“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” (Psalm 23:4 NIV)
After my baby Kali died, I felt stuck for a long time. Stuck in a time warp, stuck in sadness, stuck in confusion about why it had happened.
But as sure as I was crying out to God, and as sure as He was answering, I still couldn’t hear Him through my tears. I didn’t feel I was making progress in my grief.
So when others would ask me if I were getting better, I never knew how to answer.
Did they really mean,
- “Are you less sad?” or
- “Are you missing your little girl less?” or
- “Are you getting used to having Kali gone?”
No, no, and no.
Grief takes time, usually more time than we’d like, and more time than others expect.
Neither do I know how to respond now when friends ask about certain physical pains, like my back pain, “Is it better?”
No, it’s not better, if you really mean, “Is it less?” And it probably never will be, in this life.
- But am I learning to live with it better?
- Am I finding joy, even in the midst of the pain?
- Am I progressing towards contentment?
Yes, yes, and yes.
Better with Company
When the Perfect Guide leads us, we are getting better because he always has us on the right path.
When the Lord is our shepherd, we have no lack—
- whether in times of plenty or in times of want,
- in times of pain or in times of no pain,
- when we’re aware of it and when we’re not.
While we may never enjoy it or even get used to a road of pain, we can find peace on it because of our divine Companion, knowing the Lord and his provisions are enough.
I did find joy again after Kali’s death, even though it took longer than I wished. The next time I see her, neither one of us will be in pain. That truth makes accepting the other truths in my travels a little bit easier.
Even in our pain, sometimes because of our pain, let us open our arms wide enough to accept your presence with us. We are grateful we never walk this path alone.
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originally posted at Chronic Illness Pain Daily Devotionals
If you have chronic pain of any kind, get a daily dose of encouragement from Rest Ministries.
Do you have pain that doesn’t get better in the flesh, but has gotten better in your spirit? (I am thankful my abdominal pain HAS gotten much, much lighter though, praise God!) Please share in the comments.
Related on Pain:
- Stop the Humiliation and Restore the Dignity
- Books I Recommend – April 2016