I Don’t Want to Remember. But I Can’t Forget.
The Sting
Every morning I walk around the house and open my blinds. I love light. I love seeing the trees and the birds and the lake outside my windows.
And every evening, I reverse the ritual—walking from room to room, closing the same blinds.
But on this night, as I reach in to close the blinds in the dining room:
OUCH!!!
I immediately jerk my hand back, surprised and hurting. A spider? A sharp object? What just happened?
I look at the bright red spot on my now on-fire hand. Then I gingerly pull back the curtain to look at the blinds.
That’s when I see it.
It’s a wasp. It’s still sitting on the inside edge of the curtain, exactly where my hand had been just seconds before.
The sting hurts for awhile (but not bad enough to prevent me from killing the wasp with a wad of paper towels). Eventually I get over it.
But I don’t forget about it.
The Memory Returns
Even now, months later, when I reach in to close the blinds at night, I remember the wasp. I check the curtain’s edge. I’m aware that if a wasp was there once, it might be there again.
It hasn’t returned.
But the memory has. The memory of the sting returns again and again.
Some things only take once.
When Words Leave a Mark
A wasp’s sting fades. But a stinging word? Sometimes those memories leave an even more lasting mark.
If someone said something to you that pierced straight through your heart, you may resolve it, forgive it, and move on.
But still—you may remember.
The tone. The timing. The unexpected pain. The way it made you question yourself, the other person, or the relationship.
And like reaching toward that curtain again, you may hesitate before opening up the next time.
Words That Sting — and Linger
Ask yourself:
- When’s the last time someone’s words truly stung you?
- What was said?
- Why do you still remember it?
If someone’s words left you hurting, remember: pain is information, not weakness. You’re allowed to remember—and you don’t have to pretend it didn’t hurt.
But you can begin to separate the memory from the fear. You can learn to reach for the blinds again.
Now also ask:
- When’s the last time you said something in frustration to someone else?
- Did it land on them like a sting?
- Were you aware that you did it?
It happens to all of us. Whether we’re speaking to friends, kids, coworkers, strangers online, or even to ourselves . . .
Words matter.
They can wound. Or they can heal. They can shut someone down. Or open someone up.
We aren’t always mindful when we speak. But we can repair. And perhaps create a new memory in the same space.
Reopen the Blinds
The blinds still need opening every morning. The light still needs to come in. May we not let memories of old stings keep us from what brings us joy. I want the blinds open so I can enjoy looking out my window, even as I’m mindful of where I reach.
May we be generous in giving words of kindness so we don’t leave bad memories with others. Speak words of healing and not harming, words that bring light and not darkness.
Because even a single sting can leave a lasting memory.
When’s the last time you’ve been stung by an insect? By a word? Which hurt worse?
revised from the archives
What a great analogy! Wonderful message!
Thanks, Susan. Sometimes we have to learn the hard way. 😉
Silence carries its own type of sting. No words when words are absolutely appropriate. The silence is just as difficult to let go as stinging words or the sting of a wasp. I am deathly allergic to the sting of a wasp but have learned that silence is deadly, too.
I agree with you 100%, friend. Sometimes silence feels worse to me than words (when, as you wisely point out, words would be appropriate). With words — the buzz of the wasp — you at least know something’s coming and perhaps what you’re dealing with, but the sting of silence brings its own brand of pain that can be just as lethal.
Such an important lesson for all of us to learn, Lisa. I know there are plenty of “stings” that I’ve taken in the past and have also, regrettably, given. May we always strive to treat others the way we want to be treated. Blessings!
You’re right that we both receive AND give those stings, unfortunately. Same here. But yes, always striving to do better. I’m thankful for all the second (and third and fourth, etc.) chances that we learn to give each other. Thanks, Martha.
I really liked this; very creative. I haven’t had anyone say hurtful things to me in a good long while. And the last time I can remember, they were false anyway. A false accusation from which I had to walk away, knowing it was 100% not true.
