Lisa notes

8 Books I Recommend—April 2023

By LisaNotes April 26, 2023 Books I Recommend 33 Comments

“Books are possibilities. They are escape routes. They give you options when you have none. Each one can be a home for an uprooted mind.”
– Matt Haig

Here are 7 nonfiction books + 1 novel I recommend from what I read in April.

[See previously recommended books here]

NONFICTION

1. A Hole in the World
Finding Hope in Rituals of Grief and Healing
by Amanda Held Opelt

After the unexpected death of the beloved Christian author Rachel Held Evans at age 37, her sister Amanda tried holding it together. But the need to grieve her sister—as well as three miscarriages—finally caught up with her. She delved into how cultures in times past and and today have grieved well. She wrote this book to explain those rituals as well as share her own journey with grief. A beautiful and important work!

“Grief changes us. . . . I am not the same. . . . I do not think we can say of grief, ‘This, too, shall pass.’ There is no going back.”

2. Life in Five Senses
How Exploring the Senses Got Me Out of My Head and Into the World
by Gretchen Rubin

How many senses do we have? Scientists now have identified far more than five. But are we making the most of even the big five we’ve always known? Author/podcaster Gretchen Rubin discovered she was taking her senses for granted. She began experimenting with using her senses of seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, and touching in more ways than ever before. Her story here is very engaging. She’ll inspire you to go do likewise with your own body.

“That pink-eye afternoon had revealed three truths. I wanted to appreciate the moments of my life more fully; I wanted to get out of my head and into my life; I wanted to deepen my knowledge of the world, of other people—and of myself.”

[Read my full review here of Life in Five Senses]

3. How the Word Is Passed
A Reckoning with the History of Slavery Across America
by Clint Smith

Do you have evidence of slavery in the town you live in? Clint Smith created his own tour in the United States and elsewhere of monuments and landmarks about America’s history of slavery, including Thomas Jefferson’s Monticello Plantation, Angola Prison in Louisiana, and Blandford Cemetery in Petersburg, VA. He talked with tour guides, local residents, and other visitors at each location. The insights he documents from these places and people are valuable to each of us wanting to face our past and do better in our future. This book should tug at your heart.

“The history of slavery is the history of the United States. It was not peripheral to our founding; it was central to it. It is not irrelevant to our contemporary society; it created it. This history is in our soil, it is in our policies, and it must, too, be in our memories.”

4. The Violence Inside Us
A Brief History of an Ongoing American Tragedy
by Chris Murphy

I’m sorry this book has to exist, but I’m very glad I read it. U.S. Senator Chris Murphy explores our country’s firearm history, as well as shares both personal accounts and national stories of firearm incidents in our recent past. He says that compared to other high-income nations, the chance you will die a violent death at the hands of another person is ten times higher if you live in the United States than any other place, even though our rate of mental illness is no higher than the rest of the world. We just have lots and lots of guns here, and exceptionally easy access to them. Senator Murphy also lays out some next steps for saving lives instead of ending them. Well written and easy to understand.

“Controlling the means of violence is perhaps the most impactful lever we have to pull. Today, the safest places in America are those that make it just a little harder for people who want to hurt others to get their hands on a gun that will do the job.”

5. Soulbroken
A Guidebook for Your Journey Through Ambiguous Grief
by Stephanie Sarazin

Not all grief comes from someone dying. Ambiguous grief results from divorce, broken friendships, estrangements, infertility, dementia, etc. Yet our culture typically responds inappropriately or not at all to these losses. Stephanie Sarazin offers a path of facing ambiguous grief that goes beyond the unhelpful “be grateful and stay positive!” response. Stephanie writes, “Grief is not a condition to cure; rather, it is a human condition to be honored.”

I particularly benefited by Stephanie’s differentiation between external hope and internal hope; one is harmful and one is helpful. I highly recommend this book.

“Grieving the loss of a loved one who is still living—a partner to betrayal, a child to addiction, a parent to a degenerative disease—isn’t the same as grieving the loss of a loved one to death.”

6. The Sentences That Create Us
Crafting A Writer’s Life in Prison
by PEN America

It’s inspiring to know programs exist to help people in prison master their writing skills. It’s not only helpful for them to express themselves, but it’s beneficial for those of us on the outside to hear the unique perspectives they have to offer through their writings. This book is written for people in the justice system, but it’s helpful advice for anyone who writes. It also includes several insightful writings from those who are or have been incarcerated.

