Which Family Member Do You Wish You’d Known Better?

Did you ever wish you could drive? What was fun to you? Could you imagine living outside of Mississippi?

During my childhood years in the 1960s and 1970s, my siblings and I often went to Mississippi during the summers to stay two weeks with my grandparents. (Except for my youngest sister; she cried to stay home, so Mama let her.)

We would stay one week with Mamaw (my paternal grandmother) in Springville, and one week with Granddaddy and Grandma (my maternal grandparents) in Toccopola.

I remember making mud pies outside in the yard at Mamaw’s, and walking to the store to buy candy at Grandma’s.

Late 1960s, Grandma and me

1987, Mamaw and me

But overall I have only a handful of memories from those summers. I wish I had more. Especially of my grandmothers.

My grandmothers seemed very different from each other. Though they lived only a few miles apart in rural Mississippi—both grew up in poor farming families, working hard for what little they had—I viewed Mamaw as the more country woman (she had no air conditioning in her house where she birthed her babies and eventually died) and I saw Grandma as the more city woman (she lived in a neighborhood and near a store).

Mamaw was a homebody who loved taking care of her chickens and her yard dogs. Grandma liked buying purses and shoes and dressing up for church.

I would like to have known my grandmothers more. I would like to have understood their backstories.

  • Were they in love when they married, or did they marry more for convenience?
  • Did they feel oppressed as women, not voting, not driving, not having a job? Could they even imagine an alternative?
  • What would they have changed in their cultures, if they could have?

I wish I could ask them these questions and more.

Like, did they see us grandkids as different too? Being one of four kids in my family, I always felt I was just part of a group. Did my grandmothers distinguish much among us? Did they see us as just “the grandkids” or did they know each of us as individuals, too?

If I could have them both back for a day, I’d love to get to know them more as individuals too. I’d learn more about who they were and understand better how their lives rippled out into mine. I’d also want to see what they would think of this granddaughter who is now all grown up with grandchildren of her own.

Instead, I can only talk with family members living in my life right now. It’s these people I can see as the unique individuals they are. I can get to know them better and let them know they are loved. And I can share my own backstory to those who are curious to know.

Who would you like to have known better? Who can you get to know better?

Now is the time.


Share in the comments.

15 thoughts on “Which Family Member Do You Wish You’d Known Better?

  1. Martha J Orlando

    Oh, how I had asked more questions of my grandparents and my own parents, Lisa! I have a blogging friend who is committed in this year to write her memoirs for her own children and grandchildren. What a wonderful and worthy undertaking that is! Maybe, we should all take that hint so that our stories won’t die with us.
    Blessings!

  2. Barbara Harper

    My mother’s mother died when I was four, and I have only hazy memories of her. By the time I thought to ask more about her, my own mother had died. But I had a nice phone call with an aunt one day and learned a little more.

    I spent a lot of time with my father’s mother. She rotated visiting her kids and grandkids in TX, LA, and AL. I got to go with her on a couple of trips. When she lived in town, I’d often spend the night at her house, and we’d stay up reading in separate twin beds in her room. Good memories! But I still wish I knew her better as a person. As a kid and teen, I just thought of her as Granny and didn’t wonder too much about what she was like as a girl and young woman.

    I’m trying to write down things for my kids and grandson. They are not terribly interested in family history now, but perhaps one day they will be.

  3. Dianna

    I loved the pictures with you and both of your grandmothers, Lisa. And hearing how you depicted them as individuals rather than just lumping them into the “grandparent” category!

    Who would I have liked to know better? Hmmm…my Aunt Mary. She had a rough break starting when she was in high school through the rest of her life. It all led to her mental health not being totally stable. Oddly enough, I’ve heard other family members views of what the problem was, but I would have loved, as an adult, to be able to talk it over with her personally to get her thoughts and feelings about it all.

    Who can I get to know better? A sister-in-Christ who is becoming quite dear to me. I have plans. 🙂

  4. Lynn Simpson

    I find as I age I am learning the importance of knowing my heritage stories. I even wish I still had my parents here, to ask more questions. Being the youngest of five children, there is a difference between how I viewed my parents and grandparents and how my elder siblings viewed them! It’s sweet to have photographs of our families, though, as they can tell stories, too.

