some practical steps we can take to recover relationships?

Here are five favorite relationship lessons from stories in 2017 that I want to carry into 2018.

1. Embrace the Page You’re On

I didn’t hear the actual sound. The gun shot. But I knew what it meant.

Another story ended? Or not?

Does-This-Story-Ever-End-LisaNotes


2. Just Say You’re Sorry

Julie said, “I’m sorry” to Anna. She wasn’t supposed to. But when she did, I saw Jesus in her. I want to see more of Jesus in me.

Maybe I need to say “I’m sorry” more often.

Just-Say-You're-Sorry


3. Don’t Take This Personally

He was rude to me. I was offended.

Do we make life too much about us? Everyone is the star in their own movie. What if we didn’t take it personally?

Don't-Take-This-Personally


4. Unfollow a Friend to Keep a Friend

Should I say something? My friend linked an article on Facebook that is the opposite of what I believe. Do these dilemmas happen to you, too?

If we get angry on Facebook, should we speak up? Or get off? Or just unfollow?

Unfollow-a-Friend-to-Keep-a-Friend_Lisanotes


5. Assume the Best

It was definitely a bark. A dog in the library? No, it was a woman.

We rarely know the whole story. How can we learn to give others the benefit of the doubt? Five ways to assume the best.

Assume-Best-or-Worst_Lisanotes


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What did you learn in 2017? What do you want to do better in 2018? Please share your comments here.


6 Books I Recommend – December 2017

Here are 6 books I recommend from what I read in December. Once a month we share our current reading lists at Jennifer’s.

6 Books I Recommend_December 2017_LisaNotes

Books I Recommend

1. The Better Angels of Our Nature
Why Violence Has Declined
by Steven Pinker

Better-Angels-of-Our-Natures, The

Believe it or not, statistics show that the world is getting less violent, not more. This book is lengthy and detailed, but so worth the months it took me to read it. It’s one of my favorite 10 books of 2017.

2. Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine
by Gail Honeyman

Eleanor-Oliphant-Is-Completely-Fine

This is the story of a plain-Jane young woman who works in an office by day, and keeps to herself at night. Little by little, the story unfolds about the horrific past she has survived. The book picks up speed once you get past the first few chapters and reels you in to caring about Eleanor.

3. The Gatekeepers
How the White House Chiefs of Staff Define Every Presidency
by Chris Whipple

The-Gatekeepers

Such an interesting look back on history through the eyes of the former Chiefs of Staff for the modern Presidents of the U.S. The story proceeds in a chronological fashion from both Republican and Democratic Presidents and the behind-the-scenes workings of government and personalities.

4. Building a StoryBrand
Clarify Your Message So Customers Will Listen
by Donald Miller

Building-a-StoryBrand

This might be classified as a business book, but it’s really a book about communicating well. You can use it to apply to any area of your life, not just promoting a business brand. It’s another one of my top 10 books of 2017.

5. Ordering Our Affections
Advent 

by Dr. Melissa McCrory Hatcher

Ordering-Our-Affections-Advent-Hatcher

Read more here on Ordering Our Affections: Advent

This compact Advent devotional is different. It gives you scriptures readings as you would expect, but it also gives you space to stop and breathe, suggestions to look at a specific painting or listen to a suggested hymn, you write a letter to a loved one, etc. I found these distinctions breathed new life into my devotional time for Advent.

6. Come, Let Us Adore Him
A Daily Advent Devotional
by Paul David Tripp

Come-Let-Us-Adore-Him

My review here of Come, Let Us Adore Him

This is another short devotional book that is wonderful for Advent. I don’t always appreciate his repetitiveness, but as is typical for Tripp, he does make me think more about God in all his beauty and glory.

Reading Now

  • The Knowledge Illusion
    Why We Never Think Alone
    by Steven Sloman
  • Homo Deus
    A Brief History of Tomorrow
    by Yuval Noah Harari
  • What Unites Us
    Reflections on Patriotism
    by Dan Rather
  • The Daniel Dilemma
    How to Stand Firm and Love Well in a Culture of Compromise
    by Chris Hodges
  • The Trespasser
    by Tana French
  • Blessed Are the Misfits
    Great News for Believers Who Are Introverts, Spiritual Strugglers, or Just Feel Like They’re Missing Something
    by Brant Hansen
  • American Grace
    How Religion Divides and Unites Us
    by Robert D. Putnam

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What good book have you read this month? Please share in the comments.

Related:

Top-10-Books-2017

Top 10 Books of 2017

Whats-on-Your-Nightstand-at-_5-minut

My books on Goodreads
Previous reading lists


A Multisensory Devotional – Ordering Our Affections: Advent

“Jesus is not Santa Claus. You don’t need to bring Him a list of everything wrong in your life. He knows. Rest in Him. Trust Him.”
Dr. Melissa McCrory Hatcher, Ordering Our Affections: Advent

A Different Advent Devotional

I know Advent is almost over, but note this for next year: Ordering Our Affections: Advent is a compact, multisensory Advent devotional that is different than most others. I’m finding the distinctions quite refreshing.

It’s less about giving you words to read, and more about directly experiencing truths with God. Through scripture and prayer. Through art. Through music and poetry.

