Can You Take Some Criticism?
—Grace & Truth Linkup
“Hey Lisa!”
I’d almost made it to my car Monday afternoon before she called me back in. I felt my defenses rising when I heard my name.
I knew it wouldn’t be good. She said, “I need to talk to you about something.”
Another red flag.
It’s hard to walk into criticism. But there was no turning back now.
Nobody likes being criticized, right? It’s uncomfortable to hear that we’ve done something wrong. It can cause us to feel bad about ourselves or feel mad at the other person.
Can good come from criticism?
Well, it depends. How do we define criticism and how do we receive it?
One definition is that criticism is the expression of disapproval. A second definition says it’s the analysis of the merits and faults of a work. That doesn’t sound as bad.
But either way, regardless of motive or tone, criticism can still sting, depending how we receive it.
On my best days, I want to take this approach to criticism: Listen, pause, consider, respond. On my worst days, I just get defensive and want to push back.
On Monday, I was somewhere in between.
I turned back around to hear what my friend wanted to say to me.
As it turned out, her message wasn’t a direct criticism. She was just passing the buck. Someone had been complaining to her that our mutual friend needed a bath. She wanted me to tell her that. A sensitive situation, to be sure.
While I appreciated her trust in me to make this happen, it was misplaced. I told her so. I said I’d mention it to our friend, but I couldn’t control the results.
She understood. Conversation closed.
My ego got a pass this time. The criticism wasn’t personal. I walked away satisfied with the encounter.
It’s not always this easy. (Sometimes I get criticized for mishandling criticism, and appropriately so.)
But this time it was a breeze. I am grateful.
Share your thoughts in the comments.
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I’ve written about this a number of times and it’s something I have to talk about frequently when counseling. And I sympathize with those I’m talking to because it’s a challenge for me at times, as well. I don’t think it ever gets really easy. But your suggestions are so helpful, Lisa.
Writing for other sites and working with their editors has really helped me to become more open to criticism. I do think that it’s a learning curve!
Is is never easy to received, deserved or not, but I’m convinced the attitude in which it is delivered makes all the difference, along with time to process. I try not to react, but say thank you (operative word her is *try*!), and then, if it is deserved, try to learn and apply.
Thanks for sharing something with which I’m sure we all struggle!
xo
Lynn
Conversely, I try my best to deliver compliments whenever possible. My favorite thing is to have a somber face and ask to see a store manager. They come with both barrels loaded; one can tell. And then with a smile I deliver a compliment about an employee. The boss almost falls over. It’s a wonderful trick I have, and they are so grateful! Also if someone is rude, I try my level best to find something genuinely positive about them and tell them. This too changes attitudes.
I ask for constructive feedback when I’m working on something. But it stings when you’ve done your best and receive expressions of disapproval. I have learned to consider the source.
Thanks so much or featuring my post, Lisa. I like that second definition. I think it’s hardest when criticism comes unexpectedly. My natural reaction is to get defensive, or to think the other person just doesn’t understand, or to think about *their* faults. Sad, but true. But I’m trying to seek grace to take it and sift it for truth and receive it graciously as from one who is trying to help. I try to remind myself, too, that I have a great many faults and errors they know nothing about.
Thanks for this thoughtful post.
I like the second definition too. Thinking of it as “feedback” rather than “criticism” also helps me put the focus on my work or actions rather then on me as a person. I’d argue feedback is essential to our growth and learning, especially at work but in our personal relationships too. Still, I agree, it’s not always easy to receive.
Oh boy, this is a big one for me. I crumble at criticism. {insert hurt feelings here}. I guess I’m getting better as I age and mature in Christ. I’m a recovering people pleaser though. so, you know.
visiting today from G&T. xo
My father taught me how to receive criticism as feedback when I was in a composition class in high school. I received a horrible grade on a paper and was devastated; my father encouraged me to ask to meet with my teacher after school and ask for in person feedback, which I did. Over the course of that semester my grade dramatically improved and I actually kept the last composition I wrote for that teacher on which he wrote, “Your writing shows what a human person you are.”
This is an unasked for response, but I can’t help but feel like your friend was inappropriate to ask you to be the messenger for your mutual friend. She was asking you to do something that she felt strongly about; she was asking you to criticize your mutual friend. I wonder how she might have responded if you replied that since this was something that was important to her she needed to be the person to share it with your mutual friend. Perhaps I’ve misinterpreted the story, and if so, please forgive me!
I’m hopeful that my feedback is not taken as criticism. Some days I am more fragile than others, especially if tired, so try to wait out my feelings of being criticized. Time is a healer and provides discernment!
I am always so tender to criticism. And I have received (you probably have too) my fair share for the things I put out on my blog!