At the Intersection of Curiosity and Energy

“Curiosity is the main energy.”
— Robert Rauschenberg

When Your Energy Freezes Up

I’ve been waiting to hear these words for several weeks. They finally arrive in an email on a Friday morning.

“All the paperwork is complete. We need to admit her today or tomorrow. Let me know what you prefer.”

I walk into the spare bedroom where I’ve been piling my friend’s new clothes on the bed, preparing for this move. I wonder if everything will fit her since she’s lost weight. I doubt now that it will all squeeze into one suitcase. I wish I’d been able to give her more notice about the move.

I see the sharp contrast between how much is left to accomplish, and my energy to do it. There is no way I can make everything happen for her today. Can I even be ready by tomorrow?

I don’t know. But I type my email reply and hit send:

“Tomorrow will work!”

The exclamation mark is perhaps inappropriate. I’m not that certain. My body already feels overwhelmed. My heart is racing.

Yet my energy is frozen.

Where Does Energy Go?

I’ve been intentionally curious about energy the past few weeks.

• How do I use my energy?
• What gives me more energy?
• What depletes my energy?
• How much energy do I need to function in an ordinary day?

I even catch myself using the actual word, “I’d like to [insert activity], as long as I have the energy for it.”

Every person’s energy is finite, even though some appear to have limitless energy and some have little. As an Enneagram Five, I’m aware that my energy is a basically fixed resource, so I like to budget it wisely.

By Friday afternoon my brain feels tired from all the loose threads it’s trying to pull together to create a cohesive move-in for my friend.

Mental work requires energy too. I allocate a portion of that energy to create a checklist of things to pack for my friend. Of things to remind her to bring from her apartment. Of questions to ask the staff when we arrive at her new place.

The list works. I no longer have to use more energy to think about logistics; now I only have to do.

More Energy Hacks

Saturday morning arrives.

Now it’s my body that is rebelling. It longs to stay in bed. Doing also needs energy. I force myself up, eat breakfast, and even though it’s still morning, I pop open a rare can of Diet Coke (not a healthy hack, but a temporary fix today; I’m not a coffee drinker).

I need a better boost to keep moving. I stop for five minutes to do some deep breathing to prepare for the day. It helps.

I notice where my energy is pooling now: into my emotions. I feel anxious. I feel doubtful. I feel alone.

This energy morphs into the visual manifestation of tears. After my shower, my husband Jeff finds me alone in the bathroom crying. He does what a best friend can: he offers me his complete presence for the day. I graciously accept.

We can sometimes borrow other people’s energy to give our own a boost. Jeff typically has more energy than I do; I’ll tap into his today.

I’m also aware of the connection between energy and purpose, between energy and relationship. When our energy wanes, we might need to remind ourselves of our values.

• What am I wanting to do and why?
• What value am I meeting by this use of energy?
• Why is this important (or not) to me? To someone else?

I remind myself that my friend needs this move. I am here to help her, as Jeff is here to help me. We have enough combined energy together to get this accomplished, one task at a time.

End-of-the-Day Energy Birther

The day progresses with ups and downs. By late Saturday afternoon, the work is done. My friend has a new home, food in her stomach, and a staff of people to meet her needs. Jeff and I drive back to our own house.

I’ve consumed almost all my energy to get to this point.

I use its final wisps to reflect back on the day. I’m curious about the existential overwhelm I felt earlier, the feeling that there was too much to do and not enough energy to do it.

I’ve felt this flooding before. I’m certain I’ll feel it again. But with each go-round, I hope I’m learning to practice a few more skills for successfully managing my finite energy:

• by taking pauses for deep breaths,
• by organizing on paper what is circling in my head,
• by asking others for help,
• by taking one thing at a time, and
• by remembering my why.

And one more energy booster at the end of every day . . . by stopping when my daily awake time is used up. Even if I have leftover energy and could get more done, I need to lay down my body and my brain for sleep.

Rest will birth new energy that I’ll need again tomorrow.

Are you a high-energy or a low-energy person? Share your thoughts in the comments.

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