Don’t Take This Personally
Too Sensitive
I know this about myself: I can be too sensitive. It’s a detriment to me. And a detriment to others.
When I got a phone call about the dishwasher, I was bothered. I was in my 20s. I had recently sold my home to an elderly gentleman.
The following week, he was calling to yell at me that the dishwasher in the home had overflowed. The kitchen floor was soaked. And he was saying it was all my fault.
He was rude.
I was offended.
As we talked, I learned he had put hand dishwashing liquid instead of dishwasher detergent in the dishwasher. It had bubbled to overflowing. Of course it would.
How was this my fault?
Don’t Believe Everything
We suffer unnecessarily when we take things too personally. That’s why I love my third agreement of the four I’ve compiled for myself (See #1, Give the Benefit of the Doubt, and #2, Let Go of Being Right).
# 3. Don’t take it personally.
When we assume someone is being rude to us, we often react badly, defensively. It causes conflict and creates mountains out of molehills.
- How can they do this to me?
- Why don’t they like me?
- Why are they so mean?
And when we get too much praise? We can hold compliments too closely as well, believing every word that is said. We grow proud and haughty and entitled.
When we think everything is about us—good or bad—we’re actually being selfish.
And unrealistic.
The stories we make up in our head are usually just that: stories.
Whose Movie Is This?
We each cast ourselves as the star (and director and producer) in our own movie. All our life’s plots revolve around us. And all the people in our relationships are supporting actors.
But here’s the catch:
The supporting actors in our movies are actually busy starring in their own movies.
We all make ourselves the center of our universes.
So when our plots intersect, there’s always more going on than we realize.
It’s Not Personal
So don’t take it personally.
The way someone treats us reveals less about us and more about them. Less about our life and more about theirs.
Knowing that others aren’t centered around us keeps us humble.
- It frees us from arrogance.
- It reduces conflicts.
- It stabilizes our relationships.
We are more free to love others with no strings attached when we are less dependent on their approval for our self-worth and when we’re less disturbed by their disapproval.
Emptying ourselves of taking everything personally helps us live with more peace, more joy, and definitely more grace.
What You Think
The motivations we attach to others’ thoughts may have portions of truth in them, but they also contain large doses of our imagination. (Don’t take your own thoughts too personally either—you may just be tired or hungry or stressed.)
I later learned more truth about the gentleman and the dishwasher and his soap suds. I met one of his daughters. She told me how concerned they were about him. His dementia was getting worse. They weren’t sure he should even be living alone.
Dementia? I hadn’t known that.
Now it made sense. His rant to me wasn’t about me at all. It was about him.
I didn’t need to take it personally.
I rarely should.
It’s not about me as much as I think it is.
* * *
When have you been too sensitive? Do you ever take things too personally? Please share your thoughts here.
~ * ~ * ~
See all 4 agreements (click on individual infographics)
1-Give the benefit of the doubt | 2-Let go of being right | 3-Don’t take it personally | 4-Just show up
revised from the archives
“We are more free to love others with no strings attached when we are less dependent on their approval for our self-worth…” Yes! Then our reactions come from a serving heart rather than selfish intentions. I can be sensitive too. I also need to remind myself not to take myself and things so seriously!
I’m one of those people who grew up being way too sensitive, Lisa. I’ve had to do a lot of introspection to get to where I am today. I love how you’ve helped us realize that so much of life isn’t about us at all. May we allow God to be the centerpiece of our hearts and minds. Blessings!
Such a great reminder, Lisa. Thank you. I still struggle with being too sensitive, but we never know what another person may be struggling with. “We are more free to love others with no strings attached when we are less dependent on their approval for our self-worth and when we’re less disturbed by their disapproval.” I love this advice. So true! May we find our true identity in Jesus and love like Him! Love and blessings to you!
Lisa, this is sooo good. And so true. And when we are ego-centered we can’t really treat others as we ourselves would like to be treated. The Golden Rule really does work, and often people are just having a bad day or something else is bothering them (not us). I like if possible, to give people the benefit of the doubt. Mike has taught me that. And Mike is ALWAYS RIGHT, right?! 🙂
Love you
Lynn
Your following statement is very true, I too learnt this from experience;
“We are more free to love others with no strings attached when we are less dependent on their approval for our self-worth and when we’re less disturbed by their disapproval.”
The following is what I always kept in mind, especially when I was in my professional role as a Clinical Counsellor for often I would have very challenging clients whose reactions at times could be volatile (because of their situation), my role was to stay clam & deescalate the situation;
we can’t control what others think & how they react but we can control our own thoughts & reactions.
And I carried this practice into my personal life. You’re correct in that how a person reacts to things, if we’ve not done anything to provoke them, says more about what they’re going through & where their at in life then us.
A great post Lisa!
Blessings, Jennifer
* stay calm
I find that depends a lot of my state of mind at a certain time how much I take things personally.
If you already feel vulnerable, it can be hard not to interpret something as just another kick in the gut, while on other days I’m calm enough to explore more what something is about.
It’s not always easy to work on that.
so much wisdom in this. Love this sentence: The way someone treats us reveals less about us and more about them.
I too am slowly learning – it’s not about me. hard to learn but so true!
Interesting that you posted this. My daughter is constantly telling me, “It’s not all about you”. With this said, I can only change myself. So when something is said about a certain situation that did not turn out good, I think what could I do to not do “X” again. I guess this comes across as me being selfish when in fact, I am thinking about others and taking responsibility for my own actions or comments.
I am also a sensitive person. I know this and others recognize this too. Your article has given me much to consider and take action. Thank you!
Visiting from #AnythingGoes.