I thought I might be the last person to get it.

But I’m having to release that delusion. I finally caught COVID-19 for the first time this week, or else it finally caught me.

Hopefully the coronavirus will be gone from my system by the end of the year, which is also when I’m letting go of my One Word for 2022, RELEASE.

I’ll be glad to see COVID go. But frankly, I’m also kinda glad to let go of RELEASE, too (no pun intended). It was a challenge.

But it was also a blessing. (Why does life often, but not always, work that way? sigh)

Here are 17 things I learned about letting go from my experiences with RELEASE this year.

1. The more you accumulate, the more you have to release.

I’ve piled up a lot of tangible and intangible things in my 60 years. I’ve had to mentally release a lot this year. Some things fully; some just partially. It’s been difficult. But clearing out the clutter (if it’s really clutter) of your life creates more breathing space.

[read more: 12 Things to Let Go This Year]

2. Releasing can be a spiritual discipline.

An intentional release can be spiritual offering. Even when it’s hard, voluntarily releasing something unhealthy is better than having it snatched out of your hand. If you have a choice, give it up yourself when it’s time to let something go.

3. Practice by releasing small things.

Get in some practice with the easy things. Like a measuring cup. Letting go of unimportant things that no longer belong to you can prepare you for letting go of more important things if they are wreaking havoc in your life.

4. Everyone doesn’t have to understand.

I like being understood. About everything. But it’s impossible. Let go of the fallacy that everyone will understand you. You might find freedom in releasing the need to give lengthy explanations.

[read more: Do You Need to Explain Yourself?]

5. Unrealistic expectations are killers.

It’s normal to hope for things, but it’s unhealthy to cling too tightly to results out of your control. Releasing Plan A expectations leads to a more contented life in the long run.

[read more: 5 Ways to Let Go of Unrealistic Expectations]

6. Protecting your reputation is futile.

You can never fully control what people think about you. It’s safe to let go of their opinions, and live true to your values. It matters more who you really are than who others think you are.

[read more: Stop Protecting Your Reputation]

7. Acceptance is active, not passive.

When you stop fighting against reality, and accept things as they are, maybe they’ll change. Maybe they won’t. But the release will change you, one way or another.

[read more: Can You Let Go of How You Want Life to Be, and Accept Life as It Is?]

8. Holding too tightly causes extra pain.

A death grip can squeeze the life out of you. And is painful in the process. Lose a level of unnecessary suffering by loosening your grip on control.

[read more: Why I Need This Release]

9. Not everything is important.

Don’t take everything so seriously. Not everything matters the same. Sometimes your attitude needs to be, “Oh, well. So what?” Reduce your concern about trivial things as quickly as possible.

[read more: Oh, Well. So What?]

10. Release one thing to receive another.

Letting go of pride, you receive humility. Letting go of the past, you receive the present. Letting go of control, you receive freedom.

11. Fill your calendar with empty spaces.

Find the sweet spot between doing too much and not doing enough. Prioritize empty spaces by releasing superfluous activity. Get comfortable with the discomfort of the unfinished. Let more things go.

[read more: Are You Uncomfortable Filling Your Calendar with Empty Spaces?]

12. You can’t predict the most important happenings.

Some of your “must do’s” won’t be as important at the end of the day as you thought they’d be. Let go of working your schedule exactly as planned. Live with open hands around your tasks.

[more here: What Do You Really Have to Do Today?]

13. You don’t have to know everything before you decide.

Release the expectation of total clarity and full information before you’ll make a decision. Sometimes just go with what you already know. Move forward alongside uncertainty.

[read more: Let Go of This to Make Quicker Decisions]

14. If you don’t save it now, you won’t have to release it later.

Stop saving unneeded things in the first place. Don’t own things you can borrow or do without. End the pileups. Your future self will thank you later.

[read more: If You Don’t Save It Now, You Won’t Have to Release It Later]

15. Let go of always being right.

You naturally see life from your own perspective. But let go of thinking your view is always the right one. Look at what others see, too, and allow their view to expand your own.

[read more: Release Your Perspective as the Only One]

16. Think about your death.

Eventually you’ll have to let go of everything here. Your death is coming. It’s the ultimate letting go. You don’t have to dwell on it, but when you release your denial of death, you open more space for appreciating the life you still have.

[read more: Don’t Look Away. These 5 things will happen to you too.]

17. Sometimes you need to release releasing.

Occasionally you need to let go of finishing even the best goals, like letting go. Maybe you need to hold your blankie tighter today. That’s okay. You can start letting go again tomorrow.