Ordering-Our-Affections-Advent

I met the author, Dr. Melissa McCrory Hatcher and her husband Josh at this silent Centering Prayer Retreat a couple years ago. Even though we weren’t able to talk directly to each other until the last day at lunch, I felt a connection with them, and correctly guessed that Melissa was pregnant, after experiencing a horrendous and unexpected loss of their sweet little 3-year-old son.

I’ve since learned more that Melissa is a tenacious and intelligent and gentle woman. Her devotion to God and family come through in this book. Even though her words are few, her faith is strongly evident through the exercises she provides us.

The Order

In Ordering Our Affections, Melissa provides this order for each day of Advent:

  • Silence
  • Scripture to read aloud
  • Blank space for reflection
  • Meditation suggestion on a specific hymn or painting or poem or activity
  • Prayer in response
  • Silence

The book is great for your own quiet time but it can also be done with children.

It doesn’t take long to do the devotional each day. But by putting more of yourself into it—more than just reading a set of words—you get more out of it.

As Melissa says, this ordering of our affections (instead of ordering more stuff) helps us “to prioritize the true, the good, and the beautiful.”

I’ll return to it again and again for future Advents.

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You can buy the book here.

Do you have a favorite Advent devotional you have used? Please share in the comments.


The Word Became Flesh – He Still Does

Word-became-flesh

When Stuff Is Scary

Is this rude to admit? Hope’s house scared me.

Hope was moving. She needed help packing up her 3-bedroom house, where she’d raised her family, to move to a small condo in Tennessee where she would live alone.

But there was a huge roadblock:
tons of stuff.

In the living room we stepped over clothes. Empty boxes. Picture frames. Food wrappers. A mattress was in the middle of the floor. Why? Because she had no more space in her bedroom. The piles were too high.

I was overwhelmed. I walked to the son’s bedroom, who’d moved out months ago, thinking it’d be easier. It wasn’t. His suits, his school notes, his collections were still crammed in every available space.

Jeff brought me a box and said, “Don’t think. Just fill.” (He knows my tendency to freeze up amongst clutter.)

Let It Go?

We asked Hope about donations. Could we bag up outgrown clothes and donate them to a thrift store or to Manna House?

Hope said no. She wasn’t opposed to giving them away (she had a big heart, I could tell), but she wanted it to be personal. She wanted to see the faces of recipients. Until then, she’d keep everything to herself, not risking their misuse from others.

I understand that. It’s hard for me to let go of my stuff, too.

  • What if I’ll want it later?
  • What if my kids might need it?
  • Or my yet unborn grandkids?

Until I picture a face of someone who needs it now.

See the Face

I imagine an Hispanic mother sifting through the grocery carts of clothes at Manna House. She picks up a jacket I put there. I can see a needy man asking for a shirt to wear to a new job. He gets one donated from Jeff’s closet. From the closets of homes across our city.

Jesus saw the faces.

So he poured himself, the Spirit of Logos, into flesh, into something that could be seen, felt, heard. And for 33 years he wore it well.

But then took it off.

Our Turn in His Flesh

He moved out of his flesh and into ours.

He’s willed his feet, his hands, his words to us to wear for him.

He sees our faces, imagines our future actions, purposes our giving in his name, even knowing we’ll misuse the gift or forget to use it altogether at times.

Now is our turn.

Because the Word is still flesh.

This flesh is to be worn well until it’s worn out.

Always Hope

Back at Hope’s, I finally gave up packing and just listened to her instead. She had a story behind every item she was hoarding and she needed someone to hear it. I kept her in the kitchen so Jeff could pack elsewhere without interruptions.

When we left a few hours later, I could see little difference. Yes, there were now more boxes taped and labeled, but there was so much more to go. It looked hopeless.

I later heard Hope got moved. She’d rented storage buildings to house her extras—Christmas decorations, coffee mugs, musical instruments, novels, boots. All in boxes. Not being used. Not being fleshed out.

The Word became flesh to be worn.

Put him on. Live him out. Wear him well.

Never lose hope.

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How are you wearing his flesh this Christmas? Please share in the comments.

revised from the archives


More Presents? Or More Presence?

Want more presents this Christmas?

Or more presence?

Offer your presence through prayer. You’ll connect more with others and plug in to God’s presence, too.

Want more presence? Through prayer

Betty and I walked together past the tables of free food, putting this or that in her cart. We made small talk.

Until the car. We loaded her groceries in the trunk and I asked Betty how I could pray for her. This is the moment it usually happens. This is when people get real. Get personal.

Tears bubbled up in Betty’s eyes. And she told me about her daughter. She was back on the streets. Betty didn’t know where. Her heart was breaking. She wanted prayers.

What do we want God to do? This question connects us to each other.

Read the rest here: “Want to Be Present? Plug in with Prayer”

* * *

Who do you need to pray for?

I’m writing today at Do Not Depart for our #ChristmasPresence series. Will you join me there?


Top 10 Books of 2017

Top 10 Books of 2017_LisaNotes

Here are ten favorite books I read in 2017. I recommend them to you.

