Infant loss

Our daughter Kali lived and died on November 13, 1993.

Once a soul is loved, it lives with you forever.
Kali was loved. Kali is loved.

And so she lives on.

1. Life and death . . .

  • Does it ever change?  Back in their day, they didn’t talk about infant loss. So would they understand our pain? Do some things change?


  • Cemetery people  If you’re a cemetery person, you’ll get this. For reasons I can’t explain, this feels good today and I’m grateful for it.


  • I wish . . . but I am  I’m very aware of what I am not doing today. I visit there now and again, especially today. But I can’t live there.



2. When you . . .

  • When you doubt God’s timing  She came too early. And left too soon. Even though I knew she lived on, I wondered how I would.
  • When you don’t understand  Angie Smith writes that it’s easy to be a believer when you get your miracle. But what happens when you don’t? I Will Carry You is an important book for anyone who has lost a baby.
  • When time runs out  She took the shortcut home. I’m taking the long way round. But when time runs out . . .
  • When you need to cry  It doesn’t mean you’re weak. Or faithless. Or atheist. It just means you’re sad.

3. Just reflecting . . .


Part of living life well is learning to live through death well.

* * *

Please share your own thoughts in the comments.

16 thoughts on “Infant loss

  1. Pingback: 20 years ago . . . Lessons from Kali and infant loss

  2. Dianna

    Lisa, I have never had to walk that part of the journey that you’ve experienced. But our daughter has…twice. I understand the heartache as a grandmother and as the mother of the one I love as she grieved. One of those times she was out of the country when it happened…she lived there…and I didn’t know until a good while later. I love you…and thank you for this page.

    1. Lisa notes...

      From watching my own mother, I know that grandmothers have a double loss–watching your own child grieve as well as grieving for your grandchild. I’m sure you were/are a solace to your daughter, Dianna.

  3. floyd

    Wonderful memorial to your daughter. The burden carried has purpose as our Father works all things together for His will and glory. I’m with you… this isn’t the Garden, this world is sad… Praying for you and Jeff.

  4. Barbara H.

    Just this morning I have read about the impending loss of a parent, miscarriage, and now the loss of an infant. Your last sentence especially resonates with me today. I know the deaths of my parents, especially my mom, taught me so much about life as well as death. I think the loss of a child would be so much harder and even more painful to bear. Praying for you today.

    1. Lisa notes...

      No loss is easy, regardless of the age of the person. We lose either memories yet to be made, or we lose the person with whom we did have those memories. And sometimes all the losses get jumbled up together when we grieve. I find that I really miss my parents on Kali’s birthday as well. They are all buried in the same cemetery so we visit all on this day. Thanks for your prayers, Barbara.

  5. Jerralea

    Praying today for you, Lisa. I’ve not walked this road but I can well imagine the pain. I found your thought, “She took the shortcut home. I’m taking the long way round. But when time runs out . . .” stirring. Because when time runs out, what a reunion there will be!

    1. Lisa notes...

      Even when we don’t walk the same road, we still relate because we all know pain. Life does bring hurts along with it, but yes, time will eventually end and those hurts will end along with it. Thanks, Jerralea.

  6. ~ linda

    As a childless woman, I cannot comprehend this loss in the same way that you do, yet by not having children I hold a loss too and can comprehend that in some small way. I am sorry and thankful that you speak out here and share with others who need to be heard and hugged too as they may be unable to express all that they hold inside due to loss. I have a sister who lost a son at two and a half months to SIDS. She rarely speaks of Keith and has made us leery of speaking of him with her. He would be 34 now. Thanks for this for I feel for my sister and maybe this will help me help her. Only God can break through to her heart, but I can support her however I can.
    Caring through Christ, ~ linda

    1. Lisa notes...

      Oh, Linda. My heart goes out to women who wanted children and never got them. I related far more after I lost Kali than I did before. Your pain is very real too.

      I’m sorry about the loss of your nephew and the pain that your sister must still carry. I know everyone grieves differently so I pray for her continued healing and for your support of her. Some scars we carry with us a lifetime.

  7. Mary

    Oh, Lisa, we have discussed this outside the eyes of everyone else. You know that I get this in a way that many do not. Know that I am praying for you and holding you in my heart. I wish I could hug you in person, share your tears and hold your hand….but I can only lift you up. Hugs to you dear friend.

  8. Pingback: Letters from Mama

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