“Then something special happened.

Somehow this collection of words morphed from being the Lord’s Prayer to becoming a model of prayer for me. They went from being an object for rote recitation to something alive.

It became a model for teaching me not only how to pray, but also how to live.”
– Bruce Green, Praying in the Reign

My copy of the book opens with this:

Bruce was one of my youth ministers (if we used that term back then) when I was a teenager, even though looking back, he wasn’t much older than I was. He was one of my favorites.

Bruce and another of my favorites, Barry, held many a devotional on weeknights in the back of Barry’s feed-and-seed store in downtown Madison (back when it was a quiet little town). We’d sit around on feed bags to listen and talk about scripture and Jesus.

But now that we’re grown up, we rarely see each other. So I was delighted to sit at Bruce’s feet again in his book Praying in the Reign about the Lord’s Prayer.

Bruce breaks the Lord’s Prayer into seven sections, then subdivides these even further with theological explanations but also with demonstrations of how the Lord breathes and moves behind the words.

“It is not a formula of words to be mindlessly repeated, but a spiritual pattern to guide and shape us. It is not an end in itself, but a means of leading us into a deeper righteousness.”

Because I recite this prayer often at the end of my Centering Prayer time, I appreciated hearing a fresh perspective on the individual phrases.

For example . . .

“When mercy and kindness are shown—the kingdom comes. When someone chooses forgiveness over bitterness—the kingdom comes. When the oppressed are uplifted—the kingdom comes. Whenever God’s will is enacted on earth—the kingdom comes.”

And this . . .

“Take the little word ‘for,’ which connects the doxology with the last part of the prayer about being delivered from evil. We pray this prayer of deliverance because (‘for’), ‘Yours is the kingdom.’“

Just as I remembered, Bruce is still very intelligent, still good with words, and still very kind. I’m grateful to connect with him again (even if one-sided this time) through this book.

More quotes:

“So I ditched the word ‘dependent’ for ‘desperate.’ If someone is desperate for something, they have to have it. They can’t survive without it. The Psalmist says, ‘As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God’ (42:1). We are more than dependent upon God; we are desperate for Him.”

 * ~ *

“Typically in our speech (if not in our thinking), we reserve the phrase, ‘God answered our prayers,’ for those times when God has brought about the results we desired. But these words can be a poor way of expressing our understanding of prayer as well as God’s work. It can also crush the spirits of others, because it sounds as if we’re saying He hasn’t answered the prayers of those who didn’t get the results they desired.”

 * ~ *

“When we submit to Christ, we enter into not just the kingdom (John 3:5), but we take our first step into heaven as well.”

revised from the archives

Share your thoughts in the comments.

I’m linking at these blog parties

Lists are compiled every year of worn-out words. Would you add “thoughts and prayers” to the list?

Is It Cliché to Say Cliché?

Why say something worn out when you can say something fresh?

I’m ASKING FOR A FRIEND. (Phrases in ALL CAPS are words from the list of misused and overused Banished Words for 2022.)

I can tell you one reason why we stick with clichés:

Because clichés are easy.

It’s hard to think of new ways to say things.

What About “Thoughts and Prayers”?

Let’s take a DEEP DIVE into the current controversy over the phrase “thoughts and prayers.”

Should “thoughts and prayers” be on the banished words list, too?

For many people, sending “thoughts and prayers” is sending a gift of attention and faith so God will work wonders.

It’s their gift of NO WORRIES to the recipient.

THAT BEING SAID, to many other people, hearing “thoughts and prayers” means the person praying is done, with no plans to actually help in person themself.

To the receiver, “thoughts and prayers” sounds like a shortcut, a cop-out, a sidestepping of responsibility. They want to scream, “YOU’RE ON MUTE.”

WAIT, WHAT? So am I suggesting we should stop sending “thoughts and prayers“?

A Deeper Dive

Let’s look at it from both sides.

