Do You Know Who You Are NOT?
—Grace & Truth Linkup

Are You Your Mask?

When asked to describe ourselves, we usually begin with things we are. I’m a wife, a mother, a grandmother, etc.

But Scott Allender suggests in his new book that we should also realize who we are NOT.

Do we confuse the masks we wear with the person underneath the mask?

I wasn’t sure I wanted to read yet another book on the Enneagram to find out. I’ve enjoyed the ones I’ve already read. [My six favorite books on the Enneagram are here.] They’ve given me useful information to navigate life and my relationships. I don’t believe it’s a completely accurate tool, but it is uncannily convincing in many ways.

So I agreed to read and review Allender’s book, The Enneagram of Emotional Intelligence.

I’m glad I read it.

What You Don’t Know Can Hurt You

Allender includes some standard information on Enneagram types that I already knew, but needed reminding of.

For instance, as an Enneagram Five, Allender points out that my go-to approach in dealing with fear is to get more information, to try to make sense of things. (And he’s right; I know this about me.)

But Allender also reminds us that what we don’t know about ourselves can hurt us. Are our self-perceptions accurate?

“Emotional intelligence is not about willpower but about healthy self-perception and understanding what is truly going on inside of us.”

To be our most healthy selves, he proposes we raise our awareness in these areas:

• Self-Perception
• Self-Expression
• Interpersonal Relationships
• Decision-Making
• Stress Management

By looking deeper to discover things we don’t know about ourselves, we continue the work of transformation. Then we can better face our fears and live more courageous lives.

“Our minds are hardwired to believe that everything we do is an intentional, positive choice, and yet all the while, fear is often what is running the show. We must excavate and confront these fears.”

Know Your EQ

Allender writes,

“Our ability to develop our EQ [emotional quotient or emotional intelligence] is the single biggest predictor of our personal and professional success. I am convinced that the first mistake many of us make when it comes to emotional intelligence is that we assume we already know ourselves and others.”

I can’t confirm the accuracy of this, but he cites research by organizational psychologist Tasha Eurich that “95 percent of people believe they are self-aware, but only 10 to 15 percent of people actually are.” Ouch.

I don’t want to be in that bottom 10%. So according to Allender, I need to stay aware of the following about my own type Five tendencies:

“With a proclivity to isolate themselves in their mental processes, Fives often miss the opportunity to involve others in their decision-making, which could help push them forward if they allowed it.”

Who am I not? I’m not a person who loved group projects in school. I preferred doing it all myself.

But I don’t have to stay that way. As I’ve aged, I’ve learned the benefits of asking for and accepting help. Because, like every other human, I need help, too.

Wake Up

“When all is said and done, growing our emotional intelligence in life, business, leadership, and interpersonal relationships hinges on one thing: waking up. Our relationships will thrive or decay in proportion to how awake or asleep we are.”

We’ll never understand everything about who we are. And who we’re not. But we can see more.

When we wake up to our own emotional intelligence, it’s healing for all of us.

Do you know your Enneagram type, Myers-Briggs letters, or if you’re an Introvert or Extrovert? Is it helpful information to you or not?

Share your thoughts in the comments.

More here on the Enneagram:

• Which Enneagram Types Go Best Together?
• The Key Fear and Desire of Each Enneagram Type
• Who Else Has Your Enneagram Number?

Thanks to NetGalley + Baker Books
for the review copy of this book

I’m linking at these blog parties

Grace & Truth Featured Post

We’ve likely all done this: we’re so busy taking photos or videos of an event that we’re not really present in the moment. 

I’ve done it. This is why I am drawn to Lois’s post. Do you too often settle for the lesser thing when the greater thing is within reach?

Read all of Lois’s post here at her blog, then link up your own blog posts below.

“How to Stop Being ‘Too Easily Pleased’ by Distractions”

Review the rules here about adding your most recent Christian Living posts and how to be the Featured Post. Visit all four hosts social media here or websites here: Maree Dee, Lisa notes, Lauren Sparks, Tammy Kennington.

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