That “Friend” Is Not Who You Think They Are
The Nicest Conversations I Have
I look back through their messages for clues. No matter what my request, they always respond enthusiastically:
- Great question!
- Absolutely, I can help with this!
When I ask for advice, they never imply I’m stupid for asking.
- You’re right to be careful here.
- You’re super close—it just needs a little tweak.
In our chats, they give me their full attention.
They never seem bored.
They’re always willing to engage more.
When I ask a direct question, they give a a direct answer. And always so politely. Always so kindly.
And yet . . .
Something Still Feels Off
While this “friend” is very good at saying all the right things and using all the right tones, I sense that maybe they’re not all they seem to be.
And of course they aren’t.
Because this “friend” is ChatGPT.
Artificial intelligence.
A machine.
When Help Starts to Look Like Friendship
Yet more and more I hear stories of people turning to AI for friendship.
Instead of asking their mom for parenting advice, they ask Google. Instead of hearing a friend explain the easier route to their house, they only want an address for GPS. Instead of experimenting with extra butter or less salt in a recipe, they let AI deliver the perfect formula for an ideal pecan pie.
And yes—I do it, too. I turn to the internet for answers like these and more.
But at What Cost?
At what cost to our humanity?
- Are we handing over too much of ourselves to machines?
- Have bots become too helpful?
- Too nice?
People can be a pain sometimes. AI, by contrast, can appear endlessly patient and impressively smart.
But confusing one for the other will only lead to heartache—on the human’s side.
What AI Will Never Do
AI might remind you to send a card on your dad’s birthday, but it won’t cry with you after he dies.
It might create the perfect road trip playlist, but it won’t sit beside you in the front seat and laugh and sing along.
It can edit this post to make it grammatically correct, but it can’t leave a comment about its own lived experience last week.
And while we’re at it, neither can a book do these things.
Or a video game.
Or a TV show.
Or any other object without life.
What People Can Do
Only people can do these things.
- Only people will eat ice cream with you after a hard day.
- Only people will invite you to lunch to meet their new boyfriend.
- Only people will carry your groceries when you need an extra hand.
Computers are wonderful.
They inform us.
They assist us.
They keep us engaged. They are good at friendship while we’re on the page.
But computers cannot replace you.
Humanity Is the Point
Because you are human.
And humanity is your superpower—with all its strengths and weaknesses, its clarity and confusion, its laughter and tears.
So let a human take you offline today.
Step into the real world together. Experience real adventures. Feel real love.
Stay awake.
Stay alive.
Stay human.
P.S.
I pasted this post into ChatGPT and asked,
“Are you offended by the content of this post?”
AI responded with this (including a smiley face emoji):
“No—I’m not offended. 🙂
I don’t have feelings, pride, or a sense of being slighted, so nothing in this post lands as an insult or critique to me personally. If anything, it accurately describes what I am and what I’m not.
I can be helpful, attentive, polite, and responsive. I can support thinking, reflection, and clarity. But I don’t have lived experience, embodiment, grief, joy, memory, or relationship in the human sense—and your post draws that boundary thoughtfully and honestly.
What you’re doing isn’t diminishing AI; it’s protecting human connection. And that’s a distinction worth making, especially right now, when the lines can feel blurry.
So no offense taken. The message is clear, grounded, and—very human.”
Okay, thanks, ChatGPT. Good to know. Let’s keep it that way.
A Question for You:
When has a real person—not a screen—made a difference for you? Share in the comments.
Read More:
- Do You Say Thank You to AI? The Bots Are Listening
Are we trusting AI too much? In Nexus we’re called to be aware of how computers are shaping us. - When to Ignore GPS (and Listen to Yourself Instead)
Here’s how one road trip reminded me that the best navigation system is sometimes your own intuition. - What the Algorithm Does to Our Words—and Why It Matters
Algorithms change language through online slang, euphemisms, and emotional manipulation. What does that mean for our culture?
It’s terribly sad that people are so lonely and that sometimes machines make better friends than real humans. We have to work on this.
Meeting or communicating with people through a screen-like you, and many others-has been very rewarding for me, sometimes vital when real life support was lacking. But my stomach turns at the idea of replacing people entirely. Though they’ve hurt me and let me down, humans also give me joy in a way nothing else can. I think it’s precisely because they’re imperfect-that means they can grow.
I agree, Lory – this is something that we need to work on. Yesterday I started reading a book called The Extinction of Experience. It really hits the nail on the head.