One Side:

As a believer myself, I trust God listens to my prayers.

God wants me to share my heart’s desires and needs. I ask God for help. My prayers naturally include my concern for others. I want my friends to receive help, too.

The Other Side:

But also as a Christian, even I tire of hearing myself say and hearing others tell me “I’m praying for you.”

Especially if what someone (and myself) really needs is an answer to prayer: a human being in the flesh sent by God to offer a helping hand or a listening ear or a shared meal.

In other words, we often need for someone to be the embodied answer to the prayer.

But does it have to be either/or? Either pray or else do something?

Can it be both/and? Both pray and do something?

Maybe we can keep the SUPPLY CHAIN from breaking if we combine “thoughts and prayers” with words and deeds.

If possible, can we allow our actions to speak louder than our clichés?

Our New Normal

Maybe our NEW NORMAL might be to not only say, “I’m sending thoughts and prayers,” but also do this: back up those thoughts and prayers, when possible, with something tangible.

• Maybe that’s a hug.
• Or a word of encouragement.
• Or an offer to babysit.
• Or a call to a legislator.
• Or a closer listen.
• Or a donation to the cause.

When I commit to pray for someone, optimally I also commit myself to be the embodied answer to that prayer, in whatever way God shows me.

“God, show me what I can do to help you help my friend.”

I don’t want to toss all the work on God when God intends us to work together.

Partnering with God is invaluable.

Circle Back

Maybe we can’t cure our neighbor’s cancer or stop the war in Ukraine with our thoughts and prayers, but we can ask God to move us—to use us—to check in on our neighbor’s family or be kinder to an immigrant struggling with English in our line at the grocery store.

So to CIRCLE BACK, instead of only sending thoughts and prayers, let’s think of new phrases to say and actions to do alongside “I’ll be praying for you,” such as:

• I’ll check on you again tomorrow to see what you need.
• This is hard, so I won’t leave you alone in this.
• Let’s talk together to sort things out.
• I’ll watch with you for God to show us the next step.
• Tell me again so I can better understand how you feel.

And here are some more:

AT THE END OF THE DAY, thoughts and prayers themselves can’t be used too often.

But saying only “I’m sending thoughts and prayers” can be overdone.

I’m not ready to add “thoughts and prayers” to the banished words list.

Maybe we can use more thoughts and prayers to hear fresh ideas from God.

Then use more words and deeds to spread God’s love to others.

See all 10 words here from the Banished Words List for 2022.

What word or phrase do you think is overused? Share your thoughts in the comments.

More to Think About: 

• Is Prayer Enough?
  They needed help. I said, “I’ll be praying for you.” The problem seemed too big.
• 9 Prayer Practices for Each Enneagram Number
  Discover a unique prayer practice according to your Enneagram number.
• I’ll Be Praying for You. But…
  My friend was in a tough situation. Why didn’t my response help?

The Morning Blessing

Most mornings I say it aloud.

I put my hands together, point in the direction of their homes, and say this blessing over my daughters, two of my favorite people in the world:

May you be seen.
May you be healed.
May you be loved.

Then I place my hand on my heart. And pray it over myself, too.

These are three things—to be seen, to be healed, to be loved—that everyone needs as they journey through life, both on easy roads and through hard turns.

But does this prayer work?

God Doesn’t Wait on Me

I can’t explain how God does or doesn’t work.

But I do believe God doesn’t wait on my request to send out love. I trust God is always busy loving, always actively working good in people, because that is who God is.

God’s very nature is love and goodness. With or without my request.

But I like to talk with God anyway about what’s on my heart, to let God know I want to be a companion in the work.

Yet lately the blessing I pray has felt incomplete.

It’s Our Business Too

Not as a failure on God’s part. God’s business is constantly seeing, healing, loving.

But this is supposed to be my business, too.

So I’ve expanded my morning blessing over my family and myself to include giving as well as receiving:

May you see.
May you be seen.

May you heal.
May you be healed.

