Are You Offended? Next Time I’ll Keep Mine in Check
I hated to leave the good conversation. We’d been encouraging each other as fellow human beings to spread more kindness in the world. But our time was up. I got in my car to drive to my next stop.
Traffic was heavy. I needed to merge into the far right lane. But another car in the lane was coming up quickly. I turned on my blinker. I obviously needed a favor. Please let me over.
But the little red car wouldn’t let me in. I saw the driver glance at me. He had made his decision. He’d offer no grace today.
I felt my body reacting. The previous good feelings from the last hour’s camaraderie disappeared.
When the driver beside me caught my eye again, my arms flew up to say, “What do you think you’re doing???”
And I didn’t care.
That’s when I knew I’d officially crossed over into “I’m SO offended!” mode.
I no longer felt like the nice human I wanted to be, but rather a persnickety one. The kind that gets on my own nerves.
I didn’t like it.
I finally merged over and made my right turn. I looked ahead for the red car. Would I pull up beside him at the red light? Did I need to offer an apology gesture for my previous outburst?
He was long gone. Maybe he’d already forgotten the incident. Maybe he was already where he wanted to be.
But I wasn’t. I checked my mood. I reframed my perspective. I’d rather get cut off in traffic then turn into a meanie on the road.
Sometimes we do have legitimate reasons to be offended. I’ve been there; you have too. We need to address those incidents and clear the air.
But this episode in traffic was not one of those times.
And this human does not want to be one of those people so easily offended.
So I’m sorry, fella. And I’m sorry, self. Next time I hope to keep my arms—and my offense—in check.
Share your thoughts in the comments.
Wendell Berry writes in a couple places about “prepared” forgiveness. It’s there already to meet the offense before it even happens. That’s my new goal. It’s those knee jerk reactions that always sneak past my good intentions. ?
I understand. I do get miffed in traffic, not just w/ discourtous drivers, but dangerous ones; and honestly, w/ road rage “all the rage,” it is better NOT to be offended for your own safety. That said, that is NOT the point of your important post. I too want to let offense roll off my shoulders and out of my thinking, and remember that I too am a great sinner in need of a great Savior (Newton). Once I heard someone say that the only one who had a right to offence was Christ, and yet even as He suffered the greatest offence and scandal of all times, hanging from that Cross, guiltless Himself, He asked the Father to forgive them for they knew not what they did. Well, they did know, but had no earthly idea of the spiritual ramifications and evil of it. Your driver knew, and he chose not to be nice. You are choosing a future better decision. You are amazing, Lisa.
xo
L
He was a toxic driver … and you took a dose of his poison. By all means apologise to God, Christ, and your self, but the poisoner knew what he was doing.
I can surprise myself by a sudden offensive reaction. I’ll be calm one moment then have an angry outburst with my shoe lace that’s untied! Tiredness, a tough situation that’s on my mind, and, yes, driving, all our stressors that can linger under the surface and burst out over our grace. Giving ourselves grace and checking-in by asking “what was that about” can help get to the root of why we are reacting the way we’d really prefer not to. And I’m a big believer in herbal tea. 🙂 Sipping of chamomile tea gets me breathing deeply and calmly again!
This is a great message Lisa. I don’t get offended much anymore. Sometimes I get that “what on earth?” then I roll my eyes out loud. Kind of like “did that just happen” or “did I see what I thought I saw”. Then insert out loud eye roll.
visiting today from G&T
Offense can be so subtle sometimes, Lisa, but I’m so thankful we can repent, have the Lord restore us, and empower us to walk unoffended. Thank you for the post highlight!
this is so good, Lisa, to be careful on what offends us (does it offend Him?) and not walk around with a perpetual axe to grind. i’m appreciating your words and Lisa’s words this evening … and will be remembering them in the days ahead.
thank you.
I have “decided” that what most offends me is that we live in a world where people live their lives from one offense to the other. This practice keeps them bound up in knots and everyone else around them either has to join their parade or get out of the way. UGH!
One Word #6