Lisa notes

How to Be a Long-Distance Grandparent

By LisaNotes April 30, 2019 Book reviews, Grandparenting 27 Comments

When the Ground Shakes

Our lives changed a year ago last January. The birth of one tiny baby girl shifted our world. It led to more travel, more Face Time, more photos, more fun.

Now the ground is trembling under our feet again.

We found out Friday that we have another granddaughter due this October!

The only thing I don’t like is the physical distance between us and them.

We’re three hours away, which isn’t far compared to many of you (more than half of all grandparents are more than 200 miles away from their grandchildren), but much farther than I’d like.

Long-Distance Grandparenting

I want to be an intentional and present grandparent, despite the distance. That’s why I love this new book by Wayne Rice, Long-Distance Grandparenting: Nurturing the Faith of Your Grandchildren When You Can’t Be There in Person.

If you also are looking for a resource full of encouragement and practical tips on how to be a long-distance grandparent, this is it. Rice says that “distance can be an opportunity” and that it’s possible to have an even better relationship because you’re not taking it for granted.

(But this book can be just as useful for grandparents who live next door to their grandchildren.)

Rice emphasizes a strong prayer connection.

“The most important and reliable connection between a long-distance grandparent and his or her grandchildren is prayer.

With God, there is no distance at all between us and our grandkids.”

Rice shares specific requests we can pray for each grandchild, and also how we can use those prayer needs to boost conversations with our grandkids.

He also encourages us to be a planner. If we don’t already know how to best use a calendar, now is the time.

“One of the reasons why some long-distance grandparents neglect to visit their grandkids is simply because of poor planning.”

Other suggestions include:

how to create a grandparenting budget
tips for visits with your grandchildren (before, during, and after)
ideas for grandparent camps/mission trips/service
how to use both snail mail and technology to keep regular communication strong.

Be Yourself

Rice includes a 10-point summary at the end of the book, culminating with #10:

“Remember, something is always better than nothing. Don’t try to be the perfect long-distance grandparent. You will not only fail but your grandchildren may want to have you committed. Be yourself and do whatever you are able to do.”

It would be impossible to do all the things suggested in this book, but even implementing a few new ideas makes the book worth the read.

I’m still a rookie in the grandparent department. I have a lot to learn about being a grandparent in the way that fits both my personality and my individual grandkids.

I’m especially grateful that I have examples of wonderful grandparents around me, including the advice repeated in this book:

“Remember that your God-given role as a grandparent is to pass your faith in Christ on down the line.”

Hearing the fast, strong heartbeat of our newest grandchild last Friday made my own heart beat faster, too.

I also want it to beat stronger.

* * *

Are you a grandparent? Or been blessed with wonderful grandparents? What advice can you give new grandparents? Please share in the comments.

My thanks to Net Galley
for the review copy of this book

8 Books I Recommend + Video Review – April 2019

By LisaNotes April 29, 2019 Books I Recommend, Video Book Reviews 43 Comments

Here is a list of amazing books I finished this month.

Some of them I started months ago, but only came to the end of them in April. They were such a treat of entertainment, information, and story.

Books I Recommend

NONFICTION

1. Everybody Lies
Big Data, New Data, and What the Internet Can Tell Us About Who We Really Are
by Seth Stephens-Davidowitz

[click here if you can’t see the 1-Minute Book Review]

Would you guess that people are more honest on internet surveys versus phone surveys, and will admit more if they are alone when filling out a survey than if others are in the room? Or that someone who mentions God was 2.2 times more likely to default on their loan? I find this type of data fascinating. This book is full of interesting information. It’s been called Freakonomics on steroids.

2. The Universal Christ
How a Forgotten Reality Can Change Everything We See, Hope For, and Believe
by Richard Rohr

Do you ever read a book that you know is important, even while not totally grasping it? I’ll need a second reading for this one. But I do understand enough to see we underestimate the meaning of “Christ” when we tack it on to Jesus as if it’s just his last name. No quick and easy answers here, but there are beautiful ones. Sorry I can’t explain it better; it’s still sinking in. Read it and explain it to me?

