Does Work at Home Matter?

Why Stay-at-Home Moms Don't Need to Be Embarrassed

“What I’ve learned is that God is glorified in the mundane work as much as he is in the magnificent. In fact, it is the mundane moments, the moments where we live each and every day, where we come to see the true greatness of God and his love for us.”

“So, what do you do?”

It can be an awkward question.

I am still working on a proper answer.

Year ago I said, I’m in school. Then it was, I’m an accountant. Then, I homeschool my girls.

But now that I’m an empty-nester?

I don’t have a single word or phrase that sums up what I do with my life.

Women (and men) who stay at home often struggle with the “What do you do?” question. In Courtney Reissig’s new book, Glory in the Ordinary, she addresses some of the issues we struggle with.

Glory-in-the-Ordinary

  1. Not a “Real” Job

Like, we don’t have a “real” job unless we’re getting paid. It’s easy to feel undervalued when there’s no paycheck at the end of the month. Or no official title to mark your identity.

But Courtney reminds us that work at home is a real job. Money itself doesn’t make a job meaningful.

“It is important for us to see work as a contribution, and not always with a dollar sign attached to it.”

  1. Wasting Your Brain

There were days at home with my kids when I wondered if I was wasting my college degree. When you’re reading The Cat in the Hat and drilling multiplication tables, you can wonder if this is mush to your brain.

But I had to remind myself that I was using my education, and perhaps more so at home with my kids than when I spent all day doing accounting for a corporation.

Maybe our at-home work (or even at-the-job work) is not in our chosen field of study, but all our life experiences add up and contribute to how we interact with others. (And homeschooling was actually very taxing to my brain.) None of it is wasted.

  1. It Never Ends

For those whose lives revolve mostly around the home, you know it can feel you’re never off-duty. You live where you work. The work is always here. There’s no boss to prioritize your work (which can be both a bad thing but also a good thing!). There’s also no official quitting time when you clock off the job and drive home.

In chapter 6, “Miles to Go Before I Sleep,” we’re reminded that while we were made for work, we were also made for rest. Rest is another way we can bear the image of God.

“Only God gets his to-do list done. And I’m not God, so I should stop trying to measure up.”

  1. Feel Guilty If You Need Help

When you stay at home, you can succumb to feeling like you need to do it all. Take care of the kids, cook all the meals, wash all the clothes, etc. (You can feel like that even if you don’t stay at home.)

But nobody can do it all, whether you’re home full-time or work full-time. Courtney reminds us us that the home is everyone’s job, not just yours. You can’t do it alone. And that’s okay.

“When the work of the home is for everyone, then our identity isn’t destroyed when our husband helps around the house. We are able to understand and embrace that he is a contributor too.”

  1. Not Doing “Big” things

And finally, often we feel that our work at home is insignificant because it seems so small. We’re not “out there” changing the world.

“An even more troubling aspect of our culture’s understanding of work is that we tend to think that if our work doesn’t accomplish something big, it’s not worth our time. But we are defining big and important by the wrong scale.”

Caring for the people in our own circle of life is a big thing. It honors their worth. And it also honors God.

“It is caregiving that makes up the bulk of at-home work. The food is for people to eat. The sheets are for the beds that those people sleep in. The clean clothes are for them to wear. Care takes care of people, but care also shapes people.”

I laugh with my sister Sandy about our job titles these days. We used to say we were stay-at-home moms. But now that our children are grown, we can’t claim that title. We joke that the revised title “stay-at-home people” doesn’t sound quite right, especially when the truth is we are not often at home anymore anyway. We’re more available than ever to do things outside the home and to contribute our energies to those outside of our families.

While it’s nice to have the approval of others about what we do, our worth doesn’t depend on their evaluation of how we spend our days.

Because here’s the main thing: whatever our work—and wherever our work—(inside or outside our house), if it’s done for God’s glory, it’s valuable.

