7 Healing Steps for Relationships
—Grace & Truth Linkup

I heard my friend had a “Karen” moment. Ugh.

While it was a vague incident with no one person harmed, it still harmed the reputation of the Black community in general, which hurts a lot of people collectively.

Including, well, all of us.

Oppressive words and actions are bad for everybody, regardless of which side of them you’re on.

So I was troubled.

When other people do things we don’t think are right (according to us), what do we do?

  • Should we say something?
  • How far does our responsibility extend to confront it?
  • When is it better to just forgive and forget?

7 Healing Steps for Relationships

I just finished reading The Four Laws of Love, a book on relationships (marriage in particular, but much of it can apply to any relationship). My daughter Jenna read it first, then loaned it to me. 

Here are 7 steps mentioned by the author Jimmy Evans when issues arise in relationships.

1. Take responsibility for your own behavior
2. Do not return sin for sin
3. Admit your faults
4. Forgive
5. Speak the truth in love
6. Pray for each other
7. Seek healthy friends and fellowship

These steps helped me clarify my own motivations concerning my friend’s Karen moment.

And they also reminded me I have blind spots too. I say things and think things that harm other people.

I want others to give me grace. And I also want others to confront me about my issues so I can grow.

We all need to keep learning from our weaknesses. To become more aware. To repent. To change.

And to do it surrounded by love.

Featured Post

Are you having more trouble making decisions these days? Joanne Viola mentions these:

  • How do we know we are making the right decision?
  • Essential or non-essential?
  • Mask or no mask?
  • Three feet, six feet, or ten feet?
  • In person or online?
  • Vacation or not?
  • Hybrid, remote, or homeschool?

We’re also questioning the decisions that other people make, which can be dangerous.

Joanne concludes this:

“As we weigh options and seek God to help us make right and good decisions, let’s trust that He is guiding each one of us. The decision may look differently for each of us, but it may still be the right one for each.”

Read all of her wonderful post here at her blog, JoanneViola.com. Her words can help us all be a little less judgmental and a lot more gracious toward each other.

Right” by Joanne Viola

Thanks for sharing, Joanne! Here’s a button for your blog.

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18 thoughts on “7 Healing Steps for Relationships
—Grace & Truth Linkup

  1. Sarah

    Hi Lisa, It is indeed hard to know to say something or not. I like that you evaluated your motivations- I try to remember to do that next time. I just hope I take the time and don’t blurt out my thoughts instead! Blessings, Sarah

    1. LisaNotes Post author

      Yes, our motivations are key ingredients to look at. Even when they’re proper, we can still do damage in our relationships with our blurt-outs, but at least our odds are better at recovering if we start out well. 😉

  2. Yvonne Chase

    I love the ministry of Jimmy Evans. Used to watch him all the time on TBN. Although his target audience is married couples, much of what he says can work to strengthen and build other relationships. The thing is those 7 steps don’t work with toxic abusive people especially narcissists and that is where the church misses a beat. I learned that the hard way. If I could , I would change the title to 7 Steps for Healing Relationships Except With A Narcissist. As a matter of fact, that might be my post next week. ?

    1. LisaNotes Post author

      I’ve found that a lot of marriage advice is often good for relationships across the board. Granted, there are some things that don’t transfer, but as you point out, there are general relationship tips that also don’t transfer in specific situations, such as with toxic people.

      I hope you do write on that topic next week, Yvonne! I know it will be helpful, with all that you’ve experienced and have been learning lately. Even for those of us who haven’t been in a close relationship with a naracissist, we’ve at least had tangential experience with one and it’s difficult.

  3. Patti

    Thank you for the invitation to link up with you today. And thank you for hosting. About what you wrote…it’s the speaking the truth in love part that’s so hard, isn’t it. We may often speak truth, but we do it in anger. And that isn’t obedience at all.

    Blessings to you,
    Patti @ Empty Nest Homemaker

    1. LisaNotes Post author

      So glad you took me up on the invitation to link your posts, Patti. Your voice will be welcome here, as many of us are dealing with similar issues in this empty-nest season of life!

  4. Marielle

    Hi Lisa, These are great tips about healing a relationship. It’s a topic of paramount importance, and sometimes I think we believe it should be easier than it is. We’ve all been there, and these steps are a great way to check-in and stay on course. Thank you for sharing. And thanks also for hosting!

    1. LisaNotes Post author

      I appreciate your encouragement, Marielle. I’ve gone back and forth in my mind about my role in speaking up or not on this with my friend. You’re right that it’s not easy. In the end, I’ve decided I need to be prepared to say something if God opens the door. And if he doesn’t, I need to keep showing love by example. Also easier said than done. 🙂 But that’s my goal.

  5. Laurie

    Great suggestions for healthy relationships. I think #2 was difficult for me to learn. The first reaction if someone hurts you is to want to return hurt for hurt. I have learned (finally) to give the grace I would want to receive. Usually. 🙂

  6. Donna B.

    Lisa, thank you for this timely post. The 7 steps are good, timely advice; I know I often rush to get my viewpoint across to people. What I like about the 7 steps is they are self reflective. We can’t change other people, and taking this pause to evaluate our own motives is an excellent way to get our perspective where it needs to be. Whether the other person follows these 7 steps is irrelevant; we are responsible for our own behavior.

    1. LisaNotes Post author

      I’m like you, Donna: I usually feel the need to hurry and get my own point across. I think if I don’t say it immediately, I’ll forget it and things will move on. But sometimes that’s what God would WANT to happen! lol. Being responsible for our own behavior is the bottom line and not trying to control others. Thanks for these encouraging and wise words.

  7. Joanne Viola

    Good Morning Lisa,
    It is the last morning of our vacation and before I pack up the last of our things, I came here to receive some encouragement before heading home. Thank you for sharing my post as I had no idea until now 🙂 Thank you for being part of a link up which seeks to build community and brings uplifting posts each week. Blessings!

    1. LisaNotes Post author

      I hope you have had a restful and delightful vacation, Joanne. Thank you for the encouraging words you shared earlier that keep on giving today! That’s one blessing of the internet, among its many faults. 🙂 So glad you link up here. Your words are always wise and balanced and godly.

  8. Anita Ojeda

    These are good, Lisa! Especially the don’t return sin for sin one–that’s our human nature, isn’t it? Love, it’s all about loving the difficult people in our lives. But it sure isn’t easy some days!

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