“To read, mentor, listen to, and embrace prisoners’ writing compels us to bear witness and brings us all closer to liberation.”

7. My Jewish Year
18 Holidays, One Wondering Jew
by Abigail Pogrebin

This is my pick of the month about the Jewish tradition for Lory’s Spiritual Memoir Reading Challenge. Author Abigail Pogrebin grew up in a mainly non-observant Jewish household, but as an adult she wanted to connect deeper with her Jewish traditions. She took a year to totally immerse herself in every Jewish holiday, participating in the rituals and interviewing rabbis and others to better understand the history and meaning of each holy day. She learned much not only about the Jewish people but also about herself. I learned to appreciate even more the valued role of ritual in the Jewish religion.

“Make it better. That’s Judaism’s mandate in a nutshell, and every holiday brings it home.”

FICTION

8. The Husband’s Secret
by Liane Moriarty

In this intriguing novel, Cecilia Fitzpatrick, a happy married wife, stumbles across a letter her husband wrote years ago when they were first married. Addressed to her, it was labeled to be opened only after his death. When her husband finds out she discovered the letter, he realizes their entires lives may be about to change if she opens it now.

“She felt she was on the edge of understanding something important. . . . It was easier to pretend there was nothing more to know.”

WHAT I’M READING NOW

Mothers, Daughters, and Body Image
Learning to Love Ourselves as We Are
by Hillary L. McBride
Poverty, by America
by Matthew Desmond
The Enneagram of Emotional Intelligence
A Journey to Personal and Professional Success
by Scott Allender
Why We’re Polarized
by Ezra Klein
Eight Dates
Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
by John M. Gottman
The Mindful Body
Thinking Our way to Chronic Health
by Ellen J. Langer
Fresh Water for Flowers
by Valérie Perrin

What good book do YOU recommend? Please share in the comments.

Try Poetry or Prayer With Your One Word
{One Word 2023 April Linkup}

Link all of your One Word blog posts below. Share an update about your One Word in the comments.

You don’t have to be a poet or a priest to take this month’s suggestion for your One Word practice.

Tap into your inner self by finding or creating a poem or a prayer about your One Word.

Poetry

For poetry, you might google poems online with your word. Or if you’d rather create your own, you can compose a haiku or assemble an acrostic. Try writing a sonnet or experimenting with blackout poetry. Or you can abandon any structure at all and write free verse.

Find “25 Different Types of Poems to Explore” here.

My poetry with my word HUMAN:

1. I composed a haiku.

What is a human?
A presence able to blush
In self-awareness.

2. Here’s an acrostic I put together.

H – Hallowed
U – Unique
M – Mindful
A – Astir
N – Neighbor

3. Using notes I’d already compiled from How to Human by Carlos Whitaker, I created a blackout poem.

From this:

To this:

How to Human
Hold a conversation to instinctively band together. Remind the world to be honest. You were created to be bold and confident.
Find people and love them. The bare simplicity of our humanity: love God and love others.

Prayer

You can adapt prayers recorded in the Bible or in books that relate to your word. Or if you choose to write your own prayer, you can form one around a scripture. Or write a prayer of thanksgiving, praise, or confession. Or maybe a prayer of blessing or intercession for others.

My prayer with my word HUMAN:

God,
Weave our human hearts tightly together. Fill our human spirits with kindness to neighbors. Give us vision to see humanity in strangers. To divinely love, love, love.

~ * ~ * ~

However you choose to engage with your One Word this month, stay intentional about its presence and work in your life.

There’s nothing magical or mystical about a word, but if you plant it as a seed inside you, wonderful things can grow from it.

If you do compose something, we’d love to hear it! Let us know in a comment here, link up a blog post below, or share in our One Word Facebook group.

This April linkup for One Word updates will remain open for two weeks through midnight on Sunday, May 7. Each link shared here will also be shared with our One Word Facebook group.

Next month’s One Word linkup will open on Tuesday, May 23 (every One Word linkup in 2023 will open on the 23rd).

If you’d like to receive our monthly One Word emails .

Are you sticking with your word of the year so far? Is it easier or harder than expected? Did you write a poem or prayer about your One Word?

Leave a comment here about your One Word.

Get more One Word ideas here

Link Up About Your One Word!

