What Do You Wish You’d Known on Your Wedding Day?
—Grace & Truth Linkup

If you’ve been married one day or 50 years, what do you wish you’d known on your wedding day?

I started with a limp at my and Jeff’s wedding. Not physically, but emotionally.

My first marriage had crashed after a few years when my first husband walked out and found love elsewhere.

I wasn’t sure I would recover.

Through tears and years and more than a few missteps, my heart was finally sewn back together. God’s care was thick, rich, and welcome.

I was okay being alone.

Then God brought Jeff.

On our wedding day, I knew a lot more than I had on my first. I had learned from my first marriage that marriage could bring intense pain, lingering insecurities, and even a touch of cynicism.

But when I married Jeff, I wanted a fresh start. I didn’t want to bring my old baggage into a new relationship.

wedding-day-jeff-lisa-1992

Through Jeff’s diligent patience and crazy love for me, then and now, I eventually learned more and more to let go of distrust, cynicism, and even fierce independence.

I did know on our wedding day that things would not be perfect. Life had already proven that.

But what I didn’t know was that even in its imperfection, there is a love that would allow me to be more myself, more known, than I ever had been before.

Learning to be vulnerable after being hurt can be a tricky business. You have to relearn again who you can trust. And who you can’t. We often get it wrong and pay a price.

But this time around, even when I didn’t always feel “safe” (I have a strong fear vein, y’all), I was safe.

I didn’t know it then. I know it now. Well, I’m still growing into knowing it more fully, that I can be me. Totally me.

And still be loved. 

What do you wish you had known on your wedding day?

As our featured writer this week, Karen shares 10 things about marriage she wished she had known on Day 1.

Which of Karen’s 10 things resonates most with you? It’s (1) for me. Share in the comments, then add your own links below.

10 THINGS I WISH I’D KNOWN ON MY WEDDING DAY
by Karen ‘Girl’ Friday

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18 thoughts on “What Do You Wish You’d Known on Your Wedding Day?
—Grace & Truth Linkup

  1. blankJennifer Smith

    Enjoyed your thoughts this morning. I love how God can sort through our “baggage” and even allows it to mold us/prepare us. Enjoyed your wedding photo! I really should dig mine out one day:)

    1. blankLisaNotes Post author

      I hope you’ll share if you dig out your wedding picture, Jennifer! 🙂 It’s always fun to look back and see people how looked years ago. (Of course with blogging we never know for sure how dated some pictures are anyway, lol.)

    1. blankLisaNotes Post author

      You’re too kind, Linda. 😉 I see a lot of aging when I look back at pictures. But that’s okay, right? I’m trying to accept it more and more and be grateful for it. Your attitude helps me! Happy belated birthday! 🙂

  2. blankDavid

    A beautiful happy story, with a sad beginning.

    Let a comment on Karen’s blog. No. 7 for me I think.

    Your first husband must have been mad smh

    1. blankLisaNotes Post author

      I appreciate what you shared at Karen’s blog about the importance of being a strong team. I’d guess we all have seasons where we’re better at that or worse at that. In our newest season of grandparenting I still see the importance of teamwork to keep growing in the same direction.

  3. blankLynn D. Morrissey

    So glad that you had a fresh start, after such horrific abandoning. (I can’t fathom that). So happy for you and your husband, Jeff. God is a God of resurrection, and indeed, you are both blessed.
    Love,
    Lynn

    1. blankLisaNotes Post author

      Thank you, Lynn. Yes, God is indeed a God of resurrection. I’m SO grateful for that. 30+ years ago I could never have imagined the great blessings that were in store for me (of course there has been some great losses as well), but God has never abandoned me, ever.

      1. blankLynn D. Morrissey

        I was going to say, such a ssweet happy, ending, but really, it’s the end of a sad story, and the beginning of a wonderful one–an adventure still in the making!

  4. blankDonna

    Lisa, I was blessed both by your vulnerability in sharing your story and the similarities between yours and mine. My first marriage ended similarly only I was left with a 2 month old little girl to raise. I definitely brought some unwanted baggage into my second marriage and the road has not been easy, but one thing I wish I had known on my wedding day was the power of forgiveness. btw, I agree with Linda (Stoll) you look beautiful in your wedding pic, and you haven’t changed a bit! (I’m totally jealous)

    1. blankLisaNotes Post author

      Our similarities go even further than you know, Donna…I too had a newborn daughter when my first husband left. I wish we were next-door-neighbors irl so we could swap stories! I’m so sorry that we have all this in common though. But thankful to see how God has brought us both to wonderful new lives in the years since those hard days.

  5. blankBarbara Harper

    I love your wedding picture! I wish I had known, too, that I could be known and loved for myself. I hadn’t been married before, but I had dated a guy for over four years. We were engaged for part of that time. Near the end, I couldn’t seem to do anything right. At some point, it dawned on me that this was not the way it was supposed to be, and I broke up with him. It took me years to process all of that. My husband is so different, and I don’t have to be afraid of his constant displeasure. He rarely shows displeasure with me.

    I also wish I had known that even in a good relationship with two people who love God and love each other, marriage has its hard moments. We won’t get rid of this pesky sin nature until heaven. My biggest problems in marriage and motherhood have been the result of my own selfishness. But God gives grace, and we grow.

    1. blankLisaNotes Post author

      I’m glad that you had the courage and strength to break off the engagement to your boyfriend of four years. That must have been so difficult. My oldest daughter broke off an engagement and it was hard. But I’m so grateful she did, as I know you’re so grateful you did, too. It opened up the way for fresh blessings with someone who was a better fit. Yes, so thankful for God’s grace!

  6. blankKaren Friday

    Lisa, I’m grateful my article is highlighted this week. What a blessing! And thanks for sharing your story and experience. Glad the Lord brought Jeff into your life to transform your view of how a marriage can work with Christ in the center. I’ve come to realize there is no such thing as “a match made in heaven.” Instead, there’s no match for heaven’s power and the Lord’s love in a union of two people who desire to honor God in their marriage!

    1. blankLisaNotes Post author

      I appreciate your faithfulness in blogging, Karen, of sharing God’s truths that help sustain our relationships with each other.

      I totally agree with you: “I’ve come to realize there is no such thing as “a match made in heaven.” Instead, there’s no match for heaven’s power and the Lord’s love in a union of two people who desire to honor God in their marriage!” Beautifully said!

    1. blankLisaNotes Post author

      Totally, Debbie. Marriage (and parenting) has revealed aspects of myself to myself and others that I might not have seen otherwise and wouldn’t have known needed work. I’ve seen lots of that through the years. 🙂 I’m grateful too for my patient and loving husband.

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