Why Am I Memorizing These Things?
“If I had to summarize the entirety of an enlightened person’s life in a few words, it would be complete acceptance of what is. As we accept what is, our minds are relaxed and composed while the world changes rapidly around us.”
– Sunim Haemin, from The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down
The Weight of Distance
I am sitting at my kitchen table, with the greeting card in one hand and my pen in another. As I write down a birthday wish, I carefully measure each word I choose. I keep it intentionally short, hoping my brevity will make my message more likely to be read, more likely to be heard in the heart I’m hoping to reach.
I sign my name and lick the envelope closed.
Then I break. I crumble to the floor in a heap and wail.
I want to be in person to deliver this birthday wish, just as I want to be in person for ballgames, for Christmas gatherings, for an ordinary occasional picnic in the park.
But these things are no longer an option.
An Unexpected Theme in Memory
I stay on the floor a few minutes. I feel the weight of all I’m missing by this distance. But I can’t linger here forever, so I force myself up.
I check what’s next on my to-do list: “Memory practice.” I look up my list of words to review today.
And for the first time, I notice a theme among the poems and quotes I’m memorizing. It’s not a theme I consciously chose at the beginning of this year (if so, it would have been Curiosity, my One Word of the Year), but oddly enough, or curiously enough, perhaps this unconscious theme has been choosing me.
For example, this week’s words are:
“There is one thing in life that you can always rely on: life being as it is.”
– Charlotte Joko Beck
Last week’s words were:
“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.”
– Joseph Campbell
I’m still curious. I glance back at other quotes I’ve been memorizing.
Two months ago I began memorizing:
“Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.”
– Vaclav Havel
And in February, I’d chosen:
“Accept—then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy.”
– Eckhart Tolle
Choosing Acceptance, Again and Again
Yes. There is definitely a theme weaving through these pieces: Choose acceptance.
I know I’ve been resisting, struggling to accept what life has placed before me, clinging to things I wish were different. I still don’t want to believe how things have unraveled. Big things. And then smaller things that also changed, as they rippled out in the wake of the bigger things.
Yet the words on my memorization list urge me forward, encouraging me to face the reality that is here, not the dream I had planned. Make the best of what is, not what could have been.
I turn again to the lines I’m committing to memory, words that almost feel like a plea:
“When you walk to the edge of all the light you have
and take that first step into the darkness of the unknown,
you must believe that one of two things will happen:
There will be something solid for you to stand upon,
or, you will be taught how to fly.”
– Patrick Overton
With these words echoing in my heart, I put on my shoes and walk outside to the mailbox as it waits for me. I place the birthday card inside the box, raise the small red flag, and send the card on its way with all my love into the darkness of the unknown, trusting that it, too, will land somewhere solid, into the places I can’t be.
And if it can’t land there, I trust that it will somehow learn to fly, just as I am having to learn. One day at a time. One quote at a time.
Share your thoughts in the comments.
I can so identify with your feelings expressed here, Lisa. Oh, how I find myself wishing so often that our grands lived nearby as they did several years ago! But that doesn’t change the current circumstances, nor can it. Longing for something outside of reality wastes precious moments of what is actually happening around us. I’ll simply keep praying for all our family and be grateful for precious FaceTimes and birthday cards.
Blessings, my friend!
You’re so right, Martha: “Longing for something outside of reality wastes precious moments of what is actually happening around us.” I’m trying to appreciate those around me that I can spend time with, and send my love long-distance to those I can’t be with.
The memory words that showed up for you were in perfectly timed, it seems! An unexpected gift in the middle of heartache. One day at a time; one lesson at a time, one gift at a time; “one quote at a time…” we can “choose acceptance.” Not always easy, but it’s encouraging to know we have words to help us along, too.
Thanks for your encouragement, Lynn. I’m grateful for words that come my way via blog comments, too!
wow I sure can feel this and am at the same place having come face to face knowing so much in life will never be the same again. We grief over that for sure yet so much goodness is yet to come. I cling to that hope too. I guess that helps me to choose acceptance. to let go a bit and open my clutched fists and receive whatever is next. This is a tough life lesson!
Opening our hands to receive what is, instead of what we demand, is a spiritual discipline for all of us, isn’t it? Thanks for your wisdom here, Jean. I try to remember often that everything changes, but nothing is lost.
My heart goes out to you, Lisa. I pray that there will one day soon be something solid there for you to stand on in this relationship. until then I pray that you are able to accept as you learn to fly.
I’m interested in learning more about this memorizing of quotes and how you do that. I just this week started a quotation journal.
I appreciate your understanding and compassion for my situation, Dianna. It’s definitely been a difficult journey that I’m still trying to accept.
I’ve not gone looking for quotes so far; they just come to me in my regular readings and when I’m smart, I write them down immediately or take a screenshot, before I forget them altogether. ha. I’m sure you’ll have a treasure trove to choose from if you’ve already begun a quotation journal! That’s a great thing to do.
As usual, you so beautifully express what many of us struggle with. And that’s a remarkable assemblage of quotations.
There is so much wrongness in the world that needs to change, but real change can only come about through deep acceptance of what is, at this moment. It’s a painful journey.
I’m so sorry for the situation you’ve written about. I pray for healing and restoration there.
It’s interesting how the quotes you’ve been memorizing unconsciously followed a similar theme. I think embracing reality as it is must be the only way to stay sane, even while we pray for things to change.
I collect quotes, but I haven’t thought to memorize any. Some years back I started organizing them into topics on Word documents. I need to transfer some from what I read into those files.
Wow, Lisa. This is a powerful post. And such good advice. Seeing and accepting what is can be so difficult. Your quote from Vaclav Havel really hit me. My young Christian life found me with a false sense of hope—one of optimism, not faith. I continue to pray for you and your family. I’m so sorry this is your “what is” right now. But as difficult as it is, and as small a comfort I’m sure it is, know that you are helping others through this too. God bless!
Lisa, you are in my thoughts. Your posts always give me a lot to think about. I have a few favorite quotes, but I’m terrible at memorizing them. Thanks for joining us and sharing your post at The Crazy Little Lovebirds link party #54.
I’m proud of you for adopting a secondary word. Acceptance & Curiosity are intriguing partners.
My heart breaks for you.
And once again, I see the intersection of our words. We’re each learning to receive our given life.
My heart aches with you, Lisa. {Big hug}
I am so sad you are having to experience this! I’m thankful the Lord is helping you cope. Have you seen this video? https://www.prageru.com/video/your-parents-dont-deserve-this It doesn’t change the circumstances, but it is helpful to know the epidemic of the situation. This book is helpful in processing. Rules of Estrangement – Why Adult Children Cut Ties & How to Heal the Conflict. He has experienced both sides of the coin and gives helpful, more realistic tips than most books espouse.