May you love.
May you be loved.

Because often it’s in the doing that we’re most radically transformed.

In the seeing, the healing, and the loving of others, we feel most seen, healed, and loved.

In the giving we learn how to receive.

The One Who Needs It Most . . .

I know my girls are already doing these three things.
My girls don’t need my prayer.

And I know God is already doing these things.
God doesn’t need my prompting.

I am the one who needs to hear it most.
I am the one who needs to say it most.

It is my heart that God works on when I ask for clear alignment each morning for purity and wholeness.

Perhaps I’ll need to alter this morning blessing again as time goes on.

But for today, it feels just right.

Featured Post

In today’s featured post for the Grace & Truth Linkup, Ashley bravely shares what she wish she’d done differently when she felt suicidal, as well as gives us 11 reminders for anyone struggling now with suicidal thoughts.

We all know someone who has either committed suicide or has contemplated suicide. It affects every family to some degree at some point.

It’s a quite complicated and usually misunderstood thing.

Read all of Ashley’s post here at her blog, then link up your own blog posts below.

“Suicidal Thoughts: What I Wish I’d Done Differently”

Share your thoughts in the comments.

I’m linking at these blog parties

Review the rules here about adding your most recent Christian Living posts and how to be the Featured Post. Visit all four hosts social media here or websites here: Maree Dee, Lisa notes, Lauren Sparks, Tammy Kennington.

Now Let’s Link Up!

It’s because we fall down.

That’s why we say it:

Lord, have mercy!

It’s the most frequent prayer in the Bible.

And it’s what we need the most—the Lord’s mercy. We need it because sometimes it’s dark and we trip on things and we scrape our hearts.

So we cry out, “Lord, have mercy!”

And the miracle is: God does. God always has mercy on us.

Maybe we see it immediately. Maybe it takes more time. Maybe we still haven’t seen its fullness.

But as sure as we fall, just as sure as gravity always catches us—it never fails—Jesus never fails either. He picks us back up.

When God promises mercy, God gives it. God is more faithful than we are.

Find comfort in God’s mercy.

Share your thoughts in the comments.

Related:

• Book review of The Mercy Prayer

revised from the archives

I’ll Be Praying for You

I said, “I’ll be praying for you.”

I meant it. I would be praying. My friend was in a tough situation. 

So why did my response bother her? Why didn’t it make her feel better? Wasn’t that what she needed?

Well, yes and no.

She did want God’s help. And she appreciated prayers. She had already been praying herself to God every day.

She knew God heard her cries. 

But her need now was answers to those prayers.

And one of those answers?

It was supposed to be me.

How Many Prayers Are Enough?

God doesn’t work by popular demand. One prayer is enough to get God’s attention.

Instead of passively waiting for more prayers to stack up on my friend’s behalf, God was already ready to move. 

How? One way was by prompting people—people like me—to get moving.

But we were too busy just praying.

Do we use prayer as a substitute for action? Do we think if we spend 10 minutes a day, maybe every day, maybe even 30 minutes on a good day (pat on the back!) talking to God about our friends, that we’ve done well?

Maybe prayer is only step 1. Maybe God is prompting us through our desire to pray (which is a good thing) to become an answer to the prayer as a step 2 and 3 and 104.

• What if instead of praying, “God, please help my friend,” we prayed, “God, use me to help my friend.”
• What if instead of praying, “God, I trust you to take care of this,” we prayed, “God, you trust me to take care of this with your help.”
• What if instead of praying, “God, comfort my friend as only you can,” we prayed, “God, help me comfort my friend in the ways I can.”

Even Jesus, after praying in the wilderness by himself, would return to his friends, moving on to heal, listen, teach, love. 

Be an Answer to Prayer

If my friend that day had wanted to be blunt with me (but she didn’t want to hurt my feelings, so she wasn’t), she might have said:

“Don’t just talk to God about me. Talk to me too.