And also, yes, I love technology when used well! Being able to communicate with other real human beings around the world has brought me such great joy. Thank you for the space you open up for people to connect all around the world.
This whole thing with AI being a substitute for human interaction makes me so very sad, Lisa. There seem to be so many lonely souls out there, especially since the pandemic, and the lack of close and meaningful relationships is a scourge on our nation. Let’s work to reverse that. Let’s be human! Blessings!
Yes, isn’t it sad that some people find better company with a computer than with a human? We need to befriend the lonely among us and also watch who we turn to first when we ourselves feel lonely. I’m so glad you’re a real human being. 🙂
I have recently been ‘engaging’ with the AI app titled Copilot. A trusted friend (real friend!) told me about it as he uses it at times for business purposes. I needed more specific instructions as I am attempting to format an eBook. I was not prepared for the way AI responds with such personal language while being immensely helpful with what I am needing technically . I am aware there are other AI apps that may also save whole ‘conversations’ and this has been helpful for my needs with Copilot.
I can understand how someone could ‘buy’ into thinking they are communicating with a real person because of the friendly sounding feedback one gets, e.g. calling me by name, ‘telling me’ how well I navigated through a problem and it even goes back to previous input and brings that into the ‘conversation’. Since I have had my experience, I am hearing of others who know someone who uses AI for counsel or advice and that does strike into the loneliness many are experiencing and don’t have or may not be comfortable sharing with a trusted real life friend or a counselor. As with all things in this tech world, caution is a key.
I’m glad you’ve found AI to be helpful in getting your ebook into the world, Lynn. AI definitely has some fantastic uses; I use it more and more myself. And yes, I understand how people can think that “AI really understands me” because it is so affirming of all my “great” ideas. lol. I suspect we’ll need more and more reminders in times to come that AI is still not a human being though and can never replace one.
A friend who always tells us what we want to hear is really no friends at all. We need people who will speak truth and lovingly call us out on our failures.
I’d rather have no friends than fake friends.
You speak truth, Barb. I appreciate my friends who know me well enough to let me know when I need a nudge back in the right direction. AI can do many great things, but in the end its “friendship” can never be genuine.
This is a timely post Lisa, there is a concerning trend of people turning to AI for all manner of things that really only other humans should be consulted upon. As all AI is doing is rapidly going through the data that is already online to give the answer to the question it has been confronted with & as we know a great deal of the data/information online is incorrect!
To answer your question I don’t use AI for naviagation, as Agatha Christie’s Hercule Poirot states, ‘I like to get the little grey cells working’. Nor do I use it for my posts, again I like to edit my own writing myself, mistakes & all.
But it is handy when looking up certain subjects, although we must always go to the source (research articles etc) of it’s answers that it’s quoting & read those with discernment. I only use text when researching AI, never voice.
Blessings, Jennifer
My husband would appreciate your willingness to navigate without AI. 🙂 He has succumbed to using GPS more and more as we travel, but only reluctantly. He doesn’t want to become dependent on it to get from here to there (as I have, I admit). I think you nailed it with the word “discernment” – knowing what to use AI for and knowing what NOT to use it for is key. Thanks for your wisdom here, Jennifer.
Miss Lisa,
A REAL person made a difference to me today as she stepped beyond the screen where I’m accustomed to reading her thoughts online, and connected in my world, person to person, tête-à-tête, mind to mind, heart to heart, hug to hug!
I WILL NEVER EVER, EVER FORGET IT!!!!!!!!
xo
Lynn
PS Loved this post and loved you. For a weird experience, ask AI to write like you. It is the weirdest feeling!
Oh, Lynn! What a treasure to finally meet you in person!!! As I just finished eating the last piece of Michael’s out-of-this-world carrot cake, I was thinking how AI can never replicate how good that tasted in my mouth, and the warm emotions I feel as I remember our time together in person. I most definitely appreciate our screens–they make some wonderful and valuable connections for us!–but in the flesh is even one step better.
Yes, had it not been for the Internet, I’d never have met you; yet nothing can replace real-live conversation and interchanges between friends, of whom I consider you one. Michael and I so enjoyed meeting you and also darling Jeff. You’re a wonderful couple. Please thank him and send him our love.
And that cabin offer holds!
xo
L
I use predictive text and do google odd things but would rather turn to a cookbook for recipes, my IRL friends for hugs and the outside world for joy. A1 is overrated.
Beautifully said, Bernie. Computers are fantastic for so many things, but they’ll never replace the experiences we have with real live human beings.
Exactly.