I haven’t mastered these lessons yet. Not by a long shot. And there are lots of things we DON’T have to let go of because they are good, healthy things.

So even though I’ll officially let go of RELEASE next week, I hope it won’t let go of me.

Did you choose One Word for 2022? Are you choosing one for 2023? Join our One Word community here for extra tips and accountability.

All my posts on RELEASE are here.

What did you have to release in 2022? Share your thoughts in the comments about letting go.

sharing at these linkups

“It didn’t work.”

I hear the nurse mutter this under her breath. I am just now waking up from the sweet sedation of anesthesia.

I get my bearings. I’m back in the recovery room. I’m in a hospital gown.  My routine colonoscopy is over. I’m happy about that.

But she’s saying it didn’t work? I went through all that horrible prep for nothing? How could it not have worked?

My emotions plummet straight down.

Some things are out of our control. We can’t stop a rainy day. We can’t stop life from changing. We can’t perform our own colonoscopies.

This year I’ve been working on the RELEASE of things I can’t control (Release is my One Word 2022). For November I’m trying to release my perspective as the only one, the right one.

But when the nurse says, “It didn’t work,” I can only see from one perspective: mine.

I find my voice. I ask her, “My colonoscopy didn’t work?”

The colonoscopy went fine. She says she was talking about her ipad. It’s her ipad that wasn’t working.

Oh!

Seeing things from her perspective instead of my own makes me very happy.

It doesn’t always work this way, of course. Sometimes seeing someone else’s perspective can be painful. It can increase our angst or reveal our inadequacies or prove we were wrong.

But even if temporarily painful in the moment, broadening our viewpoint is almost always helpful in the long run.

So I continue to work on releasing the fallacy that my perspective is always the clear one, the true one. Maybe sometimes it is, but many times my perspective is formed in the leftover fog of life’s anesthesia.

There are many angles in any given situation. I only see from my limited perspective.

But by opening up to the perspectives of others, I can expand my own.

Things aren’t always about me. They’re also about someone else. Or their ipad.

I’m glad to know that.

Share your thoughts in the comments.

Read More:

• Do You Need to Explain Yourself?
  Do you often feel the need to justify your words or actions? I’m trying to release the need to justify my decisions.
• 5 Ways to Let Go of Unrealistic Expectations
  It’s normal to get our hopes up, but it’s unhealthy to cling too tightly to results out of our control.
• Don’t Look Away—This Will Happen to You Too
  These 5 things will happen to you too. Stop denying it. Take a look.

Life is a balance between holding on and letting go.
– Rumi

I wake up one morning and can’t find it anywhere. It’s missing.

My To Do email folder is gone. It’s disappeared, no longer in my sidebar of folders on my computer email.

I panic.

This is bad. Very bad. My To Do email folder is my digital holding place. It’s where I transfer emails that need more time from me, things for later, not now.

Maybe you know the type of things:

• A newsletter with links I want to click…later
• A Kohl’s coupon I might want to use…later
• An AT&T bill that needs double-checking…later
• A library book hold I need to decide about…later
• A video I want to watch…later

I like having a To Do folder as much as I like having a To Do list. It’s a place to set things down. Get them out of my brain but still in a retrievable place. It’s like that flat surface in the kitchen where we set down unread mail or a pack of gum or a form that needs returning.

These items gather on our counters and in corners and closets. They are the “I don’t know yet” things. We’ll need them later. Or we think we might.

We mainly just don’t want to deal with them right now.

So we set them aside.

It clears our brain to know these items are safely preserved for later, but don’t have to be dealt with this moment.

But when the whole stack just disappears, like my To Do email folder? I can immediately envision all the things that I’ll forget I needed to do.

I google what to do when an email folder disappears. Maybe I’ve been hacked? I change my google password everywhere, just to be safe.

I check my phone email. I catch a quick glimpse of the folder (it’s there!??), but watch it then disappear before my eyes as the mail app updates to sync with my computer. No!

Then I start looking at other email folders, one by one. Will they start disappearing too? They don’t.

That’s when I notice something strange. In my Blog Stuff email folder, there is something suspicious. Another folder is embedded in this folder.

It’s my To Do folder!

I open it up. All my emails are still there. Whew! I must have moved the folder there by mistake the day before. I now move the folder back to its regular position in the stack.

But do I do anything with any of the To Do emails? Nope. Just a quick glance to assure myself they will still open.

