Fasting the Illusion of Independence – 40 People of Lent Project
“Remind me of a love that is good
and let the warmth of it tug loose
a memory
of being seen and loved, even cherished
by a familiar, knowing face.
They’re here within reach.
These loves.
The kindling of gratitude when I start
to count and count and count again.”
– Kate Bowler, Have a Beautiful, Terrible Day!, Thursday of Lent, Week One
Count to 40
I’m counting again this year: 40 faces in 40 days. It’s my personal 40 People of Lent project.
I only have two rules for myself:
- Don’t repeat people. Connect with someone different every day.
- Go below the surface, when possible. Aim for an intentionally meaningful connection.
We like to believe we choose the details of our lives. And some of the details we can choose, within reason.
But knowing which exact people we will see (and even more, who we’ll make a connection with) in any 40-day stretch is essentially out of our control.
Maybe we can count on seeing those who live in our homes, those we work with, those we have weekly meetings with.
Yet all the other random lovelies that we may cross paths with on any given day? We can’t predict who they will be.
- Who will I meet for the first time?
- Who will pop into my life from long ago?
- Who will be a steady presence on multiple days?
But this is what I hope to find out from now until Easter.
How Independent Are We, Really?
Kate Bowler writes about choice, among many other things, in her newest book, Have a Beautiful, Terrible Day! Daily Meditations for the Ups, Downs & In-Betweens.
“American culture values choice above all. People who choose are masters of their own destiny. They are the greatest of all mythical creatures: self-made. By contrast, people with fewer choices—less independence, more dependence—might begin to feel the sting of a distinct kind of shame.”
Yet this illusion of choice is a setup. Kate reminds us what we already know, that much of life will not go as we plan because . . .
“All of our freedoms—our choices and our ridiculous attempts to plan our lives—are constrained by so many unchangeable details.”
From our very first breaths, many details of our lives are not chosen by us, including when we entered the world, which family we were born into, and what citizenship we immediately attained.
We aren’t as independent as we think, as if independence is a trophy to be proud of. As Kate puts it, “Our independence is a sham.”
The truth is, we need each other. Even more than we’d like to admit.
“How are we? Dependent. How are we doing? Fine until we need help (which will be in roughly two or three minutes).”
Fasting the Illusion of Independence
So for Lent again this year (like I did last year), I choose to fast my illusion of independence—and accept the reality that I am a dependent creature—by connecting with 40 different humans whom I will run across in my daily life, some by design and some quite unexpectedly.
That is my plan. (And knowing how plans often unravel, I’ll hold it loosely.)
And this is my goal, the beautiful sentiment of Guru Arjan:
“I see no strangers. I see no enemies. Wherever I look, I see my people.”
How independent do you see yourself? Share your thoughts in the comments.
If you’d like to follow along with Kate Bowler’s Lenten prompts, sign up for daily emails at her site here.
Or you can read her book, Have a Beautiful, Terrible Day!, which has 39 daily meditations, plus 40 meditations for Lent and 8 for Advent. As in all her books, you’ll discover rich connections among the coexistence of pains and joys.
Learn more about Kate Bowler’s books:
- The Lives We Actually Have: 100 Blessings for Imperfect Days
If you need words to ask a blessing over your imperfect day or to offer a friend, read this one. - Good Enough: 40ish Devotionals for a Life of Imperfection
It’s okay to not be okay all the time. This is another great book by Kate Bowler. - No Cure for Being Human (And Other Truths I Need to Hear)
There may be no cure for being human. But there is eventual relief from its impermanence.
My thanks to Netgalley + Convergent Books
for the review copy of Have a Beautiful, Terrible Day!
I’ve been told I am fiercely independent (and can be stubborn). 🙂 I think many, many years of being a single mom may have contributed to my independence. Some things just needed to get done whether I had help or not. Although, my best wisdom for any single parent is get support, support, and support….! Your 40 day challenge is such a great way to intentionally connect with others!
This sounds like fun, but since I am mostly at home the majority of the time I will most likely keep seeing the same person. 🙂 But I enjoyed your post and will definitely keep track of the people I see for the next 40 days.
Wow, I can see how this practice would push you out the door and into humanity! (I picture myself driving to a gas station and hoping that someone is still working at 10:00 pm in order to encounter a human before the day ends!)
What a noble objective for Lent, Lisa! I often pray in the car as I head out for errands, a coffee date, a Bible study session, etc. that I might be a good listener and a voice of encouragement for those I encounter. I love the thought of blessing someone in this way every day for the season of Lent. Thank you for inspiration!
Lisa, I remember how much I enjoyed your reflections on this last year. It is such a unique idea. In my travels I am often intrigued and delighted by the people I meet. I am going to join you for this challenge this year, (though late to the party by 2 days!) Though I did encounter some interesting people the last 2 days without even trying, so I’ll count them!
I am terribly independent and like Lynn, “stubborn” as my husband often reminds me. Independence can be both a blessing and curse at times, would you agree?
I, too, stay at home. Working from home, I do not get out and about much. Now when the weekend rolls around, that’s a different story. I like to get out and go! I enjoy encountering people. Call me a social butterfly. It was a struggle for me when the office went remote. I have adjusted and enjoy the weekends even more!
Thanks for sharing!
Take care and best wishes.
Thank you for the inspiration, Lisa. I’ve heard so much about this book already. But your post spurred me on to buy it and sign up for her Lenten updates.
This year, for Lent, I’m reading through the Book of Job – something I’ve never done before and finding so much to learn from it.
I barely leave my home and I’m not really a people person. I do try so hard to connect to those I know though, even if it’s through my computer screen. Last night I found myself in a room of around 200 like minded people. I only spoke to a couple of them though.
What a fantastic thing to do for lent and a brilliant sounding book.
I am a bit of an introvert but at the same time if I go too long without speaking to people it makes me sad.
Yes, Lisa, I remember this well from last year. And I appreciate this prompt for this season, again.
Great post and a fabulous way to intentionally connect with others! Thanks so much for sharing it with us at this week’s SSPS party.
xx – Maria @ Krafty Planner