3. Blindspot
Hidden Biases of Good People
by Mahzarin R. Banaji

Scientists say that much of our minds (80-90%) work unconsciously. So we should stay aware that we all have blindspots. This is another interesting and important book about waking up to hidden biases we all carry. If we’re honest, it will challenge us.

4. The Fifth Risk
by Michael Lewis

Author of Moneyball, The Blind Side, The Big Short, and more. I’ll read what Michael Lewis writes. Here he delves into the risk of remaining ignorant, especially related to how our government operates. We’re worse off when we’d rather not know. Long-term consequences follow willful ignorance.

FYI, Michael Lewis has recently started a podcast, Against the Rules. I’ve listened to a few episodes and found it interesting.

5. The Innocent Man
Murder and Injustice in a Small Town
by John Grisham

No, this is not a novel. It is John Grisham’s first non-fiction work. But not to worry: it reads like a novel. This is a true story about Ron Williamson, a once-promising pro baseball player from Oklahoma, sentenced to death row. But for a murder he didn’t commit. Grisham untangles the mess of witnesses and evidence and prosecutors. It’s a complicated but fascinating story.

6. Shade
A Tale of Two Presidents
by Pete Souza

If you love beautiful pictures of real-life historical events and people, you’ll enjoy Pete Souza’s work. As Chief Official White House Photographer during Barack Obama’s presidency, he has amazing photos he shares in this book. For contrast, he juxtaposes each photo from the past with a tweet from the current president. If you follow Souza’s Instagram account, you know Pete is a pro at throwing shade, thus why he titles his book, Shade.

7. The Cleansing Flood
A Poetic Memoir of the Grief Journey
by Dr. Melissa McCrory-Hatcher

Melissa’s oldest son quit breathing one day. Unexplained. Unexpected. There aren’t words for the kind of grief that follows. But Melissa has now found some. Her words are stirring. Powerful. Melissa and I met in person at a contemplative retreat that changed us both.

My book review of The Cleansing Flood

8. Long-Distance Grandparenting
Nurturing the Faith of Your Grandchildren When You Can’t Be There in Person
by Wayne Rice

If you follow my blog, you know we had our first grandchild a year ago and life has forever changed. And tune in Tuesday…I have another announcement to share!

This is a great book for grandparents who don’t live in the same town as their grandchildren. I highlighted suggestion after suggestion from the author for ways to stay connected despite physical distance.

My book review of Long-Distance Grandparenting

READING NOW

Never Split the Difference
Negotiating as If Your Life Depended on It
by Chris Voss
The Poisonwood Bible
by Barbara Kingsolver
Here and Now
Thriving in the Kingdom of Heaven Today
by Robby Gallaty
Dreyer’s English
An Utterly Correct Guide to Clarity and Style
by Benjamin Dreyer
Doing Life with Your Adult Children
Keep Your Mouth Shut and the Welcome Mat Out
by Jim Burns
I’d Rather Be Reading
The Delights and Dilemmas of the Reading Life
by Anne Bogel
The Lost City of the Monkey God
by Douglas Preston
Off the Clock
Feel Less Busy While Getting More Done
by Laura Vanderkam

* * *

What good book have you read this month? Please share in the comments.

My books on Goodreads
More books I recommend

The Terrifying Love of Motherhood

By LisaNotes April 24, 2019 Book reviews, Kali 26 Comments

“The journey burns away all the nonsense in your life, including your own sense of control.”
– Dr. Melissa McCrory Hatcher, The Cleansing Flood

Please Don’t Leave

I was 31 years old. I’d been away on trips many times.

But I’d never felt so torn about leaving home than this time. This time would be my first out-of-town trip without our newest daughter.