  • Some are about healing the divisions in our country.
  • Some are about God and faith.
  • Some are memoirs of real-life people and meaning.

Please share a favorite book you read this year in the comments below. Together let’s build our 2018 reading lists.

Top 10 Books I Read in 2017

1. The Better Angels of Our Nature
Why Violence Has Declined
by Steven Pinker

Better Angels of Our Nature

If you want to be encouraged that our world is LESS violent than ever, not more violent, read this book. It’s long; be warned. (I took several months to read it.) But it’s worth it. The information thoroughly documents that these days may be the most peaceful in the history of mankind.

I picked up this book after seeing Bill Gates cite it as his favorite book of the last decade. Now I understand why.

2. The Power of Moments
Why Certain Experiences Have Extraordinary Impact
by Chip Heath, Dan Heath

The-Power-of-Moments

Why do we remember some moments with clarity, but most moments fade away quickly? How can we be more intentional about which moments will be remembered? This book goes into specific reasons why and methods how. My series on this book is here, How to Mark the Moment.

Chip Heath and Dan Heath are two of my very favorite authors. They write with precision and simplicity, and use multiple examples. Their books often become my favorites.

3. Small Great Things
A Novel
by Jodi Picoult

Small-Great-Things

This novel gripped me. The story centers about a black labor and delivery nurse who has to care for the baby of white supremacists. Things go very wrong.

Along the way, we see how privilege, race, and power come into play in this story that could happen anywhere in our country today.

4. Building a StoryBrand
Clarify Your Message So Customers Will Listen
by Donald Miller

StoryBrand

You may know author Donald Miller as a Christian storyteller. That may be why this book works. He uses the seven common elements of effective storytelling and applies them to business marketing. With extreme clarity and step-by-step precision, he guides the reader to more accurately shape the messages they send out.

Apply it to whatever area you work in. (I’m using it to redesign a website for a non-profit I volunteer with.)

5. The New Jim Crow
Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness
by Michelle Alexander

new jim crow

As much as it’s spoken, our country is not colorblind. At the very least, statistics show us this. This book uses statistics and more to speak to our conscience of how racism has been redesigned.

It focuses on the mass imprisonment rates among communities of color as compared to the white communities. (There are more African Americans under correctional control today than were enslaved in 1850.) It will make you think and rethink your view of our world.

6. The Naked Now
Learning to See as the Mystics See
by Richard Rohr

naked now

How do we see spirituality outside of black and white ways? Father Richard Rohr explores how to let go of artificial divisions in this book.

He walks us with Jesus through the Gospels, the epistles, and history’s Christian contemplatives to deeper ways of seeing, especially in the second half of life (which may have nothing to do with your age). This can’t be read quickly.

7. Peak
Secrets from the New Science of Expertise
by Anders Ericsson

peak-ericcson

Want to acquire a new skill? Ericsson has studied how for decades. This book explains how we gain expertise in an area. Some of the ways are intuitive, but many are not (hint: it’s not always about innate talent).

Be prepared for lots of interesting examples and stories from a wide variety of fields.

8. When Breath Becomes Air
by Paul Kalanithi

when breath becomes air

This neurosurgeon was not only brilliant in medicine, but also in writing. When he was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer at 36-year-old, he began writing down his journey of life and death from both a doctor’s perspective and a patient’s.

And most importantly, from a human’s perspective. Even though the book contains much sadness, its value makes it worth the tears.

9. Stalling for Time
My Life as an FBI Hostage Negotiator
by Gary Noesner

stalling for time

This book came out in 2010, but I read it only this year. And it fascinated me. It’s a memoir of one of the FBI’s chief negotiator. He tells story after story about hostage crisis and cases that he was involved in.

His goal was to achieve a peaceful outcome but it didn’t always turn out that way. Fascinating.

10. The Organized Mind
Thinking Straight in the Age of Information Overload
by Daniel J. Levitin

The-Organized-Mind

Too much information. No wonder we have trouble keeping everything straight. This book takes us on a journey of understanding and executing a better plan on how to manage the things we have to keep up with.

Plus 10 More Great Books

There were so many great books this year that I must include 10 more.

11. The Gatekeepers
How the White House Chiefs of Staff Define Every Presidency
by Chris Whipple

12. The Righteous Mind
Why Good People are Divided by Politics and Religion
by Jonathan Haidt

13. The Sacred Enneagram
Finding Your Unique Path to Spiritual Growth
by Christopher Heuertz

14. How to Think
A Survival Guide for a World at Odds
by Alan Jacobs

15. Why Christianity Must Change or Die
A Bishop Speaks to Believers In Exile
by John Shelby Spong

16. Invisible Influence
The Hidden Forces that Shape Behavior
by Jonah Berger

17. Grit
The Power of Passion and Perseverance
by Angela Duckworth

18. Wolf Boys
Two American Teenagers and Mexico’s Most Dangerous Drug Cartel
by Dan Slater

19. Slavery by Another Name
The Re-Enslavement of Black Americans
by Douglas A. Blackmon

20. Words on the Move
Why English Won’t—and Can’t—Sit Still (Like, Literally)
by John McWhorter

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What book would you recommend from 2017? Please share in the comments.