Infant loss
Our daughter Kali lived and died on November 13, 1993.
Once a soul is loved, it lives with you forever.
Kali was loved. Kali is loved.
And so she lives on.
1. Life and death . . .
- Does it ever change? Back in their day, they didn’t talk about infant loss. So would they understand our pain? Do some things change?
- Cemetery people If you’re a cemetery person, you’ll get this. For reasons I can’t explain, this feels good today and I’m grateful for it.
- I wish . . . but I am I’m very aware of what I am not doing today. I visit there now and again, especially today. But I can’t live there.
- Living well–through life, through death Has having a child in heaven changed the way we parent our children here? Probably.
2. When you . . .
- When you doubt God’s timing She came too early. And left too soon. Even though I knew she lived on, I wondered how I would.
- When you don’t understand Angie Smith writes that it’s easy to be a believer when you get your miracle. But what happens when you don’t? I Will Carry You is an important book for anyone who has lost a baby.
- When time runs out She took the shortcut home. I’m taking the long way round. But when time runs out . . .
- When you need to cry It doesn’t mean you’re weak. Or faithless. Or atheist. It just means you’re sad.
3. Just reflecting . . .
- Dear Kali, Today you’d be 17 Yet this year is different. You’ve got Nana and Granddaddy with you today.
- My Kali plate I’ve never eaten off this dish. Nor will I.
- All roads lead home Comings and goings of Daughter # 3, # 1, # 2. One day we’ll all be Home.
- The right song at the right time “This life is not my own.” I have to be reminded of that quite often. I don’t control who lives or dies, or who God brings into or out of my life.
Part of living life well is learning to live through death well.
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Please share your own thoughts in the comments.
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Lisa, I have never had to walk that part of the journey that you’ve experienced. But our daughter has…twice. I understand the heartache as a grandmother and as the mother of the one I love as she grieved. One of those times she was out of the country when it happened…she lived there…and I didn’t know until a good while later. I love you…and thank you for this page.
From watching my own mother, I know that grandmothers have a double loss–watching your own child grieve as well as grieving for your grandchild. I’m sure you were/are a solace to your daughter, Dianna.
Wonderful memorial to your daughter. The burden carried has purpose as our Father works all things together for His will and glory. I’m with you… this isn’t the Garden, this world is sad… Praying for you and Jeff.
I appreciate you, Floyd. No, this isn’t the garden, but we know it is ahead! We have seen some purpose even now, but the joy to come will outweigh it all.
Just this morning I have read about the impending loss of a parent, miscarriage, and now the loss of an infant. Your last sentence especially resonates with me today. I know the deaths of my parents, especially my mom, taught me so much about life as well as death. I think the loss of a child would be so much harder and even more painful to bear. Praying for you today.
No loss is easy, regardless of the age of the person. We lose either memories yet to be made, or we lose the person with whom we did have those memories. And sometimes all the losses get jumbled up together when we grieve. I find that I really miss my parents on Kali’s birthday as well. They are all buried in the same cemetery so we visit all on this day. Thanks for your prayers, Barbara.
Praying today for you, Lisa. I’ve not walked this road but I can well imagine the pain. I found your thought, “She took the shortcut home. I’m taking the long way round. But when time runs out . . .” stirring. Because when time runs out, what a reunion there will be!
Even when we don’t walk the same road, we still relate because we all know pain. Life does bring hurts along with it, but yes, time will eventually end and those hurts will end along with it. Thanks, Jerralea.
As a childless woman, I cannot comprehend this loss in the same way that you do, yet by not having children I hold a loss too and can comprehend that in some small way. I am sorry and thankful that you speak out here and share with others who need to be heard and hugged too as they may be unable to express all that they hold inside due to loss. I have a sister who lost a son at two and a half months to SIDS. She rarely speaks of Keith and has made us leery of speaking of him with her. He would be 34 now. Thanks for this for I feel for my sister and maybe this will help me help her. Only God can break through to her heart, but I can support her however I can.
Caring through Christ, ~ linda
Oh, Linda. My heart goes out to women who wanted children and never got them. I related far more after I lost Kali than I did before. Your pain is very real too.
I’m sorry about the loss of your nephew and the pain that your sister must still carry. I know everyone grieves differently so I pray for her continued healing and for your support of her. Some scars we carry with us a lifetime.
Oh, Lisa, we have discussed this outside the eyes of everyone else. You know that I get this in a way that many do not. Know that I am praying for you and holding you in my heart. I wish I could hug you in person, share your tears and hold your hand….but I can only lift you up. Hugs to you dear friend.
Yes, you do know, Mary. I’m sorry we have to share that bond, but I’m glad we finally realized it and were able to learn about each other’s baby. Hugs back to you!
This is beautiful and thoughtful. Thank you for sharing your story.
I appreciate you stopping in, Michelle. Sometimes it’s hardest to share the things that touch us the deepest.
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