Yet I was so concerned about losing them. Why, if I don’t care to use them?

That’s a question I’ve asked myself often during this year of Release for me. I hate to lose what I already have. It’s human. It’s actually even scientifically proven. Once we’ve been gifted even a free tote bag we’ll never use, we’re reluctant to let it go once it becomes “mine.”

So what about all the other things I’m not using (like most of the emails in my To Do folder)? If’ I’d never saved them (or “owned” them) in the first place, would I go out of my way to hunt down this information?

Most of the time, no.

Cutting the cord to things we’re attached to is never easy. But maybe life would be easier in the long run if we attach to less things in the short run.

Maybe that’s one huge lesson of RELEASE for me: Stop saving unneeded things in the first place. Don’t try to own things I won’t use or don’t need. End the pileups. Then I won’t have to let them go later.

Granted, the hard part is the first everyday decision with each email, each item, each opportunity.

• Keep or throw away?
• Store or delete?
• Buy or pass by?

But using clearer discernment in the beginning might reduce the losses in the end. Time is short. More presence now produces less burdens later.

That doesn’t mean we don’t hold on to important things; we need to do that. And when we’re not sure, it’s safer to keep something, to wait and see, instead of immediately tossing it. God will guide us.

I look at my freshly restored To Do emails now with fresh eyes.

Maybe I shouldn’t have even saved most of them in the first place. Do I really need an email telling me about the latest British TV series recommended by the Holstee newsletter (that I’ll never watch anyway)? No. I can delete that email now. And another email. And another.

I want to do myself a favor this week. At least when it comes to email, I’ll try not to save unnecessary ones. I’ll release them up front.

My future self will thank me later.

What have you had to release this year? Share in the comments.

More posts here on RELEASE.

The Pain of Decision-Making

Should I hit “send” on the email? I’m only asking my acquaintance for more information, after all. My email won’t commit me to joining their zoom group.

Yet even this feels like a decision I’m unprepared to make. I’m torn. I don’t know what to do.

And it’s painful.

If you’re ever caught in this conundrum of making a decision, you understand the feeling.

Discomfort of Uncertainty

You know if you decide too quickly, you might regret it. New information may become available to indicate you made a poor decision. Or you might get locked into something you can’t get out of it, preventing you from taking a better opportunity that comes up later.

However, if you decide too slowly, you could drain away precious time needed for preparation. Or you might respond so late that you miss out on the opportunity altogether.

At the very least, delaying your decision keeps you in an uncomfortable state of uncertainty until the decision is made.

More Info, Please

A few days before my acquaintance’s zoom meeting, I finally do send an email asking a few questions.

Typically, gathering more information is a standard tool to help make a decision.

(But even then, you have to decide how much new information is enough. And the new information can sometimes complicate the matter even further.)

I know the deadline is approaching for the zoom meeting. If I don’t make a decision soon, it’ll be too late.

So I decide to send my email.

Release This for Quicker Decisions

And before long, I receive a reply. The information I receive is limited. It tells the meeting time, how to get the zoom link, what’s on the agenda, etc.

But then comes the zinger.

And this becomes the deciding factor:

“Remember, no pressure! Even after the meeting, if you decide it’s not for you, no worries!”

Ah! That does it. I sign up.

As usual, I’d put too much pressure on myself to make the right decision.

While some of our decisions are life-defining, most aren’t. My indecision is too often based on wanting to make the perfect decision.

But rarely is there a perfect decision. There may be a better or worse choice, perhaps more helpful or less helpful, but rarely 100% right or wrong. And even if I do make a poor decision, I can still ask for help to turn it back around.

I’m thankful for that. As I release the pressure of perfectionism, I can make my decisions more quickly instead of too slowly.

I’m glad I’ve now made the decision about the zoom group. At most, it will only cost me two hours of a Saturday morning. Then I can bow out from future meetings if I decide to.

Goodbye, perfectionism.

I gain peace and clarity moving forward.

And I eliminate the discomfort of indecision.

Do you tend to make decisions too quickly or too slowly? What helps you? Share in the comments.

Releasing perfectionism is part of my journey with my one word Release for 2022.

See more posts here on Release:

• 5 Ways to Let Go of Unrealistic Expectations
• Can You Let Go of How You Want Life to Be?
• Stop Protecting Your Reputation

What do you really have to do today?

Sometimes we create a long list of “must do’s.” We treat them as nonnegotiables. If they don’t get done, then our world will fall apart.