How Busy Are You? Know Your Priorities

By LisaNotes April 21, 2023 Encouragement 8 Comments

“Mindfulness gives you time. Time gives you choices. Choices, skillfully made, lead to freedom.”
– Bhante H Gunaratana

I’m at home in front of my laptop, looking at my schedule for the day. I hear the ping of a text. It is Jeff. He is at the grocery store buying groceries; would I like chicken for lunch and do we need lettuce?

Yes, please. And yes again.

One less meal to cook is always a pleasure to me. It gives me time to do other things. (Plus, Jeff is a wonderful and eager cook.)

I cross off “prepare lunch” from my list and immediately fill the slot with other things.

My phone pings again. Another text. This one from a friend I haven’t seen in ages. She has a rare opening in her schedule in an hour. It’s short notice, she says, but am I free for lunch?

I apologize and say no but thanks. I ask how she’s doing. So very busy, she says.

“There are hundreds of words we could use to describe our feelings, but most of us use one or two: ‘fine’ or ‘busy.'”
– Marc Brackett

Most everybody says a version of it. “I’m so busy.” “I’m too busy.” “Life is so busy.”

I’ve grown to despise the word busy. I cringe when I hear it. I try to avoid using it myself, even when it’s accurate.

There’s nothing wrong with being busy, of course. Many people are legitimately busy. They have no time for one more thing because life is coming at them hard. It’s all they can do to keep up.

But for the rest of us, some of our busyness, at least, is a choice of priorities.

I know. I often feel overwhelmed even by my at-home busyness choices. I have my fingers in a lot of pies, projects that I value, things I want to do.

But when they leave me feeling scattered and too depleted for the things that matter most to me, something is amiss.

I pause to ask myself:

What are my values?
What is most important?
Am I too busy, or is this just not my priority?

My ultimate goal is to prioritize people above projects (although the two often overlap).

But I fail at it again and again.

Years ago I remember Teresa, an acquaintance at church, toss out a casual comment about how she prioritized her time. It struck me as profound then. It continues to strike me as profound today. She said she had a hierarchy: family first, church second, work third.

I decided that day to determine my own hierarchy of priorities. If conflicts arose between time commitments, I wanted to choose immediate family first, extended family second, church family third, etc.

Decisions were easier to make with that rubric in place.

When we consciously prioritize who needs our presence the most (and the list may vary from season to season, depending on needs), and who we most need, our calendar will reflect it.

Presence takes time. Love can’t be rushed. John Mark Comer says, “There’s a reason people talk about ‘walking’ with God, not ‘running’ with God.”

If the greatest command is to love, we must slow down, give it time, as a priority.

As Laura Vanderkam says, “Time is finite, so we must make smart choices about it. But time is also abundant: there is enough for anything that truly matters.”

What truly matters today? Who truly matters today?

Presence is more important than productivity. Take ownership of your hours. They’ll pass just the same whether you use them foolishly or intentionally. And once they’re gone? You can’t get them back.

Time is too precious to leave to happenstance. Prioritize. Fill your hours with meaning, significance, and love.

Use your time on purpose.

Do you feel too busy? Share your thoughts in the comments.

Want to Be More Human? Tap Into Your Five Senses

By LisaNotes April 19, 2023 Book reviews, Human: One Word 2023 8 Comments

Take Them for Granted

“See something once—really see it—and it never looks the same again.”
– Gretchen Rubin

Be quiet.

What do you hear around you right now? By paying full attention, are you surprised at how many things you notice that you hadn’t noticed before?

We often fail to notice the everyday sounds because we don’t have to. We’re wired to listen for the exception sounds: the baby waking up, the microwave beeping, the siren behind us.

But ordinary sounds aren’t the only things we take for granted. We also do it with ordinary sights, smells, tastes, and touches.

When author and podcaster Gretchen Rubin got a wakeup call about her vision after a bout with pink eye, she decided to stop taking her vision for granted, as well as her other senses.

“I woke to a profound truth: I had my one body and its capacities right now, and I wouldn’t have them forever.”

She began an experiment that day to get out of her head and into the world. She writes about it in her newest book, Life in Five Senses. (Although she mentions we have more than five senses, the big five are her focus in this book.)

“Explicitly training my attention on the smell of a shoe store or the lobby of my daughter’s school gave me a sense of being present, of being exactly where I was, right now. When I was going somewhere, I wanted to take my body there with me.”

