I knew the EMG and NCV tests would be painful (I’ve had them before), but this time I was older, more centered, more experienced with blocking out outside stimuli.
I cried. It hurt.
But I didn’t cry too long. And I never said stop (although I did ask if I had that option; I did). And I recovered quickly once they finished.
Yet I still resented having to have it done in the first place. I don’t like having a body with broken spots. And I don’t want to turn into one of those people who talk about their ailments for hours.
I don’t want my body to hijack my soul.
I’ve seen physical pain (and emotional, mental, whatever) override the peace God promises. I’ve seen it steal joy; quench hope.
I know God never promised total protection for our bodies. But he did for our souls. And I need him to protect my soul from my body.
So as I awaited results from the tests (they came yesterday—all normal!), I prayed a little more pointedly he’d keep my eyes on the prize, my focus on surrendering, and my desire for his presence.
Because regardless of how noisy my body can get, I don’t want it to drown out the voice of the Shepherd. I want his voice to be the loudest, decibels over the clatter around me. His words the sweetest. His message the strongest.
I may live my life in this body . . .
but may this body never become my life.
* * *
When has pain grabbed your attention the most?
- Classic Memory Verses
- This Beautiful Mess – Book review