Good for you in recognizing that the accusation was false, and for walking away. Those are two important lessons we all need to learn, and sooner rather than later. It’d make life easier for everybody Thanks for sharing.
This is such a powerful and important message, Lisa. Thank you! <3
Thanks, Donna. Measuring my words is a lesson I have to relearn myself again and again….
I appreciate the idea that we’re not required to forget about past hurts. The goal, I think, is to remember without bitterness.
True, Michele. It sometimes requires a delicate balance, but it’s worth our efforts.
Excellent analogy and this will stay with me for a long time. Such a great lesson from both perspectives. Thank you.
Thank you, Julie. It is crazy that I still think about that wasp when I open my curtains. I would have thought that memory would have faded long ago, but it hangs around. 🙂
This is such a wonderful analogy. I have two memories of words that sting. One caused a much needed change in my own ways, for which I will ever be grateful. The other, while it has stayed with me, it doesn’t impact me any longer, thanks be to God! Praying my words to others will be gentle, kind, and truthful so as to be healing and or helpful.
Thank you for sharing that, Joanne. Words have such a power. I echo your prayer that our words “be gentle, kind, and truthful.” Beautiful. ❤️
This is a quote that I need as a reminder to show grace. Unfortunately I did not record the author when I wrote it down:
“May our words and actions and reactions be a sanctuary for all.”
Ooh, that’s a beautiful quote, Katie! That’s a great one to add to my Ripple collection as well. 🙂
Love this, Lisa. Even reading your post, my pinky finger was tingling where I’d been stung by a wasp. Those memories last. Lovely analogy.
Isn’t that crazy how our bodies remember? I’m sorry you got stung on your pinky finger, but I’m smiling that you still remember your sting as well, Ashley. Thanks for sharing that.
A great post Lisa, I love how you balance it with asking us to do some self reflection coming from both angles.
Yes I agree words are very important indeed & can bring either life or depression to the spirit. I’m reminded of the following verse in Proverbs 15:4;
‘A soothing tongue [speaking words that build up and encourage] is a tree of life, But a perversive tongue [speaking words that overwhelm and depress] crushes the spirit.’ AMP
Blessings, Jennifer
Thanks, Jennifer. It’s sobering to think about how powerful our words can be…bringing great refreshment or great pain, depending on our use. May we be ever mindful how we use them. I appreciate your wisdom.
Lisa, I loved this so much. It was a much-needed read. We’ve all experienced this. Thank you for this post.
Thanks, Steph. All these years later, I still remember what a girl in middle school yelled at me from the school bus window. (It wasn’t nice.) Thankfully it didn’t sink in enough to harm our friendship, but then again, I’ve never forgotten it. lol.
Great analogy. Recently, I was stung by words, and I’m having such a hard time forgetting them.
Thank you for being part of our Grace & Truth Link-Up! Your words add so much value, and I’m thrilled to feature your post on my Pinterest board. See it here: https://www.pinterest.com/embracingtheune/grace-truth-christian-link-up-featured-posts/.
I’m sorry you’ve had a recent word sting, Maree. 🙁 We never outgrow the pain of those stings, even though we may learn to deal with the pain in a healthier way than we might have in the past. It still hurts. Thanks for sharing this post on your Pinterest board.
Lisa, what a powerful post and great reminder! I’ll never look at a wasp the same way. I especially was drawn to this quote, “ If someone said something to you that pierced straight through your heart, you may resolve it, forgive it, and move on.
But still—you may remember.
The tone. The timing. The unexpected pain. The way it made you question yourself, the other person, or the relationship.”
Thanks, Beth. There are hurtful words that I wish I could forget (both words I’ve heard and words I’ve said), but unfortunately it doesn’t always work that way. On the other hand, I do want to remember the good words! 🙂
Lisa, this is fantastic! I love your insights and encouragement.
I so appreciate you sharing this with Sweet Tea & Friends this month sweet friend.
xo
Thank you, Paula. Some lessons stick with me longer than others. This one stung and stuck. ha.