Lisa notes

The Guilt of Play

Sometimes we feel guilty that we play too much.

We think we are selfish if we play. We’re not being productive. Not efficient. Not contributing anything to society.

Other times we feel guilty that we aren’t playing enough.

Too much work leads to irritability and exhaustion and, eventually, ineffectiveness.

But there’s a third possibility for guilt concerning play. Sometimes we feel guilty if what we enjoy is different from what others enjoy.

Is This Fun?

On a sight-seeing drive through the Rocky Mountains of Colorado, Jeff and I climbed higher. We were leaving behind dry ground, and encountering more snow. And more snow. And even more.

Yes, it was beautiful. But as the roads became more narrow and more covered, I became more anxious.

Finally, I heard myself saying my thoughts out loud, “This isn’t fun anymore.”

Now if we had an object at the top of a mountain that we had to reach—a sick child or an important meeting—that would be one thing. Perhaps push on. Do the hard thing.

But if the only goal was pleasure, and it felt like torture, can we stop now?

Welcome Play, Your Way

In my year of Welcome, my July goal has been:

“Welcome Rest and Play” and “Let Go of Exhaustion and Productivity.”

I’m thinking I may need a repeat. I’m not sure I’ve done it.

Unless . . . I change my definition of rest and play.

How do you play? If you have a day to yourself, what do you do? Is it the same thing that your partner would do? Or your kids?

Gretchin Rubin uses these three tests for fun:

1. I look forward to it.
2. I find it energizing, not draining.
3. I don’t feel guilty about it later.

What if, instead of measuring play by what others enjoy, we give ourselves permission to frame play as uniquely as we each are?

“Only recently had I grasped one of my most important Secrets of Adulthood: just because something was fun for someone else didn’t mean it was fun for me—and vice versa. There are many things that other people enjoy that I don’t.”
– Gretchin Rubin

God made us with individual pleasure points.

“When we play, we are engaged in the purest expression of our humanity, the truest expression of our individuality.”
– Stuart Brown, M.D.

When we rest and play in our own ways, we come away more relaxed. More grateful. More worshipful.

And actually more productive, not less, when we do begin our work again.

“Play is a catalyst. The beneficial effects of getting just a little true play can spread through our lives, actually making us more productive and happier in everything we do.”
– Stuart Brown, M.D.

Back on the mountain, Jeff saw my tension. He knew my lack of fun on the mountain would soon outweigh his enjoyment of it.

He found a place to safely turn around and head back down the mountain instead of up. My mood lifted immediately.

Now I was ready to play again.

And eventually fly home on Southwest Airlines. Part of their mission statement is: “People rarely succeed at anything unless they are having fun doing it.”

Enjoy this clip of how a Southwest Airlines employee makes flying fun.

[click here if you can’t see the video]

* * *

How do you play? In what ways is it different or similar to others? (Does it include Pokémon GO? That’s a “no” for me.) Please share in the comments.

• Start by reading The Welcoming Prayer.

Live out the year practicing the spiritual discipline of welcoming.

Below is a schedule of welcoming one healthy practice a month, and letting go of one unhealthy practice a month.

It loosely follows the ten guideposts in Brené Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection.

January

• Do You Welcome or Resist It? – Practicing the spiritual discipline of welcoming

Welcome—Authenticity
Let go—What people think

February

• “Welcome” – Have I Failed at My One Word Already? – Even when our guests are bedraggled and unwanted, even when they are us, welcome them anyway
• Your Advice + “The Guest House” by Rumi – A recap of encouraging comments left on the previous post
• Silence or Solitude? – A weekend of silence and centering prayer at the monastery

Welcome—Self-Compassion
Let go—Perfectionism

March

• 3 Ways to Have More Hope – Lessons on resiliency from Brené Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection

Welcome—Resiliency
Let go—Powerlessness

April

• Where Will They Die? Not in That Tornado – Welcoming gratitude in a crisis is a choice
• The Circumstance Isn’t the Problem – The battle isn’t our circumstances; it’s how we view our circumstances

Welcome—Gratitude and joy
Let go—Scarcity and fear of the dark

May

• When “I Don’t Know” Is Good – The good side of uncertainty

Welcome—Intuition
Let go—Need for certainty

June

• Don’t Compare. Just Create. – Instead of comparing ourselves, let’s celebrate our originality instead
• 3 Reasons to Let Go of Perfectionism – Benefits from doing something imperfectly (including face painting) instead of saying no

Welcome—Creating
Let go—Comparing

July

• Is This Fun to You? – The way we enjoy “play” is as unique as we are. What is fun to you?

Welcome—Rest and Play
Let go—Exhaustion and Productivity

August

• Hit the Pause Button – In the pause, we quietly open our awareness to the Lord’s presence.

Welcome—Calm and Stillness
Let go—Anxiety

September

• It’s Not About Looking Good; it’s about loving well.

Welcome—Love and Wisdom
Let go—Judgments and Negative Motivation

October

• Jobs and God – View your work as opportunities to partner with God.

Welcome—Meaningful Work
Let go—Self-Doubt and Supposed To

November

• No Pride in Giving, No Shame in Receiving – When we have, we give; when we need, we receive.

Welcome—Song and Dance
Let go—Being in Control

December

• Did Your 2016 Problems Go Away? – Lessons I learned from a year of Welcome.

Welcome—God’s Presence
Let go—My Knowledge