Lisa notes

Accepting Our Present (and Past) Selves Can Be Hard

By LisaNotes August 4, 2023 Encouragement 7 Comments

When Julissa heard her secret crush tell her at age 14, “You sound like a white girl,” she took it as a compliment in her Texas high school. 

But as a Latina, Julissa later learned that sounding white was the wrong goal. She has since learned to embrace her Mexican heritage as well as her American roots, not caring how she sounds to anyone else.

I’m currently reading Julissa Arce’s memoir, You Sound Like a White Girl: The Case for Rejecting Assimilation. I’m learning a lot from her about the struggles for fair treatment among the Latinx community in the United States.

But as I read, I’m also reminded of something else connected to the whole human race, whoever we are, regardless of where we were born or where we live now:

Accepting ourselves as we are can be hard for anybody. 

With or without outside opposition.

Additionally, accepting who we used to be can also be hard. As we age and grow into our fuller selves, we don’t always appreciate our past selves. We can regret things we once said or did or believed.

The famous quote attributed to Maya Angelou rescues me on those days when I time-travel back to an earlier, not-so-good version of myself:

“I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.”

We’ve all made mistakes. We’ll all continue to make mistakes.

But if we’re still trying, still growing, still loving, we’re on the right road. We’re doing better.

Accept that. 

Share your thoughts in the comments.

What I Love More Than Chocolate

By LisaNotes August 2, 2023 Memorize Matthew 6 16 Comments

I get on my hands and knees. I reach under the coffee table. I tip back the recliner to peer underneath. I dig my fingers in the cushions of the rocking chair.

I am looking for scattered M&M’s.

Minutes earlier I’d been holding the candy pieces in one hand, transferring them to a napkin in the other hand. But the napkin slipped, and the M&M’s fell everywhere.

But I’m not trying to find them now for myself.

I need to find them before someone else does.

My youngest grandchild is allergic to dairy. If he found and ate even one M&M, his body would react negatively.

Because of him, I’m viewing chocolate differently these days. When my grandson is at my house, I wait until he’s asleep before I pull out my chocolate chip cookies. Then I wash my hands afterward to remove any trace of dairy.

But it’s been a learning curve.

I sometimes forget how many of our foods are infused with dairy. I often have to double-check ingredient lists at the store and again at home for foods I buy for him. I google more, and ask my daughter more questions (Is this safe for him?). I look up dairy alternatives and keep photos on my phone of the type of milk he can drink.

Is it work? A little. But I do it gladly because I love my grandchild far more than I love any food.

This is how love works.

That’s what I hear Jesus telling his listeners on the mountain: first seek God and justice (the literal interpretation of righteousness), and other things will fall into place.

When Love is first, the rest comes easier.

I finally find every last M&M that I spilled. I throw them all in the garbage. They’ve lost their appeal for me today.

Love trumps even chocolate.

I’m almost finished memorizing Matthew 6:25-34 with my group this summer. This week’s verse is Matthew 6:33: “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Next week is the final verse.

What do you love more than chocolate? Share your thoughts in the comments.

On the Blog—July 2023

By LisaNotes July 31, 2023 Archives No Comments

Here are brief summaries and links to posts on the blog, Lisa notes, in July 2023.

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See previous months’ archives here

8 Books I Recommend—July 2023

By LisaNotes July 31, 2023 Books I Recommend 33 Comments

“If there was nothing else, reading would—obviously—be worth living for.
– Nuala O’Faolain

Here are 5 nonfiction books + 3 novels I recommend from what I finished reading in July. 

[See previously recommended books here]

NONFICTION

1. All My Knotted-Up Life: A Memoir
by Beth Moore

All My Knotted Up Life

Beth Moore, a well-known author and Bible teacher in the Christian world, has written her memoir now that her abusive father and her mother who struggled with mental illness have both died. As expected, Beth is endearingly authentic and open in this book telling about the challenges of her childhood and her adulthood, including the latest chapter in her life when she finds a new spiritual community. I listened to the audiobook to get Beth in all her fullness. Highly recommend.

2. The Road Less Traveled
A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth
by M. Scott Peck

The Road Less Traveled

I first read this book in the 1980s. This reread did not disappoint (to my happy surprise). Peck’s opening statement “Life is difficult” still rings true. I don’t agree with everything, but enough. Peck blends love and discipline and spirituality in a way that works for me.