But then we get an urgent phone call or an unbearable headache or an unexpected visitor, and by the end of the day, we realize that some of those “must do’s” weren’t as important as we thought.

In my quest to schedule each day, I *try* to limit my “have to do” tasks to just a few [here’s my strategy for time management]. But most days, I’m still more off than on with my schedule.

It’s hard to predict at the beginning of the day what will be most important by the end of the day.

That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t still attempt to order our days to be meaningful and to live out our purpose.

But on those days when things don’t go as planned, we can use them to remind us of this: Live with open hands instead of tightly-closed fists, wrapped securely around our self-imposed tasks.

So what do I really have to do today? I feel sure I know. But I’m so easily proven wrong.

It’s a lesson in uncertainty, one I’m forever learning and never graduating from.

Maybe that is important.

Or maybe not.

I don’t yet know.

So for today, I’m trusting that if there’s something I absolutely must get done, I will know it and get help, if needed, to do it.

And start over with a new list again tomorrow.

In this year of Release, I’m trying to figure out what to let go of and what to hold on to. But maybe I need to release even that? Hmm….

What do you really have to do today? Share your thoughts in the comments.

The Book on Boundaries

It sounds like a great book. On boundaries. A great subject.

So I pick up a copy at my library.

But the book is boring. It’s repetitive. It’s unhelpful.

Don’t I already know this stuff?

But if I do already know this material—on honoring boundaries—why am I still reading this book, thus ignoring my own boundaries?

What Buffett Said

There is a popular interview between Warren Buffett and Bill Gates. Gates is asked what he’s learned from Buffett.

Gates replies that Buffett taught him to “fill his calendar with spaces.”

As Buffett listens, he reaches for his small paper calendar. He opens it to reveal all the empty spaces.

Buffett, one of the richest people in the world, says, “Time is the one thing no one can buy.”

Open Your Calendar

If you opened your calendar right now, would you see an overflowing of events, or lots of empty spaces?

If the pandemic taught us anything (and hopefully it taught us a lot of things!), it’s that we can manage with more empty spaces. That we actually need more empty spaces.

There’s a sweet spot between doing too much and not doing enough.

Have you found it?

Prioritize the Empty Spaces

For me, the sweet spot between too much and not enough is a moving target.

While I crave stillness, I still create an impossibly heavy to-do list every day.

So if I truly value empty space like I claim I do, why don’t I prioritize it more often?

Perhaps I don’t schedule more empty spaces because I value productivity more. I value efficiency more.

But in the end, which is really more important?

Practice Being Uncomfortable

So this week, I promise to add more X’s on my daily calendar to indicate open spaces.

It will make me uncomfortable. I will miss out on doing some things that I want to get done.

But learning to live with the discomfort of the unfinished is a valuable skill, too.

For people like me who feel compelled to finish projects, even when they are no longer worth finishing, practicing the skill of walking away—of releasing—may be more valuable than the skill of persevering to the end.

Put the Book Away

So the book on boundaries? I stopped reading it. Right there around page 32.

I removed my bookmark, closed the book, and placed it in the return basket.

To NOT finish a book I start always feels like a small victory for me.

It’s a practice of valuing my own boundaries. Boundaries of interest, of time, of worth.

Perhaps I can learn a lesson from Warren Buffett, too. Including filling my calendar with more spaces.

Creating more empty spaces coincides with my One Word for 2022, Release. 

Read more about time:

• How to Win Your Fight with Time . . . in your four thousand weeks
  The elevator was stuck on the 8th floor. I didn’t know D was dying on the 3rd. Maybe through surrender we can win our fight with time?
• It’s Way Past Time – Why I Gave Up Gone with the Wind
  I saw the book still on my bookshelf. What else is it past time for?
• Your Time with God? It’s Not Just For You
  She called from the airport. I thought the morning lesson had been meant just for me. I was wrong. 
• What Time Is It? Now
  Is focusing on the now always wise? How can we find balance between thinking about the past, present, and future?

I err on finishing even when it’s not necessary, but others err on NOT finishing even when they want to. Which side do you lean toward? What helps you find your sweet spot?

Share in the comments.

sharing at these linkups

I woke up in a sweat.

I had been dreaming I ran into someone I love while I was out running errands. She looked disheveled, disturbed, unhealthy. I saw she saw me. I wanted to rush up to her and talk. But she looked the other way.

In the dream, I was devastated.

When I woke up, I was still devastated.

But I went back to sleep.

I dreamed again. Again, I ran into my loved one. This time she looked happy. This time she was friendly. This time she was glad to see me.