We wouldn’t be leaving her with grandparents. We would be leaving her alone, at the cemetery, where we had buried her months earlier.

And though it was totally illogical, I didn’t want to leave town. I didn’t want to be so far away from where our baby girl Kali was buried.

A Terrifying Love

That was twenty five years ago. But no matter, it felt like yesterday when I read this following passage in The Cleansing Flood, by Dr. Melissa McCrory Hatcher:

“Now they’re calling us to board.
We get in line.
They scan my ticket.
Snap. The door shuts behind me.

The door they can’t open.
‘I can’t leave my son,’ she hears me say.

The plane takes off without me.”

Melissa wrote this about her own trip, one she was supposed to take without her son, also a child buried in the ground.

I first met Melissa four years ago at a silent retreat. We were learning about Centering Prayer. Even through the silence, I sensed she was heavy with pain. And indeed she was.

She was grieving the loss of her perfectly-healthy toddler to SUDC, sudden unexplained death in childhood (the ugly twin of SIDS, sudden infant death syndrome).

Melissa writes,

“Do you remember when sleeping children didn’t look like corpses?
Now, the checks are for breathing monitors.
The Angel of Death did not Pass us Over.
We verify the bloodstains on our doorframes,
confirm the bread is unleavened.
‘Please, please,
please don’t steal another healthy child from us.'”

Does it get more heart-wrenching than this?

Melissa has just released these thoughts into the world in her memoir of the grief journey, The Cleansing Flood.

If you dare, read it.

It will move you. Back and forth and back and forth. Melissa’s poetry is both gentle and breath-taking as she describes the pain of grief and the joy of motherhood.

She reeled me in immediately, in the first lines of her dedication:

“This book is dedicated to my living children. When we’re all old and gray, I intend to say, ‘I didn’t miss you because I missed him.’ I fought to be present and joyful and grateful for YOU.”

Still Worth It

This book is a fight. But it’s a victorious battle. Not because the grief disappears. It doesn’t. You never “get over” losing a child. But you learn to manage it.

You incorporate the loss into who you are.

If you’ve felt such loss yourself, or know someone who has, or want to understand how the loss can feel, grab a copy of this memoir. It’s only 128 pages.

But those pages hold more meaning than most other books twice their length.

“Even if I live to be 100, and I have to endure all those days, weeks, and months without you, I’ll still spend more time in eternity with you than I ever did without you in this life.

Even if I had known this would happen, I still would have raced across the world to make you my son. I still have absolute certainty that you were supposed to be in our family, even if only for a short time.”

Yes.

“This book is a testimony to the fact that when everything else is stripped away in a crucible of fiery pain, Jesus is still there…even if you’re angry at him. Grief journeys are not straight paths.”

Also, yes.

On the Path

On that day twenty five years ago, I came up with a work-around solution: I decided I could leave town if I put someone else in charge of watching over my baby Kali.

A friend agreed to be on call for me. If I needed her to run to the cemetery while I was gone, if I had an irrational moment of panic, she would do it.

I did leave town for the weekend. I made it. So did my baby, as I knew in my head that she would.

The head and the heart don’t always travel down the same paths.

* * *

Dr. Melissa McCrory Hatcher is also the author of two excellent seasonal devotionals:

How Do You Remember the Lessons?

By LisaNotes April 22, 2019 Miscellaneous, Spiritual disciplines 30 Comments

God is constantly teaching us lessons.

But sometimes we sleep through class. If we show up at all.

However, there are also times—especially during times of great suffering or great joy—when we’re all ears. Alert and listening, we work hard to understand what he’s showing us, soaking up every lesson.

We want to remember these lessons. They matter. They change our lives, not only in the moment, but also in our future.

So how can we hold on to these these lessons from God?

One way to retain our lessons is to document them.

Create a Notebook

On Tuesday, April 23, Enjoy God’s Word Conference will begin. There will be a wide range of topics and speakers on different ways to grow closer to God.