3. The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
A Memoir of Life in Death
by Jean-Dominique Bauby

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

After a devastating stroke, Bauby—the editor-in-chief of a major magazine at the time—became paralyzed except for his left eyelid through “locked-in-syndrome.” His book is my July pick for the category of “spirituality through illness or trauma” for Lory’s Spiritual Memoir Challenge. And it was a toughie. Not because of the prose itself (it was fine), but because of the great efforts it took to get this book into the world. Every word was dictated one letter at a time by the author batting his left eyelid to someone as they wrote it all down. I haven’t yet seen the film about the book.

4. Between the Listening and the Telling
How Stories Can Save Us
by Mark Yaconelli

Between the Listening and the Telling

I definitely recommend this book. It’s a reminder to intentionally listen and tell stories of our lives. Big or small stories. Funny or serious stories. Storytelling is healing. We need more of it.

5. The Mindful Body
Thinking Our Way to Chronic Health
by Ellen J. Langer

The Mindful Body

We know about chronic illness. But we do know about chronic health? That’s what this book is about. There are some physical things we can’t do anything about, but what about things we can? Langer shows health often begins (and ends) in our minds. Fascinating. I’ll do a full review soon.

FICTION

6. Thank You for Listening
by Julia Whelan

Thank You for Listening

On a lighter note, Julia Whelan, a prolific and award-winning audiobook narrator, wrote this novel about two audiobook narrators. I loved the plot of her characters Sewanee and Brock’s co-narrating a book together, but I also enjoyed the background information about book narration I picked up as coincidentals from the storyline. I listened to this one as an audiobook, of course.

7. The Measure
by Nikki Erlick

The Measure

If someone could tell you when you’d die, would you want to know? That’s the premise of this interesting novel of how the choice affects individuals and societies after each person receives a box on their doorstep containing a string depicting the measure of their life.

8. Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow
by Gabrielle Zevin

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow

The characters in this novel create video games (a world I know little about). The story takes you from Sam and Sadie’s original meeting as children, on through their adult years of collaborating on games. But it’s about far more than games. It touches on very serious issues along the way. It won’t make my favorites list of the year, but I’m glad I read it.

WHAT I’M READING NOW

  • Fight like a Mother
    How a Grassroots Movement Took on the Gun Lobby and Why Women Will Change the World
    by Shannon Watts
  • Your Future Self
    How to Make Tomorrow Better Today
    by Hal Hershfield
  • You Sound Like a White Girl
    The Case for Rejecting Assimilation
    by Julissa Arce
  • Decluttering at the Speed of Life
    Winning Your Never-Ending Battle with Stuff
    by Dana K. White
  • Call Your Daughter Home
    by Deb Spera

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What’s a good book you’ve read lately? Please share in the comments.

sharing at these linkups

Share Four Somethings—July 2023
—Grace & Truth Linkup

By LisaNotes July 28, 2023 Grace & Truth Link-Up, Life updates 20 Comments

Near the end of each month, I share four somethings at Jennifer’s linkup that I’m loving, reading, learning, and eating. 

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

What I’m Loving

  • NEW INSTA ACCOUNT TO FOLLOW

My friend and our fellow blogger Lois Flowers has created a new Instagram account called “Remembering Our Parents.” 

It’s a space for each of us to “honor our parents, share their wisdom, and encourage each other as we continue on without them.”

She invites you to participate, too. Just answer a question about your mom or dad and send her a photo. Get all the details here. (And read more in today’s featured post when you scroll down.) 

This is what I sent in about my mom. Although it’s been almost 13 years since she died, I still miss her terribly. I still need her advice. I’m glad I still have her love.

Remembering Our Parents instagram

 ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

What I’m Reading 

  • YOUR FUTURE SELF

I continue to think about this nesting dolls metaphor for all the versions of myself. This book, Your Future Self, helps me remember that who I am today is likely not my last version either. It’s been fascinating to read. 

“He saw that the younger version of himself was just one patch in his quilt of selves. Just as he’s changed from who he was to who he is, he’ll certainly continue to change as the years unfold.”

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~ * ~ * ~ * ~

What I’m Learning

  • COURAGE IS ACCEPTING CHANGE

So instead of envisioning my current self as the largest doll in the nesting set, I should assume I’m maybe two versions back and continuing to grow. 