In the dream, I was happy, too.

But when I woke up, I was devastated. . . because it had only been a dream.

Why Did I Choose Release as My One Word 2022?

Near the end of 2021, I knew I was clinging too tightly. I wouldn’t—couldn’t—accept the reality that a primary relationship had severely shifted.

I talked to my husband Jeff about it. I talked to family and friends about it. I talked to a counselor about it.

And I talked to God about it.

Release was the word, the practice, I felt God guiding me to. I knew it would be my one word for 2022.

Why Is Release Important to Me?

If my holding on too tightly was causing additional suffering on top of the pain I already felt, I needed to learn to loosen my grip. To release my desire for control.

I needed to make room for life as it is, not just how I wanted it to be. I didn’t have to like it, but I had to make space for it.

I had to release the attachment to my expectations so I could receive the necessary skills for this experience, this reality.

Why Is This Word Helping Me This Year?

God is helping me use Release to intentionally evaluate what I need to let go of. And what I need to hold on to.

Things like:

• Release control to
  receive freedom
• Release pride to
  receive humility
• Release past and future to
  receive the present
• Release denial to
  receive acceptance
• Release unhelpful thoughts to
  receive healthier thoughts
• Release my rights to
  receive my options

And ultimately, I pray I release my death grip on relationships I cling to as “Mine!” so I’ll be open to receive the people available in my current season of life to love and be loved by.

I may not be released from bad dreams at night.

But I can consciously work to receive healthier dreams by day.

God arms me with strength. His perfect way sets me free.
2 Samuel 22:33 (GW)

Did you choose One Word for 2022? Mine is Release. Is your word helping you? Share in the comments.

Join our One Word community anytime.

Read More:

• 5 Ways to Let Go of Unrealistic Expectations
• Can You Let Go of How You Want Life to Be?
• Don’t Look Away. These 5 things will happen to you too.

sharing at these linkups

The Questions I Ask Myself

The title of my own post makes me uncomfortable:

Can You Let Go of How You Want Life to Be, and Accept It as It Is?

For me, it begs the questions:

• If you accept life as it is, are you implying that everything is fine as it is?
• If you accept life as it is, are you giving up on changing bad situations into good situations?
• If you accept life as it is, are you admitting that nothing can improve?

If there are things I don’t like about life (and there are things I don’t like, such as, mass shootings, religious infighting, racial inequity, relationship conflicts, debilitating illnesses, on and on…), isn’t it counterproductive to “accept” them?

The Answers I’m Finding

No. Acceptance is not counterproductive.

In my year of Release, I’m learning more and more that I need to let go of my discontent that life isn’t fully how I want it to be right now.

I need to stop fighting against accepting things as they are.

I can never make things better if I’m not first willing to accept them as they are. Even if I don’t like them.

• Before we can apologize, we must accept we’re wrong.
• Before we can heal, we must acknowledge the wound.
• Before we can grow, we must recognize we’re stunted.

Trying to change the future before we understand the present doesn’t work well.

And we often get too far ahead of ourselves in our rush for improvement. When our thoughts drift too far into the future, we’re wise to acknowledge them, notice them, but then return again to the present moment. Without avoidance. Without suppression. Without denial.

Facing reality is the necessary first step. This is what acceptance is. This is the foundation. Until we know where we are, where we’re starting, as accurately as our minds can allow, we can’t map out proper directions to get where we want to end up.

And then, based on this knowledge, we can more clearly pursue God’s wisdom and more accurately understand God’s guidance to set goals and take action:

• to restore relationships,
• to make the world safer for everybody, and
• ultimately to grow into more loving human beings.

It still won’t be easy. And it might not even be successful, especially if it involves other people and things out of our control.

But it’s a path worth pursuing.

Face it first. Move forward second.

How do you handle facing reality? Share your thoughts in the comments. 

sharing at these linkups

It’s My Look

The food line was long. As a volunteer, I needed to break through to the front. I needed to pick up another ten boxed meals from the workers in the kitchen at Manna House. Jenna and I didn’t have enough meals loaded in her car already to hand out for our Monday afternoon delivery, but ten more would do it.

I gently nudged my way through those who were in line to receive meals for themselves.

I saw other volunteers along the line handing out vegetables, toiletries, and milk.

I was almost to the kitchen when a volunteer handing out milk looked at me. She asked, “Would you like a gallon of milk?“

It took me a second to realize why she asked.

She thought I was one of the unhoused people in the line to receive free food for my family.