God already knows it all. We’ve been talking. I know God is on this.

I don’t need more prayers right now. I need you to be an answer to prayer.”

I get it now.

Instead of more prayers, my friend needed more people in answer to the prayers already prayed.

• More listening ears.
• More compassionate hearts.
• More shoulders to cry on.

When God’s answer to the prayer is me, I don’t want to be too busy praying to respond.

I knew I still couldn’t change my friend’s situation and take away her pain.

• But I could sit beside her in it. 
  “I’ll be praying for you, but I’ll also stay here with you.”
• I could assure her she’d be seen and heard. 
  “I’ll be praying for you, but I’ll also be listening to you.”
• I could say I’ll check on you again tomorrow.
  “I’ll be praying for you, but I’ll also talk to you again soon.”

Granted, we can’t take action like this for everybody we pray for. Sometimes offering a prayer is all we’re equipped to do. And that’s fine. Pray continually. Keep the line open for an ongoing conversation with God. 

But for the other times? In situations where we actually can help in a tangible way?

Instead of asking God to handle it all, let’s allow God to handle us as we reach out our hands.

God, use my prayer to change me so I can be an answer to prayer.

Share your thoughts in the comments.

sharing at these linkups

The Curse of Knowledge

“Mom, you’re not always clear. If you know what you want, it’s okay to ask for that. Be specific.”

My daughter Jenna is right. Sometimes I don’t make myself clear to others.

When I already know what I mean in my head, my words can take a shortcut. We all do this occasionally. It’s called the “curse of knowledge” bias.

I assume others are at the same starting point about the situation as I am. So I leave out details. I forget to add, “and can you please call me?” after I say, “I am hurting.”

Wouldn’t everybody already know that?

No. Of course not. It’s too much (as well as impossible anyway) to ask of each other. None of us are mind readers.

Well, except one.

He Already Knows

God knows us inside and out. We don’t have to explain ourselves to him. Or justify ourselves. Or try to convince him of anything.

Because God made us out of love and sustains us out of love, he is always acting out of love for us already.

Love is God’s default position toward us.

Granted, we might get in our own way of receiving his love. Or other people may try to block it. Or life itself can make us doubt it.

But his knowledge of us and his love for us are always there.

Because of this, when we talk with God, we can pray with confidence that he needs no backstory. We may go into detail if WE need to talk it out for ourselves, but we don’t have to fill in every detail for God’s sake.

We don’t have to get our wording just right for him to understand. Or to persuade him to act.

He knows. He loves. He acts.

We may need to continue spelling it out for each other (wise advice, Jenna).

But we don’t have to spell it out for God.

Featured Post—“Help Me, Jesus”

Lois explains it all so well. 

“We don’t have to reiterate to God what we’re fretting about. He already knows.”

It’s okay to simply say, “Help me, Jesus.”

Read all of Lois’s post here at her blog, then link up your own blog posts below.

“HELP ME JESUS”

Are you an over- or underexplainer? Share your thoughts in the comments.

READ MORE:

• Is Prayer Enough?
• Something Is Bigger Than My Prayer
• The purpose of prayer is…

I’m linking at these blog parties

1. Share 1 or 2 of your most recent CHRISTIAN LIVING posts. (No DIY, crafts, recipes, or inappropriate articles.) All links are randomly sorted.

2. Comment on 1 or 2 other links. Grace & Truth linkup encourages community.   

3. Every host features one entry from the previous week. To be featured, include this button or link back here on your post (mandatory to be featured, but not to participate).

We encourage you to follow our hosts on their blogs or social media.

MAREE DEE – Embracing the Unexpected
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

LAUREN SPARKS
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

LISA BURGESS – Lisa notes
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

TAMMY KENNINGTON – Restoring hope. Pursuing peace.
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

Now Let’s Link Up!

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

The countdown has begun.

In twenty minutes my doorbell will ring. Then it will be too late. I grab my husband and ask if we can pray together. Now.