    1. Paula

      I never met either side of my grandparents. I was my Aunt Sue’s girl. And though I tagged along with my cousins who were older than me ( I’m closer in age to my second cousins, my first cousins are all older than me). But I loved spending time with my Aunt Sue. We lived in a company double house and Aunt Sue lived on the other side from us. I’d have to say I wish I could have gotten to know who she was beside just seeing her as my Aunt.

  5. Willow

    I miss my mom and dad still. There are times I want to ask them a question or thank them for how much they loved me and cared for me.
    I had this conversation with my teenage grandson–about being intentional in talking with me and his grandpa because we won’t be around forever, even though we are now.

  6. Aritha

    Thank you so much, Lisa, for this beautiful post and the lovely photos. It really touched me and made me reflect. My mother passed away eight years ago, and I often find myself wishing I could talk to her again. Now that I’m going through certain experiences—things I don’t share with many people—I keep thinking, If only I could ask her about this, or I wonder what she would have said. Even though that connection isn’t there anymore, your post reminded me of how much I treasure her memory.

    Sometimes I flip through my family tree—it’s one that goes back to the time of Charlemagne (around 800 AD). And I think, I would love to meet all of you, haha, spanning all those centuries! It’s a funny thought, but it also brings me a sense of connection to the past. Thank you for sharing this nice blog post Lisa—it means a lot.

    xxx Aritha

  7. Joanne Viola

    Lisa, I too, would loved to have known my Gram even more than I did. My paternal grandmother died when my dad was a boy. But my Gram was with us until my adult life. I have many memories of her, in fact, shared with my cousin just yesterday in a phone conversation. Now as an adult, I would have asked even more questions of her. This was such a sweet post and I so appreciate the reminder to make conversation with those we love. Ask questions. Truly get to know them.

  8. Debbie-Dabble

    Lisa,
    Thanks so much for stopping by!! And thanks for your kind comment about Joe’s passing…I HOPE this year is a much better year… For me, I would love to have known my maternal grandmother. She passed away when I was only 2 years old . I was told by so many that I “take after” her…She was a very strong woman and ahead of her time…Happy New year to you and your family!!
    Hugs,
    Deb
    Debbie-Dabble Blog

  9. Michele Morin

    Grandmothers seem to be winning the vote here, and I’ll say the same. My maternal grandmother passed away before I was born. I’m told that I look like her and even sound like her on the phone, so I’m very curious about her.

  10. Jean Wise

    I think this is a fascination question and one I am blog about too. I am caught between two selections: my dad – who died when I was 16 – I would love to have an adult conversation with me, get to know him better, more of a interview with him, knowing him deeper what his faith was like. The other is my great aunt Anna. she was a interesting lady. lots of history served all over the world with a PhD in Theology in the 1920s and pretty radical for that time period. I only remember her as an elderly lady briefly when I was little but I bet she had the stories! She too had a deep faith.

  11. Tea With Jennifer

    Such a memory prompting post Lisa!
    I absolutely loved both of my grandmothers & treasured the precious time I had with them, they were very different personalities but so loving.

    I’ve found out a few things since their passing (family secrets) that I wish they could have shared with me when they were alive but it was different times back then…

    I know they both saw us grandchildren as individuals which was lovely. And that they went through really tough times of Economic Depression plus two world wars but they didn’t share those times with us.

    I’d love to have a chat with my great aunt (who I never met as she had passed by the time I was born), she was a Missionary Nurse at a Leprosaruim on a remote Island off Australia.
    A work that I too have been passionate about for the last forty five years with the Leprosy Mission. Unfortunately she contracted Blackwater Fever & was nursed by those who she ministered to until her passing. Apparently they gave her a beautiful buriel on the Island, being greatly loved & respected by the Islanders.
    Blessings, Jennifer

  12. Pam

    Oh, I love this post Such sweet photos! I really wish I could talk to my parents again. I took for granted so much of the time I spent with them. I wish I could talk to my paternal grandmother, too. She died when I was 28, and I never really sat down and talked with her much before she passed. She had such an interesting history, having played the piano in a silent move theater where she met my grandfather. (She played by ear, so beautifully. Never had a lesson!) I’m an introvert, but this has reminded me I need to get to know people better.

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