Is This Sacred Practice Enough? Holding Joy and Grief Together
“A seed refuses to die when you bury it, that is why it becomes a tree. A seed neither fears light nor darkness, but uses both to grow.”
—Matshona Dhliwayo
Morning Light and Digital Windows
It’s a sunny morning as I sit here in my favorite recliner with my laptop balanced on my knees. I open a browser tab to view my Instagram profile.
I look at the last 30 squares from April, a whole month worth’s of photos (unusual for me!).
As I scroll through my pictures, I see:
- People I loved
- Foods I enjoyed
- Books I read
- Places I grew
Is it enough?
A Sacred Tension
A month ago I joined the #TheAprilJoyProject: one photo a day of something joyful. It seemed simple, even fun.
But I’m gonna be honest. Having lived with a terrible loss the past three and a half years, I still have days when it’s hard to let joy rise to the surface, even though I know I have a million reasons to be joyful (and I wouldn’t have made it then or now without those!).
Yet the sadness still sits alongside it all.
So I continue to work to accept both the dark and the light. To encourage myself in the discipline of finding joy amidst the struggles. Not to deny sorrow, but in companionship with it.
To answer my own question of “Is this enough?” I say yes, it is enough.
We all have experienced and will continue to live with both:
- hard things and easy things
- pains and pleasures
- losses and gains
These don’t cancel each other out. They won’t balance evenly on a scale, in either direction. But they can coexist in a sacred tension that keeps us grounded in our humanity.
A Life That Holds Both
So today may we—once again . . .
- Be with people we love, even as we cry for those who are absent
- Eat foods we enjoy, alongside some healthier ones we might enjoy less
- Read books that entertain us, and some that stretch us
- Grow in places we walk, even if we cringe at our inadequacies there
Beginnings and endings and beginnings and endings will keep on rolling through. We’ll mourn some. Laugh with others. We might even post some on Instagram.
But let’s also center ourselves in this exact experience we are having in this very present moment, whatever it holds.
Together we can acknowledge that alongside our hardships, joy is here, too. Together they make a whole life.
And a whole person.
~ * ~ * ~
Full Circle: Day 30
Below is my Day 30 Instagram post that wrapped up the series. It feels appropriate to share in this space, too. I hope it will encourage you to keep showing up, too.
I woke up on the wrong side of hope today. I opened my email to find more reminders that our country is moving away from love and liberty and toward negativity and narcissism.
But I got up anyway. I still put on my shoes. I still took my walk. I still ate a healthy breakfast (well, if you don’t count the bacon). For today, these small things are my quiet acts of resistance.
– The trees were still standing tall.
– The birds still serenaded the neighborhood.
– The geese were still squawking in my backyard over who gets the girl.
So today I have to make the intentional decision—again—to choose hope.
– Not the hope that believes things will turn out my way in the end.
– Not the hope that denies the pain that already exists.
– Not even the hope that someone or something else will swoop in and save the day if it finally gets bad enough.
❤️ Instead, I’m choosing hope that walks anyway, breathes anyway, loves anyway. The hope that I’ll have the resources I need when I need them. The hope that decides I can still show up in this imperfect body in this imperfect world and connect with other imperfect people.
That’s the real work. And real joy. That’s what matters the most.
So this photo of my workout clothes is my reminder that just as life goes on, I can keep going on, too. It’s another day that—once again—hope beats despair.
Day 30 – You, at the end
#TheAprilJoyProject #AprilPhotoaday #ChooseHope #EverydayResistance
Do you also feel the mix of sadness and joy in your life? Share in the comments.
Joy and sadness do walk together along the same path, Lisa. Our lives well-lived reflect just that. Such an important concept to embrace as we move forward. Blessings!
Thanks, Martha. Accepting that life will always have both joy and sadness can help us better adjust to it, I suppose. I’m not sure we always get that message out well enough….
This moved me more than I can say. Thank you for putting it into words.
For me, hope looks like getting out of bed anyway.
Making oats.
Drinking coffee outside with my husband.
Watching the dove nest in the tree.
It doesn’t fix anything. But somehow, it holds me.
This quiet rhythm of joy and ache, side by side.
I’m really grateful you shared this — it felt like a hand reaching out across the silence. ❤️
Your comment warmed my heart, Aritha. I love your vision of hope: getting out of bed, eating, doing ordinary things. It may be fixing things more than you know. The resiliency to simply continue on through another day can be an act of courage and strength. Sending you a hug across the web spaces.
Thank you for the hug, it’s in my heart now ❤️
Hope definitely beats despair (and anger — the emotion that the current news most frequently provokes in me).
Sending warm, virtual hugs your way.