Accepting changes that have already happened in my life (many without my permission, I might add!) is requiring courage on my part. But courage is also required to intentionally create change in my future.

And I’m not a brave person by nature, so . . . ugh.  

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

What I’m Eating

  • A RETURN TO HEALTHY OATMEAL

Growing up, I often ate Quaker Oatmeal for breakfast (I still remember the lightweight aluminum pan I cooked it in). As an adult, I turned away from it.

But now that high cholesterol and other scary things have arisen in adulthood, I’m returning to my roots of old-fashioned oatmeal (not the yummy sugary kind) with a piece of whole wheat toast crumbled in. 

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I can’t say I love it, but I feel good about eating it (and it helps me not feel as guilty about a chocolate dessert later in the day, lol).  

What’s something you’re learning or loving this month?  

Share your thoughts in the comments.

I’m linking at these blog parties

grace-and-truth-weekly-christian-linkup-friday

Grace & Truth Featured Post

After Lois lost both her parents just five weeks apart in 2019, she recognized the gift of talking about them with others.

I lost my own parents seven months part in 2010. It was a very difficult year. I was grateful to have others around me who also knew and loved my parents. 

Read what Lois has started on Instagram to help us remember our parents now in community.

“Built around follower stories, @RememberingOurParents is an Instagram community for all of us with moms and dads who are gone but definitely not forgotten.”

Read all of Lois’s post at her blog, then link up your own blog posts below.

“Introducing ‘Remembering Our Parents’”

Review the rules here about adding your most recent Christian Living posts and how to be the Featured Post. Visit all four hosts social media here or websites here: Maree Dee, Lisa notes, Lauren Sparks, Tammy Kennington.

Now Let’s Link Up!

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter

Don’t Give Them Your First Answer

By LisaNotes July 26, 2023 Linger, Memorize Matthew 6 10 Comments

When You Know the Answer

I immediately knew the answer. But if I spoke it aloud, I’d be breaking the rules.

As he handed me the listening stick, the gentleman to my right had asked me this question:

“What’s your next step?”

He had no specific context in mind. So I wanted to tell him my first thought, which was what I had scheduled for the next 3 months about a specific situation. I’m a planner. I love to think ahead, make a list, map out my calendar.

I enjoy knowing well in advance what my next step is.

But the instruction given to us in this Small Group Deep Listening experience was to NOT give our first answer.

We were told to pause, to think a little deeper before answering.

In the second answer, our instructor suggested we might find a more thoughtful, accurate response.

Wait for It . . .

That’s hard to do. Once we have an answer, we typically want to stop thinking. We’re done.

Why hold back if we have a ready-made answer on the tip of our tongue?

Because maybe our first response isn’t always the best one.

I wonder if Jesus had something like this in mind on the day he told his listeners on a mountain to stop being so anxious about what’s for lunch (Matthew 6:31).

He said anybody can waste time worrying about only that (Matthew 6:32).

Maybe Jesus was inviting them to listen deeper, too.

What did they really need? Aside from physical nourishment (which is important, by the way), what was underneath their anxiety about food? Had they been days without food? Did they have food insecurity? Or maybe they were just gluttonous for the next meal (my hand is raised)?

What’s the Real Need?

I often think I know what I need. But often I’m wrong.

I want to ask myself more often, What do I need right now?

Then pause.

And dig a little deeper. What do I really need right now?

Maybe I still won’t know. But maybe I will. And in the clearer awareness, my priorities might change. My strategy to get my need met may change. My ability to meet someone else’s need might change, too.

Awareness increases connection, to ourselves, to others, and to God.

The Second Answer May Be Better

Feeling the listening stick in my hand, I held back my first answer to What’s your next step?

I closed my eyes and thought a little more. My second answer was indeed quite different than the first one had been.

In the pause, my answer became the pause itself. I told my group that my next step is no step. I am meant to stay on this step a little longer. To not move yet. To rest a little longer. To linger in the present.

When it’s time for the next step, I’ll be made aware of it. But for now, my deepest need is to pause from planning next steps.

I’m glad I listened for the second answer.

It feels like the better answer to me.

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Our memory verse this week for our Matthew 6 challenge is Matthew 6:32:

“For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.”

Share your thoughts in the comments.