“With every ordinary task you do, you are bringing order into this chaotic world that we live in. While it might feel hardly God-like, I assure you that it is.”

* * *

Have you struggled with your “ordinary” work not feeling valued, whether at home or in a workplace? Please share your thoughts.

Read related articles from Courtney Reissig:

My thanks to Crossway
for the review copy of this book


4 Books I Recommend – July 2017

4 Books I Recommend-July-2017_LisaNotes

Here are four non-fiction books I recommend and two fiction books that I half-heartedly recommend from what I read in July. Once a month we share our current reading lists at Jennifer’s.

Books I Recommend

1. Glory in the Ordinary
Why Your Work in the Home Matters to God
by Courtney Reissig

Glory-in-the-Ordinary

Do you ever wonder if your work at home matters? To your family? To society? To God? This book gives a thorough look at why your work DOES matter. I could have used this pep talk when I was in the thick of it, raising kids and homeschooling, but I find Courtney’s words still pertinent to me now in my empty nest.

My review here of Glory in the Ordinary

2. This Fight Is Our Fight
The Battle to Save America’s Middle Class
by Elizabeth Warren

this-fight-is-our-fight

I don’t know if I agree with all of Elizabeth Warren’s politics, but I do love her passion for people. This was a library book that caught my eye when I was perusing the shelves. Warren is a U.S. Senator from Massachusetts who has a lot to say about how the American middle class can be helped.

3. Born to Run
A Hidden Tribe, Superathletes, and the Greatest Race the World Has Never Seen
by Christopher McDougall

born_to_run

These are some crazy runners. Not just marathoners. Ultramarathoners. This book is an intriguing story about a tribe in Mexico (the Tarahumara Indians in the Copper Canyons), American distance runners, the mysterious runner Caballo Blanco, and a reporter’s journey in the middle of it all. It mostly reads like a novel, with a strong narrative thread throughout the whole book.

4. Fuel Your Faith
A Practical Guide to Igniting a Healthy Spirituality

by Jean Wise

Fuel-Your-Faith

I love reading Jean Wise’s spiritual blog at HealthySpirituality.org, so I knew her book would be good. She writes chapter after chapter on ways we can keep our faith on fire for God, including downloadable resources, prayers, and practical suggestions. I highlighted over 50 passages, including this one:

“Remember God is the fire. We cannot begin to contain him, to harness him, or to control the heat of his spirit. But we can nurture the sparks, awaken our conscious, and open the flue of our hearts to let his light inward to our souls.”

And right now you can get the Kindle ebook of Fuel Your Faith for free on Amazon!

Half-Heartedly Recommend

5. The Goldfinch
by Donna Tartt

The-Goldfinch

I liked it and I didn’t. This novel begins with a 13-year-old boy whose life is changed by a terrorist attack in NYC. The plot always moved along nicely. But I had trouble connecting with the main character and his decisions. In the end, I am glad I read it, but it is long and investment of time.

6. Me Before You
by Jojo Moyers

Me_Before_You

This novel was very engaging. Like The Goldfinch, part of me liked this one, too, but part of me didn’t like it at all. It’s about an out-of-luck common girl who becomes the caregiver for a rich quadriplegic man. I thought I’d predicted the ending early in the book, but I was wrong.

Reading Now

  • Reading People
    How Seeing the World through the Lens of Personality Changes Everything
    by Anne Bogel
  • The Turquoise Table
    Finding Community and Connection in Your Own Front Yard
    by Kristen Schell
  • The Better Angels of Our Nature
    Why Violence Has Declined
    by Steven Pinker
  • Small Victories
    Spotting Improbable Moments of Grace
    by Anne Lamott

* * *

What good book have you read lately? Please share in the comments.

Whats-on-Your-Nightstand-at-_5-minut

My books on Goodreads
Previous reading lists


Homeless and Us – Survivors Together

Homeless-Camp-Huntsville

Buck (not his real name) and I are engaged in a conversation. It’s about the government. It’s getting heated, not because we disagree but because the subject gets him riled up.

