Do You Have to Earn Your Joy? Guilt in a Box
“It is a happy talent to know how to play.”
—Ralph Waldo Emerson
Guilt in a Box
It’s night at the beach condo we’ve rented for the week. We’ve already washed off the sand, gone out to dinner, and locked the doors for the evening.
Now I sit at the kitchen table and look at the box in front of me.
A small war is waging inside me.
- Shouldn’t I be rinsing out swimsuits or sweeping sand off the floor?
- Shouldn’t I prep snacks for tomorrow before I allow myself more play?
- Shouldn’t everything we do on vacation be together?
But instead, I open the puzzle box. Instead of finding one bag of pieces, I find two ziplock bags.
Now I’m curious.
The Overtime Work Ethic
I have two guilt tracks that play often in my head.
1. No play until your work is done
I grew up with the ethic of work first, play last.
The problem is that you never finish all the work. There is always more work. So when do you get to play? When can you indulge yourself in something as frivolous as working a jigsaw puzzle?
2. Fun is meant to be together
I love spending time with my husband Jeff. When we’re on vacation, we do almost everything together, by choice.
But he hates doing puzzles. Would working the puzzle alone be selfish of me?
Whose Vacation Is It?
I’d been eyeing the box for a few days, ever since we’d seen the stack of games with this puzzle in the condo closet.
The first night here we’d borrowed Scrabble: National Parks Edition (good timing since we went to three National Parks in California in April!).
The second night we played Bananagrams that I’d brought from home.
But this third night, no box is as tempting as this puzzle. I finally bring it up.
Jeff laughs. “Of course you should do the puzzle! It’s your vacation, too.” (Reader, when you find a friend like this, treasure them.)
So here I sit. With two bags from the box. One is more full than the other. I open the smaller bag first.
To my delight, it contains all the edge pieces of the puzzle. The most tedious step of doing a puzzle for me is picking out the edge pieces to create the border—the “work before play” part. And here this work has already been done for me. I can go straight to play.
Then it hits me: I know someone who does this. Someone who, when they finish a puzzle, puts the pieces back into two bags, one for just the edge pieces.
A Ripple Reaches Me
I click a picture of the puzzle with my phone. I text it to my father-in-law two states away.
He responds back immediately, confirming that indeed, it was he and my mother-in-law who did this, months ago, at their most recent stay here in this same condo. They had worked the puzzle first, then afterwards packaged it back up into two bags, hoping to help the next person who opened it.
The next person was me.
My in-laws had no idea who would discover this unexpected ripple of joy. Yet months later, I was the one it reached, landing directly in my lap, literally.
The ripple was a beautiful reminder to me that:
- Fun doesn’t have to be earned
- Your to-do list can be put aside (especially on vacation, good grief!) to make room for play
- Be grateful for joy that ripples to you without you chasing it down or even expecting it
A few days later, I finish the puzzle. But this time, instead of crumbling all the pieces into a heap and throwing them into the bag, I do it differently.
I peel apart the edge pieces first. I seal them carefully in their own bag. I put both bags back into the box.
May the ripple flow on.
Have you ever felt you had to earn your fun? What small ripples of joy have you received lately? Share in the comments.
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These 7 objects embody the meaning of Ripple to me, each carrying its own story and connection to my life. What objects represent your One Word of the Year? - Do You Write In Your Calendar With Ink or Pencil?
Even a cancelled haircut can disrupt your day. Stay open to the ripples. Write your calendar in pencil, not ink.
Sometimes I have to put the work first, or else I’d fritter away time on other things. But, like you say, there’s always more work. It’s ok to take time to relax and play, especially on vacation. What a neat story that your in-laws were the ones to separate the edge pieces of the puzzle!
My go-to still is work before play as a general rule. I’ve found that if I don’t get my work stuff out of the way when I have the most energy (which is usually at the beginning of the day), I don’t want to do it at all later. 🙂 I just need to be more flexible about arbitrary rules I set in stone when that’s not necessary. ha.
What a wonderful story of serendipitous joy, Lisa! Yes, those ripples are certainly making waves in your life, for sure. What are the odds that you would have been the next one to tackle that puzzle? I think that only God knows, and that’s good enough, isn’t it? Blessings!
Yes, it was such a delightful surprise! My in-laws and I exchange puzzles at home, but I didn’t consider that I’d find one from them at the condo.
Lovely story, lesson and word of the year ripple for you!! Amazing how those internal narratives drive our behavior; often without us even realizing it. Glad you listened to your soul, not your inner critic and found joy instead.
I can create some doozies when it comes to internal narratives. 🙂 I try to stay curious about those rules in my head, but often times they’re so entrenched it takes awhile (if ever) to even notice them.
staying curious is a great spiritual practice!
It gives me goosebumps that you were the next person to use that puzzle, Lisa. It’s so cool how those ripples keep flowing. Thank you for sharing this! Love and hugs and blessings to you!
It was a goosebump moment for me too, Trudy. I hope you’re continuing to recover, friend. Love you too!
I’m definitely working before play, hard before easy, but this is thankfully loosening a bit in my retirement. ♡
Since I haven’t had a paid job in a few years, I’m not sure if I’m retired or not yet. ha. But since my husband retired, I have been trying to loosen up a bit more too. Glad you are as well, Donna! You’ve earned it. 🙂
I was raised on work before play. As a child, Friday evenings were often spent doing our household chores under mom’s direction. I can see the logic – get the work out of the way then have the w/e to yourself. In adulthood, I put leisure activites on the to-do list. As you said, if you wait until the work is done, that book will never get read. So everyday is made of something that needs doing & something that wants doing. Love the ripple effect of your in-laws passing on the separated puzzle pieces & your inkling ot pick up on the origin.