In a moment of holy irony, I pray with a man—right before the visitor at the door will ask me not to.

I struggled as a woman in a very conservative church for a long time. Should I stay and work for change? Or escape and enjoy freedom elsewhere?

For years I was determined to stay.

Before the newest crisis about to erupt at my door, my friend Kay and I had started a new Sunday class for teen girls. We focused on how Jesus touched the lives of women in the Bible. And how he continues to touch ours.

The day before our first class, Kay and I were pulled aside by a godly woman a few years our senior. She asked to see our classroom. Then holding us both by the hand, she bowed her head and prayed for us there. We felt the power God gives through prayer.

The following day, early Sunday morning, a peer entered our room, again to pray, asking Jesus to transform us, including the teen girls, into his image.

It suited our goals for the class: To raise up a new generation of women who will not stay silent, who are not afraid to pray out loud, like I was afraid to for much of my life.

Talking things over with each other and with God matures us in many ways.

Men and Women Praying Together?

But what about women praying with men?

Community calls for a blending of all who are made in God’s image. At my physical family gatherings, both males and females talked to my dad together.

At our spiritual family gatherings, can’t both sons and daughters there also talk to our Father together?

In our Sunday night small group, we prayed in mixed company for years. It grew us closer to God. Closer to each other.

But no longer?

The visitor at my door, now on my couch, is confirming the decision: No. Not for now.

The leaders are asking all women—both young and old, in large or small church gatherings—to refrain from verbalizing our prayers in front of a man until they complete yet another long study of women’s roles in the church.

A brother had come to the leaders a few weeks earlier, complaining his conscience was offended by hearing women talk to God in his presence. He believed a woman should not verbalize a prayer if a man is in the room.

I was one of those women who had prayed in front of this man in group settings. I had no idea it bothered him.

So now what?

What happens if it’s a problem to him if we do, but a problem to us if we don’t?

Follow God’s Spirit

How do we create spiritual breathing room for us both to follow our consciences? To find grace in the tension? To maintain unity in honoring God?

It took the church leaders a very, very long time to conclude their study on women’s roles.

After awhile I gave up waiting on their answer to come. And I followed God’s Spirit leading me elsewhere instead.

I believed God would not put limitations on who I prayed with. He would rather I pray than run away from opportunities to talk to him with others.

Conversations in God’s presence aren’t biased concerning gender. He invites us all to talk.

Together.

I remain friends with the church leader who sat on my couch that night a few years ago. I understand he had a job to do, and he was trying his best to do it.

But I had a job to do, too. My responsibility was to grow deeper in my relationship with God. It wasn’t about girl-power versus boy-power, but about God-power.

God empowers us all with voice. All the men. And all the women.

Let’s keep praying together.

Beth Allison Barr on Biblical Womanhood

I just finished a most interesting book on how the church and culture have viewed women’s roles through the ages. I highly recommend Beth Allison Barr’s new book, The Making of Biblical Womanhood: How the Subjugation of Women Became Gospel Truth.

Dr. Barr, a history professor at Baylor University, writes from both a historical perspective and a Christian perspective. She tells us that,

“Christians are, historically speaking, pretty late to the patriarchy game. We may claim that the gendered patterns of our lives are different from those assumed in mainstream culture, but history tells a different tale.”

She says that Christian patriarchy has long mimicked the patriarchy of the non-Christian world.

And she asks that if Christians are called to be different from the world, shouldn’t we treat women differently, too? This is the world’s way:

“From the ancient world through the modern world, history told a continuous story of patriarchy—of women suppressed, oppressed, devalued, and silenced.”

But in Christ there is no longer Jew or Greek, slave or free, male or female, but all are one in Christ Jesus (Galatians 3:28).

“This is what is radical. This is what makes Christianity so different from the rest of human history.”

As I reflect back on my own past in the church, I look ahead to a brighter future. Barr suggests we all should.