I’m getting uncomfortable. Maybe I should change the subject to something less volatile.

But then Buck says something that shakes me.

If the world as we know it ever comes to a halt, whether it be by our own government (Buck’s presumption) or by outside forces, he says he knows who the survivors will be: his kind.

His people—the homeless—know how to survive.

I believe him. They prove it in my city every day.

They are survivors. How else could they live day after day with the substandard food they eat, the poor sanitation they have, the diabetes and cancer and alcoholism and drug addictions and mental illnesses that many endure?

Some do die, of course. And eventually all die. As do we.

But many of the homeless live long. They’re survivors.

Sometimes I’m not sure whose world is stranger: theirs or ours.

My world feels comfortably normal on my air-conditioned drive on the Parkway overpass, singing tunes bluetoothed in from my iPhone, bottled water in my cup holder, a full wallet by my side.

But underneath that same overpass is their world, a different world. It houses tents, a fire for cooking, and people with few possessions.

Their world feels brutally real as I stand among them that Saturday morning outside their garbage bags of belongings and chat with Buck as the loud train roars nearby.

But we return to our van and drive back to our home base. This is the world I know best. We close ranks, hold hands, and Norm words a prayer from all of us, for all of them—the survivors.

We’re thankful for the lessons those survivors teach us. If they can keep on going, so can we.

I want Buck and his friends—many are now my friends, too—on my side if the worlds we both know ever come to an end.

Because eventually, all our worlds get shaken up. 

So for now, I’ll keep stepping into Buck’s world and hope it makes mine a little less plastic and a lot more authentic. That it makes his a little less lonely and a lot more loved.

Our previous separate worlds will improve and merge at the intersection. It becomes less about our differences and more about our similarities.

I’m glad Buck and I are in this same world.

And we are survivors together.

* * *

Please share in the comments.

revised from the archives


Celebrate This First

Celebration brings joy

“Go home and prepare a feast, holiday food and drink; and share it with those who don’t have anything: This day is holy to God. Don’t feel bad. The joy of GOD is your strength!”
Nehemiah 8:10 (The Message)

Is this an American thing or just a human thing?

  • A high school senior is about to graduate. The main question everyone asks her is, “So what are you going to do next?
  • A young man and woman have been dating a year. Their friends want to know, “When are you going to get married?
  • They get married. “When are you going to have a baby?
  • They have a baby. “When are you going to have another baby?

On and on.

When Gretchen Rubin’s book, The Happiness Project, debuted at #2 on the best-seller’s list, the first reaction to her from a close friend was, “I bet next week you’ll be #1!

But instead of being encouraged by that, Gretchen was deflated.

Why?

Because we want to celebrate our wins before we move on the next competition.

It’s discouraging to finally reach a goal, only to learn that the bar is still higher. That what you were reaching for is no longer enough. That there’s more to do.

And, yes, there is always more to do.

But we don’t have to do it right away.

Let’s celebrate this victory first. Linger here for a moment. Hit pause before you “encourage” someone to move on to the next goal, even if you intend it as motivation.

Practice contentment by enjoying today’s grace.

The fruit of victory is celebration and contentment. Take a break before you push forward again. Stop raising the bar prematurely.

Gretchen’s book did reach #1 the next week. But what if it hadn’t? Wasn’t it enough to be any number on the best seller’s list?

If the high school graduate doesn’t choose college, or the young couple breaks up, or the married couple delays babyhood, can’t we still celebrate with them their graduation, their courtship, their wedding—when each happens naturally?

Yes, keep standards high. Keep goals in sight.

But celebrate THIS win first.

* * *

Do you “raise the bar” too quickly? How do you celebrate a win in your family? Please share in the comments.

Listen to Grethen Rubin talk about “Raising the Bar” on her podcast, Happier with Gretchen Rubin. The segment begins around 18:35 and ends around 24:55.