Yep, I’m quite familiar with anger too, Donna. I have to limit my news consumption so I can keep my emotions better regulated. Crazy times!
Lisa….so well expressed and oh, so true. The tension has always been a part of our growing but as we enter new seasons…and especially as we are more aware of aging…which is a gift…we also encounter more losses especially of the ones we love…be it relationships that change or the death of ones dear to us. ❤️
But I will also add in the loss of parts of the selves we once were or hoped to be…yet if we try and keep the right perspective, and it was expressed with your opening quote…one loss makes room for a new bloom, one goodbye may make room for a new ‘hello’.
I always welcome your wisdom, Lynn. I appreciate you reminding us here of the reality of seasons; they’re sometimes hard to accept, yet they also mean we’re still here to experience them. I continue to come to terms with the changes in myself as well. Love this: “one loss makes room for a new bloom, one goodbye may make room for a new ‘hello’.” Thank you, friend.
“Together we can acknowledge that alongside our hardships, joy is here, too. ” So very true, Lisa. As we maintain our focus, we can choose and discover the joy in each day. Beautiful and encouraging post!
Thanks, Joanne. I have to remind myself quite often to refocus, refocus, refocus… It does make a difference.
Beautiful reassurance, Lisa! We’re constantly challenged to give up and give in to the ugliness of this fallen planet. It takes a sinewy faith to live in hope, and I appreciate your honest assessment of how intentionally we have to maintain our focus.
Thanks, Michele. It also helps to know that even though our struggles are different, we’re all here together, helping each other make the best of it.
That’s good! Godly wisdom. Great advice, and timely. Thank you for sharing about reaching purposely for joy in the season of heartache.
I need the reminder frequently for myself. And it does help when I remember to look for joy; it’s always ready to be found.
Three and a half years. I am so sorry. I think of you often, friend. And I’m lifting you up in prayer right now.
xo
Thank you, sweet Linda. I appreciate your continued awareness on my account. You’re special.
Lisa, such a thoughtful post. You are right we all live with loss and grief, and we all live with joy. The artful dance of incorporating both often feels like a betrayal. But as I tell many survivors of loss, choosing to remain submersed in the grief of loss dishonors, not honors the person, thing, or situation no longer with us. When we choose to hold both, we find life. because the truth is, there was joy in whatever was lost, whether a relationship, thing or situation. We celebrate it all when we embrace the tension.
This is beautiful advice, Donna. And much needed. This is an area I struggle with. Little by little, I do see growth, and much of it is due to wise people like you who have gone ahead of me on this path and survived. Thank you!
Yes, joy & sadness are two sides of the same coin. As we can have joy in sadness & sadness in joy.
And you’re right Lisa we all live with both in some form or another.
Visiting from Joanne’s today where we’re sitting together. ♥️
blessings, Jennifer
Thank you, Jennifer. I like knowing we’re neighbors today, even if it’s in a linkup.
Sending love to you today, Lisa. ♥️♥️♥️
Thank you, friend. I’m still grateful for the time we had in the writing group together. I hope you’re doing well.
Your post brought lots of memories to the surface when grief or fear was brewing in my life. Yet, it was in those moments that God placed little gifts of light and hope in my path. Sometimes it was a new relationships or a new insight. I didn’t always recognize these at the time but often I would and I was always grateful for what I learned along the way! Thanks so much for sharing this thoughtful post.
wow such a vulnerable post today. love your heart and honesty. I walk along with you. with hope too. We live holding the and/both, don’t we?
Reminded me of the quote: “Joy and sorrow are sisters; they live in the same house.” Macrina Wiederkehr
Blessings, my friend.
Thank you for these beautiful thoughts, Lisa. I have been struggling with how to allow joy and grief to co-exist, and I really appreciate this. Visiting from the Love Your Creativity linkup.
Lisa, this is such a powerful post. It’s a beautiful thing when we can say “Even still, it is well,” as the song says.
So appreciated this, Lisa: “I continue to work to accept both the dark and the light. To encourage myself in the discipline of finding joy amidst the struggles. Not to deny sorrow, but in companionship with it.” We are not substandard saints when sorrow can’t be put aside and joy can’t be fully embraced with 100% enthusiasm. But when joy and sorrow can sit together in companionship, that is enough. The psalmist points the way: “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God” (Psalm 42:5 NIV). We can praise him for the hope we have in Christ, the blessings he bestows even as we suffer, the blessings that come as a result of suffering, and those that WILL come when our suffering is over. (Lord, help me remember when distress wants to overtake me!)
Lisa, this topic is great. I’ve been experiencing mixed emotions, but I’m reminded to enjoy each day and be thankful for all that I have. I love how we can all learn from one another. Thank you for sharing your post at The Crazy Little Lovebirds link party.