When You Can’t Repay

On a cold day a few weeks earlier, I sneaked her a little box of chocolates (these are just for you!) because I think every woman needs chocolate, right? I bought one for myself too. I tell her chocolate is one of my weaknesses.

It’s just a little thing you share when you spend time together.

Her family and mine have been friends for a few years. Her family has been in a pit for awhile. Once you fall too deep, it’s hard to climb back up.

So we help as we can. Not big things to us. Bigger to them.

One day we’re on a Walmart run together. She and I look at baby things; her husband and toddler slip off elsewhere.

We converge at the checkout.

Then her husband surprises me. He hands me this card he’s bought. It’s a beautiful sentiment of thanks.

card-thanks

And she adds a Hershey’s candy bar at the checkout for me.

I want to refuse, No! Please, y’all, don’t do anything for me. You can’t afford it.”

But I understand that sometimes when you can’t pay back, you desperately want to at least say thanks.

And we should let ourselves be thanked. So I accept their gifts with humility.

Most of my friendships work in reciprocity: You treat me to dinner; I treat you to dinner. I buy you a Christmas gift; you have a gift for me. Round and round we go.

Until we can’t.

Sometimes a gift is is too big to repay in kind. I’ve received gifts that I could never repay. For those times, we need to stop trying to even things up, and just say thank you.

It works incredibly well.

Let go of the repayment guilt. And release the debt we hold over others. We can’t afford either one.

Love doesn’t work on a merit system.
The preferred exchange is grace.

Grace given. Grace received. Thank you very much.

So for my card, I say thank you very much. I’ll treasure it.

And the chocolate? I eat every delicious bite.

It’s all grace.

* * *

Is it harder for you to receive grace or to give it? Please share in the comments.

revised from the archives

17 thoughts on “When You Can’t Repay

  1. Lynn Simpson

    “The preferred exchange is grace.” Beautifully said, Lisa! One of my couple friends insists on bringing something to the dinners I host. I used to say “no” but then realized that it’s important to them that they contribute to the meal. So, now I let them know what they can bring, even though it’s not important to me. Giving is receiving, and I wouldn’t want to rob them of that!

  2. Joanne

    This was such a feel good post to read and oh so true! Sometimes the only thing to do is say thank you (or accept someone else’s thanks!).

  3. Dianna

    Dear Lisa, (I type through tears)

    What a wonderful post. Thank you so much for sharing.

    Yes, I’ve been on both ends of this spectrum and all I can say is, “It’s all of grace”.

    Beautifully written, my friend.

  4. Trudy

    “Love doesn’t work on a merit system.” So true, Lisa. Thank you for always spreading love and grace here and elsewhere in spite of your hurting heart. Love and blessings to you!

  5. Lois Flowers

    “Let go of the repayment guilt. And release the debt we hold over others. We can’t afford either one.” I love this, Lisa. It is so nice when someone just accepts a gift (or help, or whatever) with a simple thank-you.

  6. Joanne Viola

    This is just beautiful, Lisa. I have often wondered if those times we accepted the gift has ministered to the person and brought healing in ways we can’t understand or visibly see. It really is all grace, by grace, and His grace.

  7. Jean Wise

    grace upon grace upon grace. Amazing how we give and receive – both/and. it goes both ways, doesn’t it? The word is hard to hold, to fully describe, it is so beautiful. GRACE. I think I will just sit here in silence for a few minutes and ponder grace. Thank you for this moment of grace, Lisa….

  8. Michelle

    Exactly! People need to be able to say thank you. They need to be able to contribute however they can.

    When my parents were young and poor, an acquaintance bought them groceries. They told him, “we can’t pay you back.” He told them, “that’s okay, when you get the chance, and you will, help somebody else.” I saw them help many people over their lifetime, and saw some of those they helped, paying it forward too. Being kind makes for a grand community.

  9. Paula

    Oh my this is beautiful ???? you are so right here. It took me so long to be a receiver without the “you didn’t have to’s” etc… This is a beautiful lesson for us all. Such wise words.
    Thank you so much for sharing with Sweet Tea & Friends this month dear friend.

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