Raise-the-Bar-Gretchen-Rubin


People to Be Loved – Book Review

Put-down-our-guns_Preston-Sprinkle

“I believe that every single Christian needs to think deeply about this issue. And since it is not an issue, but people, every Christian needs to listen to the stories of LGBT people.”
– Preston Sprinkle

Why do we listen? Why do we read?

Sometimes we do it to affirm a position we already believe. We like being right; we enjoy hearing others agree with us.

But sometimes we need to listen to others to see if what we’re believing is wrong.

I picked up People to Be Loved: Why Homosexuality Is Not Just an Issue because I appreciated the title. I didn’t know which way the book would lean.

So I read on. I hope you will, too.

People-To-Be-Loved_Preston-Sprinkle

Not an Issue

Christians often have a bad relationship with the LGBT community (unfortunately, often earned), for treating others as an issue instead of as a person.

Sprinkle says,

“Here’s the thing: most people who are attracted to the same sex don’t end up leaving the church because they were told that same-sex behavior is wrong. They leave because they were dehumanized, ridiculed, and treated like an ‘other.’

If you’re straight, talk to your own friends, family members, coworkers, and fellow church-goers who are gay. Ask how they’ve been treated by Christians. Many gay people turn away from believers instead of toward them because they feel more hate than love.

“Teens who experience same-sex attraction are two to seven times more likely to attempt suicide than teens who don’t. And unfortunately, the teens who seek help from religious leaders are more likely to kill themselves than those who seek help from nonreligious counselors.”

We also hurt God’s reputation to outsiders because of our attitudes and even our own infighting when we can’t peacefully disagree. Sprinkle doesn’t say believers have to give up their convictions, but they need to work on their kindness.

“It’s not too much truth but too little love that’s driving gay and straight people away from the bride of Christ.”

But we can change this.

Learn Something New

First, Sprinkle wants to educate. He writes at length on six passages in the Bible about same-sex relationships, about origins of Hebrew and Greek words, and about sexual practices of early cultures.

On his section translating 1 Corinthians 6:9 and 1 Timothy 1:10, he values study to this degree (you may agree or disagree with him):

“If you’re not willing to perch up in your chair, roll up your sleeves, and turn your phone off for a couple hours to study these two words [malakoi and arsenokoites], then I’d say you should not form a strong opinion about homosexuality. When asked what you think, at least be honest and say, ‘I’m not too sure, since I don’t want to take the time to understand what the New Testament actually means.’”

While Sprinkle ultimately sides with the non-affirming position that homosexuality is wrong, he still lays out arguments for the affirming position, and often warns readers not to jump to conclusions on either side when they interpret scripture.

He’s careful not to say, “I’m right and you’re wrong,” but makes statements like this throughout the book:

“Like you, I am on a journey. Maybe in five, ten, or fifteen years, I will have a better answer, or maybe I will have changed my mind on the answers I give in this book.”

But Sprinkle did more than spend time researching books and words to write this book. He used the other half of his time in the lives of gay people.

“And my life will never be the same. I have made many unexpected friends whose stories have seeped down into my bones.”

What to Do

Sprinkle then offers multiple suggestions for how we can improve our relationships, regardless of how we interpret the Bible, including these three actions.

  1. Practice humility.

Cultivate an inviting environment for others to talk.

“The Christian church needs to get past the ‘us’ (straight people) versus ‘them’ (gay people) mindset.”

Don’t assume you already know somebody’s story or their beliefs or motives. Also, don’t assume that your interpretation of scripture is totally correct and their interpretation is wrong. Keep an open mind.

“I still think there is room for dialogue and fellowship with those who hold different views on this topic.”

  1. Listen to the stories.

Listen to people face-to-face. Listen to books on all sides of the issue (not just ones you agree with). Listen to stories online.

Listening doesn’t mean you have to agree (with anybody on anything), but it does show that you care.