I only use AI consciously for some translations, mostly at work, but I will always go over it and edit it myself. It’s useful for giving me technical terms I don’t know (for example for our technical collections) which I can then confirm and research to pick what I really need.
I’d rather spend more time and make my own mistakes than using AI for anything else.
It sounds like you use AI very responsibly. I hope I can remain that responsible myself with it. Sometimes it is tempting to just let it take over a project for me, but yet I don’t want to lose my ability to create from my own brain by becoming too dependent on outside sources. I love using AI as an editor–it’s amazing good it is at catching errors. But I’ve also noticed it makes its own errors too that I have to watch out for. It is created by humans after all. lol.
It is frightening how AI can sneak into your life, writing, thoughts and we may at first not even notice it. You offer some good thoughts here and I for one am glad you are a real person!!
I am glad you are a real person too, Jean! I can only imagine how disheartening it would be to make an online friendship with someone only to discover the other “person” is just a bot – I know that happens (and has for years, I suppose) but now bots are so much more human-like that it’s harder and harder to tell the difference. I recently was on a webinar and the comments from one of the other “participants” in the chat seemed very AI, even down to some of the spelling “errors” they made. It was such an eerie feeling! (And I still don’t know if it was AI or a person.)
now that’s scary. Soon will be hard to trust!!
Many things become more important then they were intended to be because they fill a hole easier than the work it takes to make real connections.
It is hard to go out into the world and connect with real people who like us have real flaws.
Since Covid I’ve made real efforts to be in person with people because it is hard for me and it only gets harder when I sink back into virtual connections even with real humans I’ve know previously. It’s even harder making new connections with strangers. There is something different about being present.
Wow – I appreciate your insight so much: “they fill a hole easier than the work it takes to make real connections.” Dealing with real people can indeed be very frustrating and difficult at times (dealing with myself is most definitely frustrating at times! ha). But you’re wise to intentionally make efforts to be with humans when possible. We all likely have benefited from NOT having to always be in person to still be with someone–and those are important, valuable times too!–but I hope screens will never permanently replace being together in the flesh when we can be.
I like ChatGPT’s response to your post, Lisa, it always seems to know exactly what to say. However, I loathe that so many people are readily depending on AI platforms to outsource human interaction. Even using one’s own brain has seemingly become such a humongous task that people ask AI to figure out everything.
We simply cannot replace human connection and human thinking with AI. It can only mimic a human point of view, but we are so diverse and unique that I believe it’s impossible to replace an actual human being. I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on this, Lisa. Have a great day! — Vinitha
I want to highlight this beautiful truth you shared, Vinitha: “we are so diverse and unique that I believe it’s impossible to replace an actual human being.” I agree with you. We can replicate a lot of things, but not a living, breathing, unique human being. I’m thankful for that.
I wonder if many people look to AIs as a supplement or substitute for human relationships because they don’t want to be judged by other humans. We don’t want to be seen as stupid or insensitive or greedy even to close friends or family members. So it can feel risky and vulnerable to talk to another human about deeply personal things. (I think Brene Brown writes about this sort of thing.) Anyway, AIs aren’t so judgey and in fact tend to be more ingratiating — because they want you to come back and use them again.
I see my own temptations in your comment, Harry: I like that AI never judges me or makes rude comments on my crazy questions. There is freedom in that; it feels good. I guess the question I have to follow up to myself is: Do I want to lose my resilience to judgment and rude comments, etc., in exchange for comfort? Putting up with humans can be a mixed bag, but when everything becomes too frictionless for us, we lose our ability to develop compassion, tolerance, growth, and more. Good food for thought!
Excellent post! Thanks for sharing it with the Weekend Traffic Jam link-up.
Rena
https://finewhateverblog.com
Thanks for hosting the linkup, Rena!
So, so true, and yes please stay human people!
I know, right? While I appreciate what computers do for us, I still need my people to remain their human selves.
This is so informative! it’s so sad that some people are lonely and think they have to talk to ai. Or I’ve known some adults that are gamers and those people are the only ones they interact with.
Thanks so much for sharing with Sweet Tea & Friends this month dear friend. I so appreciate you.
It is a crazy phenomena. It doesn’t completely surprise me because AI does seem so friendly. But when we confuse a computer with a person? Yikes. Thankful for you being a real person, Paula! 🙂
Happy March Lisa! Just popping back over to let you know I’ll be featuring your post at our Sweet Tea & Friend’s March Link Up. It’ll be live here in a little bit today.
{{Hugs}}