Even though I’ve loved Gretchen’s previous books, I confess when I first heard about this book on the senses, I thought: Kinda interesting, but this one’s not for me.

But then I caught her enthusiasm about it on her podcast and I rethought its intimate connection with my One Word of the year HUMAN.

Isn’t becoming more aware of our physical senses a quintessentially human thing to do?

So I’m doing it. I read the book with my eyes, but I’m living it out with my body.

Pay Attention Through Your Senses

When I watch TV now, I’m apt to close my eyes during the commercials to listen for background music. When I eat M&Ms, I might leave a couple in my mouth longer than normal to savor the chocolate. When I go for a walk, I actually see the diverse shades of green in the lawns, I hear the multitudes of birds in the trees, I notice the air on my skin. I identify when it’s garbage day by the smell of trash cans on the street.

Gretchen’s truth is my truth:

“This experience is now, it’s here; and it’s also past, never to be repeated.”

To enhance your self-knowledge about your senses, take Gretchen’s online Five Senses Quiz here. By answering a few questions, you’ll identify your most appreciated and your most neglected sense.

To no surprise, my most appreciated sense is taste. I do savor Cadbury Creme Eggs and my mother-in-law’s strawberry cake.

But my most neglected sense? Smell. Apparently it’s the sense I turn to the least for pleasure and comfort, meaning I’m leaving an avenue untapped.

To increase my mindfulness about pleasant smells, Gretchen suggests appreciating the scent of laundry detergent; visit a fragrance counter and sample five scents; simmer spices on the stove; recall scent memories from your grandparents’ kitchen. And eliminate bad smells from the fridge or below the sink or in a garbage can.

An unexpected angle in Life in Five Senses was Gretchen’s emphasis on using our five senses to enhance our relationships with other people.

“Just as we’re always looking for other people, we’re always listening for them, too. Particular areas of the brain selectively pick out and activate at the sound of the human voice.”

Here are highlights from Gretchen’s “Manifesto for Listening” in the book about improving relationships through hearing:

Show my attention: Turn my body and eyes to face the other person.
Don’t rush to fill a silence.
Ask clarifying questions; paraphrase or summarize to show that I understand—or not.
Respect what other people want to talk about.
Don’t jump in with judgment or suggestions.
Stow my phone.
Listen for what’s not being said.
Don’t avoid painful subjects.
Let people talk themselves into their solution rather than supply my solution.
When in doubt, stop talking.

So whatever you’re doing right now—seeing, listening, tasting, smelling, or touching—notice more, and you’ll appreciate more.

Enjoy being human by taking full advantage of your senses.

More Highlights from Life in Five Senses

SIGHT
“Our brains combine information from all our senses, but when a conflict arises, sight usually wins.”

HEARING
“I could shape my auditory environment both by adding sounds I liked and by eliminating sounds I didn’t like. Just as I did periodic sweeps of my apartment and office to clear clutter, I needed to clear clatter.”

SMELL
“Just one minute of deep breathing can make a smell start to recede. When I walk into a coffee shop, I enjoy the smell of coffee, but before long the smell fades.”

TASTE
“In general, if we haven’t had a positive eating experience with a food by age twenty-five, we probably won’t embrace it.”

TOUCH
“We explore the world with our hands. There’s a big difference between a zoo and a petting zoo.”

What is your most appreciated sense? Underappreciated sense? Have you developed a favorite food since age 25? Share in the comments.

Thanks to NetGalley + Crown
for the review copy of this book

Ask Yourself This One Question

By LisaNotes April 17, 2023 Encouragement, Human: One Word 2023 10 Comments

Nothing Matters More

I was on the final page this weekend of a book about our five senses. It’s been a delightful journey. It’s prompted me to tune more into my own senses the past few weeks. (I’ll review that book here on Wednesday.)

But as I read the final few paragraphs of the Epilogue, I was jarred by this statement by author Gretchen Rubin because it seemed out of place:

“Nothing matters more to me than people.”

Nonetheless, it’s a statement I agree with. I suppose it’s a statement that could be included in any book, regardless of the topic.

But do I live like it’s true in my own life?

Hate the Oppressor?

I’ve been paying closer attention to the news again the past few months. It’s prompted me to research some issues and to contact my legislators. Those are good things.