I’ll be sharing “How to Create a Spiritual Growth Notebook” on how we can keep track of God’s faithfulness.

Here’s a 1-minute sneak peek from the conference.

[Click here if you don’t see the video]

During this session we’ll look at why it’s beneficial to keep a record of your spiritual history.

Because we forget when we don’t intentionally plan to remember.
Because remembering the past helps us move more faithfully into the future.
Because God specifically says to remember. (See Genesis 28:11-18; Exodus 17:14-15; Joshua 4:1-10; 1 Samuel 7:12)

We’ll also set up a notebook with a 3-ring binder, tabs, sheet protectors, and nine notebook categories for things related to our spiritual health.

When we’re organized, we can find what we need, deepen our current faith, and have fertile ground to plant new seeds.

Get Content and Community

You get access to these three spaces:

Library
This is is where all the video sessions will be kept. You will have lifetime access to all the sessions in the digital library + your own conference notebook with details on every session.
Lounge
This is where community happens. It’s already open, so if you have a ticket, drop in now and say hello to fellow attendees. This is also where live Q&A sessions will happen with each speaker.
Livestream
The Philippians keynote sessions with Katie Orr will be broadcast live each day of the conference at 9AM and 2PM EST. But they’ll also be recorded and added to the library if you can’t watch live.

I’m excited for it to get started!

* * *

If you sign up, please join me for a live Q&A in the Lounge on Tuesday, April 23, at 11am Eastern/10am Central Time! I’d love to chat and hear your ideas.

How do you best remember things? Please share in the comments.

When You Can’t Control the Timing

By LisaNotes April 18, 2019 Guest posts, Trust 4 Comments

I’m a clock-watcher. I almost always know what time it is, regardless of what I’m doing.

But we can’t live by the clock. We can’t really even know what will happen in the next thirty minutes.

How do we cope with the uncertainty of not trusting time? What do we do when we can’t control the timing of our lives?

We have to place our trust in something else.

Read the rest here: When You Can’t Trust Time

* * *

I’m writing today at Do Not Depart about trusting WHO when we can’t trust WHEN.

Will you join me there?

Let God Love You

By LisaNotes April 15, 2019 Encouragement, Hope 22 Comments

When You’re Tired

I got the email Thursday morning. It was from UPS. It said my package would be delivered today.

What would it be? I couldn’t remember what I’d ordered. But I was ready for it, whatever it was.

I’ve been extra tired lately. It’s been an extra busy winter. The demands of life sometimes overload me, both the fun as well as the hard. My introverted self wanted an escape.

Jeff had suggested I take a staycation. I’d been trying it. I did say no to a few things and postponed a few more.

My theme for Lent this season has been “Go slow; say no.“

But the no was designed to serve a purpose: to open room for the yes with God.

Place Your Order

I love getting packages (just ask Amazon). Placing an online order is exciting because I know it means a box will show up on my porch soon.

My “Go slow; say no” mantra was my way of placing a spiritual order, an ask of God to quiet down the noise so I could rest more in him.

But placing the order is just the beginning. Watching for the package comes next. And when it arrives? Receiving and opening the package brings joy.

God often attempts deliveries to us. But we’re not always home. We don’t always check the porch. We don’t always answer the knock.

But when we do? We are letting God love us.

Let God Love You

For my staycation week I let God love me: through Jeff’s offer to grill steak for supper; through cuddling a new one-day-old niece; through words of affirmation from a sweet friend.

And the package delivery from UPS? It came as promised on Thursday afternoon. I saw the UPS truck pull up, heard the thump of the package on the porch, answered the doorbell ring.

What was it? A book! One of my favorite things.

I’d won a copy of Doing Life With Your Adult Children from a give-away on Beth’s blog. Now it was here.

God was indeed loving me.

Anytime God wants to deliver a package on my porch, I want to receive it.

* * *

What’s the latest package you’ve received lately? Who was it from? Please share in the comments.