“Historically, one of the greatest problems for women is that we do not remember our past and we do not work together to change our future. We do not stand together. But what if we did?”

What if we all did?

Share your thoughts in the comments.

Read more:

• Permission Granted: Pray
  God made this clear—we have his permission to pray aloud. He approves. Prayer can be not only between God and me, but also between God and me and you.
• When You Want to Pray WITH Others, Not Just FOR Others
  Have you prayed with a friend lately? Is it easy or hard for you to pray aloud with friends?
• This Public Prayer Stirs Up Grace
  I wasn’t sure what the response would be to Larry’s request. Our ragtag group surprised me.

My thanks to NetGalley, Baker Academic
& Brazos Press for the review copy of this book

I went from feeling too busy one year ago to feeling too isolated.

Where did I belong anymore?

Whether your activities sped up or slowed down due to the pandemic, we all occasionally feel disconnected.

We feel like a world divided.

How can we return to unity?

Read more here:

When You Need to Pray, “Make Us One”

We’re praying at Lyli’s today, “Lord, make us one.”

Will you join me there for her series, Pray Big?

On Your List a Long Time

Do you have something you’ve been asking from God for a very long time?

It’s likely we all do.

Sometimes we quit asking when we don’t see answers. But God’s patience outlasts ours. 

The prayers we once asked are never forgotten by God.

Our prayers don’t have expiration dates.

I’ve seen prayers answered this week that had been prayed for years. I can’t explain the timing now. But I recognize God’s fingerprints on the gift.

And I’m so grateful.

Even though there are some prayers we may never see answered in our lifetime, God still has them on file, in the forefront of his mind, waiting for his perfect timing.

I don’t understand how it works. I don’t understand how he works. Or when or where or why.

But I know that God does move. Sometimes at our invitation in the moment. We see the answer and cross the request off our list.

And other times God answers at our invitation from years ago. The request can remain even long after we’re gone.

Moral of the story: Keep making requests. 

Your prayers can outlive you. 

Our Featured Post

Our featured post this week is one you might relate to. Bev Rihtarchik wrote “Deathless Prayers” about praying for a stray child.

“His amazing strength is able to pursue my children long after my own is gone. Because of His faithfulness, the prayers I’ve placed before my Father’s throne will still be there, waiting to be answered in His perfect will and His perfect way.”

She quotes E.M. Bounds, “Prayers are deathless….Prayers outlive the lives of those that uttered them.”

I’m glad prayers are deathless.

Read all of Bev’s post here at her blog, Walking Well With God.

Thanks for sharing, Bev! Here’s a button for your blog.

1. Share 1 or 2 of your most recent CHRISTIAN LIVING posts. (No DIY, crafts, recipes, or inappropriate articles.) All links are randomly sorted.

2. Comment on 1 or 2 other links. Grace & Truth linkup encourages community.   

3. Every host features one entry from the previous week. To be featured, include this button or link back here on your post (mandatory to be featured, but not to participate).

We encourage you to follow our hosts on their blogs or social media.

MAREE DEE – Embracing the Unexpected
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

HEATHER HART & VALERIE RIESE – Candidly Christian
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

LAUREN SPARKS
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

LISA BURGESS – Lisa notes
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

Now Let’s Link Up!

Do you have ongoing prayers, too? Please share your thoughts in the comments.

I didn’t know what to say.

My friend was slow coming to her door last week. When she finally opened the door, I could tell she was distressed.

She shared briefly what was going on, but she was too exhausted to explain it all. I asked if we could pray for her, and she said of course.

But what could I say? There she sat in pain in her wheelchair with more needs than resources. And I was supposed to offer what?

I didn’t want to promise something I couldn’t give.

When we don’t have words to pray—for whatever the reason—we can always pray this. . .

Read the rest here “When You Don’t Know What to Say, Say This“

I’m writing today at Do Not Depart. Will you join me there to see words that are always safe to say?