But reading the news has also stirred up some bad things in me. When I see how some people behave or I listen to the words some people use, I find myself growing disgusted with these people.

Is disgust an attitude I need to have?

Granted, we are designed to loathe injustice itself. We should always stand up for the weak, fight back against discrimination, stop abuse wherever it occurs.

But does that make it okay to actually hate the ones doing the oppressing (even as we hold them accountable)? It’s an easy line to cross.

Here’s the Question

Also this weekend, while rereading my notes from a different book, this single question posed by John Pavlovitz also stops me in my tracks:

“Do you care about other people?”

Well, of course I do. I care a lot about my people. And nice people, definitely. People on the same side of the issues, yes.

But those other people? The ones hoarding their rights above all else? The ones claiming Christ but acting unloving? The ones who don’t seem to care about others (in my opinion)?

To be honest, it’s harder to care about those people, the ones who are ruining things for the rest of us.

A Theology of Love

So with this question, “Do you care about other people?”, I’m reminded to do a heart-check. If my number one value is Love, am I aligned?

Am I engaging to love all people, or just people I agree with?
Do my activities show that?
Do my words say that?
Does my attitude match that?

John Pavlovitz also says, “Your theology is only valid to the degree that your life is loving.”

If I believe all human beings are made in the image of God, I need to respect each person as such. I don’t want to harbor bitter grudges toward people I disagree with.

Instead of despising each other, may we work together for the flourishing of every person, regardless of politics, gender, religion, nationality, etc.

We still may not like the people on the “opposite side” but we can try to communicate more civilly with them. We’re neighbors here. Not just to live together. But to love together.

“Do I care about other people?”

May we ask ourselves this question often. And really listen to our heart’s answer.

Share your thoughts in the comments.

sharing at these linkups

3 C’s to Help More and Hurt Less

By LisaNotes April 14, 2023 Encouragement, Human: One Word 2023 3 Comments

It’s Only Human

We were almost to the third floor on Monday afternoon. Excitement was building. The third floor is where we see Nay-Nay.

But when we knocked on the door, and Nay-Nay bounded out with all her dog energy, her owner Doug gave us a warning. He said that Nay-Nay had her rabies shot that morning. He pointed to her sore spot.

How did we respond? By not petting Nay-Nay on that sore spot.

It was the human thing to do.

3 C’s to Help, Not Hurt

This has been another week of mass shootings and bad news, disasters and deaths.

Even in our own homes—where we feel safest with those we love the most—we’ve likely each had a negative conversation or a hard moment along the way.

Despite our best intentions, we often hurt and get hurt by each other.

But it needn’t leave us feeling helpless or hopeless. Positive steps are available if we’ll take them.

Here are 3 C’s we can use to help each other more and hurt each other less.

1 – Get CLOSER

Take a step in. If “evil does its work from a distance,” bridge a gap. Knock on the door (literally or metaphorically). Show up in person when possible. Be the face, the hand, the voice of tangible love. Put flesh on Jesus again.

Stopping by to pet Nay-Nay each week may be a small thing, but the proximity keeps our friendship alive with her family.

2 – Stay in CONVERSATION

Guessing each others’ thoughts and making false assumptions are relationship killers. Instead, practice engaging in longer conversations. Ask better questions. Listen closer to actual answers. Then ask more questions again. It’s how we learn to understand each other. We can’t solve the big problems until we get a grip on the small ones, one conversation at a time.

Nay-Nay obviously couldn’t explain to us why her back would be sore. But Doug could. We humans can use words. Let’s do so with intention and care.

3 – Show COMPASSION

Humans are designed as ultrasocial beings. We’re born to bond. Watch for others’ wounds. Be tender around pain. Show active concern. Hearts are helped through compassionate words and actions. Use self-care with your own hurts, too. Everybody matters, including yourself.

We knew the toddler with us to see Nay-Nay wouldn’t have understood the conversation about her sore spot, so we guided his hands when he stepped in to pet her. We can show compassion for other humans this way too: help our friends help other friends, protecting them from further hurt when possible.

Help, Not Hurt

All around us today, people are hurting in one way or another. Ourselves included.

Watch for the tender spots. Cater to the wounded. We can’t heal every pain (maybe none of the pains?), but we can at least stop layering on additional suffering.

Be a helper, not a hurter.

Love is the human thing to do.

Share your thoughts in the comments.