I love this, Mona. I agree that it does feel better to get the work out of the way first, but I’m learning too to schedule fun time into my schedule. Instead of working on puzzles whenever I can fit it in, I’ve been adding a block on my calendar each week specifically for doing puzzles. It’s so freeing! And fun. 🙂
Great puzzle. I shared a puzzle in my Weekend Coffee Share post too, Lisa.
Puzzles are the best, yes? 🙂 I started a new one last week.
OH! Can you believe the serendipity of it all!?!?
What a gift, and I’m also sometimes a slave to the list, but also am blessed with a husband who encourages me to step off the treadmill.
Same. Thankful for partners who can pry us away from our work! I’m convinced I would be a workaholic (even at home!) if I’m left to my own doings. ha.
That’s neat that your in-laws and you tackled the same puzzle. I include some fun each day without guilt. Thank you for your weekend coffee share.
That’s a beautiful way to live a life – including some fun each day without guilt! Love this, Natalie.
I struggle with the work vs play rule too Lisa. It’s a rule this is imposed only by me but I still struggle with justifying why I choose to something I enjoy rather than a ‘should do’. I love your puzzle story.
I guess many of us have this same struggle. Sigh. May we each find the right balance of work and play that works with our set of responsibilities and joys. Thanks for stopping by, Jennifer.
I too have been one of those who allowed too little play in my life because there was always more work to be done. As I see it now, to require a completed to-do list by the end of the day is the way to create ulcers or high blood pressure due to stress! I love Mona’s idea above: put leisure activities on the to-do-list! Maybe the best course of action is to alternate. Complete a “needs doing” item and then spend a bit of time on a “want-to-do” item. The latter can be a reward for completing the former. Just might have to try that next week! Meanwhile, thank you for sharing the story about the jigsaw puzzle. What are the chances?! And a big KUDOS to your husband for assuring you that working a puzzle was a fine idea!
Yes, I agree that my husband deserves kudos for being the type of person who can encourage other people to have fun too, even when it sometimes comes at his own expense! 🙂 I appreciate you pointing out that having a completed to-do list every day is also synonymous with a stressful life, and who wants that, if they can help it? Thanks, Nancy!
You’re welcome, Lisa!
Oh yes, work before play here, too! I’m intentionally trying to do better but sometimes still negotiate with myself, as in, “When I get x things done, then I can play.” or, “If I work for x hours, then I can play for x hours.” Like you said, there is always work to be done, but we deserve to enjoy ourselves as well, especially on vacation. And the two bags for the puzzle pieces?! What a lovely gift! I’m going to try to remember this the next time I do a puzzle!
I play those negotiation games with myself too, Melissa. 🙂 They often work. I’m trying to limit the number of things I think I *have* to get done in a day before I can play. Thanks for stopping by!
What a lovely joyful ripple post Lisa!
Thanks, Deb. I’m discovering that almost every post could be about ripples, in some way or another! I’m having to restrain including it every time. 🙂
May the ripple flow on:)
Thanks, Katie! I won’t know who works the puzzle next, but hopefully whoever does will smile at finding the extra bag of end pieces. 🙂
I love these thoughts so much, Lisa! In fact, as I was reading your “first work, then play” or “no play until the work is done,” I appreciated that you mentioned it’s what we were taught AS CHILDREN. As children, we needed that because we were more given to play. Work also needs to be done, but we didn’t care about it as much then, most likely. It occurred to me that some things we learned in childhood literally DON’T APPLY ANY MORE. That is a huge takeaway for me today because I have a hard time playing (except on vacation, especially with my husband–like you) because the work is never done, as you so aptly pointed out. This perspective is a great takeaway for me today. Thank you! 🙂 Visiting from the Sweet Tea & Friends linkup. (Love the puzzle story, by the way!)
I love your insight here, Jennifer! You’re right – some of those childhood lessons don’t have to be followed anymore because we’ve matured out of them. I am trying to remember to question those old “rules” that I still follow out of habit. If they’re still good, I want to keep them. But if they’re ones I’ve outgrown the need for, I want to bid them goodbye!
I will never again put a puzzle away without putting the edge pieces in a separate bag. Genius…pure genius!!
I will always think about it too now. I finished a puzzle this week that had one piece missing – I was so torn about passing it along to anyone else because it was such a letdown to get to the end and realize it.
When I was a contributing author to Dr. Charles Stanley’s magazine, a couple years before it ended publication, my first essay, which I’d called “Living Freely and Lightly” (from MSG Mt. 11:28-30), was about play (and the harms of not playing)! They retitled it as “She’s Gonna Blow.” I’m so glad your play rippled out in consecutive circles of joy. Lisa, I had not received this blogpost. Pls. ck to be sure my email is still on your list, and I’ll ck SPAM! I don’t want to miss a thing you write. I happened to see this at One Word on FB.
Play away! It’s summer!
xo
Lynn
“Living Freely and Lightly” doesn’t always come easy to me – I tend to have a more serious nature. So it’s something I have to be intentional about, or yes, “she’s gonna blow.” 🙂 I do find it easier to play in summer, even though I am not beholden to a school schedule in any way at any time of year! ha.