Outward Approval

I hate being misunderstood. I sometimes go out of my way to explain myself, to clear up a misunderstanding that may or may not have been relevant to anyone but me.

But insisting on being understood forces a limited scope of living.

Outward understanding—and approval—is fickle, after all.

Deserved or not, sometimes people think worse of us than we are.

Or sometimes better of us than we are.

And truth be told, if all our thoughts were actually revealed, none of us would have any friends.

Nobody’s reputation is spotless.

Live Right

Releasing the need to defend my reputation isn’t easy.

Actually, what people think about us does count for something. A good reputation is a valuable thing to own.

We want to have a good reputation among our family, friends, community. We want to be trustworthy and reliable in our relationships.

But in the end, we can’t control what other people think about us. We can barely control what we think about ourselves.

If we want a clear conscious, our best approach is to live openly and honestly and lean hard into grace.

Focus more on living right instead of being seen right.

Release My Stand

My mistaken identity at Manna House had happened to me before. Because I wear a t-shirt and jeans to pick up the meals for our food deliveries, I blend in. It’s often hard to distinguish the volunteers from the non-volunteers.

The first time it happened I was a little offended. I’m sure I overexplained—with way too much haughtiness—that I was a volunteer myself.

But last Monday, I just looked at the young volunteer offering me milk and said “No thank you.” No explaining this time. She had done her job well to ask. I no longer minded being confused as a non-volunteer.

If I want inner peace with who I am, I just need to do what I think is right, ask for forgiveness when I fail, and keep my head up through it all.

I don’t have a story that needs defending. It’s safe to release my stand.

It matters more who I really am than who others think I am.

This is my monthly journey with my One Word RELEASE. Do you have One Word for 2022?

Share in the comments.

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I’m sitting empty-handed at the sandwich shop with my friends. We’re waiting on our names to be called for our food orders.

But in the meantime, I hear a phone go off with a familiar ring tone. It’s the text sound I use for someone I love, but from whom I haven’t heard from in awhile.

I catch my breath. I’m finally getting the text I’ve been waiting for!

I pull the phone from my back pocket to read the text. . . .

5 Ways to Let Go of Unrealistic Expectations

This month for my One Word RELEASE, I’ve been working on releasing unrealistic expectations.

How do we let go of unrealistic expectations?

1. PAY ATTENTION

The first step is to become aware of the expectations we have. It’s easier said than done, I know. We often don’t realize that we are expecting something until we don’t get it when, where, and how we thought we would.

But we can’t intentionally release an expectation until we realize we’re holding it.

2. BE CURIOUS

Secondly, once we see our expectations, we need to question them. Would someone else in our situation consider this normal? Do these expectations feel too grandiose even to us? Have past experiences proven these outcomes are likely?

Taking a closer look at our expectations helps us discern which ones need adjusting.

3. DROP PERFECTION

If we discover we’re holding hope for the perfect solution to our circumstance, that’s a red flag. That might be the first expectation we need to release. Perfection in this world is a rare occurrence.

Be willing to accept and appreciate a Plan B solution as a viable alternative.

4. KNOW YOUR LIMITS

We often forget what we can control and what we can’t. Recognizing the limits we’re working under can help us move our expectations to a more realistic place.

Setting healthy boundaries for our expectations increases our capacity for contentment regardless of what happens next.

5. STAY OPEN

Sometimes the wildest things do happen. It is possible to be surprised above our expectations. But a more reasonable goal is to be flexible as events unfold. This mantra might be appropriate: “Whatever happens, happens. Whatever doesn’t happen, doesn’t happen.”

Be willing to deal with the actual results either way.

A Dose of Realism

Back at the sandwich shop, I casually look at my phone, even though my heart is pounding.

But the screen is still black. No message.

It wasn’t my phone that pinged. It was someone else’s.

The cashier up front now calls my name. My food is ready. But I no longer have an appetite.

My expectations got me again.

While it’s normal and healthy to get our hopes up about things, it’s not beneficial to cling too tightly to results out of our control.

I gently unclench my fingers from my phone. I put it back in my pocket.

This situation is out of my hands.

Release the need for control. Release the need for clarity. Release the need for certainty.

Release the expectation for the text I’m longing for.

Hold on to what I do know—to who I know—and once again seek to gain wisdom, practice grace, be compassionate.

These gifts can be found in abundance. These are expectations I need never release.

Do you consider yourself an optimist, a pessimist, or a realist about your expectations? Share your thoughts in the comments.