“The fact is, most LGBT people I know didn’t leave the church because their behavior wasn’t affirmed—‘I want to sleep with people of the same sex, and if you don’t affirm this I’m gone.’ It was because their humanity wasn’t affirmed.”

  1. Stop homophobia.

Speak out against gay jokes, belittling slang, incorrect information. You don’t have to be argumentative about it, but with compassion and respect help make the world a kinder place.

“Homophobia refers to the dislike of or prejudice against LGBT people. When an LGBT person grows up in the church, they usually encounter homophobia—feeling that they are disgusting in the eyes of the Christian God because they have been treated this way by his people. We need to put homophobia to death.”

Here to Love

If we can love people—all people—as Jesus did, we will be a truer representation of Christ in the world. We will have improved relationships with our friends who are gay. We will have a more compassionate reputation among non-believers.

And we will be more honoring to our Father, the one who made us to love each other, not to fight amongst ourselves.

In the end, I don’t agree with all of Sprinkle’s biblical interpretations. But I know I don’t have to fight him over it. He’s someone I could meet for lunch and have an invigorating discussion but still walk away as friends. His tone is gentle and grace-filled.

We all can agree on this: It is critically important to maintain an attitude of respect toward all people. We need to demonstrate loving behavior, whether we believe the same things or not.

We need to stop being part of the problem and start being part of the solution.

As Sprinkle so beautifully states:

We can put down our guns and care for the wounded.”

People-To-Be-Loved

* * *

Who listens best to you when you need to talk? Please share your thoughts in the comments.

Related Reading

My thanks to NetGalley
for the review copy of this book


Hear the Silence? The Deaf Movers

Tiffany’s boxes were packed. Her beds were stripped. Her closets emptied.

Now we waited for the movers to arrive.

It was Friday morning. The two men finally drove up. But they didn’t say a word.

Instead, they showed us a pad of paper that said, “Good morning.”

They were both deaf.

[click here if you can’t see the video]

Without Your Senses

I don’t want to lose any of my senses. The one I’d miss the most (I think) is sight, but the second is hearing.

  • Without hearing, wouldn’t it be harder to do your job, whatever that job is?
  • Wouldn’t you miss out on ordinary conversations among friends?
  • Wouldn’t your life feel off, without bird whistles and worship music and baby gurgles?

Different, yes.

But poorer? Not necessarily.

Because aren’t we all deaf in some ways?

There are things you hear that I don’t, and things I hear that you don’t. Either through cultural backgrounds or selective listening or innate deficiencies—or because God knows we just can’t bear it yet—we all hear some things but not others. (Example: Where do you get your news? Fox? CNN? Facebook?)

But we all survive with our hearing deficiencies.

Like the deaf movers, we learn work-arounds when we can’t hear. They used their hands for sign language with each other and gestures and facial expressions with us. We made it fine communicating without having to use words.

By sharpening our other senses, we discover that deaf doesn’t mean dead. Even with hearing impairments, we can still listen to each other through the silence.

Can’t Hear God?

And when we can’t hear God?

  • We can pay closer attention to the things we see God doing.
  • We can believe his presence is with us even when we’re not talking.
  • We can grow more courageous as we walk by faith.

Ultimately, our joy isn’t dependent on having all our senses at top notch ability every day.

God is alive and present, in and around us, all the time, whether we hear him or not. (See “3 Spiritual Practices for Paying Closer Attention to God.”)

  • He is still good.
  • Our relationship is still strong.
  • And hope remains present.

Silence Speaks

We discovered last Friday that the deaf movers were very capable of doing their jobs despite not being able to hear. They were joyful men, hard workers, and excellent movers.

Not only did they get the job done quickly and efficiently, their ability to do so with what we might label a deficiency inspired us even more.

Our time with them wasn’t lessened by their lack; it actually was enriched. Not because they were deaf per se, but because they showed us a spirit of resiliency and possibility in the midst of silence.

Their silence spoke loudly.

* * *

Have you experienced a loss of your senses? How did you adapt? Please share in the comments.